Stained
A/N: Missing scene for "The Clone Wars" that I hope to see in some way or form in the cartoon series
The desert burned, it choked, it starved, and worst of all it never gave back what it took. Anakin hated being here, he'd never wanted to return. This planet was full of pain, mistakes, and death. What he'd done here had been awful, his mother would have been ashamed had she survived.
Anakin felt a tentative hand on his arm. His Padawan was staring at him, her eyes laced with worry. Had she been speaking? "I'm sorry Ahsoka, I was lost in my thoughts."
"Not the good kind I take it." It wasn't a question.
"I told you I don't want to talk about it."
"Yeah, but I think maybe you need to. I can feel your emotions Master."
That stopped him in his tracks. He spun. She looked slightly nervous, but still she pressed on. "This place was never your home was it?"
He almost lost it right then. He almost yelled. He almost told her that is was none of her business. But he didn't. If she was going to be his Padawan, she deserved to know what she was getting herself into. What a mess her Master really was, then he'd leave it up to her whether or not she stayed with him.
"No. This was never my home. I grew up a slave here. With my mother."
He could feel her emotions as well. He felt her shock, but there was also curiosity there.
Anakin continued, afraid if he took a breath he might lose his nerve. "I was finally freed by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice at the time, Obi-Wan Kenobi. But my mother was left behind."
Now he felt her sorrow.
"I came back for her years later, but I was too late. She'd been kidnapped. She died in my arms." The words just seemed to flow out of him. It was like the wall he'd erected had been torn down, and now he couldn't close it. "I gave into my anger, much like you did when you beheaded that droid, but in my case it was much worse. I killed living beings. No. I slaughtered them. "
He expected to feel disgust from her, perhaps even hatred or fear. Instead, he felt a hand on his arm again, he turned to see Ahsoka peering up at him, her eyes very bright. "Thank you for sharing that with me. I will learn to control my anger better Master."
They stared at each other a few long moments.
"Good, because killing in anger, it's something that never leaves you. It's like a stain on your tunic that won't ever come off, only you can see it, but it's a constant reminder of what you did. I don't want to see you end up stained."
She nodded. He could feel their bond strengthening. Anakin had never thought she'd respect him, knowing what he'd done. But he could see it and feel it. They really were a match. He had a feeling he might learn a few things from her as well. Maybe he already had. Anakin gave her a lop-sided grin. "Let's get moving Snips, we've got a mission to complete."
They started walking again.
"Oh, and Skyguy, I would never share what you told me with anyone."
"I know that." He realized the truth in his words as they came pouring out of him. He'd never have told her if on some level he hadn't already known. This just might work out after all.
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