EXT. NEW YORK CITY - AFTERNOON

Fast blue blur MR. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG is arguing with niggardly farmer MR. EUSTACE BAGG. SONIC tries to hug EUSTACE but he shakes him off.

SONIC
Please Eustace, don't leave me.

EUSTACE
I'm sorry Sonic, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

SONIC
I am such a person!

EUSTACE frowns.

EUSTACE
I'm sorry, Sonic. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

EUSTACE leaves.

SONIC sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, angry nigging LORD ALEX BLACKMAN barges in looking flustered.

SONIC
Goodness, Alex! Is everything okay?

ALEX
I'm afraid not.

SONIC
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

ALEX
It's ... a robots ... I saw an evil robots opress a bunch of minorities!

SONIC
Defenseless minorities?

ALEX
Yes, defenseless minorities!

SONIC
Bloomin' heck, Alex! We've got to do something.

ALEX
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

SONIC
You can start by telling me where this happened.

ALEX
I was...

ALEX fans himself and begins to wheeze.

SONIC
Focus Alex, focus! Where did it happen?

ALEX
Hell! That's right - Hell!

SONIC springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

SONIC rushes along the street, followed by ALEX. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. HELL - SHORTLY AFTER

EGG MAN a selfish robots terrorises two minorities.

SONIC, closely followed by ALEX, rushes towards EGG, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

ALEX
What is is? What's the matter?

SONIC
That's not just any old robots, that's Egg Man!

ALEX
Who's Egg Man?

SONIC
Who's Egg Man? Who's Egg Man? Only the most selfish robots in the universe!

ALEX
Blinkin' knickers, Sonic! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most selfish robots in the universe!

SONIC
You can say that again.

ALEX
Blinkin' knickers, Sonic! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most selfish robots in the universe!

SONIC
I'm going to need spindash, lots of spindash.

Egg turns and sees Sonic and Alex. He grins an evil grin.

EGG
Sonic the Hedgehog, we meet again.

ALEX
You've met?

SONIC
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young SONIC is sitting in a park listening to some Nightcore music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees EGG. He takes off his headphones.

EGG
Would you like some chili dog?

SONIC's eyes light up, but then he studies EGG more closely, and looks uneasy.

SONIC
I don't know, you look kind of selfish.

EGG
Me? No. I'm not selfish. I'm the least selfish robots in the world.

SONIC
Wait, you're a robots?

SONIC runs away, screaming.

EXT. HELL - PRESENT DAY

EGG
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

ALEX
(To SONIC) You ran away?

SONIC
(To ALEX) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

SONIC turns to EGG.

SONIC
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

SONIC runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

SONIC
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with spindash.

EGG
I'm not scared of you.

SONIC
You should be.

INT. DONG MUSEUM - LATER THAT DAY

SONIC and ALEX walk around searching for something.

SONIC
I feel sure I left my spindash somewhere around here.

ALEX
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly spindash.

SONIC
You know nothing Alex Blackman.

ALEX
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, EGG appears, holding a pair of spindash.

EGG
Looking for something?

ALEX
Crikey, Sonic, he's got your spindash.

SONIC
Tell me something I don't already know!

ALEX
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

SONIC
I know that already!

ALEX
One time I was wiping my butt and found a fruit by the foot from 2004 and then I ate it..

EGG
(appalled) Dude!

While EGG is looking at ALEX with disgust, SONIC lunges forward and grabs his deadly spindash. He wields them, triumphantly.

SONIC
Prepare to die, you selfish chili dog!

EGG
No please! All I did was opress a bunch of minorities!

EUSTACE enters, unseen by any of the others.

SONIC
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those minorities were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Sonic the Hedgehog defender of innocent minorities.

EGG
Don't hurt me! Please!

SONIC
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these spindash on you right away!

EGG
Because Sonic, I am your father.

SONIC looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

SONIC
No you're not!

EGG
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

EGG tries to grab the spindash but SONIC dodges out of the way.

SONIC
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, EGG slumps to the ground.

ALEX
Did he just faint?

SONIC
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly spindash.

SONIC crouches over EGG's body.

ALEX
Be careful, Sonic. It could be a trick.

SONIC
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Egg Man is dead!

SONIC
What?

SONIC
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

ALEX claps his hands.

ALEX
So your spindash did save the day, after all.

EUSTACE steps forward.

EUSTACE
Is it true? Did you kill the selfish robots?

SONIC
Eustace how long have you been...?

EUSTACE puts his arm around SONIC.

EUSTACE
Long enough.

SONIC
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Egg Man.

EUSTACE
Then the minorities are safe?

SONIC
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable minorities enter, looking relived.

EUSTACE
You are their hero.

The minorities bow to SONIC.

SONIC
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Egg Man will never opress minorities ever again, is enough for me.

EUSTACE
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the minorities passes SONIC a speshul chaos emerald

EUSTACE
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

SONIC
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

SONIC
Well, if you insist.

SONIC takes the chaos emerald.

SONIC
Thank you.

The minorities bow their heads once more, and leave.

SONIC turns to EUSTACE.

SONIC
Does this mean you want me back?

EUSTACE
Oh, Sonic, of course I want you back!

SONIC smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

SONIC
Well you can't have me.

EUSTACE
WHAT?

SONIC
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a robots to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

EUSTACE
But...

SONIC
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Alex.

ALEX grins.

EUSTACE
But...

ALEX
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

EUSTACE
Sonic?

SONIC
I'm sorry Eustace, but I think you should skidaddle.

EUSTACE leaves.

ALEX turns to SONIC.

ALEX
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

SONIC
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly ALEX stops.

ALEX
When I said One time I was wiping my butt and found a fruit by the foot from 2004 and then I ate it., you know I was just trying to distract the robots don't you?

THE END