Alright, so this is just a little ficlet I threw together since a) I got inspired and b) I haven't published anything in awhile. It's angsty, but I think I tend to to that best. At least, I tried to make it angsty. Enjoy!
I own nothing but the turmoil!
Forbidden Love
I have a secret
The one secret of mine you don't know
Something I want to tell you
Need to tell you
Desperately
But I won't
Because I'm scared
Scared that it will ruin our friendship
Friendship built on not many years
But the closest friendship I have
You've always been there for me
Especially when times are tough
Especially now
When the rest of my friends have abandoned me
And I'm thankful for that
But I resent it too
Because the closer you get to me
The harder I fall
And right now I can't risk that
I need you as a friend
I want you as something more
Those emotions are conflicting with each other
And I just feel confused
I find myself trying to push you away
Since that is what I do best
Push people away
I don't know why I do that
Fear, anger, jealousy
Self-depreciation
Love
Because it's not you that's the problem
Never ever you
My perfect, amazing yami
It's always me
Me and my problems
Going to you to listen and to comfort
Finding that comfort
Never wanting to let go of that feeling
I can sense your confusion when I do this
Plastered over your face
Seeping through your words
I know you want to help
But you don't know how to help me
And I don't offer any explanation
Because I don't have one
Because I'm conflicted
I've tried to show you my feelings
You're not stupid
I think you can see it
But dammit I've tried
Tried touching you more often
Grabbing your arm
Linking ours together
Walking closer to you than necessary
Hugging you more often
Cuddling up to you
And it never worked
Because you don't see me like that
I wish you did
And at the same time I'm glad you don't
I should be thankful really
You're the best friend I've had in years
But I can't be
Not when the only thing I want is to feel loved
Wanted, needed
Accepted
And you give me that emotionally
But I want to see it
To feel it
Since no one else will ever give it to me
Since I don't want it from anyone else
I've imagined it so many times
How, where, when it would first happen
Where it would progress to
However…
It would ruin our friendship
Ruin my only source of comfort
The only person who knows all of my secrets
Knows who I am
And who I'd rather be
Gone
I know I've been harsh
And for that I'm sorry
I'm punishing myself
Even though it feels like I'm hurting you
It's the only logical explanation in my head
Don't risk being hurt worse
By hurting the ones you love
I know what we can never be
Never will be
I love you
My yami
I won't chance you falling in love with me
Because that would devastate me
*cringes* Let me know what you think!