Make It Stop

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own 21 Jump Street...or Tommy(unfortunately)...or anyone in it. And if you wanna sue me to make money...sorry, no money to get from me..."

(A/N: this is my take on Orpheus 3.3, and how Tom dealt with it. It's not my first time writing, but it IS my first try on 21 Jump Street...please don't kill me. and the conversation between Judy and Tom, later on in the story, I'm not sure exactly how it went...so I made up my own. XD but some of the things said are still the same.)

He wondered when it had come down to this. Here he was, sitting at his desk, staring at the clock. Just waiting for the second hand to slowly make it's way to the twelve...the time where he could finally return to his apartment, just to be alone, to think, to remember. How could he have let it happen? 3.3 seconds...he could have snatched the gun away from the man's hand and turned the tables by then, right? Of course he could have! He just couldn't understand...

"Tom?" Judy walked up in front of his desk, wrenching him away from his train of thought.

He tore his gaze away from the slow-moving clock, and turned to Judy. "Yes?"

"Well, I know how you hate it when people ask this, but...are you okay?" Judy asked, a concerned, questioning look etched on her features.

Tom had been asked this question so many times within the past few days, it was driving him to the point of insanity. The question had been buzzing around in his mind, never ceasing its constant interrogating. Tom closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "Yes, Jude, I'm alright..."

"You've just seemed so...distant, lately, and...I'm worried about you, Tom..." She said quietly, afriad that anything she said would set him off.

"Well don't be, okay? I'm fine. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He stood up to leave.

Judy had a mixed look of worry and hurt at the sharpness of his tone. "Alright Tom..."

He looked at her one last time, and pushed past her towards the doors. Was he really okay? 'YES. I'm fine...if I want everyone to stop asking me, I need to stop asking myself...' he thought as he stepped into his blue mustang and drove away.

Drivng silently, only his thoughts to keep him company, which was slowly becoming the norm these days. 'I should have done something about it...'

'Yeah, you should have, but you didn't. You WANTED her to die, didn't you? You LET her die.' Said a voice in the back of his mind.

'NO!! I didn't want her to die...I would have saved her if I could have, but...' He trailed off in a reply to...himself.

'But what? There was nothing you could do? YWhy do you insist on lying to yourself, like everyone else lies to you? Of COURSE there was something you could have done, there's always something that could have been done! Everyone just tells you differently because they "love you and don't want you to feel guilty"...' The voice scoffed at this.

Tom slammed a hand down on the steering wheel. "SHUT UP!" He tried desperately to push all thoughts from his mind as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. He stepped out of the car, and with his head down, quickly rushed into his home. As he stepped inside, the voice, much to his displeasure, returned to banter him again.

'You're going to watch the video again, aren't you?'

'...So what if I am?' He sneered at the voice.

'Do you ENJOY watching her get shot, or what? I mean really, how many times are you going to watch that thing? You're watching it just to see her die again...to see the blood spill onto the white tile floor out of the bullet hole, watching it seep into her clothes, turning them into a dark red mass, slowly inching it's way out from uder her...making her soft, pale skin even more so compared to the darkness of the blood...'

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" He screamed out into the silence yet again. He went over to the couch, flopped down in it, and looked at the remote, taunting him, on the table. He yearned to watch the video, trying to remember if there was any moment, any at all where he could have thrown himself in front of the gun, and have it be him recieving the ghastly end instead of Amy...

Finally giving in, he reached out and picked up the remote, turn on the T.V, and hit 'play'. He hadn't even taken out the video from when he watched it just hours ago. Fast fowarding it to the exact second, he found himself reliving the gruesome moment for what seemed like the millionth time...watching as the gunman turned to Amy, just as she came up from one of the aisles, saying his name for the last time...

"Tom?!?"

"Amy?" He saw himself turn to her. BANG. "NO!!!!"

Rewind.

"Amy?" BANG. "NO!!!!"

Rewind.

"Amy?" BANG. "NO!!!!"

He so desperately wanted time to turn back to that night...if he had just gone wherever she wanted, instead of being his usual stubborn self, this never would have happened...Amy would still be alive...

He was torn away from his thoughts for the second time today, by a knock on his door. "Come in..." he said weakly.

He turned slowly to see the door reveal Judy. "Tom?" She walked in slowly, and observed the state of the usually tidy, spotless apartment; catastrophic, compared to what it was...pizza boxes and beer bottles strewn across the floor, clothes on the couch, that no doubt, needed washing, and Tom...Tom was obviously in need of serious help. He wasn't his usual self; calm, clean, happy, relaxed...but he was stressed, indifferent, short-tempered, and angry.

"Hi Judy..." he turned back to the television and quickly shut it off.

"What were you watching?" She asked curiously, wandering over to him and placing herself next to him on the couch.

"Oh, uh...nothing..." He lied shakily. She suddenly snatched the remote from his hands, turned on the T.V and hitting play.

"Where did you get this?" She asjed, her eyes widening in surprise and fear. "This is the security tape from the convenient store, this is police evidence!"

"I'm a policeman, Jude..." He said, standing up and walking in front of the T.V. "Did you know that it only takes 3.3 seconds to shoot someone?"

She followed. "How do you know that?"

"The time in the corner there..." he played the moment where Amy had gotten shot. Judy's eyes widened even more.

"How many times have you watched this video, Hanson?"

"271 times. Did you know, that you can say the entire alphabet in 3.3 seconds? You can take off your shoes, pop the tops off of 6 beer bottles, and shoot someone in 3.3 seconds."

"Hanson, please..." Judy begged.

But Tom ignored her. "You can--"

"Hanson, PLEASE!" Judy pleaded desperately, tears forming in here eyes. He frightened her; she had never seen hi in this state of disarray, of anger, and sorrow...she never thought she would.

Tom stopped. He looked at her, realizing how he had scared her. 'Aw crap, there I go screwing things up again...' He thought to himself. His features softened, and he hugged her. "Sorry Jude...I-I didn't mean to scare you..."

Judy returned the gesture, and sighed. "It's...it's alright, but...please..." she pulled back and looked into his dark eyes. "Promise me you won't watch this again...it's not healthy to be watching this over and over again..."

Tom studied her face for a minute. "Alright." He agreed finally.

"And promise me that you're going to get some help with this..."

Now THAT, he really did not want to do. 'Help' meant seeing a shrink, going to a doctor, getting medication for his depression...

"I'll think about it..." He answered at last.

Judy was not satisfied by his unsure answer. "Hanson, you really need to get some--"

"I said I'll think about it!" Tom said sternly.

Judy drew back from him, and turned towards the door. "Fine." And she left. Tom sighed and sat back down on the couch.

'How many people are you going to push away? You idiot. You're scaring everyone because you're too wrapped up in yourself and YOUR sorrow and YOUR grief. Stop being so selfish! Snap out of it and get over yourself.' The voice had come back, and however harsh it was, it was also true.

"...Well what do you expect me to do?? Just forget about how Amy died and I could have saved her????" Tom voice cut into the silence like a knife through gelatin.

'Eventually people are going to start seeing you talk to yourself, you know...and they're going to SEE how crazy you are...they're going to send you to the loony bin...'

"Don't you EVER shut up?? Can't you just leave me alone for once?!?!?!"

'Oh but you ARE alone! Look around you...do you see anyone there? No. I am just a figment created in your twisted mind, the only part of you that knows the truth.'

"Oh really, and what might that be?"

'You killed Amy.'

"What?? No, no I didn't, I didn't shoot her, I didn't even have a gun with me that night!" Tom was beginning to get flustered.

'No, but letting him shoot Amy is just as bad as killing her yourself.'

"B-but...I didn't! No! I looked and looked at the video...how could there have been any way that I could have done something...I can't have...no..."

'Hm, really? Well, you just think about it, and...I'll leave you to your thoughts...' The voice trailed off and got fainter, father into the back of Tom's mind.

"No, no WAIT!" Tom cried out. He didn't want to be alone...who knew what he could do to himself...if he was alone? He knew he would do something drastic...he could feel it coming. He curled up on his side onto the couch, and put his hands over his head. The scene was playing over in his mind, but this time it was Tom who held the gun in his hands, Tom who was shooting Amy...

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop..."

(A/N: Ok ummmm...sorry if it seems a little incomplete at the end there, but...I just wanna know if you people want me to continue this as an actual story...it was just gonna be a one-shot, but...that's all up to all of you, so PLEASE REVIEW!!! I appreciate ALL reviews, whether they be criticizing, rude, nice, approving, etc...just PLEASE REVIEW!! )