After The War
Remus is on the train to Hogwarts. As in he's here, he's actually here, going to Hogwarts, like any other human boy. Of course, he's not human, and he's not like any other boy. He has to be careful, he has to hide, he has to lie, and above all else, he has to behave as a human. No giving in to instinct, no showing his wolf-senses, no showing illness or pain, and never, ever, ever, getting caught on a full moon. But these are all problems future he can deal with, right now, Remus may as well be any other boy, and he'd enjoy the illusion while it lasts.
"Erm, Hi…can we join you?" A girl asks as she opens the door to his carriage, Remus hesitates for a moment, but he had just decided to try and be normal, to enjoy this while he can before he has to start being careful, so he nods, giddy with excitement. Remus doesn't think he's ever met someone his age before, in fact, he's sure of it, "I'm Lily, Lily Evans, this is my friend Severus Snape."
"Hi, I'm Remus." Lily drags her friend in properly as they sit down, Severus and Remus lock eyes and…things seem to slow. He hadn't known eyes came in the exact same shade as coal. It should look creepy, but he's never seen anything so beautiful as the obsidian orbs before him. Somehow, he doesn't think that's a normal thing to say though, "It's nice to meet you both, are you entering first year as well?" Lily nods for both of them, Severus doesn't say anything, sitting awkwardly on the chair. Remus thinks he must be shy, so he doesn't mind.
He and Lily converse, both managing to incorporate Severus into the conversation without forcing him to speak. Lily notices Remus' effort to do so joining her own and grows even more animated, an action that seems to encourage Severus as well, since he joins the conversation a few words at a time.
Eventually, they all get dressed, Severus and Remus both feeling the need to go to the bathroom to change, though logic would dictate only Lily really needed to. The carriage now being empty, she just changes there instead. Lily Evans is not what one would call a shy girl. Lily knows why Severus chose to change in the bathroom, but Remus seemed just as squirrely about it as Severus, which, given his reasoning, was cause for concern. In Lily's mind, Remus is now both her friend, and Severus', that means that if he is in trouble, she has to find out, and she has to help. So she will.
The three disembark when the train reaches the station, staying together as they head up to the school.
"What's that?" Severus asks, looking nervous and uncomfortable as he points at the thing others are getting in to. It's made worse by the fact said thing is floating on a larger body of water than Severus thought could possibly exist.
"It's a boat!" Remus exclaims, eyes wide with excitement, "I've never seen one before!" He tells his two new friends.
"My sister and I used to take rowing lessons together, come on, I'll show you both how it works," Lily assures them. She steps onto the boat, Remus helps Severus onto the boat, Lily stabilises him enough to sit down, then Remus clambers in and manages to fall into the water. Everyone laughs at him, he laughs most of all, Severus' face lights up in a way Remus hasn't seen yet but decides he must more often. Remus just counts himself lucky that his parents had been so adamant he learn to swim when he was a toddler, back when he was human. He doesn't do lessons anymore, they're for 'proper people' and his parents didn't want to risk exposing him to that too much in case he somehow gets found out.
"So, how's this done Lils?" Severus asks Lily once the two of them have pulled Remus onto the boat.
As it turns out, the boats row themselves, unless someone picks up an oar from the shore and sticks it in the water, then the magic fades and leaves them in control. Luckily, Lily really is quite good at this, unluckily, her arms aren't particularly strong. She and Severus control one oar while Remus controls the other, pretending to do a lot of fitness instead of the truth about Lycanthropic strength. They only manage to go in circles for a while, laughing manically as they did so. Eventually though, they're back on track, though far behind the others.
"So, it's a vehicle on water?" Severus asks when they are about halfway to the shore, Remus moves his head back and forth in a fifty-fifty sort of gesture.
"Sort of. Technically, the term 'vehicle' is most commonly used to refer to transportation devices used on land. This is more of a transportation vessel. But yes, essentially," He tells him, Severus and Lily smirk at each other.
"See, I told you we'd find another non-dunderhead without a problem," Lily tells Severus, giving his arm a light nudge but, in doing so, creating an imbalance on their oar. It flies out of their remaining hands, Remus leans on the other oar on instinct when the boat jolts and accidentally slips over the edge, creating a loud splash.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Remus yells in frustration as he resurfaces.
"NO, BUT I AM!" Someone from the boats ahead yells back. Remus and his two friends look at each other in confusion, Lily shrugs before Remus swims over to collect their lost oar. On the way back to the boat, something brushes against his leg, then wraps around his waist and pushes him upwards, he screams. It's a few moments before he stops and realises it's a tentacle holding him up, moving towards the boat. Once there it places him on the boat, and then picks the whole boat up, carrying it the rest of the way across the water.
"THIS IS AMAZING!" Lily screams, the three friends holding each other close and smiling like maniacs. Despite all the set backs, they make it to the shore before anyone else does, laughing amongst themselves.
"THANK YOU SQUIDLY!" Remus calls out, saluting to the water, Severus and Lily follow suit, the squid seems to salute back before it returns to the depths.
When they enter the castle, their hearts are still beating rapidly, and all three are prone to random bursts of giggling as the adrenaline runs high through their systems.
The gamekeeper, Hagrid, leads them all to a stern looking woman before leaving them in her 'capable hands'.
"Good Evening students, I am Deputy Headmistress, Professor Minerva McGonagall, I teach transfiguration. Now in a few moments…who, exactly, are you?" She asks, looking at Remus who shifts awkwardly. Severus gives him a significant look as Lily shoves him in the side.
"Re-Remus, Ma'am."
"And why are you dripping all over my castle, Mr Remus?"
"I dispute that observation, Professor," Remus replies, Professor McGonagall raises an eyebrow, "I'd rather like to know why your castle is leeching my water. I went through great lengths to catch it you know." Thirty seconds in and Minerva McGonagall is already both impressed and done with his shit. Everyone else laughs, though Severus does it in a certain anxious way as though it's too funny not to but he's also afraid to do so.
"In a few moments the sorting ceremony will begin, usually I tell first years to take these moments to smarten themselves up however, that may be a lost cause for certain among you." Everyone laughs again, Remus decides he likes her.
"Black, Sirius," Professor McGonagall calls, a boy walks over and takes a seat on the stool while the previously singing hat is placed on his head.
"He must have been the one who called out, back on the boats," Lily mutters, Remus looks amused, Severus looks nervous.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hall goes silent, unlike they had for the previous student, Abbott, Danah when she was sorted into Slytherin. The boy waltzes over to the Gryffindor table, not a care in the world, in fact, he looks rather proud of himself and sends a smug smirk to the Slytherin table who collectively glare at him.
"Evans, Lily." Lily looks at her two friends, Remus smiles encouragingly, Severus gives what they both know was meant to be a reassuring look but came out petrified, Lily nods at her best friend, "Evans, Lily," The Professor calls again, Lily walks over and takes her seat.
"GRYFFINDOR!" Lily takes a deep breath as the hat is removed, smiling at her friends once more as she joins her table. Remus notices Severus' breathing pick up and pulls him back out of the room slightly.
"Hey, it's going to be okay. We're friends now, right?" Remus asks Severus, hoping to make him feel more comfortable but unsure if he's overstepping bounds. What would he know about friendship? As nice as it's been pretending, he's not really a person, and the time for pretending is over the moment he takes his seat.
"Y-Yeah, yeah, we are," Severus tells him, Remus takes his hand and squeezes it gently, giving him a smile, Severus takes a deep breath and nods, Remus nods too.
"Lupin, Remus." Remus squeezes Severus' hand again.
"I promise, no matter where we end up, we're still gonna be friends, you, me, and Lily."
"She said the same."
"Well there you go, what are the chances we're both wrong?"
"Lupin, Remus," Professor McGonagall calls out again.
"ONE SECOND!" He shouts back, looking back to Severus who is now trying not to laugh, "Will you be okay if I go out there?" Severus looks shaky, but nods, colour coming back to his cheeks.
"Remus Lupin!" Comes an angry call, Remus smiles as he walks back in with Severus and then over to the chair, calmly taking his seat as though nothing had happened.
"Oh, a Werewolf, we haven't had one of your kind in a long time," A voice in his head says, Remus thinks he stops breathing, the hat knows?! "Never fear Little Wolf, I won't tell anyone."
"I prefer the term Lycanthrope," Remus tells the hat in his head, the hat seems to consider this for a moment.
"Where I put you will change more for you than it has for anyone, save for perhaps Mr Black." Remus frowns.
"Is he all right?"
"Do you know each other?"
"Well…no…" The hat laughs at that, as in out loud.
"Oh there's no doubt for this young man, GRYFFINDOR!" The hat is pulled off his head, he makes his way over to the table, looking at Severus and beaming at him.
"Hey, we made it!" Lily squeals in his ear, Remus nods, sitting beside her with a wide smile. She grabs his hand under the table in her excitement, he grabs it back as they wait for Severus to be sorted, certain he'll be with them as well.
"Pettigrew, Peter." This kid takes a full five minutes before the hat calls out,
"GRYFFINDOR!"
"Potter, James." Some cocky kid saunters up to the stool.
"Is it just me, or does he seem rather unpleasant?" Lily asks, Remus blinks at the boy for a moment.
"He seems a bit…full on," Remus replies diplomatically, Lily giggles.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouts before it's even properly placed on his head.
"I suppose we'll have to get over it then," Remus mutters, Lily nods.
"It's not as though we know him, anyway. We can't judge him based on how he walks to a stool."
"The real test is how Severus reacts to him." Lily looks at him in confusion though she seems to agree, "Well, he seems like a pretty nervous person, so if someone's going to make him super uncomfortable, obviously that's someone we'll want to avoid." Lily looks at him like Christmas came early and pulls him into a hug before looking back to Severus and making some strange motion with her hands. He doesn't motion back, he just smiles slightly and nods.
"I'm glad we met you Remy." Remus smiles.
"I'm glad I met you too, Lils." She grins.
"Snape, Severus." Both look over with avid interest as Severus shakily makes his way to the stool.
"Well we know that kid won't end up here," The Potter boy tells them all mockingly, Lily glares at him.
"And what is that supposed to mean?!" She demands hotly.
"He's shaking like a leaf! Gryffindors are brave, he isn't." Lily glares at him, about to open her mouth to retort when the hat calls out its verdict.
"SLYTHERIN!" The hat is removed to reveal an even paler Severus Snape, Remus looks at him, moving his hands up and down to remind his friend to breath. Severus hurries over to his table, looking dejected that he's not with them but equally glad it's over.
"What did I tell you?" Potter asks.
"Oh, so it's so easy to tell which house people will be in before they're sorted, right?" Lily asks, Potter nods.
"Yeah."
"What about your friend there? How would he like it if people did that?" She asks, nodding her head to the boy beside Potter. Remus can't remember his name.
"They already do sweetheart," The boy replies, the sentence makes Remus uncomfortable, and a look over shows it does the same to Lily as well.
"Maybe you should use your strange motion things to talk to Severus?" Remus suggests, she nods and looks over to Severus, only he's pretty intently looking at his food, Lily bites her lip. Remus looks around for a moment before the name clicks in his head, the one he heard before, "You're Sirius Black, aren't you?" Sirius narrows his eyes in suspicion but nods, "Of the Black family, purebloods and all?" Again the boy nods, "Any good with wandless magic?"
"Better than most people here," Sirius replies rather snarkily, Remus smirks.
"Bet you can't make that turkey explode," Remus challenges, pointing to a turkey on the Slytherin table. Sirius looks offended by the notion and immediately turns in his seat, focusing on the turkey.
"Bombarda," Sirius casts, quietly but forcefully, the turkey explodes magnificently. Remus looks over to Severus to see he's looked up, and looked over to check Lily is okay, perhaps him too. Lily uses the opportunity to begin a signed conversation with him, "Why do I feel like I just got used?" Sirius asks, not looking happy at the notion, Remus shrugs.
"Because you did, but if it helps, I am impressed." When Remus wakes up tomorrow, it's time to start flying under the radar. Until then, he can help his friends as much as possible, and he will. This is his chance to do a good thing, to be more than a monster, for just one night.
A few hours later they're lead to their dormitories.
"We're meeting Sev by the stairs there, in the alcove, after breakfast tomorrow to compare schedules. We don't know how they'll work yet," Lily tells him as they walk up the stairs, Remus nods.
"Why do you guys know how to communicate like that?" Lily looks nervous for a moment, she leans in closer to speak quietly to him.
"Severus, he has some problems with anxiety. Sometimes he has a lot of trouble speaking so he signs. His mother taught me the language a year and a half ago so I could interpret for him in school. Honestly though, we use it to talk just as much as speaking now."
"Can you teach me whatever sign language it is you guys are using?" Remus asks, Lily nods.
"Sure, I think he'd appreciate that."
They're shown their dormitories and told to go to sleep. Remus finds he is in a dorm with James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"So, we should introduce ourselves, we're going to be living with each other for a long time," Potter decides as Remus and Kingsley unpack, Peter collapses on his bed, Sirius bounces on his to test the springiness, and James throws and catches a snitch up and down in the air, "I'm James Potter." Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, James nods, he rolls his eyes.
"Sirius Black."
"Erm, I-I'm Peter, Peter Pettigrew," Peter stutters awkwardly as he forces himself to sit up right again.
"I am Kingsley Shacklebolt." James nods, then looks round to Remus who continues unpacking.
"And you're Remus Lupin, right?" Remus sighs.
"Just Remus if you please, my parents don't like me using their last name." The others exchange looks at this but nod.
"You know Remus, I really think we'll be the best of friends," Sirius tells him, Remus smiles awkwardly and returns to packing.
Three weeks later…
"Will you just stop?!" Remus requests at the top of his voice, Sirius smirks cockily.
"You know, I still think we will be great friends."
"You literally just hexed one of my best friends for no reason, like you have been for three weeks!"
"Why's that git your friend anyway? What's he got that I don't?"
"Oh, I don't know, A CONSCIENCE!"
"Sounds boring to me."
"YOU ARE THE MOST INSUFFERABLE PERSON TO HAVE EVER BEEN BORN!"
"Now you sound like my mother." Remus gapes at him for a moment before he just turns around and storms out, slamming the door behind him.
"Think you two will ever get through a day without yelling at each other?" James asks, Sirius huffs.
"Just because he overreacts to everything." Peter rolls his eyes before turning back to his homework.
"He says they're the same thing," Remus tells his potions Professor, Horace Slughorn.
"And why can't Mr Snape tell me this himself?" Slughorn enquires, Remus has been translating for him all day, he's been so worked up because Lily's been really sick for a week and now she's in hospital. They're going to see her during lunch, but that's fifteen minutes away.
"He's taken a vow of silence. See there's this charity that came up with an idea for something called a 40 hour famine. You give up something for 40 hours and raise money for people who don't have anything to give up. They think it's a few years away from actually kicking off, but we decided to see how hard it would be to actually stick to giving something up for 40 hours. Severus chose speaking, I chose eating, and Lily, apparently, chose being healthy." The class snickers at the last part slightly, Slughorn seems impressed with them.
"What a wonderful idea, you know, I think I might present this to the Headmaster, see if we can't get more students involved for this and the school can donate some money to the charity."
"It's a muggle charity sir, I'm not sure Hogwarts can donate."
"We can have Galleons converted into muggle money Mr Remus," Slughorn assures him, "Would you mind if I had him speak to you to get more details?" Remus nods.
"Of course."
"But now they've got a head start!" James complains, Remus looks at him in bewilderment.
"Did that sentence actually leave your mouth just now?" James looks confused, "I ask simply because I didn't think even you were daft enough to not realise that spending 40 hours giving something up means it starts when you give it up. Besides, it's a charity Potter, not a race."
"Oh please, I doubt there is a charity, you're just covering for your muted freak of a friend, Lupin."
"He's not a mute, and don't call me that."
"Oh yeah, I forgot, your parents don't like you using it. Ashamed of you, are they?"
"Leave him alone Potter!" Severus demands forcefully, "His parents are lucky they have him instead of you." James glares at him.
"Well, you might not be a mute, but you are a failure. Couldn't keep your mouth shut even for a good cause?"
"There is no better cause than helping my friend, it's called loyalty Potter."
"What would a snake like you know about loyalty?" Remus walks forward and punches James square in the nose with more strength then a human of his size would be able to, he feels the cartridge shatter under his fist. Sirius goes to punch him in retaliation, but he dodges out of the way, wolf reflexes come in handy for that, then he flips Sirius over his back and onto the ground, he hears the moment he goes to get up again, but Severus has his wand pointed at his back.
"Try it, I dare you," He tells him. Sirius snarls, but does nothing.
"Professor Slughorn, permission for Sev and I to take Potter and Black to the hospital wing? We were going there after class anyway to give Lily the class notes we made for her." Slughorn looks uncertain but nods.
"Remain there until Professor McGonagall and I arrive. As your head of house, she'll decide your punishment for this. There'll be no more fighting, am I understood?"
"Perfectly, Professor." Honestly though, Remus is barely listening now. He smells the blood pouring from Potter's nose and all of his effort is going into ignoring it. The four of them begin to make their way to the hospital wings, glares and sneers that Remus ignores being sent every which way.
"What in Merlin's name happened?" Poppy asks as the quartet enters the room.
"It was my fault, I took an argument too far," James immediately says, the other three look at him in confusion, but when she looks to Sirius, he nods.
"Right then, let's patch you up, I expect your heads of houses will be along shortly," She tells them, Severus nods. Poppy looks at James' face before looking back to Remus with a concerned expression, immediately vanishing the blood. She walks over to Remus and grabs his hand, vanishing the blood on his knuckles and healing that as well before returning to properly heal James' nose. Remus feels like he's only now able to begin breathing again. Clearing his throat awkwardly he walks over to the curtain Lily's bed is behind and knocks on the frame lightly.
"Mmm?" Comes a sleeping voice from inside.
"It's Remy," He tells her.
"Come in," She tells him, sounding more alert, he walks around the curtain, Severus trailing after, "Is class already over?" Remus smiles sheepishly.
"Um, not exactly." Lily frowns.
"What happened?"
"I uh…lost my temper."
"Remy, the last time you said that I found you surrounded by torn pages and you didn't calm down until after we let you set them all on fire."
"Well I promise, no fire this time."
"So what did happen?"
"Nothing, just Potter and Black being wankers as per usual," Remus assures her, she looks concerned, "Really, don't worry about it."
"It's over now anyway," Severus tells her, she looks at him in surprise.
"You're talking again?"
"Yes, Potter pissed him off so much he broke his vow of silence. On the other hand, Slughorn says he wants to talk to Dumbledore about introducing the 40 hour famine to the rest of the school," Remus adds, giving her a significant look.
"Brilliant," Lily tells them, masking the confusion from her voice.
"Mr Black, Mr Snape, out here please," Professor McGonagall demands, the two say good bye to Lily, leaving the notes with her, and heading out to the main area once more, "Would someone care to explain what happened?" Remus goes to answer when James jumps in.
"It was my fault Professor. I started an argument and crossed a line, they were just trying to defend each other and Sirius only wanted to help me." Their head of house seems surprised.
"Is this true Mr Black?" Sirius nods.
"No, Professor. Not exactly," Remus jumps in, she looks at him in confusion, "Well…I mean yes but…I started the fight. I threw the first punch."
"Mate, I literally said your parents are ashamed to have you, and then said Snivellus wouldn't understand loyalty because he's a Slytherin. Pretty sure I had it coming."
"No one ever deserves to be attacked Potter," Remus tells him rather forcefully. For some reason the others don't understand, both Poppy and Minerva exchange concerned looks for a moment before looking back at him, Remus looks down, taking a physical step backwards, "The point is I hit first, so it's not all Potter's fault."
"Then the two of you will be serving detention, and in future, should you ever witness a fight between your peers, the correct response is to notify a teacher, not to join it," she tells them all, looking at Severus and Sirius pointedly.
"In our defence, Slughorn was right there and did nothing until it was over." Minerva and Horace look at each other awkwardly for a moment before she turns back.
"Horace has his reasons for not getting involved, it should have been your first clue to stay out of it as well," McGonagall replies carefully, Sirius frowns at that, as does Severus, and James, Remus continues looking at the floor, "Detention on Thursday evening with Professor Slughorn," She decides, said Professor nods his agreements.
"Yes Professor," James and Remus say.
"Mr Lupin, a word," McGonagall requests, Remus winces slightly but goes after her, refusing to meet Severus' eye as he leaves. He knows it would have calmed the boy's anxiety somewhat, but Remus just can't bring himself to look up.
McGonagall ensures the door is closed before turning to him.
"Mr Lupin –"
"Professor, please, I'm not supposed to use that name," Remus reminds her with a grimace, she frowns.
"Mr Remus, you know very well why you mustn't do this. Poppy mentioned the blood, do you have any idea how dangerous that was?"
"Might have noticed it, you know, while it was happening, yes," Remus replies, McGonagall looks a little ill at his words and he grimaces, "Sorry, I didn't mean to…I mean I know it makes people uncomfortable to…I just –"
"Mr Remus, I only wish to remind you that it isn't just everyone else's safety I am worried about, it's yours too." Remus looks at her in surprise, "You know very well what the consequences of a single mistake could be for you, I have no desire to see this end that way. I implore you, please, be careful." He nods, she walks away. He stands out there for a few moments before heading back in.
"Everything okay?" James asks, Severus evidently having rejoined Lily, though he pokes his head back round the curtain at the question and looks at Remus in concern, Remus nods.
"Yeah, apparently though, you aren't meant to punch people no matter what they say about your friend. Guess I missed that memo." Potter chuckles, Black seems amused, Severus seems relieved.
"Well I could have told you that, daft moron," Lily calls from behind the curtain, Remus rolls his eyes.
"Smartass."
"So, Remus," James begins when Remus walks the dormitory, Remus raises an eyebrow at him, "You're pretty smart, right?"
"I'm not an idiot."
"You saying we are?" Sirius immediately accuses, Remus smiles lightly.
"I'm saying I'm not an idiot, take from that what you will."
"How would you feel about helping us out with something?" James asks, Remus narrows his eyes in suspicion, Sirius huffs.
"I told you, bad idea."
"He needs help Sirius, and we can't. Would you rather he just fails? His parents will kill him." Sirius huffs again and slumps onto his bed, Remus frowns in concern.
"What's going on? Who needs help?"
"Peter, he's failing potions."
"Much as I'd love to be able to help, I haven't made a potion in my life." The two look at him in surprise, he shrugs, "The smells make me nauseous, Lily and Sev do it and I take care of the theory."
"And Slughorn lets you get away with that?"
"He knows I have a sensitive nose." James and Sirius look at each other doubtfully, James forges on.
"Right, but the theory is all he needs, he can work out the practical from that, can't he?" Remus sighs, nodding.
"Probably."
"So will you help?"
"Isn't your father literally a professional potioneer? Why can't you do it?"
"Because I forgot I promised to and got detention, so I'm trying to find someone who can help." Remus looks at him for a moment before sighing and nodding.
"Very well, when and where?"
"Tonight, at the library, I'm late for detention, he's already there, thank you!" James and Sirius streak out of the room, Remus rolls his eyes, collecting his potions work.
"That may have been a mistake," Kingsley says from his bed, Remus looks at him and nods.
"Of that there is no doubt."
"Peter?" Remus asks as he approaches the boy in the library who is looking around nervously, Peter looks up at him in surprise, "Potter forgot he was meant to be helping you, he and Black are in detention, they asked me to come down and go through it with you." Peter looks surprised and anxious before he looks back at his potions book and nods vigorously.
"Thank you."
Remus and Peter work through his potions work for three hours before the librarian comes over and kicks them out. They make their way back to Gryffindor tower, chatting about classes and all sorts.
"…and I'm pretty sure he's just being a git now because he's got a crush on Evans."
"Potter has a crush on Lily?" Peter nods, "Funny way of showing it. He does know she hates him, right?"
"Sirius and I have pointed it out, but he's adamant he can win her over."
"Maybe he should start by not being a complete tosser?"
"You have met him, right? I'm pretty sure you'd willingly snog Sirius before James manages not to be a prat." Remus chuckles, nodding.
"Probably. What about you then, anyone caught your fancy?" Peter flushes, shaking his head.
"No, I um, I'm just not interested in that sort of thing, yet."
"Why are you embarrassed about that?" Peter shrugs.
"Everyone else is." Remus scoffs, shaking his head.
"Peter, everyone else is doing it just because they think it's grown up and cool. Most people aren't interested in that stuff at eleven, especially guys."
"Really?"
"Yeah, biologically speaking, they hit that point later than girls do, but most of the time they start dating and stuff before they're really interested in it just because the girls are and they think it's cool."
"So, I'm really not weird?" Remus smiles at the boy.
"I don't know that I'd go that far, but in this instance, no, you aren't weird." Peter laughs as they enter the common room.
"So how'd they get detention anyway?" Peter asks as they walk through the common room, Remus shrugs.
"I don't know, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to. You know, school might be easier if you spent more time studying than pranking."
"Yeah, but it wouldn't be as fun."
"What's so fun about messing with people?" Peter looks at him in consideration as they shut the door to the dormitory. He looks around and finds Kingsley isn't there either.
"I can show you?" Remus frowns, "I gotta get James back for ditching me, and really, what harm is there is pranking two prats that mess with your friends constantly?"
"I'd be just like them."
"Right, but ours would be funny, not mean." Remus debates this for a moment.
"What did you have in mind?"
The next morning, Peter sits with Frank Longbottom at Breakfast, Remus in his usual place with Lily, when the doors open and a furious James and Sirius walk in. Well, waddle in. Seeing as they had duck feet. And duck bills. Some feathers over them.
"How did you even manage this!?" Sirius demands of Peter as soon as they reach him, he's laughing too hard to respond, most of the school is, Peter just points to Remus who is laughing so hard he's going red in the face.
"I…had…help," Peter wheezes out between laughs, James and Sirius look gobsmacked at their dormmate, Lily looks unhappily at her friend.
"Why would you do that?" She asks him when McGonagall leads James and Sirius away to change them back, he shrugs.
"They keep upsetting you and Sev, besides, Peter wanted to get them back for ditching him last night."
"Why were you with him anyway?"
"He needed help with potions, Potter was meant to but he got detention so he asked me to."
"Just, tell me you aren't becoming one of them?" Lily requests, Remus smiles.
"Come on Lils, you know me better than that."
"So, you never said, anyone you're interested in?" Peter asks Remus when it's just the two of them and Kingsley in the dorm, Sirius and James off doing something Remus doesn't want to know about. He also doesn't want to know why Peter's blowing up balloons filled with baking soda and others filled with vinegar. Remus shrugs.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I was homeschooled before coming here, hadn't met anyone my age in my whole life. Makes it hard to know what different feelings are sometimes." Peter hums thoughtfully.
"That does kind of explain a lot," He says, Remus chuckles.
"Yes, I imagine it would."
"You and Evans are pretty close, aren't you?"
"Yeah but, I don't know, I care about her but in a similar way to how I care about my Mother." Peter screws his nose up.
"Brother/Sister thing, got it." Remus chuckles at the look on his face as he goes back to reading his book.
"What about Severus?" Kingsley asks from where he's doing transfiguration work. Catch up work because he'd been sick the day before and missed some work. Remus seems thoughtful.
"I guess I do think of him differently than I do Lily, but I don't necessarily like him more, just…differently." Peter and Kingsley exchange looks before turning back to Remus.
"Differently?" They both ask simultaneously, Remus blushes slightly and shrugs.
"I don't know. He has beautiful eyes though." Peter laughs, Kingsley smiles.
"Sounds like a crush to me." Remus shrugs and goes back to his book.
"So, are you going to tell him?" Peter asks, Remus looks back up and frowns.
"Won't that make things weird?" Kingsley frowns.
"I suppose it could, I don't really know Severus well enough to tell. Do you think it's something that he would hold against you?"
"Assuming he doesn't feel the same way, which he might," Peter points out, Kingsley nods, Remus furrows his brows.
"I don't know, I don't think he would. But, what if he does feel the same way, what happens then?" Peter and Kingsley exchange looks again before both get up and join Remus on his bed who gives his book up as a lost cause and puts it on his side table.
"Remus, when two people like each other, they enter what's called a relationship, have you heard this word before?" Peter asks, somehow managing to not sound condescending, Remus shakes his head, Peter isn't exactly surprised.
"Are your parents married?" Kingsley asks, Remus nods, "That's a type of relationship, but that's one adults do."
"So what do kids do?"
"They date. You spend time together, hug, hold hands, whatever you are both comfortable with. You go on dates, that's when you spend time with just each other and do stuff you both enjoy, usually romantic. Romantic being stuff people only ever do with their girlfriend or boyfriend."
"Girlfriend and boyfriend are what some people call the person they're in a relationship with. Like if you and Severus were dating, he'd be your boyfriend," Kingsley explains, Peter shakes his head.
"Not necessarily, some people do, the term makes other people uncomfortable, and it's important to never make your partner uncomfortable."
"How do I know what will make him uncomfortable?"
"You ask, but don't be too blunt about it," Peter warns.
"Or too vague, you still want to get your point across," Kingsley adds.
"Yeah, but don't overwhelm him, especially since Snape is such a c…nervous…lad." Remus looks unhappy, Peter flushes, "Sorry."
"Have either of you ever been in a relationship?" They both shake their heads, Remus frowns again.
"Girls are usually better at this stuff," Peter adds, Kingsley nods, "But usually that's because you're interested in a girl, which you aren't, so I don't know that they would be."
"Am I supposed to be interested in a girl?" Kingsley and Peter shake their heads.
"Not necessarily. I mean, muggles have a problem with it, I think, but wizards don't. Not in centuries anyway."
"My Mother's a muggle, do you think she'd be unhappy with it?" Kingsley shrugs.
"I don't know, but she must be pretty accepting to be married to a wizard, so you're probably okay."
"Why do Muggles have a problem with it?" Peter frowns.
"I don't actually know."
"We could ask Professor McGonagall? She ought to know," Kingsley suggests, the other two nod, so they set off.
"I can't believe it's nearly Christmas," Peter comments as they walk, the other two agree.
"It's going pretty quick, right? Nearly a term over," Kingsley adds, Peter nods.
"You both going back home over the holidays?" Remus asks, Kingsley nods, Peter shrugs.
"Depends on my marks. If I don't get an E in everything, my parents will probably 'suggest' that I spend the holidays here to study."
"They sound pretty strict," Kingsley says, Peter nods.
"They are."
"Maybe we should form a study group? I'm sure there are others out there who could use some help? McGonagall would probably let us use her classroom for it," Remus suggests, "Lily, King, and I can go around helping people in the group."
"I think people would appreciate that," Kingsley says, nodding his agreement.
"Would Snape be there?" Peter asks awkwardly, Remus shrugs.
"Maybe, I don't know. He doesn't do great with a lot of people so if he does, he'd probably sequester himself in a corner. Lily and I can take turns sitting with him and helping others." Peter nods.
"Well, I know I could use some help, but, maybe don't tell James and Sirius? They'll crash it." Remus nods.
"I don't know how two people can be so damned inconsiderate," Remus comments as he knocks on the door to McGonagall's office.
"They're good people, really, just…excitable, and they get bored easily," Explains Peter as the three enter the room.
"Bored or no, they don't have to take it out on other people."
"I welcome you to tell Sirius this, but when you two just end up yelling at each other again, don't expect the rest of us to stick around."
"Can I help you three with something?" McGonagall asks, sitting at her desk and hoping her two most troublesome students haven't done something again.
"We have two questions, well, more of a question and a request, but, that's just semantics. We were wondering if we could use the Transfiguration classroom for a study group we want to set up," Remus tells her, McGonagall seems surprised, specifically at Peter's involvement, he smiles nervously.
"No hooliganness, I promise." She debates it for a moment before nodding.
"Very well, be sure to let me know when and I'll make sure a teacher is available to supervise."
"Thank you, Professor," Kingsley says, pleased.
"Your question?"
"Oh, right. Why don't muggles like guys dating other guys?" Peter asks, she looks between them, surprised.
"Some of them are fine with it. For others, it's about religion, and some just view it as unnatural. Humans can't breed that way and as such we weren't made to do so." Remus frowns.
"But if people are able to feel that way, doesn't that mean we were made to do so?"
"I suppose that's one way of looking at it. Long ago, wizards realised the error of their ways, and bit by bit the bigotry vanished. The only place you'll still find it is amongst the very old pureblood families who take the old traditions very seriously."
"Like the Blacks?" Remus asks nervously, McGonagall hesitates, but nods slowly.
"Right, well, thank you, Professor," Kingsley tells her, bowing slightly before seeming confused about the action, though Peter follows suit and Remus copies it on instinct, "I'm literally going to just bow to everyone now," he decides, Peter chuckles and agrees, Remus nods, looking amused as they all leave. McGonagall fondly shakes her head behind them. She looks down at the newspaper she'd received that morning, sighing as she picks it up and places it directly in front of her. She hopes they can still joke like that after the war. If there is an end anyways.
Minerva can't help but wonder how many other things will be lost because of it, and what else will have to wait until after the war.
"Hey, Lily…" Remus begins awkwardly over breakfast one day, Lily looks away from her signed conversation with Severus, telling him she'll be back in a minute and focuses her attention to Remus.
"Yeah, Remy?"
"So um…theoretically, if I were to…have certain…feelings, for-uh-someone. Well I mean…erm…"
"Remus John do you have a crush?" She asks excitedly, Remus sighs.
"I don't know, I mean, I think so. You know I'm not good with emotion. But I was talking about it with King and Pete and –"
"Hold on, you were talking to Pettigrew again?"
"I live with him Lils, I can't exactly avoid him. Besides, he's the least problematic of the group." She seems suspicious but nods for him to continue, "So anyway, we were talking about it and apparently it sounds like I have a crush on him and…I don't know, I haven't really stopped thinking about it since. They said I should tell him but I don't want to make him uncomfortable." Lily bites her lip in thought.
"Well, it's Sev, even if he's a bit weird about it for a while, he'll get over it. You're his friend, so even if it doesn't work out, no damage done." Remus nods, "You should tell him. Just, don't demand a response straight away, you know how he is about being put on the spot."
"Hang on, how did you know I was talking about Sev?" Lily's eyes go wide.
"I um…lucky guess?" Remus narrows his eyes at her, she flushes.
"You're a terrible liar Lil."
"I am not lying!"
"Your face is the same colour as your hair." Lily glares at him, he raises a challenging eyebrow.
"Okay fine, look, he may have mentioned something to me about his own feelings. You know, for you." Remus can't help the way his eyes light up, she grins at him, "Oh yeah, definitely a crush."
"Hey, um, can we talk for a minute?" Remus asks Severus as they leave the library, they'd spent lunch there with Lily because Potter kept glaring at Severus and making him nervous scowl at his food.
"I'll see you guys in charms," Lily decides before practically skipping off.
"What's that about?" Severus asks Remus who seems nervous, that makes Severus anxious which Remus notices, so he forces himself to calm down and give his friend a reassuring smile.
"Okay so um, I…I wasn't sure whether or not to mention anything, I mean, we both know I'm not great with emotion or social interaction but um…" Remus trails off awkwardly, Severus looks at him questioningly.
"So?"
"So I uh, have a um, crush, on you. And Lily may or may not have let slip that you like me too." Severus flushes immediately.
"I'm going to kill her." Remus chuckles.
"It's not her fault, she tried to hide it but –"
"She's literally the worst liar to ever exist."
"I'm not sure that's actually a bad thing but, yeah."
"Well um, I mean I uh, I do like you too. I just um, I don't know where to go from here." Remus nervously wrings his hands.
"If you want, tomorrow I was thinking we could have a picnic by the lake, see Squidly and just hang out, just the two of us."
"On a date?" Severus us, Remus nods.
"Yeah, you know, if you want to." Severus hesitates for a moment, then he nods.
"I-I'd like that." Remus smiles widely, Severus blushes more but smiles back.
"We should get to charms," Remus reminds him, Severus nods.
"Yeah, let's go."
"Oh my god I told him," Remus says in a rush as he walks into the dorm just before curfew and shuts the door, Kingsley and Pete sit up at that, James and Sirius looking confused.
"And?" Pete asks, Remus smiles giddily, Peter and Kingsley high-five.
"We're going on a picnic for lunch tomorrow."
"Romantic, very date-like, good job," Kingsley congratulates, Remus flushes slightly as he walks over and sits on Pete's bed. Pete moves his school work out of the way.
"Did you end up getting advice from Evans?" Remus nods.
"You were right, girls are better at this stuff."
"Hold on, what's going on?" Sirius asks, Remus glares at him.
"None of your business Black."
"Fine, be that way."
"I will." James, Peter, and Kingsley roll their eyes at the two of them.
"We need to get that damned Ravenclaw maggot back," Sirius announces as he walks in the room, James and Peter look up, instantly in planning mode, Kingsley and Remus both get up to leave, "He's targeting Gryffindor first years, you two could help defend us you know," He tells the two, Kingsley raises an eyebrow and walks out, Remus goes to follow suit, "Specifically Muggle-borns." Remus freezes, "Evans seemed awfully upset at Breakfast, she tell you why?" Remus turns around.
"What are you talking about, Black?"
"If he hasn't gone after her yet, he will. So, are you going to help us do something about it?"
Remus remembers Lily's tearful face this morning, but he also knows how against this she would be. Then again, he and Severus have been spending more time alone, not much, but apparently enough that something has happened without them knowing about it. If he can't be there to protect her, at least he could do this, right?
"No."
"Sirius, are you all right?" James asks, seeing his friend pale as he reads a letter from home.
"Y-Yeah, m'fine," He responds shakily, then McGonagall stalks over.
"You three, truly, his socks, all of his socks?!" James is preoccupied with Sirius, Peter looking nervously between all three, and Sirius is far too distracted to even hear her.
"No idea what you mean, Professor," James replies off-handedly, trying to keep the focus on him, McGonagall glares.
"Actually Professor, I did it," Remus says, standing up and walking over, all four of them look at him in surprise, "I'm the one who got rid of half his socks so he wouldn't have a pair."
"Why would you have done such a thing?" She asks suspiciously.
"He'd been harassing first year Gryffindor Muggle-borns, I thought if I got him back, he'd stop." She shakes her head.
"I am very disappointed in you Mr Lu-Remus." Remus winces but nods.
"Yes Professor."
"With me," She orders as she turns to leave. Remus turns back to Potter, throwing a concerned look to Black.
"Thank you," James tells him quietly, Remus nods.
"Look after him," He replies before following McGonagall out.
"Oh, hi," Remus says in surprise, walking into the dorm after seeing Severus and Lily off to the train for the holidays. He'd expected to find it empty, Peter's grades had elevated since the study group began, but to his surprise, Sirius Black remains. Sirius nods at him, "Not going home for Christmas?" Sirius shakes his head, he seems upset, "Is everything okay?" Sirius gives a completely unhumorous chuckle.
"You know how your parents don't like you using your last name?" Remus nods, "Is that why you aren't going home?" Remus frowns slightly, but nods, "Well my parents have decided that I sully the 'good' name of Black too much and I'm not to come home until I've decided to be a good little heir and do exactly as they say." Remus shrugs.
"So do as they say." Sirius looks at him like he's an idiot.
"Do you know what they're like?"
"Enlighten me." Sirius glares.
"They're horrible, they shout at me for everything and act like my brother is a damned god or something, they treat everyone like vermin, like they are above them, they're the most bigoted people in existence, and I'm so sick of being surrounded by that much fucking hatred!"
"Well, thank god you aren't there then, right?" Sirius seems to pull up short, then a smile slowly spreads across his face.
"You know, you aren't so bad." Remus chuckles, then sobers up.
"So is this what that letter was about the other day?" Sirius frowns, drawing in on himself as he nods.
"Thanks, for what you did, I mean. I know you didn't want to be involved." Remus shrugs.
"It's fine, Lily's not happy with me, but she's so preoccupied with going home for Christmas and missing me that she gave up on actually being angry." Sirius chuckles.
"She's kind of a hard ass sometimes, right? I mean, that's not necessarily a bad thing but…" Remus shrugs.
"She knows what it's like to be on the other end of the crap you lot pull, her sister hasn't been the most supportive of her magic. She just doesn't want anyone else to feel victimised."
"It's not about that, it's about having fun."
"It's about you guys having fun, did you ever consider how everyone else feels about it?"
"They can get us back, what does it matter?"
"Not everyone wants to live like that, in some eternal state of tit for tat. Some people just want to live in peace." Sirius looks at him consideringly.
"Are you one of them?" Remus chuckles, shaking his head.
"I couldn't live in peace if I spent 600 years trying." Sirius frowns.
"Guess we do have one thing in common."
"Oh?"
"We'll never have peace, not even after the war." Remus frowns, shaking his head.
"There is no 'after the war' for me." Sirius nods.
"Like I said, one thing in common."
"So, how come your parents don't like you?" Sirius asks the next night. The two had raided the kitchens, Remus showed Sirius where it is on the condition he and his friends are always nice to the house elves, never get them in trouble, and never cause them trouble. Sirius had taken a while to warm up to them, bad experiences from his own house elf, but he'd gotten there in just a few hours of helping them in the kitchen. Remus had had an interesting time explaining to Sirius that yes, people can cook. The house elves seem to have taken it as their personal mission to turn him into a regular sous chef. Now they eat their earnings, so much chocolate upon request of Remus.
"It's not that they don't like me, they love me," Remus tells him, and it's true, "They just…it's complicated." Sirius frowns at him for a moment.
"Is it because you're a Werewolf?" Remus instantly looks up in alarm, Sirius quirks an eyebrow at him.
"I prefer the term Lycanthrope," He replies in an unsteady voice, "and yes."
"So what, they love you but hate the wolf?" Remus swallows harshly.
"They love me, and they hate that there isn't a whole lot of difference." Sirius frowns in confusion, Remus shrugs, "I'm not human, full moon or no. Lyall, my Dad, he feels guilty. He hates Lycanthropes, but I'm his son, and he loves me, but he also hates me, and he hates that. Mum, she's a Muggle, she doesn't understand anything but her baby boy suddenly became a monster. They don't like me using the name Lupin because Lyall…he doesn't always view me as his son anymore. Sometimes it's worse than others, depends how obvious I'm being at the time. I think I just remind him of the son he lost. Me being around causes them both a lot of stress, they're much happier now. I guess it's easier to pretend if it's just letters." Sirius' frown deepens, then he says something Remus never thought he'd hear.
"I don't think you're a monster." Remus looks confused, "Monsters can't feel compassion, and that's 90% of your personality, even if the wolf sometimes overrides it."
"Are you going to tell anyone?" Sirius shakes his head.
"No, I'm not."
"Why?" Sirius shrugs.
"You protected me when I really needed it, and you didn't even know why. It's only fair I return the favour."
"MERRY CHRISTMAS REMUS, SEVERUS IS HERE TOO AND WE MISS YOU SO MUCH! HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!" Remus blinks in the wake of the howler Lily had sent him, Sirius sits beside him, snickering. Remus just fondly shakes his head.
"See, what a perfect opportunity for, say, custard to stream out of the envelope as it screams." Remus screws his face up.
"For one, that would be super annoying, for two, ew, custard."
"You don't like custard?"
"Nope." Sirius looks at him like he's some two-headed alien.
"I take it back, you are a monster." Remus laughs, so does Sirius, they both just lose it. The few other people who remained over the holidays look very confused.
"Besides, your pranks suck." Sirius gasps as he throws a hand to his chest.
"How dare you insult my honour?!"
"They're predictable and dull. Though, I admit, the sock thing was funny. But it would have been better if you lot would quite leaving your plans all over the dorm."
"You think you can do better?" Sirius asks him, Remus rolls his eyes.
"I don't like that tone."
"I challenge you sir, to a prank war!"
"I'm not going to do that, Black."
"Oh come on, no involvement of anyone else. No one else from our house even stayed so no one's going to get caught in the cross fire. We both know you're bored, come on, do something exciting for once." Remus debates with himself for a moment.
"All right, you're on."
"Ends when school starts again?" Remus nods.
"Deal."
"Deal."
"SIRIUS ORION BLACK GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE YOU WANKER!"
"RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, YOU CAN'T CATCH ME COZ I STOLE YOUR PANTS!"
"SIRIUS!"
"So um…maybe we shouldn't have left them alone?" James wonders, he and the other returning Gryffindors staring up at the ceiling of the common room. Neither had been at dinner. Lily, Kingsley, James, and Peter all look to each other.
"Let me know when it's safe to enter," Kingsley requests before retreating to a corner of the room and reading a book.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR BRUSH?!" Sirius suddenly screams, James and Peter look at each other with wide eyes.
"YOU MESS WITH MY CHOCOLATE I MESS WITH YOUR BRUSH!" Lily looks shocked.
"Oh damn, you do not mess with Remus' chocolate."
"Yeah, even I know that," James agrees, Lily nods.
"I WOULDN'T HAVE MESSED WITH YOUR CHOCOLATE IF YOU HADN'T CHARMED MY BED TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!"
"I WOULDN'T HAVE CHARMED YOUR BED IF YOU DIDN'T CHARM EVERY BOOK IN THE DAMNED LIBRARY TO ATTACK ME ANY TIME I TRY TO ENTER!"
"WHICH I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IF YOU HADN'T STOLEN ALL MY CLOTHES AND LEFT ME WITH ONLY A KILT!"
"WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDN'T BRIBE THE SUITS OF ARMOR TO FOLLOW ME EVERYWHERE!"
"I WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU DIDN'T CHAIN ME TO A TREE IN MY SLEEP!"
"YOU DROWNED ME IN CUSTARD!"
"YOU SAID YOU HATE CUSTARD!"
"BECAUSE IT'S GROSS!"
"AH, IS THAT A SPIDER?! MERLIN! WHERE DID YOU EVEN FIND THEM ALL?!"
"SO TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU NEVER GOING TO DO AGAIN?"
"I REGRET NOTHING!"
"WRONG ANSWER!"
"Ahhhhh! ALL RIGHT, FINE, YOU WIN THE PRANK WAR AND I'LL NEVER CHALLENGE YOU AGAIN!"
"AND GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!"
"Remus agreed to a prank war?" Lily asks at the same time James asks, "Sirius challenged Remus?" While Peter says, "Sirius talked to Remus? Remus talked to Sirius?"
"WAIT DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Sirius voice comes, the three look up again just as an explosion is heard, all three sprint up the stairs to the dorm.
"Guys?!" James calls as he pushes the door open. The room is charred and smoking, burnt paper is falling down around the place along with a few items of clothing, Remus and Sirius are on the ground in the middle of the room laughing their arses off.
"Are you guys all right?" Peter asks carefully, Remus and Sirius just look at each other and laugh again.
"Minnie's going to kill us this time," Sirius eventually says, Remus nods.
"She's already going to for the jelly," He says, Sirius laughs again.
"That was you two?!" Lily accuses, both sober up, "What on Earth made you think it was a good idea to turn all the tables and chairs into jelly once everyone sat down on them?" Remus tries, really he tries, but he chuckles a bit, Sirius snickers.
"I mean, it seemed funny at the time?" Remus offers, her glare deepens.
"If you don't think that's funny, maybe avoid the potions room for a while," Sirius suggests, Remus laughs again before trying to calm down again.
"What did you two do?" Lily demands, Remus smiles sheepishly at her.
"Um, nothing?"
"I thought you weren't going to talk to them, like Peter wasn't bad enough? Now Him? Really?"
"Hey, Peter is a perfectly nice guy, and Sirius…well…he has his moments of not being a total prat."
"You say the sweetest dang things," Sirius says, fluttering his eyelashes, Remus rolls his eyes and shoves him, Sirius chuckles as he falls sideways.
"How do you think Severus will feel about all of this?" Remus sighs.
"Lily, we were the only two Gryffindors left here, what did you expect me to do?"
"Not become just like them! They're complete gits!"
"It was just a bit of fun over the holidays, will you calm down?" Remus requests, completely confused as to why she's freaking out so much.
"YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!" With that, she turns and storms out, Remus frowning in confusion after her.
"Um…" James says awkwardly in the aftermath, Remus just sort of blinks at the doorway.
"I…I didn't know it would cause so much trouble for us to hang out…" Sirius says by way of apology, Remus shakes his head.
"I don't think this had much to do with either of us."
"What do you mean?" Peter asks.
"I don't think she had a good Christmas."
"So, how's your family?" Remus asks Lily as the two of them and Severus sit by the lake, Severus stroking one of Squidly's tentacles.
"Fine, why wouldn't they be?" Lily asks shortly, Remus raises an eyebrow at her, she sighs, "I'm sorry about last night, I know I overreacted. And I am glad you had a good Christmas, even if it was with Black."
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" She hesitates, "Does it have something to do with why Severus isn't talking?" She nods, biting her lip nervously.
"His Father found the letters between you two." Remus's face pales as he looks over to where Severus is by the lake. The two are far enough a way that he can't hear them.
"How bad was it?" Remus asks, afraid of the answer. Tobias Snape hadn't reacted well to finding out his wife and son aren't 'normal'. Remus can only imagine how he'd react to his son dating a man, and honestly, he's too scared to do even that.
"Not good. Severus came to stay with us for the last few days of holidays, Petunia and I got into a pretty big fight about it which stressed the hell out of Sev and drove him right into another panic attack. Really bad one too." Remus nods, making a mental note to be careful and slow when he's close to Severus, and not to touch him without warning.
"I should have been there," Remus mutters, Lily takes his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
"It's not your fault, and he wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Remus nods, "I'll ask my parents if you can stay over next holidays, if you want?" Remus freezes before taking a deep breath.
"I-I can't Lily." Lily frowns at him.
"I think it would really mean a lot to Sev," She says carefully, not to pressure him, but to find out what's going on, Remus nods.
"I know, and I wish I could but…Lily there's something you don't know, something neither of you know," He says, looking up to where Severus has just walked within hearing range. He comes over and sits down beside them so that they're in a circle.
"What?" Lily asks, Remus hesitates, breathing rapidly. He feels a hand on his, opening eyes he hadn't realised he'd closed to find Severus holding his hand. Remus knows that can't be easy for him at the moment, he blinks away tears and nods, Severus sits back.
"Just um, don-don't freak out, please?" Lily and Severus frown, looking at each other, and then nodding at him.
"Whatever it is Remy, it won't change anything," Lily promises, Remus nods, slightly able to believe in the possibility now thanks to Sirius, but also recognising better than ever what the chances are of more than one person reacting that way. He pulls his shirt up, revealing the large scar from the bite that turned him. Severus' eyes widen as he jolts backwards slightly, Remus grimaces, Lily looks shocked.
"That explains so much," Lily comments, Severus just looks shell-shocked, and then looks to Remus with a hurt expression.
'why didn't you tell us?' He signs in question, Remus sighs.
'I didn't want to frighten you or lose you. I'm not really supposed to tell anyone.'
'I'm glad you told us now,' Lily tells him, he smiles slightly, Lily looks to Severus who is still staring at the bite mark, the he launches himself forward and hugs him, Remus hugs him back, feeling shocked. Severus has never hugged him before, and he's only seen him hug Lily once, right after she was released from hospital after being really sick last term. When he pulls back he keeps holding one of Remus' hands and signs with his free one.
'I didn't know what you meant when you said you understood what it is like to have a parent hate something about you so much it overshadows everything else.' Remus smiles kind of shyly, 'Everything you say about it risks exposure, and thinking back you've done so frequently for me. Thank you,' Severus tells him, Remus smiles properly.
'Anytime.'
'So, if we work out when the full moon is, and it's not during the holidays, will you come to my house?' Lily asks, Remus bites his lip.
'I really don't know if Lyall will let me. It would be unlikely even with wizards, but Muggles? Well, actually, that's either going to up the chances or lower them, I really don't know which. Besides, it's not just the moon.'
'What do you mean?' Remus fidgets awkwardly for a moment.
'I'm not human, that's still true even when the moon isn't up. I've been trying to hide it since I got here, but it's hard, especially around the full moon. If anything were to go wrong…there are teachers here who can stop me, people can use magic to hold me off, but there?'
'Nothing's gone wrong yet,' Severus points out, Remus nods.
'I know I just…I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me.' Lily frowns.
'So, stop hiding it around us. When it's just the three of us, be yourself, then we'll know what we're dealing with. And as for staying at my place, I can tell my parents the truth, they aren't part of this world, they don't know about the bigotry, for all they know Werewolves are an accepted part of the culture, as much as magic itself.' Remus flinches slightly.
'I prefer the term Lycanthrope.' Lily gives him an apologetic smile and nods, 'It…it really changes me, I-I don't want to freak you guys out.'
'You won't,' Severus assures him, Remus still seems unsure, but nods.
'I still don't know if Lyall will let me, but we can check the dates and…and then I guess okay.' Lily and Severus smiles, so does Remus, though he still seems awkward.
'It's okay if it doesn't come naturally to not hide anymore, but please, will you try?' Lily requests, Remus nods, slowly, and holding onto Severus' hand tightly, but it's still a nod, and Lily takes that as a win, 'But seriously, what did you do to the potions lab?' Remus laughs, the other two join in.
"We could totally write a song about that." Remus rolls his eyes at Lily.
"You get right on that, I'll just be here actually doing hom –"
"How can you be friends with them?!" Severus demands as he walks into the library to meet Remus and Lily, both look at him in confusion, "Potter, Black, and Pettigrew."
"What happened?" Remus asks, voice full of concern, Severus' glare deepens.
"How can you sit there and pretend to care like you had nothing to do with it?" Remus rears back as though struck.
"I don't know what you're talking about Sev, you know I'd never be involved in anything that would affect you."
"But the rest of Slytherin is fair game?" Remus still seems confused, then it dawns on him and he sits back down with a sigh.
"You were supposed to be coming straight here after class, not stopping off in your common room on the way."
"I forgot a book. I didn't realise going back to the place where I live meant being attacked by a dozen angry ferrets!" Remus winces.
"I'm sorry Sev, they'd have been cleaned up by the time we were done here, I swear."
"That's not the point Remy! They're my house!"
"You hate all of them, they make you miserable," Remus points out incredulously, Severus glares at him.
"Not nearly so miserable as the douchebags you call friends do."
"Look, I'm sorry, I promise, no more pranks aimed at Slytherin." Severus and Lily exchange frustrated looks.
"Remy, maybe Sev has a point. I mean, you've been getting in a lot of trouble lately because of them," Lily tells him delicately, Remus glares at her.
"Because of them? I make my own decisions Lily."
"Yes and you're making stupid ones! You shouldn't be hanging out with them Remus."
"You don't get to decide who I'm friends with, neither of you do."
"So you're just fine spending time with people who torment your boyfriend? Not to mention half the rest of the school, though given you've been joining in on the latter lately, it certainly wouldn't surprise me anymore." Remus looks at her in shock, the shock very quickly turns to a level of anger that lets Lily and Severus know it's time to back off a bit or wolf instinct is going to take over and he'll lose control.
"They do jerky things sometimes, I know, but they aren't bad people. You don't even know them Lily."
"You're right, I'm sorry." Remus stops glaring, looking surprised that she'd given in, then his eyes narrow again.
"No, you aren't, you're trying to placate me because you think I'm going to snap." Severus sits in the chair beside Remus, taking both his hands.
"Remus, I'm sorry I came in here throwing accusations around. I know you would never have targeted me, and I don't care about my house at all. I just don't like you hanging out with them, they make me afraid Remy, properly afraid, and seeing you being all chummy with them makes me nervous. I know all too well how someone can care for you one minute and hurt you the next. I don't want to lose you. I have to be honest though, you are freaking me out a little bit right now, so could you please calm down and we can all talk about this rationally?" To his credit, Remus does appear to try, and both Lily and Severus can see that, but it's at the point that Remus starts getting angry at himself that they know he could very well grow dangerous very quickly. And then the snap they'd been anticipating came.
"Why don't you just go find someone else to control?" Remus sneers at them before storming off so fast his chair falls backwards and the table jolts.
"You okay?" Lily asks Severus, he nods.
"Yeah, it's not his fault. I think we made him feel cornered by both arguing with him about it, and about something that made him feel like he had to defend his friends. There really was no other way this conversation was going to end. If I'd stopped and thought for a moment I'd have realised that." Lily sighs.
"Me too, but we can't always anticipate these things. He'll clam down and feel guilty about it later. I still don't understand why he's friends with those prats." Severus shrugs.
"Neither do I. We're going to have to go through everything that just happened with him anyway, maybe we can find out."
"We need to find a better way to address the conversation though."
"We keep trying to treat him like a human and only really change that when something starts going wrong," Severus points out, Lily nods thoughtfully.
"You think we need to talk to him like that from the start?" Lily asks, confused, Severus shakes his head.
"I think we need to be real about accepting he isn't human and stop trying to make him be. We try to support him by making it as easy as possible for him to act like he would, even when it quite clearly goes against all his instincts. We need to talk to him like he is, he doesn't think the way we do. There's probably a perfectly rational reason for all of this that we just don't see because he thinks differently, his mind works differently."
"And we haven't even tried to work out how," Lily realises, Severus nods.
"Let's wait for him to cool off first though."
"And when he goes back to his dorm only to be met by three very full on people, all of whom are very dramatic and nosy and won't give him a break?"
"Maybe you should go get him." Lily frowns.
"What about you?" Severus chuckles.
"I won't be alone," He says before pulling a ferret out of his pocket, "I've named him Remmikins, what do you think?" Lily laughs, hard and loud, nodding.
"He's perfect."
When Lily gets to the common room, she feels fortunate to find the three trouble makers by the fire.
"Is Remus up there?" She asks them, Potter nods and grimaces.
"I wouldn't exactly recommend a conversation right now though."
"What did he do?" She asks, worried.
"Broke a window, and a chest of drawers, one with a shoe, the other with Sirius." Lily looks to Sirius in alarm, a feeling which grows when she sees the cut on his eyebrow.
"This wasn't Remus, got scratched by a ferret, long story."
"I've heard it." The three look confused, "Sev forgot a book and went back for it before meeting us." All three look like deer caught in headlights.
"I'm guessing that's what this is all about then?" Sirius asks, pointing at the ceiling, Lily grimaces and nods.
"Sorry you got hurt." Sirius shrugs.
"The guy has anger issues, I get that. He'll probably feel guilty later, I'm having a house elf bring up some chocolate we can all eat together, he'll feel better after that." Lily looks at him in wary surprise, then she nods.
"Thank you." He seems surprised, but nods back, "I'm going to check on him."
"Good luck," Peter tells her, she walks up the stairs.
"Remus?" Lily calls as she enters the dormitory, a pillow is thrown at her but she manages to duck in time, though she's pretty sure it's fallen all the way down the stairs. She quietly closes the door, doing her best to breathe normally and keep her heart rate down despite realising she's in real danger here, lest he think she's afraid of him, "Remus, can I talk to you?" Remus is sitting by the broken window, she's pretty sure he's cut himself on the glass, and growls low in his throat, "Are we a pack?" The growling stops, he turns to her in confusion, "Lycanthropes have packs, don't they?" Remus nods, "Are we yours?" Remus nods again, "Severus," he nods, "Me," he nods, "Black?" He hesitates, but nods, "Pettigrew?" He nods, "Kingsley," He nods, "Potter?" He doesn't, "I suppose you two have never gotten close?"
"He smells bad." She frowns in confusion, he doesn't elaborate.
"I'm sorry we offended your pack. We didn't mean to, we were concerned for you." Remus nods slightly, she takes a step closer, "Severus and I…we don't get how you work, not yet. But we're working on it. We messed up earlier, am I right in thinking we made you feel threatened?" Remus hesitates.
"You made me feel like my pack was being threatened, and like you would take them away from me." Lily looks mildly horrified.
"I'm so sorry Remy, I didn't mean to do that, neither of us did."
"I don't let them do that to you guys either you know, but they don't try. They hate Sev, they really do, but they'd never say anything against him to me, they'd never try and tell me not to be friends with him, and they'd never act like I'm their enemy too." Lily nods.
"I know, I'm sorry. What can we do to make it better?" Remus frowns.
"You've separated my pack, prove you're a part of it. Prove you'll be there for it when it counts." Lily doesn't know what that means, but she nods all the same, because she'll work it out, she has to.
A day later…
"Oi, Potter!" Lily whispers, James looks up in confusion, she jerks her head to the door, he frowns but goes with her.
"Finally giving in to my charms and wanting to get me alone?" He asks, cockiness firmly back in place as he lounges against the railing of the staircase, Lily rolls her eyes, gritting her teeth as she speaks.
"I need your help, and don't be a prat about it!" She demands, pointing a finger at him threateningly, he puts his hands up in surrender, but the chuckle renders it moot.
"What can I do for the lovely Evans today?" She huffs, regretting everything.
"You and Black play instruments, right? I heard that's a thing most pureblood families do?" James nods.
"In pure old family fashion, Sirius plays piano, though the songs he's learning lately are not the kind his parents would appreciate. I'm getting him an electric piano as a celebration of the end of the year. Should keep him occupied over summer, and in trouble."
"You are literally the most insufferable prat on the planet!" Lily snaps, he quirks an eyebrow at her, smirk not fading in the slightest.
"Aren't you the one who came to me for help?"
"Yes, help, not arrogance. I get enough of that just existing at the same time as you and Black."
"I play drums. What is it you need, Love?" Lily's face twitches, but she reminds herself this is for Remus and takes a deep breath.
"Actually…you've given me another idea…how would you like some help with your work?" James looks grossed out, "From me, that is." He looks mildly interested, "Just you, and me, and a good grade that would make your parents proud." He seems more interested, "I could even write to them, say how well you did, I'm sure it'd be nice to know your parents, would you like them to know me?" James smiles sort of dopily, "It'd mean a lot to me." He grins.
"All right, one study session."
"Lily, listen, I've already said this to Sev but um, I'm sorry I was a jerk. I got overwhelmed by the instinct to protect my pack and I was horrible, I'm sorry." Lily looks away from the book she was reading and smiles kindly.
"Have a seat Remus," She tells him, he frowns, looking around.
"Um, Lils, there aren't any seats," He points out, which is true, she's in the only one, she rolls her eyes and stands up to be level with him.
"I don't like them, at all, they're spineless pathetic cowards who only look after themselves and have no respect for anyone." He flinches, "Anyone but you, that is." Remus looks up in confusion to find her face has softened, "I tried to do as you said, tried to help them in someway, subjected myself to studying with James bloody Potter, and do you know what he spent the time doing?"
"Flirting with you and attempting to avoid studying?" Lily chuckles, shaking her head.
"No, he did his work, and he was a perfect gentlemen." Remus frowns in confusion, "That's exactly the look I had on my face. I asked him, afterwards, why he'd made that so easy. He shrugged and said, 'Remus misses you, if this will help you guys make up, it's worth a little school work.'" Remus looks touched, smiling a little, she swallows harshly and nods, "So no, I don't like them. Like I said, they only look after themselves. Approve or not, that means you too now, and honestly, there are worse people you could have on your side. You were right in that I judged them too quickly, and more importantly, you get to choose your friends, and I should have trusted your judgement more."
"You guys were right too, they're bullying my partner, I can't let them get away with that." Lily looks at him rather seriously for a moment, nodding.
"Good."
"I can't believe we're half way done with third year," Sirius comments as he watches the scenery out of the train window, Remus snorts.
"We're one third of the way through, idiot."
"Not everyone can be some mathematical genius, Moony."
"Sirius, there are three terms in a year, how many have we finished?"
"One, obviously."
"One out of…?"
"One out of three…oh I see what just happened." James and Peter snicker, Sirius glares at them
"So guess what I found out yesterday," Remus begins, a smirk on his face that has them all listening, "Lily got an interesting letter. The letter itself was rather mundane, but the sender, well, guess who the sender was?"
"Her sister?" Peter guesses, James shakes his head.
"No, her sister never responds to her letters."
"Parents?"
"Her parents are in Hawaii and aren't going to write until they get back because they don't know how to work out owling over there and are afraid they'll basically shit on the secrecy act."
"Her stalker?" Sirius suggests, giving James a strange look that he doesn't see.
"No, he's in gaol."
"Wait, what?!" All three boys say, James chuckles.
"Quit mocking me Sirius, I know your game." Sirius rolls his eyes as Remus punches James in the arm.
"Don't scare me like that!"
"Who's the damned letter from?" Remus grins again.
"Your father." James' eyes widen, "Turns out she kept in touch with your parents after first year, she and her family have been invited to join us all at Christmas lunch. I wrote to Euphemia and was delighted to receive permission to be the one to tell you." Peter waves a hand in front of James' face, the boy doesn't even blink.
"Death by Evans, what a way to go," Sirius comments fondly, Remus and Peter chuckle, James still doesn't move, then he snaps.
"THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO, THE GARDEN, THE VACCUMMING, MY HAIR, OH MERLIN WE HAVE TO BE PRESENTABLE, WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE FOOD? WHAT IF MOTHER MAKES TURKEY, SHE HATES TURKEY! OH GODRIC'S HAIRY TESTICLES, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!" Sirius is on the floor practically pissing himself laughing, Peter's rocking back and forth on the seat snorting, Remus just looks calmly amused.
"Yeah, you need at least a week to fix your hair, and you've only got two days."
"OH MY GOD!" James screams in a pitch none knew him capable of reaching.
No one would soon forget the day James Fleamont Potter came sprinting out of the train, running into his parents, and screaming, 'THE CURTAINS DON'T EVEN MATCH THE CARPET, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!'
Yet everyone missed Sirius Black and Lily Evans making eye contact, they especially didn't see what Sirius would one day call the greatest moment in human history.
She winked.
"For Merlin's sake Lily, what more proof do you need? I know he's your friend but he's one of them now!"
"You can't just group people like that Dorcas, it's exactly the kind of bigotry you hate them for."
"I don't torment them for something they can't control!"
"He's not like them okay?! He's just…it's not like he can avoid them constantly, he lives with them."
"If he weren't such a coward he'd stand up to them! Tell her Remus!" Lily and Dorcas look over to where the Marauders are sat by the fire place, Lily looks expectant.
"Tell her!" She demands, pointing at Dorcas. Remus looks back and forth between them for a moment before standing up and walking over to Lily.
"Lils, listen –"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! HOW CAN YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM?!"
"I'm not, Lily!" She doesn't believe him, he grabs her shoulders and looks her in the eyes, "I'm not. But Lily, he is hanging out with some sketchy people, and he is the one who stood by while Mulciber harassed Mary just because she's Muggle-Born."
"Stood by while watching someone be harassed, where have I heard that one before?" Remus rears back, "Face it Remus, if he's a coward for that, then tell me, what does that make you?" Remus takes a step backwards.
"I would never allow my friends to do what Mulciber did to Mary, not ever. You can be protective of him Lily, Merlin knows I am, but that doesn't negate him letting something like that happen. I can't change the choices he makes, nor can I change the ones you do. You want to act like I'm exactly the same? Fine. I hope it makes you feel better. But I'm not going to hang around and take it." With that Remus starts walking up the stairs to the dormitory.
"Friends don't turn their backs on each other." Remus pauses and looks back at her slightly.
"I could never be friends with someone like that. Ask yourself, Lily, can you?"
Remus rushes into the common room, thanking his lucky stars to find Lily sitting by the fire, he jogs over.
"Lily I –"
"Save it Remus. I don't care."
"Lily, I'm sorry. I should have stopped them, I –"
"Stop," She demands, her voice dripping with venom, "You should have, but really, I'm not surprised. Saw this coming from the moment you started hanging out with those bastards. I can't believe I ever thought Potter could be a halfway decent human being."
"Li-"
"And really, Severus? Well that's just the icing on the fucking cake, isn't it? Guess you were right after all, he is just like them. So is that what this is? Come to gloat?" Remus sighs.
"Lily, I wanted to be wrong." She gives a chuckle completely lacking humour.
"Should've been my first clue, really. The great Remus Lupin is always right."
"Don't –"
"Use your last name. I know. I'm sorry." He shakes his head, though she can't see it.
"So what happens now?" She looks up at him, standing, tears streaming down her face.
"Now I turn my back on you both and hope to God one of you gives me a reason to look back that doesn't include a need to keep checking over my shoulder." Lily starts walking away, Remus watches her go for a moment.
"You know I'd do anything for both of you, right?" Lily nods, without looking around.
"And I for both of you."
"Do you think Sev still would?" Her shoulders droop.
'You're always right, Remus. Do you?' She signs over her shoulder. Then she's gone, he just shakes his head.
It's odd, he thinks. He would no longer call he and Lily friends, and he and Severus are often at odds with each other thanks to their friendship groups, yet he and Sev still meet up once a week for a picnic. It's odd, he thinks, that he'd hardly call Severus his friend, and yet they are still together, seeming like it will last forever. It's odd, he thinks, how two people can be so at war with each other, so constantly battling, yet still fit perfectly together. It's odd, he thinks, that he can hate someone so much, and love them all the same.
"…you are going to tell him Padfoot, or I will tell Evans what you did, and we'll see what she has to say about it," James tells Sirius. Remus blinks his eyes open to see he's got Sirius against a wall, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, Sirius' toes scrabbling for purchase on the ground.
"Guys, he's awake," Peter tells them, both look over, James quickly drops Sirius and steps back.
"Wha-What happened?" Remus asks, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from his eyes, his throat raw from howling all night long. Then the memories start to flash through his mind, "Oh no, oh no, is he – is he okay?" James nods.
"Yeah, he's fine." Remus lets out a breath, sinking back into his bed.
"How'd he even get in?" James looks at Sirius, angrier than Remus has ever seen him, and expectant.
"I told him how to get in." Remus blinks at him.
"H-He could have died, Sirius."
"He's a Death Eater, Remus!"
"So what?! His life still matters, Pads! For Merlin's sake, how can you not care that you almost killed someone? That you almost made me kill someone…or worse…" Remus trails off, tears in his eyes as he pulls an aching hand through his hair, "God, Sirius, you'd have made me a murderer."
"Moony, I-I'm sorry…he-he said something…something about Reg and I just snapped, I snapped, I'm sorry." Remus looks at him, really looks at him, and sighs, shaking his head.
"As sorry as you ever have been, or ever will be."
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Sirius demands, suddenly angry.
"That you're a victim of childhood abuse and you don't understand the meaning of the word 'sorry'. It means that you don't understand what you did wrong, because as far as you know, someone does something wrong, they get punished, and everything's free game at that point. It means…it means that you didn't mean to hurt me, Sirius, but, for the life of you, you are incapable of understanding how much you did." Sirius looks at him in shock, it slowly morphs into anger, Remus nods, "That right there is what I'm talking about Sirius. Everything is either the way you see is right, or it's anger, and your reaction to that anger, of which you have absolutely zero control. You need help Padfoot, or you're only going to keep hurting people." Sirius turns around and storms out.
"Should someone go after him…?" Peter asks after a few moments of silence.
"Try it now and he will punch you. He'll calm down in a bit and come back apologising again."
"Is that an apology you plan to accept?" All three look over to see Dumbledore and Severus standing outside Poppy's office, Severus being the one who spoke.
"It's an apology I plan to use as a bargaining tool. I'll accept it if he goes to therapy and takes it seriously," Remus replies honestly, Severus nods.
"Ar-are you going to tell anyone?" James asks Severus, standing in front of Remus protectively, Severus rolls his eyes.
"Of course I'm not going to tell anyone, I've known about this since first year you great bumbling baffoon!" James blinks, nodding slowly.
"Right…I keep forgetting you two were friends." Peter looks up in confusion.
"Um, Prongs…you do know they're dating right?" James looks over in shock, then looking between the two, settling on Remus who nods.
"For like, six years now."
"But you…and he…and what?!" Severus and Remus share an amused look, James looks to Peter accusingly, "You knew about this, Wormtail?!"
"King and I are the ones who convinced Remus to talk to Severus."
"You suggested I talk to Lily, she convinced me to talk to Sev."
"We also suggested you talk to him!"
"THIS IS NOT THE POINT PEOPLE!" James yells, Remus grimaces at the noise, James looks sheepish, "Sorry," He whispers. Severus walks over to the hospital bed, grabbing Remus' hand.
"Could you all give us the room for a moment?" Severus requests, Dumbledore nods, Peter drags the still spluttering James out of the room, "Are you all right?" Remus smiles at him and nods, "We need to talk."
"Yeah, we do." A moment later, Lily walks in the door, rushing over and launching herself at Severus in a hug, then hugging Remus in a much gentler fashion.
"Are you both okay?! Black told me what happened."
"We're both fine," Remus assures her, she nods, seeming to only now begin breathing again.
"It's good you're here, actually," Severus tells her, both she and Remus look at him in confusion, "I know you're both angry at me, and this will only give you more reason to be, but all the same the thing we've all held in high esteem is honesty, so you should know." He pulls up the sleeve of his left arm and reveals the Dark Mark. Lily looks away immediately, tears in her eyes and she nods, unsurprised.
"You know this is the end for us, right?" She asks, he nods.
"Yeah." She nods again, she looks down to Remus and nods once more, then turns, and walks away. Severus turns back to Remus, he's staring at the Mark.
"I love you, Severus." Severus looks at him in surprise, they'd never said that before.
"I love you too."
"I trust you have reasons for this?" Severus nods.
"I do." Remus nods.
"I can't condone this, and I can't be with someone I plan to oppose in the war once I join it." Severus nods, "But if…if by some miracle we both make it through…" Severus grabs his hand, leans down, and kisses his lips. When he pulls back he rests their foreheads together.
"After the war?" Remus nods, tears in his eyes.
"After the war."
Three days later, Sirius walks into the dormitory. He'd yet to make his apology and thus Remus has yet to give his ultimatum. James won't talk to Sirius, and Peter just avoids the entire thing. Sirius walks in, and walks over to Remus, sitting down on his bed. Remus looks up at him, arching an expectant eyebrow.
"You're right. I had a horrible childhood and I was stupid to think that would all go away just because I …er…moved out." Remus furrows his eyebrows, unsure where this is going, a glance at James and Peter show they've no idea either, Kingsley leaves the room.
"And?" Remus asks.
"And I'm not going to apologise." Remus looks at him in confusion, "I'm not going to apologise because I trust you when you say I don't understand it. I trust you with everything you said, with everything in general. It hurts that you don't trust me anymore, that it's my fault, that I've proven you can't. I want to make that better." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a letter, handing it to Remus, "I spoke with McGonagall and Euph-err-Mum…read it, please." Remus is still frowning as he unfolds the letter, he smiles slightly.
Mr Black,
Your first appointment with Mind Healer Rogerson will be this Friday at 3pm. You will be excused from class, your work will be passed on and you will be expected to complete it.
Good luck,
Minerva McGonagall.
Remus nods at the page, looking up at Sirius with a smile.
"I'm proud of you Pads, and I'm grateful." Sirius shrugs.
"In the end you were right and…I don't want to keep hurting people."
"I can safely say I never thought I'd marry the arrogant toerag that is James Potter," Lily Potter begins her speech, chuckles are heard throughout the guests attending the reception, "But, then again, I'd have once said Magic isn't real. And for a long time it wasn't. Then I came to Hogwarts, but even so, the magnitude of magic I feel now didn't exist. Because, real magic…real magic comes from finding someone who brings that magic into your life, and I have found so many. My best friends, Remus," She says, looking to her 'bridesmaid', "An-and Severus," She adds, looking down momentarily, "Who could not make it today for a number of reasons… I also found my brother-in-law, someone I never thought I'd get along with, but has got to be a person who makes me laugh more than anyone else. Given how much of a joker he is, I've always found his name rather ironic," Lily continues, looking at James' best man and brother, Sirius winks at her, she chuckles, "And of course the lovely Peter," She adds, nodding to James' groomsmen, Peter smiles that weird smile he's been doing lately, like he's hiding something…must be the stress of everything getting to him, "But most of all, my wonderful husband, my husband who showed me what real magic is. So thank you, everyone, for coming here and helping us celebrate our magic, and our family." Everyone claps as she sits down, James kisses her sweetly, "Awh honey, are you crying?"
"No, I'm not crying, I just…I'm allergic," He defends, Lily raises an eyebrow, looking amused.
"Oh yeah, to what?" Sirius asks, James glares at him.
"Dogs." Remus chokes on his drink, coughing and spluttering and laughing, Sirius rolls his eyes.
"I'm missing something, aren't I?" Lily asks, Peter looks incredulous.
"You haven't told her?" Lily narrows her eyes.
"Told me what?" James scratches the back of his head.
"I was going to tell you after the war, honest." Lily frowns.
"Too many things have to wait until after the war. It's in our vows that we will never be one of them." James looks at her seriously for a moment, and then nods.
"So you know how you've always wanted to know how we got our nicknames? Well, it's kind of a funny story actually…"
"Remus?" Severus calls, entering the man's dingy and beat-up flat.
"Don wanna keep hurtin people," Remus mumblingly slurs, Severus frowns, sitting beside the drunken man.
"What are you talking about? You haven't hurt anyone." Remus shakes his head, nearly falling over in the process until Sev sits him up right again.
"Not me, him. Thas wha he said. Aft-afta he nearly killed ya. Said I don wanna kep hurtin peple." Severus sighs, wrapping an arm around him, "Bloody shit job of not hurtin people 'e did, eh."
"Yeah, bloody shit job indeed."
"He wuz right 'bout one thin though," Remus adds, desolation filling his eyes, "There is no peace, no after the war, not for me."
"So…you're innocent?" Severus asks Sirius. The Order has been recalled and is now sat around the dining room table in Grimmauld Place, Severus finds himself once more confronted by his childhood bully.
"Yep. You're a spy?"
"Yep."
"…yaaaay…friends for life?" Both of them look to Remus who looks awkwardly and sarcastically enthusiastic in a sheepish way, both of them roll their eyes simultaneously, "Yeah that fits."
"So did you two ever…you know…get back together?" Sirius asks, Severus and Remus look at each other.
"I told you we were forgetting something!" Remus tells him, Severus chuckles.
"Um, what?" Tonks asks in confusion, her curiosity overshadowing her thinking it's a private conversation.
"We decided we were going to get married, and we went out to do it, and then this kid got hit by a car, and we went to help, and then we were arguing about wizards and cars, and then I wanted an apple, so we went and bought apples, and went home after a stressful day, and completely forgot why we went out to begin with," Remus replies, rubbing at his forehead. Sirius looks between them and nods.
"Yeah, that fits," He parrots, Remus rolls his eyes.
"Probably for the best, honestly. Would've been a lot harder to regain my position within their ranks if I were married to someone known to support Dumbledore," Severus tells them, Remus nods.
"After the war?" Severus chuckles, nodding.
"After the war."
"I'm so sorry, Love," Severus says from the doorway of Remus' bedroom, Remus sighs from his place on the bed, a bottle of whiskey in hand.
"We all gotta die at some point, he'd have been glad it happened on a mission to save his God-Son." Severus nods as he joins Remus, "There's not going to be an 'after the war' is there?" Severus opens his mouth to protest, and then doesn't. They aren't the arrogant youth they once were, believing themselves invincible and not even considering the idea that they might not make it through this.
"Wait here."
Severus returns half an hour later to find Remus hasn't moved, but the bottle is substantially more empty. In that it is empty.
"You're right, there's probably no after the war for us, and so I feel no guilt in spending most of what we do have, to get us a decent pair of these. After all, what use do we have for savings? We're dead men walking," Severus explains as he walks over, kneeling in front of Remus, "Remus John, will you marry me?" He asks, pulling out one of the rings he just bought, Remus looks at him, tears in his eyes as he nods.
"Of course I will." Severus slips the ring onto his finger.
"Forget a proper ceremony, just say I do." Remus chuckles.
"I do. Will you be my husband, Sev?" Severus nods.
"I do." Remus takes the other ring from him and puts it on Severus' finger.
"Look at that, we're married." Severus kisses him, then pulls back.
"You know, Remy…if you wanted…I mean…I'd be honoured if you chose to use my last name as yours." Remus looks suddenly sober.
"I-I'd have a last name?" Severus nods, "That I'm allowed to use?"
"We are married, that's what married people do, right?" Remus nods, slowly at first, them more sure, then he throws his arms around his husband's neck.
"Remus John Snape," He whispers to himself, "I love it." Severus smiles.
"Who needs to wait til after the war?"
Both their last thoughts were the same.
'Thank god we didn't wait.'