Yep, it may come as a surprise, but I DON'T own Gundam Wing! *gasps* ^_~ Nah, I don't own it, but I would like to give credit to all the people who do own it and created it. As I always say, if they hadn't created it, this fanfiction would not be here. ^_^ Now please read and review!



Noin's strength Chp. 1: Nothing means anything..

*Chibi Noin pops up* *looks at Nikhya strangely*: What's THAT supposed to mean?! "Nothing means anything"?! What kind of title is THAT?!
Nikhya: Hey! This is my first story about you! You better be nice, or else I won't continue it!
Chibi Noin: Aw, you wouldn't do that to me. *smiles* I'm your favorite character! You're such a lyin turkey!
Nikhya: *sighs* I'm a flightless bird and I know it ...Anyway, don't pay attention to the title...it's just there for decoration. ^_~ *ahem* NOW....


On with the story....


"Zechs!!" Noin screamed in agony as she woke from what seemed to be a nightmare...What had been so terrible to wake her from a sound sleep? She didn't remember having a dream...all she remembered was waking up screaming Zechs' name...

She was panting heavily as she sat up in bed, sweat dripped from every inch of her body. "Geez, now I'm going to have to take a shower..." Throwing the covers off of her and hopping off the bed, she felt her heartbeat return to it's normal pace. It must have been a really terrible dream for her heart to be racing so, not to mention crying out in her sleep like that. She glanced over at the digital clock on her dresser. It dimly shone 3:00 am. "Great...only 3 more hours till I have to be up and getting ready to meet Relena and Dorothy..."

She stretched her arms and yawned as she contemplated whether to go back to sleep for a couple hours or take a shower and get breakfast ready... "I guess it wouldn't hurt to just get ready now...I'm already up..."

Beautiful music filled her apartment after pushing some of the top buttons on her stereo. She had always loved classical, whether in the morning after she got up or at night right after dinner...she especially liked listening to it after a long fight. It never really calmed her, in fact it did the opposite, but it did give her some 'quiet time' to think. She needed a lot of time to think lately...after HE left, she had needed more time than ever... Noin entered her bathroom and closed the door softly behind her.

Noin let her nightgown and undergarments hit the bathroom floor and stepped out of them to turn on the shower. The metal squeaked against itself as she turned the warm water knob, making her flinch slightly. "Stupid knobs. I'll have to get them replaced." She sighed. The apartment was really nice, but there were certain things about it that Noin didn't like at all...She wished she could change them, but didn't have the time she needed...it would've been a waste of money anyway...

Steam filled the bathroom as she pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in. The water stung her skin as it hit her body. It was too hot, but she didn't care. She hardly felt the pain. Pain was the least of her problems these days. She was almost completely numb to pain, physical and mental.. and why shouldn't she be? She had lost almost all of her family... and when they left, she had decided to become an OZ soldier. After what seemed an eternity, she finally was being seen as honorable. She was getting higher in life, people respected her. One day, though, she had looked at her hands and realized that they were covered in blood...other people's blood, but somehow she had become used to it. 'They' were the enemy. They deserved to die, right? Soon after she'd thought it, she pushed it to the back of her mind and decided she would do whatever she had to. For peace? To please others? She had no idea anymore...

The icing on the cake, though, was when the one person she truly loved with all her heart had vanished right before her own eyes. He was there one minute, and gone in what seemed to be only a matter of seconds...slipped right through her blood soaked fingers...

Noin began scrubbing herself hard, trying to wash off those years of guilt and pain. Her hands became raw and red as she kept rubbing the soap on them, as if she could wash off the blood that had stained her hands. She had never actually liked the fighting. Not like the others did... She shuddered as she remembered the feeling of adrenaline rushing through her body as she climbed in her mobile suit. Why had that adrenaline rush been there EVERY time she crawled into that wretched, yet beautiful piece of machinery. Had she liked it? Had she been lying to herself the whole time about hating war? Did she like seeing the blood spill into her hands? No! Of course not! She did hate the idea of war! She didn't know why in the world she had even entered it in the first place!

Noin found herself kneeling in her shower, letting the water run over her short black hair and down her face...down around her whole body, as she stared at the drain. She looked up as she realized....Wait.....

Yes, she did know. She knew exactly why she became a part of OZ. She wanted to fight for her sanity...and for the people she held dear...those that were left and those who had died. Oz had 'promised' it's soldiers lasting peace and security. Willingly, she had joined...and fought. That was all over now, though...wasn't it? Peace had finally been achieved and Noin was with the people she belonged with...she knew that much now... "Willingly...for OZ..." she thought as she gave out a slight chuckle. An almost completely blank expression seemed to be permanently painted on her face as she laughed... Then Noin did something she hadn't done for a long time....she cried....

Her light chuckles soon evolved into sobs as tears angrily found their way down her cheeks. She gently wrapped her arms around herself and curled up in the bottom of her shower. "Oh God please....please..." She sobbed as she softly called out for help. "Please, help me...I don't know what else...what else to do..." The warm water that fell onto her body was her only comfort as she cried. Cried for what seemed an eternity...


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"Dorothy, have you seen Ms. Noin today?" Relena stood from her desk as Dorothy entered her room.

"Why, no, I haven't Ms. Relena. I believe she was to have arrived about an hour ago, though." Dorothy stood with her hands clasped in front of her.

"That's rather odd. She's never late for any kind of engagement. Maybe she stopped to get some extra things to decorate with, hm?" She kept her eyes focused on Dorothy for a reply.

"She might have, but I highly doubt it, Ms. Relena. Ms. Noin knows that we have all the necessary supplies to decorate the ballroom for tonight's party."

"Then where in the world do you think she could possibly be?" Relena was beginning to get a bit perturbed with the way Dorothy seemed to be handling herself. She were acting as though she knew something, and that had always bothered Relena.

"Ms. Relena, I seriously doubt that Noin has even left her house yet...much less even thought about the ball..." Dorothy's eyes seemed to be saddening now. Something Relena had never seen before...She quickly dismissed the thought of Dorothy even accepting the idea of sadness when she realized that Dorothy showed no signs of angst on the rest of her face. She was smiling, just as usual.

"Hmm....Maybe I should go to her apartment and check if she's still there." Relena stepped out from behind her desk and grabbed up her jacket. "Will you accompany me Dorothy?"

Dorothy nodded solemnly, "If you wish me to, Ms. Relena."

And with that, they both left the room......

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Noin's eyes fluttered open as she heard distant thumps reverberate around her apartment... The water falling from the shower head was cold now...freezing....She mumbled faintly as she clumsily reached for the shower's water knobs.

"Noin! Ms. NOIN!!" Relena pounded on the door urgently.

"Ms. Relena...you're being awfully loud. She's probably not here, and that is why she isn't opening the door." Dorothy stood behind Relena quietly for a moment.

"Dorothy! Don't patronize me and stop acting so damned calm! I know something is wrong and so do you. She is in this apartment! I have to get in there...I'm going downstairs to talk to the landlord. He'll have an extra set of keys." Relena turned quickly to run down the stairs. She turned back for a moment and glared at Dorothy. "Stay here...you know what to do if anything happens."

Dorothy nodded and watched Relena as she descended the stairway. She sighed when she was out of sight and turned back to knock on the door once more. "Ms. Noin...please...answer the door."

Noin coughed and sputtered...her body was cold. "How long have I been...in here?" Her teeth chattered as she slowly crawled out of the shower. When she made it out of the shower, she finally mustered up enough strength to pull herself up by the sink into a standing position. "I must have blacked out..." She held her head in her hand as she reached for a towel that lay on a rack next to the sink with her other hand. "I wonder for how long..." Her eyes shot open wide as she remembered her engagement with Relena and Dorothy. "I've not been in here for THAT long to have been late...have I?"

Dorothy was pounding on the door now. "Noin! Open this door, now! Ms. Noin!!!"

There were those loud thumps again...but, now, she could also hear what seemed to be a muffled voice along with the thumping. Noin shuffled over to the bathroom door and turned the knob.

"Ms. NOIN!" Dorothy looked down the hall as she kept pounding the door. She was getting a few weird looks from people who were hanging their heads out of their apartments. "What in the HELL are you looking at??!?!"

The heads disappeared and doors closed quickly. Dorothy turned back to the door and started pounding again.

Noin finally realized what was going on when she stepped out of her bathroom. She wrapped the towel around her body and started for the front door. "I'm coming! Hold your horses!!"

Dorothy stepped back, almost jumping when she saw the door knob turn and the door slowly open. "Ms. Noin?"

"Who else?" Noin smiled as she invited Dorothy in. "What are you doing here?"

"Relena and I decided to come and check on you. It's been an hour since you were supposed to meet us at the Sanq Kingdom ballroom."

Noin snapped her head back to look at the clock on her wall. "I was in there that long?!" She turned back to Dorothy.

"In where, Ms. Noin?" Dorothy looked a bit puzzled.

"No where, Dorothy. Never mind. Where's Ms. Relena?" Noin brushed a strand hair out of her eyes.

"She's downstairs talking to the landlord. She should be back any minute, now, though." Dorothy sat down in Noin's living room as Noin walked into her bedroom to change.

"What is she doing talking to the landlord?" Noin yelled from her bedroom.

"She was trying to get an extra set of keys to this apartment..." Dorothy's eyes fell upon a small frame sitting in front of her on a small coffee table. Bingo...

Noin walked out of her bedroom and into the living room drying her head with a towel. "Sorry, I just couldn't hear you from inside the shower when you were banging on the door." She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Dorothy holding a picture frame....And Dorothy didn't look to happy with what she had found...

"Ms. Noin, please don't act so casual...I know what's wrong with you. Relena does not, because sometimes Ms. Relena is a bit...well, naive ... But I know exactly what's wrong with you." She handed Noin the picture frame after rising to her feet. "You can't let go of his disappearance. I know you also worry about guilt...the guilt that comes with war. Everyone feels that at one point or another. But, that's not what you beat yourself up inside about..."

Noin was becoming a bit annoyed with Dorothy...no, she realized, she wasn't annoyed by Dorothy(although, it was kind of hard NOT to be). The fact that Dorothy knew what Noin was thinking...understood what she was going through... that was what bothered her. "Dorothy..." She started gently.

"No, Ms. Noin... Don't try to stop this conversation." Dorothy harshly shot back. "Ms. Noin, if you must hold onto your dream that Zechs is still out there, alive, go ahead...there's nothing wrong with that. You may be absolutely right, and he may come back one day. But for now, he's not here and you can't blame yourself. You can't blame yourself for everything that has happened. You're such a strong woman, Noin, and such a strong woman can overcome what you are going through right now."

Noin almost smiled. "Strong?" She huffed as she plopped down on the couch, outlining the frame she held in her hands with her fingers. The room fell silent for a few minutes as Noin pawed her frame. "Yes, Dorothy, I suppose I am..." She set the picture frame back down on the coffee table and got up from the couch. "You know it'll take just a little more time for me to cheer up right now...but it'll happen faster, thanks to you. Thank you, Dorothy." She placed her hand on Dorothy's shoulder and squeezed gently.

Dorothy nodded and flashed a faint smile. "Now let us go downstairs and check on Relena. She was rather worried when we drove over here."

"She's probably trying to give the landlord a speech about how she needs the keys to my apartment..." Noin chuckled as she and Dorothy walked out the door.

Noin turned around to lock it. "Little does Relena know, my landlord is very strict...he doesn't trust anyone."

Dorothy and Noin turned to each other as they heard loud fast footsteps mixed with a jingle of keys coming up the stairs.

A smirk spread across Dorothy's face. "I don't know...sounds like Relena's speech might have worked."

"Noin!" Relena's face lit up as she spotted Noin on the staircase ahead of her. "There you are! Are you okay?!" She reached Noin and gave her a gentle hug. "Thank goodness. I was so worried."

"And I thought I was supposed to be YOUR guardian..." Noin hugged Relena back and started back down the stairs. "So you got the keys from my landlord?"

Relena pouted, "Yeah, but I had to steal them..." She held up the pair of keys. "You land lord is awfully rude."

"I know...thank goodness I'm leaving here soon."

"I'm glad you're coming back, Noin. I hate it when you have to go on these long trips. These government officials need to leave you alone." Relena smiled as she chattered away.

"Well, they promised me this was the last trip. Thank God...now I can stop moving around every few months and actually settle down." Noin sighed. "And finally, I'll be able to become a real guardian to you, Relena."

Dorothy walked silently behind them, smiling to herself. Hearing Noin talk so casually...She hadn't heard it from her in a while.

Noin was definitely a strong woman...and she was definitely going to get stronger...



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Okies! That's the end!! ^^ I hope you liked my first Noin fic. There will be a second chapter...but for now, I'm working on other projects. There are only two chapters to this story so far...if the second one ends up being too long, though...I'll turn it into three chapters. But that's as far as this story needs to go. :O) I hope you liked the first chapter. Please review, cause it won't take ya long and it doesn't hurt one bit. ^_~

Chibi Noin: *grrrr's at you(the reader)* Yeah, you better review...cause it will hurt MUCH less than getting a big mallet whack to the head...*takes out her mallet* which is exactly what you'll get if you don't review....
Nikhya: Pay no attention to her...she's just grumpy cause Zechs hasn't entered the story yet....
Chibi Noin: *whacks Nikhya* You be quiet, turkey!! Where's my Zechs?!?! *keeps whacking her*
Nikhya: ouchies....