Why We Fight

by jdeppgirl4

That pedestal that you put yourself on is going to crumble. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And then you'll see."

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I seriously doubt that I ever will. My name is not J.K. Rowling.

A/N: Please guys, read it through. While it may seem long, repetitive, and perhaps pointless, the beginning is needed. The meat of the story, if you will, starts in the middle through to the end. Thanks!

"These are the times that try mens souls." - Thomas Paine

I honestly cannot believe what I am seeing. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be feeling sorry for Draco Malfoy I would have called you crazy. Just maybe, I even would have cursed you. I've always believed him to be evil, always assuming that he would follow in his bastard father's footsteps and faithfully serve Voldemort. But now...how did it come to this? Why am I suddenly questioning everything?

I hadn't seen Hermione in at least a year. She had disappeared one night when she was out undercover in a club. We didn't want to send her out but she was the only girl that we actually trusted with this task. After all, I wasn't going to send my own girlfriend...and then just earlier this evening a house elf had showed up at Grimmauld Place demanding that Ginny and I go with him. More like he took us by surprise with no explanation. When I finally grasped a hold of the situation I found myself in a rather nice house, saw Hermione crying over a burning Draco Malfoy, holding a baby. I remember stopping the curse that was affecting Malfoy; that was obviously why she had called me. Something about a phoenix feather core, I was the only one she could think of at the time.

And then I started the questioning. Looking back I feel awful about that interrogation. I know I must have seem like quite the jackass, but how else do you respond to finding one of your best friends that you haven't seen in more than a year with your enemy, holding a baby, no doubt. I wanted to know what she was doing in a house with Malfoy, why I was helping him...God, I called her such awful names. Then Ginny calmed me down; it seems that she had known about this. Hermione had secretly sent her an owl, that's why the house elf got Ginny to come too.

Malfoy started seizing just then, probably from shock. It was apparent that he had been through a good many number of curses during whatever fight he was involved in. We knew he was dying, so I told Hermione to send the house elf to fetch Madam Pomfrey and Mrs. Weasley. And that's when I started to wonder, why was I helping Draco Malfoy?

Madam Pomfrey and Mrs. Weasley fixed him up as best they could, but it's still too soon to tell if he'll make it. Hermione's obviously distraught; I haven't seen her since they brought Malfoy up to his room. I'm quite confident that she's still mad at me, and I deserve it.

So now, here I stand in the door of Malfoy's bedroom. I've been using legilimency to read his mind, to try and figure out just what exactly is going on. I think I've gone through his whole life and I realize that I have been so very wrong about Malfoy. There are tears threatening to escape my eyes, all for a man whom I loathed only four hours ago.

The things he's been through, the horrors that he's had to inflict, it is truly amazing that he hasn't snapped or killed himself by now. Growing up with an abusive father, watching your mother being beaten right in front of your eyes. Deranged adults teaching you how to torture and kill people. Being forced to Avada Kedavra somebody when you're only 11 years old because you're a Death Eater in training. Taking the Dark Mark, but not by your own will; your mother will be gang raped and murdered if you do not. Raping...oh my God the raping. He's had to go through with hundreds, raping innocent women, children, Muggles, witches, or be punished for not.

But this part of his mind is slightly lighter. I see Hermione in these memories. Memories of him taunting her, her punching him, him raping...WHAT! I can feel my blood start to boil but I continue on with my perusing. There better be a good explanation for this. I see Hermione, on the floor in Malfoy 

Manor, Voldemort in front of her. He's telling Malfoy to rape her, but not to kill her; see if she'll talk. If not, Crucio her. Is that fear on Malfoy's face?

Now they are upstairs in Malfoy's bedroom. Hermione, she's shaking with fright, but what's this? She's throwing herself at him! What is she doing! Malfoy is obviously stunned, but he continues on. Dear Lord, I just watched Draco and Hermione have sex! But at least he didn't rape her. It'll still look like it though, that's all that counts.

Flash forward three months later...Malfoy is in the large room from earlier. Here comes Hermione being thrown on the floor from the dungeons in front of Voldemort. She looks awful, she hasn't eaten in weeks it appears! Voldemort is ordering him to try and extract information from the Mudblood, code for rape and torture. Why that...never mind. Now he's dragging her up to his room, getting ready to do the deed, what's this? Hermione's just told him that she's pregnant! Well that would explain the baby...is that a gleam of happiness in Malfoy's eyes? He's telling Hermione that he is going to come up with a plan to get her out of here; he doesn't want anything happening to her or his baby. WHAT?!

Malfoy is helping Hermione. The gods must be crazy. Continue on...Malfoy has ordered his house elf to take Hermione to a house, wait a minute, it's this house! It's apparently some sort of safe house in Croatia. He told Voldemort that she has finally given up information and that he killed her. That fake info is awfully close to the real thing... Now they're getting married! If Ron finds out...oh, this will protect Hermione and her unborn child somewhat. Not many people are going to mess with the woman carrying the Malfoy heir. He's leaving her, alone with the house elf! He's going to continue to serve Voldemort...why that yellow bastard!

He comes to the house sometimes, to check up on Hermione. Narcissa is with him...she was downstairs earlier. Apparently she has decided to leave Lucius, good for her. Oh my gosh, Malfoy's being tortured! Voldemort and Lucius are wanting to know where Narcissa is; he makes up some crackpot story. He should be glad Voldemort didn't try to read his mind. Now, he's in Australia! Hermione's parents are hiding in Australia...he's supposed to kill them. However, he sends them to Croatia. Oh my God, Hermione is giving birth!

I've never seen Malfoy smile until that memory. He loves that little boy, Sedgwick Malfoy. Not a bad name...he's going back to the Manor. Dear Lord, how many more people is he going to kill, how many more women is he going to rape? A few months later...Lucius is trying to kill him! Apparently he had passed by the family tree and noticed a new branch and he was not at all pleased. What kind of father sets their son on fire, using the Igneus Corpus curse nonetheless. That curse causes the victim to flare up randomly, starting with legs and moving upward; a slow, painful death to be sure. How did he manage to find the strength to Apparate here? Now he's blacked out.

What a life Malfoy has been through! The tears are still there, not falling yet...

"Are you just going to stand there Potter or are you going to come in?"

Shit! How long had he been awake? I cautiously move in, bringing up the desk chair so that I can sit by the bed. Silence. What do you say to man after you have just watched his life in your mind?

"Well?"

"So...how are you feeling? Madam Pomfrey says that you should be fine in a couple of days."

"You're lying Potter. I'm quite the Legilimens myself."

"You, you knew I was reading your mind?"



"Yes, otherwise you would never have just outright asked me about the situation going on around here. I could've have blocked you. I'm also quite the Occlumens. Something I here you never did quite get the hang of. Even the Dark Lord can't read my mind."

"Well that explains a lot. So he has no idea about this house?"

"Yes, only I do. And everybody that's in here, and they don't leave. I may have to kill you Potter."

"Why you! After I saved your life..."

"Temper, temper. I was just kidding. You Gryffindors never could take a joke."

"Oh...haha. Right then. Here take this."

"..."

"And speak clearly. I'm recording this. Something of a Muggle habit."

"You gave me Veritaserum? Do you honestly think that I'm going to lie to you, Potter. I'm pretty much on my deathbed."

"Don't say that! Now then, I will ask the questions and you just answer. Don't overexert yourself."

"Fine, get on with it."

"Alright, are you loyal to Voldemort?"

"No."

"Then why did you continue to serve him? You could have stayed with Hermione here?"

"Did you not read my mind Potter? I've always been forced to do things I didn't want to do. Continuing to serve the Dark Lord saved Hermione, saved Sedgwick, saved my mother, saved me. They're not dead and that's because I followed my orders."

"But how could you? I mean raping children Malfoy? Killing random people on the street?"

"It's just something I've had to accept. I know I'm going to get what's coming to me. It's not like I enjoyed it, you know."

"Do you love Hermione?"

"Well that's blatant."

"Answer the question."

"Yes. Believe me Potter, I've always liked her. She's very smart, independent...in short she's the perfect woman. And she's the brightest witch of our age Potter. Then she told me she was pregnant. Even though Sedgwick is an accident, when you find out that a woman is carrying your child, you realize that you've always loved her. I'd do anything for her, and Sedgwick, which is why I'm in the position I'm in right now."

"You love Hermione?"



"Weren't you listening?! I'd die for her Potter!"

"It's just...weird, that's all."

"Welcome to the club."

"There is something that has been tugging at the back of my mind. Would you have raped Hermione if she hadn't given herself to you?"

"..."

"Malfoy?"

"..."

"MALFOY!"

"I don't know."

"WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT! IF YOU LOVE HER YOU WOULD HAVE SAID NO!"

"Damn it Potter! For once put yourself in somebody else's shoes. Everything is not as cut and dry as you would like to think!"

"That does not justify you raping Hermione!"

"Well I didn't and that's all that matters! This is a war Potter! You do whatever you can to survive. Sometimes that includes doing things that you never thought that you would do. Killing people, raping people, torturing people...all a means to an end. Do you honestly think that I wanted to do all of the horrible things that I've done?! Not a day goes by where I don't think about every single person I've ever wronged. Every girl I've had to rape, every person I've had to kill. Did you see my initiation? Do you remember what I had to do? Do you? I had to rape a woman, Crucio her until she begged for mercy, then kill her! Do you remember that Potter? Do you know who that was? Antonella Zabini, my best friend's mother! And he had to watch the whole thing! To this day he won't even speak to me! I don't even know if he's alive or dead. And would I not do it, looking back on it? I don't know. I don't know Potter! One never knows what they will do until they are faced with some horrible situation, life or death. These are the times that try men's souls, Potter. Mine's gone. If you want to win this war you are going to have to realize that. That pedestal that you put yourself on is going to crumble. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And then you'll see. Oh, the things that you'll see. Just because you have never done anything terribly wrong doesn't make you better than me! You have no right! You've never been to Hell and back, only to be thrown back into the flames, literally. When you have then you can pummel me! But don't you dare chastise me!"

I'm just standing here sheepishly. I can see his mouth moving after that speech. He's yelling at me, trying to break me out of my thoughts. Thank goodness I remembered to put a silencing charm on this room.

He's absolutely right. How can I stand here and berate him for his actions in life. He had no control; his life has never been his to live. And now what? There's nothing too him, just an empty shell of a man that could have been, only attached to this world through his love of a woman and his son. Then it hits me. I feel sorry for Malfoy. I am feeling sorry for Draco fucking Malfoy! There's no way that I am just going to let this feeling pass.

"Um, you're right. Can I ask you one more question?"



"Are you fucking serious? If I had a wand..."

"Can I use this house as my new headquarters?"

'WHAT?"

"I think Voldemort is closing in on Grimmauld Place and you said that nobody else knows about this place. It's perfect. You would be doing us a great favor."

"Yeah sure. Just don't mess up anything."

And with that he passes out. I must have taken too much energy from him. Well, let him rest, God knows he deserves it. I know what I have to do now. I run downstairs and write a letter to all the members of the Order of the Phoenix. An emergency meeting is going to be held right now; the coordinates to the house are in the letter. I send it to my contact who will relay the message...

Fast forward an hour later...

All the members of the Order are here. The Weasleys, Remus, Tonks, Moody, all of them. We'll all crowded around some banquet table in the dining hall. Hermione and Narcissa are down here as well. She still isn't talking to me...I've just retold everything that I saw in Malfoy's mind. Basically, everybody has just learned Malfoy's life story. Narcissa is crying, almost hysterically and Mrs. Weasley and Fleur are trying to comfort her. Hermione is just looking at the ground, maybe too ashamed to even look up.

"Now I'm going to play you a tape. This is the my interrogation of Malfoy after I slipped him some Veritaserum. Just listen, and please, no interruptions."

I play the tape. Malfoy admits his disloyalty to Voldemort, his love for Hermione. Then the speech. Nay, the rant. That rant is the key to it all. As it goes on I can see Hermione starting to shake. I look out on everybody and see some crying, some fighting the tears. Tonks is practically crying an ocean and her hair is changing colors rather erratically. Even Fred and George have a somber, depressing look on their faces. And then it's over. I just stand there, letting it all sink in. Even hearing it a second time I still have to digest it. Finally the tears start to spill from my own eyes and I start out into my own rant.

"Do you see why I called you hear! It's just not to give you the tour of our new headquarters or so that we can all catch up on information. This is why! You had to hear this! The whole time I've thought, we thought, that we were just fighting Voldemort because he wants to rule the world. Because he wants to get rid of millions of people for no God-damn reason! I'll admit, even I thought that we were fighting Voldemort just because some prophecy said that I would be the one that kills him. But that's not it! That couldn't be farther from the truth!"

Then I hear it; we all hear it. A bloodcurdling scream coming from upstairs. Narcissa too is screaming. Their Dark Marks are burning, they're being summoned. Apparently, when one is summoned the Dark Mark burns so bad that you'll go to Voldemort whether you want to or not just to escape the pain. Hermione and Madam Pomfrey rush upstairs to Malfoy but there's nothing they can do. The magic is too dark, too evil. Another scream...

"Do you hear that! Do you! He is being tortured, has been tortured his whole life. There is no escape from that for him. He's nothing but a shell, there's nothing left. No desire to live, no soul. And why? Because some crazy maniac made him that way! Voldemort has been in control of his life, even before he was born. When Lucius first joined the Death Eater ranks Malfoy's soul was sold. Can you imagine that? Can you! We all think that we're trying to save the world, but that's too lofty of a goal. The world is too big, too impersonal...it's"



"He's dead! Draco is dead! We tried to help him but the pain was too much. He was already exhausted, had lost the will to live. He's dead!"

"You see! Do you understand now?! Draco Malfoy suffered his whole life and it was all because of Voldemort! He didn't even get to die gracefully! And you know he's not the only one! There are others just like him who can't escape the life that has been chosen for them. This is why we fight! We fight to save other people like Draco! Never again will a man not be able to choose his own destiny just because some jackass deems it so! This is why we fight!"

Fin

Very angsty, much different from my typical fare. I just spent three hours writing this. Reviews are greatly appreciated.