GNO: TGIWF(Thank god it's wizard Friday)
It was a brisk Friday night all the students were in their dormitories while Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore decided they were in desperate need of a girls night out. After a long hard week of battling with pubescent children over potion remedies and anti jinxes they decided they needed break. Minerva leaned back in Albus' desk chair with a glass of red wine.
"So Albus, where should we go?" She asked. The man stroked his shining beard with thought.
"Well Minerva I'm in the mood for some curry, how about you?" He replied.
"Oh Albus, you know me I'm always in the mood for some curry," she said quickly downing her wine before standing up and straightening her witches hat.
"Well then there's only one place we can go… The Gem of India!" He exclaimed. With a nod of agreement the two linked arms and apparated into the night.
When they arrived at the Gem of India they headed inside the house-like establishment. Once inside Minerva found a chair that she immediately sat down in feeling a little tipsy from her red wine. A man wearing a turban walked over to her waving his arms.
"What are you doing? Don't sit in that chair. I have another chair," he said quickly. With a quick look at Albus, Minerva stood up. The two were led to a table where they sat down and ordered their curry. As they waited for their food they heard a soft sobbing noise coming from the corner of the restaurant. Turning around they spotted a familiar dark figure hunched over a bowl of curry.
"Severus?" Albus asked quietly. The man turned around quickly his face glimmering with tears as they dripped into the curry. Although he made direct eye contact with both Minerva and Albus he pretended not to notice them and turned back around.
"What a fucking asshole! I've worked with the git for sixteen years and he doesn't even say hello? Bloody hell Severus! Man up and grow a pair!" She yelled at the man from across the restaurant. Again, he pretended they weren't there.
"Now, now Minerva. Don't make a scene. Obviously he's having some issues," Albus soothed.
"Sorry I lost my cool Albus. Anyway, let's order some more wine," she said. They waved over the waiter and got two more glasses of red wine.
"So, Trelawney that fucking crazy bitch. Yesterday she looks into my teacup at breakfast and tells me I'm going to die. Makes this big fucking scene in the middle of the great hall, everybody's staring and giving me these concerned pouty-ass looks. And are telling me I'm sorry and I can't believe this is happening. Then she turns around the cup and tells me 'oh I'm sorry dear it appears you are actually going to come into some money, my mistake.' But no. No one heard that part so for the rest of the day I keep getting these concerned ass looks from students. Fuck you bitch. So you know what I did to get her back?" Minerva pointed her almost empty glass at Albus and raised an eyebrow, "I farted in her classroom and blamed it on her. No amount of incense or perfume is getting rid of that smell any time soon," she said starting to laugh hysterically.
"Oh Minerva," Albus laughed, "You are too much." As their obnoxious laughter filled the restaurant Minerva stopped abruptly sniffing the air.
"I smell a smelly smell that smells… smelly," she said narrowing her eyes.
"I… I think it's coming from Severus' corner," Albus whispered. They both turned their heads inconspicuously towards Severus.
"Do… Do you see that?" Minerva gasped.
"I see it," Albus exclaimed.
"He's shitting his pants… it look like curry…" she said.
"But it smells worse than curry it smells like despair. Lost hopes and despair," Albus said with a knowing look in his eyes.
"Maybe it's time to leave," Minerva suggested. Albus nodded in agreement.
"Yes let's head to the Three Broomsticks. I need some alcohol to wash down the stench," Minerva added. They both stood up tossing some money down on the table and slowly heading out of the restaurant.
As they passed they glanced sideways at Severus in the corner careful to avoid the brown puddle forming at his feet. Severus had his head bent over the bowl of curry tears falling into the mash. As they passed they heard what sounded like quiet sobbing.
"Lily… Lily… Lily…" he said in between mouthfuls of curry. It was a disgusting sight the curry dribbling out of his mouth and pooling at his feet joining the brown puddle.
Exchanging looks of horror they quickened their steps toward the door. As she passed by Severus Minerva whispered, "Stinky Sev," in a taunting voice.
They apparated once again into the night heading for the Three Broomsticks. Upon entering the bar they ordered a round of shots seating themselves in a corner booth.
After three shots each they were both a bit hammered. Albus suddenly began to laugh hysterically.
"Ya know Minerva I keep thinking about blonde hair. Which is odd because Severus doesn't have blonde hair. He's got a greasy black mane in fact. The hair I'm thinking of belongs to Luscious Malfoy," he said leaning over the table with a big smile on his face.
"Luscious?" Minerva echoed him.
"Oh did I say Luscious, I meant Lucius. Although that should be his name he has such a luscious head of hair. John Frieda would love to use him as a hair model… Although I bet he'd say no. Too much pride… too much pride…" he began muttering.
"What the fuck Albus? He's such a dick. He is the epitome of an asshat. Though Severus is too I suppose," she muttered.
"Well you know me Minerva I can't stay away from the bad boys," he said. "First Grindewald. Then Billy from Romania. Then Severus. I'd love to get my hands on Lucius…" he confessed with a sparkle in his eye.
"Severus? When did that happen?" She asked shocked staring at the man appalled.
"Oh nevermind, nevermind but you know there's a reason he's my most trusted coworker… I actually have a few pictures in my wallet," he said reaching into his robes.
"Albus no! God no!" She screamed turning her head and holding up her hands.
"Well I'll tell you this Minerva the carpet does not match the drapes…" he said before laughing at her absolutely horrified face. His laughter was interrupted with the loud arrogant voices of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy as they entered the bar.
"Oh… Albus look it's your love child with Luscious," Minerva laughed.
"Look at those two, so much sexual tension," Albus mused as they watched the two boys sit down at a table. The two boys stopped talking when their butterbeer arrived and simply stared into each other's eyes as they drank.
"It's so fucking thick you could cut it with a knife," she replied.
Suddenly there was an emergency TV broadcast that caused everyone's attention to shift to the TV in the corner of the room.
"And we announce our newest tribute to the next hunger games Severus Snape. Snape's here tonight with his mentor Harry Styles," the reporter said. A video feed of Snape with a tall, tan, tattooed, muscular man with fluffy curly brown hair who had his arm around Snape's shoulders as he looked up at him lovingly. You could still see a streak of brown down Snape's pant leg as the reporter began to question them.
Albus immediately upon seeing the two together burst into tears collapsing onto the table yelling, "No! Severus no!"
"Oh fucking shit! We need another round of shots over here!" Minerva called to the bartender as she placed a hand on Albus' shoulder.
"He always loved men with tattoos… I knew I should've gotten one. Just to make him stay!" He cried loudly.
The End.