I wanted to hate her.
I really did. After everything she does this.
It's like she wanted to hurt me. Make me suffer. Make me want her so much, need her so much and then just toss me to the side like a piece of rubbish.
That's probably what she thinks of me anyway.
I know it's not true she doesn't think of me as a piece of rubbish, she didn't mean to hurt me but like I said I'm trying so hard to hate her. To never think of her again. To never wish that I had did something different. Something, anything to make her stay with me.
To love me just like i love her, instead of Ryan.
Now with him I don't need to try and hate him. I do hate him. I hate him so much, So much that when I think back to a month ago I wish I'd just let my thug friends beat the shit out of him for taking My girl. God, I fucking hate that ugly asshole.
I'd do anything to get her back. For her to be mine again and not his. For her to be in my bed and not his. For her to say my name like she used to and not his. For her to come home to me and not him.
I just don't understand how he was just like me but she still chose him. He came from a bad background, came to Newport as the bad ass new kid, met the girl and fell for her. Just. Like. Me. It's true though I just don't belong in her life. To her I'll just be known as her lesbian phase in high school. But to me It will always be so much more.