This is a short little one shot but I'm going to use it as the beginning of a list of one shots/drabbles that I write when I'm stuck on my stories so more are going to be coming about any and all glee clubbers.
It's been two years today. Two years since I held my little girl in my arms for the first and last time. Two years since her new mom took her home to watch her grow up while I'm left with occasional letters, phone calls and pictures.
They say time heals all wounds but if that's true then it must take a lot of time because two years later I'm still feeling like something is missing and that something is baby Beth.
We've moved on, both of us. We couldn't handle being together, not after giving away the most precious part of our relationship. I'm back with Finn and he's moved on with Rachel. Both were close to the situation but not to close that we couldn't bare it. It brought us all together even as it broke all of our hearts.
Puck gets his wish to see her occasionally, seeing as Shelby does visit Rachel and vise versa. They invite me to come but I can't. I'm afraid if I see her again, hold her again, I'll realize how big of a mistake I've made and run away with her and I can't do that.
Puck gets to be the favorite Uncle while I get to be a distant Aunt in the photographs. It works to numb the pain, and through the years with Finn and my friends I've even been able to have a life again but still on this day…on this day I spend it the same as I did last year, staring at the one family photo that we took of the three of us, just after she was born. Flipping through the baby book that Rachel gave me along with some updated pictures from the first time she and Puck visited with Shelby and Beth and cry for love lost and wondering what could have been.
Puck calls and we talk for a few minutes but the past two years he's been with Beth on her birthday so he's not here to grieve with me. On this day is the day I always waver in my resolve to not see her. Both times, Rachel, Puck and even Shelby call and ask me to come and both times I've come up with a reason not too but it's harder this year then it was last year and I have a feeling that next year will be harder still because they will come home with more pictures of Puck and Rachel with my baby girl. I'll see her growing up without me. The little girl with my blonde hair and Puck's hazel eyes.
I flip through the book again, slowly watching as the pictures show her growing up. There's pictures of just her, pictures of her and Shelby and then pictures of her and Puck and Rachel. None with me, no matter how many times I flip through the book, that won't change, I tell myself it's for the best but as tears flow down my cheek, I can't help but wonder if I'm wrong.
The phone rings and when I look down Puck's name flashes on the screen. I have a moment's hesitation before answering.
"Q?" He says on the other line.
"Yes?" I say because it's all I can say without him hearing the tears.
"We're on our way home, do you want us to stop by with pictures or do you want to wait until tomorrow?" He asked, same as last year.
And same as last year, I sigh before wiping my tears and pulling on whatever acting skill I possess and answer, "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll get them then."
"You sure?" He asked, though he knows what game we're playing and knows my answer.
"Yes"
"Alright, Shelby and Rachel both said to tell you hi and they send their love"
"Tell them I love them too and will talk to them both soon" I responded automatically.
"Are you alright?" He asked, softly in a way he only does when he's talking about Beth or when he's with Rachel.
"I'll be fine, Puck. I'll see you tomorrow." I said, hoping he'd not push to much more. My strength was leaving.
"Alright, if you need anything…" He started.
"I'll call. Thank you. I'll talk to you later."
"Love you, Q" he said in the same soft voice.
That nearly does me in, "Love you too" I say quickly shutting the phone afterwards so he wouldn't hear me break down.
After the break down subsides, I go to bed. Falling asleep to daydreams of what could have been, knowing tomorrow I'll go back to the life I'm making for myself now but for this day is for the family that could have been.