A/N: I am so bored, so I wrote this story. I'm thinking of making the Akatsuki hire a house keeper. Imagine a hideout full of grown men. One of them is blind too…
Akatsuki Goes to High School
Kakuzu flipped through the morning papers as Hidan sipped his coffee. Every morning in the house of Akatsuki was silent, at least until Tobi wakes up. Thankfully, many hours were to pass until that should occur. Pein was already buttering his toast. Sasori wiped his puppetry equipment. He did not need food. Deidara slipped out of his bedroom and sat in front of the breakfast table. His hair was untied and his eyes were half closed with slumber. A dark shadow swept across the table and Itachi was found sulking at his breakfast.
"It's always the same," he mumbled, "Bread, eggs, coffee…"
"You'll have to blame Tobi for that. He does all the grocery shopping here," informed Pein.
They were quiet again. Sasori dumped all his washing equipment into the sink, which had been stinking for a long time due to neglect. Nobody had washed the dishes and nobody planned on doing that soon. Sasori went back to the table and began scoping out art galleries.
You could say that life in the Akatsuki clan was getting boring. Although they needed a new hideout, it was still inevitable to wait for the movers to get here and get things packing. Konan was at an art festival in France, far far away from the hideout. Deidara and Sasori had wanted to come along, but they had missed the flight because of sleeping in. Or rather, because Deidara was sleeping in and Sasori had no idea how to wake him up.
"Well here's something to do…" mumbled Kakuzu, "There's a high school festival this afternoon. Free entry. Fancy going, Hidan?" Hidan was very much insulted. As if he hadn't anything better to do!
"Do you think I'm some kind of gay arsehole? Who the fuck would want to go to some stupid high school beer party?" Hidan demanded to know loudly, as he slammed the table with both his fists. This woke Zetsu right up. He climbed down the stairs and saw Hidan standing up abruptly.
"Calm down now, Hidan, no point in going if you don't want to go…"Kakuzu countered. The room became muted again as Hidan sat back down. Deidara loudly slurped his coffee. Kisame had squeezed into the table.
"What were you like in high school?" Pein suddenly asked everyone. Deidara only remembered having a lot of artistic creations throughout his life. He had often gotten into arguments over what his perception of art was. Itachi killed his clan as a freshman and left his little brother immediately. Kisame could not remember much of his youthful days and neither could Kakuzu.
"I remember there being lots of high school girls," insisted Sasori. After much investigation of the high school scene, they concluded that 'high school girls' were girls who wore knee length socks and short skirts.
"There'd be lots of games to play. I wonder how the kids would react if we won all the prizes," spoke Zetsu. The lot had quickly gotten dressed and a sleepy Tobi was dragged along. Everyone waited at the garage where two cars awaited them.
"Itachi, you can't drive, so please don't," Kisame told him, to which Itachi had responded with a deathly stare. He got into the driver seat and buckled up. Sasori sat in the driver's seat of the opposite car. Everyone immediately tried to fit into Sasori's five seater car.
"Not all of you can fit in here!" squeaked Kisame as he pushed Hidan, Kakuzu, and Tobi out of the car. Reluctantly, the lot shuffled into Itachi's car and he stepped on the accelerator. Itachi's car tore down the main gate as Kakuzu screamed in anger.
"Itachi! That is why we have a remote to automatically open the gates! Heck, that is why the gates are there! People are not meant to tear them down!" Kakuzu yelled. Itachi's car raced ahead and drove past two traffic lights. Tobi squealed with excitement, "Faster, faster!"
Sasori drove behind Itachi and slowly over took him. Both cars were beyond the speed limit now and Itachi nearly knocked over an old lady. Hidan quickly prayed to Jashin and Kakuzu took his calculator out. His fingers tapped quickly as he calculated the insurance. Sasori looked into his rear mirror and saw that Itachi had taken a wrong turn. He grinned to himself as he pulled into the high school's parking lot.
They got out of the car and entered the school's premises. Sasori watched kids compete in a 30 second art competition. He immediately joined, only to be directed to a line of people.
"Why aren't you moving?" Sasori asked the people. They answered saying that they were to wait in line. Sasori was perhaps the most impatient man in the world. He took a lady's keychain and threw it further from the line. The lady sighed and went to collect it as Sasori moved up in line. He then connected the people to his fingers with chakra lines and controlled them to move out of the line.
Further south of the school, Kisame had begun participating in a fishing competition. Each person was to fish as many fishes out of the water within a set amount of time. Kisame performed a water style: water dragon jutsu on the fishes. The tiny fishes were sucked into the dragon and released into the hands of Kisame while splashing everyone around him with water. Kisame had a lot of chakra and as he performed this jutsu, the water fountains around him erupted with water.
To be continued…