"Sir," saluted the short bald-headed man. "A message from the General came today!"
"Let me guess," the moustached man slowly pushed up from his chair. "He wants us to conjure some magic to defeat the Germans once and for all?"
"No, sir! He's wishing us a happy first anniversary since this war began!"
"Right, then," he snatched the note from his subordinate's hand. "Let's see what the old fool wants." With that, he began to read.
"Dear Blackadder," he recited, "I hope you're having a jolly good… dear god, jolly? Where does he think we are?," he critiqued, before returning to reading the note out loud. "... Jolly good time down in the trenches, giving those Germans the good old one-two. Darling and I would like to invite you, Captain, as well as your two subordinates, Baldrick and George, to dinner to celebrate."
"Are we going, sir?," Baldrick gave a wishful smile.
"I suppose, it'll be nice to have a meal other than rat for once," Blackadder sighed. "Go on, go tell George."
A few hours later, they were walking into a massive dining hall, full of bickering generals and captains, among them being their own, who gave them a proud smile as he invited them to sit beside him.
"Hello, sir," spoke a giddy George, tipping his hat in honour.
"Now George," chuckled their superior. "My name is Melchett, and this is a time of celebration!"
"Yes," Blackadder muttered to himself. "Let's celebrate all of our impending deaths."
Melchett totally shrugged them off as they sat down beside someone clearly familiar to Blackadder.
"Ah, I see you're still Melchett's darling, Darling?," Blackadder gave a mocking smile.
"Please, Blackadder," Darling responded. "We're here to honour the dead, not to mock one another!"
"Since when were you so patriotic?," Blackadder complained. "You're the biggest backstabber since-"
"Blackadder!," Melchett suddenly snapped. "Listen to him and sit down or I'll have you shot!"
"Right," he stuttered in response, sitting down along with Baldrick and George.
After an hour of tedious speeches and party 'games', Blackadder had had enough. "Baldrick, we need to get out of here, I can't stand any more of Melchett's horrendous puns."
"Don't worry, sir," Baldrick narrowed his eyes. "I have a cunning plan."
"Great," Blackadder huffed, clearly expecting nothing from him. "Come on, let's hear it."
"Well, why don't we leave all the taps running in here and plug up the sink holes? Then we'll have to leave because there's been a flood!"
"Right. Brilliant plan, Baldrick, except for one massive flaw. By the time the water reached us, we'd already be back in the trenches."
"Sir!," George exclaimed, having overheard their discussion. "I know how we can get out of here!"
Blackadder made a shushing noise, but it was too late.
"What's that, Blackadder?," Melchett turned round from bragging to Darling. "You want to go? My, aren't you patriotic, wanting to return to the trenches."
"No, sir," Blackadder quickly formulated a plan. "What George meant was, we can get out of here and get you more wine, we're running quite low."
"Thank you for the concern, Blackadder, but when we run out I can just send Darling to get more! That's what he's here for, after all."
"Well, surely, Darling will need some company, he's clearly too feeble to avoid robbery."
Darling objected. "Sir, unlike Blackadder, I have actually fired my gun before!"
"Now, Darling, Blackadder has fought plenty of spies in his life! Surely you remember how he caught a German spy stealing all their wines. Right, Blackadder?"
"Right," his eyes shyed away from Melchett's.
"Very well then, you two go fetch some wine. But if you aren't back in the next fifteen minutes I'll have you both shot!"
Soon enough, the two captains were walking down the lonely English street. "Blackadder, why did you come if you just want to leave?"
"Because, Darling, a quadraplegic amputee could cook food better than Baldrick."
"I suppose that makes sense… Hm, do you think Melchett will stick to his word and have us shot if we stay out longer than fifteen minutes?"
"He had a man shot for placing ice cream on a heater without thinking once, I'd expect he will. Why do you ask?"
"Because he never really lets me go places, you know? He's always telling me to do these fool's errands and I get absolutely nothing in return."
"I'm stuck in the trenches all day," they walked into the local store. "Would you rather I told Melchett that the popping sound in your ears has cleared up and you're ready to go back into battle? Maybe that'd be a nice change of scenery for you."
"N-no!," Darling gasped, as they picked out a wine and went to purchase it.
Upon leaving, Blackadder looked at his watch. "We've still got ten minutes, how about we go get a drink for ourselves?"
Darling gave him a surprisingly genuine smile. "I think I'd like that, Blackadder."
Within a minute's time, they were sitting at a bar, holding a glass of beer each. "Come on, Darling, drink up, we don't have much time," Blackadder took a huge gulp of alcohol.
"You know I've got a low tolerance!," Darling complained, taking fragile sips.
"Darling," Blackadder admitted. "As totally infuriating you are, and as much as I hate how you suck up to Melchett like a baby to their mother, I would consider you a friend."
"Really, Blackadder?," Darling gave him a look of disbelief.
"Well, considering the only other three people in my life not to totally despise me are two total idiots and someone so crazy that he'd make Henry the Eighth looked mild mannered, you're the only likable person I know, really."
"You pick on me all the time, Blackadder!"
"Yes, because despite all this, you're a positively irritating git."
Darling, only just finishing his beer now and noticing Blackadder hadn't totally finished, held his glass in the air. "To the upcoming years?"
Blackadder gave a stare of disinterest, before stating, "To hell with it, why not." Clanging the glasses together, he celebrated, "To the upcoming years."