Lilly of the Valley

"I'm thirteen years old and my father has just died." Vignettes paint a portrait of a young girl whose anger threatens to consume her in an oppressive world. As loneliness threatens to tear her apart, Vallye must come to understand her own emotions in order to move forward. In order to save herself.

A sympathetic look at Lyude's siblings, especially his sister, and how jealousy can become hate.

AN: Wahh. I didn't like Vallye or Skeed much until I started writing this. I have a lot in common with Vallye, which helped me write the story in a true and reasonable way. I'm the second eldest daughter of a high ranking petty officer, and I was the only military eligible child. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself, because rank was always really important, I wanted to be an officer. But the military is still a man's world, and it's been a struggle for me.

Part of Vallye's story is also part of mine, but I suppose that will make it more realistic. My goal is to make you guys fall in love with Lyude's cruel siblings, not as sadistic older siblings, but as desperate and lonely young adults.

Recommended soundtrack: Tempus Vernum by Enya, the vocals very much remind me of Vallye.

Chapter One: A World of Sand

Death

I'm thirteen years old and my father has just died. Beside me, Skeed stands like an unmovable fortress, a pillar of strength. His face is impassive and so, even though I want to cry, I school myself to be strong like him.

On my other side is Almarde, the foster nurse who was placed in charge of us six years ago, when Mother died. She's crying softly, not allowing any noise to disrupt the service of Father's burial. Beside her, my other brat of a brother is sobbing away into her skirts. He can't even face up to a scraped knee, let alone a funeral for one of the few adults in his small life. The most important man in my life.

I hold the case containing Father's imperial saber closer to me, waiting for Skeed and I to be called forward. When we are, he places Father's rifle in the coffin and I follow suit. Father looks like he's sleeping in his imperial uniform, the black with red trim and accent to his auburn hair. It's the same color as my hair. You can't even tell how he died, for all the awful blood has been washed away. Together we close the casket, and as Father is lowered into the sandy ground, Father's squad fires seven shots in perfect timing.

Skeed and I lead the procession of mourners away from the dessert burial ground. This act is supposed to be preformed by the spouse and eldest son, but our Mother is dead. Behind us, Lyude sobs, oblivious to the fact that we are now orphans.

He doesn't care, he has Almarde after all.

Test

Imperial training usually begins at the age of ten. Cadets are sent to the imperial fortress to be trained. It's a tough lifestyle, and that's why most soldiers are boys. There's no law that says girls can't join the army and try to become an officer (you have to pass a test during the third year of training). When I was seven, just a little older than my younger brother, Skeed joined the army as a cadet. That was when I decided I wanted to be a soldier, just like Father.

Had Mother been alive, she would never have allowed it. She had already begun training me to become a suitable wife to a high ranking official. When she died, Father was to busy to take an active part in our lives. Even though Almarde agreed with Mother, I refused to listen to her. With Skeed's help, I went to the Fortress shortly after my tenth birthday and became an Imperial Cadet.

Now, it's come to sink or swim. The final test of my abilities. Those that pass go on to the Officer's program and are trained for the next year to become officers, those that don't pass go straight into the army as petty soldiers. In all my family's glorious history, not one has ever failed the test.

Except, I feel that I might. I have poor aim, and I'm only really good at math and strategy. After my horrible blunder the first year of training, I have had to practice shooting every chance I get in order to keep up with my peers. While there's more to being an officer than good aim, soldiers won't follow a commander who can't even hit her target.

Soldiers won't follow a girl anyway, hence the reason very few girls have ever passed the test.

Part of the test is written, and I'm sure to pass that, but in shooting practice I'm a fair shot at best. There's no way I can back out now. If I fail the test, I'm still committed to the army until my twentieth birthday. Worrying will do me no good.

When the time comes, I stand at the ready with my rifle. The drillmaster calls out the shots. Draw, fire two, reload, fire two. All this in the course of twenty seconds. I make it within the time limit, but my shots hit outside the bull's-eye. At least, however, they hit the target. That's how the performance portion of my test goes.

I spend the next week at home on break, fretting and wringing my fingers while Almarde tutors my brother and pretty much ignores me. It's been that way ever since she realized I wasn't going to listen to her. She's not my Mother, that brat she takes care of killed Mother.

By the end of the week, I'm on my last nerves. If that little brat asks me to play with him one more time, I'd strangle him. I'm a soldier, not a babysitter. I don't ever want kids, all they do is whine and cry. I don't remember the last time I cried, it was probably before Mother died.

Finally, it's time to return to the Imperial Fortress. I use all my discipline to keep from running straight to the mess hall where the results of the test are posted. Instead I head towards the officer's room that's only mine because I'm a girl and it would be pointless to put me in a barrack room.

Skeed's waiting for me outside my room, and from his serious expression I know he has news for me. I usher him inside before tackling him. "Have you seen the test results?" I ask, trying to hide desperation from my voice.

"Yes." He answers me, taking a seat at my desk.

I remain standing, tugging on my uniform, "Well?" I ask impatiently, then freeze. There's a reason he's not jumping all over me in joy. "I didn't pass, did I?"

"No, you didn't." His voice remains quite serious, and before I can interrupt he continues. "But these scores go all the way up to the top. Some higher ups and the Emperor saw your scores on the written exam, and are willing to make an exception. They want you to train as a strategist instead."

"A strategist!" I scream, unnerved and off guard by the news. "I know I'm not a good shot, but I can get better. I really want to be a soldier, not someone who sits around staring at books all day."

"Do you even know what a strategist does? This is a great honor, Vallye! To serve Emperor Geldoblame as a strategist is to advise him on the best course of action. You will be in charge of directing the attacks of all the troops. Imagine! You could play a hand in the Emperor's plan to take over the world!" Skeed's excited now. He really wants me to take this opportunity, but before I'd ever even shot my first gun, I wanted to be an officer, out there on the frontlines commanding the troops, nothing holding me back.

"I… I really want to be a soldier. I don't want to be a boring planner. I want the rush of shooting my rifle at an enemy and watching it go down. I joined the military so I'd never become a woman who did nothing day in and day out." Somehow, I wanted Skeed to understand that I wanted to be like him and Father, that I didn't want to be like Mother.

"Oh, but just imagine! You'll travel with the Emperor to far off places and see the world, that'll be your classroom, because you need to know about other people. Besides, being a regular soldier is really boring. All we do is drill, and spar, and attend boring meetings." Skeed looked wistful

"But why in the world would I want to leave Alfard to visit barbarian lands? Mintaka's the most beautiful city in the world." I asked, honestly perplexed.

"Don't you want to see the Celestial Tree or the Holoholo Jungle of Anuenue? Or how about the Trail of Souls and the Garden of Spirits in Mira? It's a grand opportunity, Vallye. As your older brother, I suggest you take what His Excellency has so generously offered you."

So I did, and no one knew that I hadn't passed the test to become an officer. That same test that my younger brother would, several years later, pass with ease and confidence.

Holiday

I hate the holiday season. It's the only time of year I actually have to wear a dress now that I've become a soldier. Women in Mintaka don't wear pants of any sort unless they're disgraceful foreigners. There's even a skirt on my uniform, but that's only a small one and there are pants underneath. Still, as a little girl I had to wear uncomfortable, scratchy dresses all the time.

In my opinion, holiday dresses are ten times worse. They're extremely gaudy and puffy. The corsets are so tight I can barely breath, and the neckline so high I could choke on it. I also look ridicules with my hair pulled back into a scarf. It draws my cheeks up to make my cheekbones look higher, but all it succeeds in doing is making my face look hollow and gaunt.

Then there's the make-up. Ugh. Almarde insists that it's either the make-up or I can wear a really heavy veil that's hard to see through. This time she's rallied the support of the neighbor women to help her get me in a dress, so there's no way I can escape. Lyude thinks it's grand entertainment as Almarde's friends tug my untamable hair back and apply rouge to my cheeks, which I wince. He laughs ever time I yelp and I swear to myself that when I get up, I'm going to kill that brat. Never mind the fact he's only six years old.

Of course, by the time I'm finally released, all I can do is clutch my chest trying to draw in deeper breaths. I don't know who thought up the torturous idea of corsets, but when I find out, I swear to desecrate their graves and lay an old curse on their bones.

Skeed walks in while I'm gasping and plotting revenge, takes one look at me, and says, "Wow! When did you discover you were a girl?"

All right! That's it! I'm going to kill both of them and be an only child. As much as I love my older brother, he can be a real bastard, and my younger brother doesn't have a clue in the world. It sucks being the middle child. I hop up from the table and tackle him while he's off guard, sending him down to the floor. Lyude, thinking it's a game, jumps on top of me. I push him away and sit up slightly so I can strangle Skeed better.

Just then, Almarde and her friend walk into the room. Of course, the only thing she says is, "Oh, look at what you've done to your hair. We'll have to redress it now."

"Fine." I snap. "You can do it after I kill Skeed."

Almarde's friend whispers in her ear, "I think she has some serious anger issues you should address." It's probably out of politeness to me.

"Her father just died, poor girl." Almarde replies, then louder she addresses me. "Vallye, we have to get you presentable, the festival's about to start."

I get off of Skeed with a whispered promise to kill him in his sleep later. "Why can't I go in my uniform like Skeed? This dress is really uncomfortable."

Almarde's friend hides a chuckle behind her hand. "Silly girl, don't you know what this festival is for?"

Uh, no. I don't know. I say as much and Almarde looks me straight in the eye and says, "It's a festival for young women to look for potential husbands."

All right, screw this. I'll kill Skeed after I kill Almarde. Dammit! I don't want a husband! Doesn't anyone understand that?

I really hate holidays.

Ribbon

So. Alfard is a desert nation so the only time it ever gets cold is during the night. It's the middle of the day and I'm being escorted around by Skeed praying no one sees me in this ridiculously hot dress. One plus is that the scarf keeps my hair off my neck so I'm actually cooler than I would be in a uniform.

Certainly Skeed doesn't look to comfortable, or maybe it's that he wants to go off with his friends and scout out his own wife-to-be. I'm sure there are a lot of girls who would want to marry him, a well to do soldier with our father's handsome face.

Behind us, Almarde is explaining the festival to Lyude, who can't get past the bright colors that adorn the streets and all the booths. She assures him that someday he'll have all the girls at the festival swooning over him. Yeah, right, as if anyone would want to marry a crybaby little brat like him.

"Hey," Skeed whispers in my ear, "I'd like you to meet some friends of mine. I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

"Of course. It sounds like fun." I whisper back.

He takes my wrist and pulls me off into a back alley away from all the rush and excitement of the main street. We pick our way through the deserted alleys to the other side of the town where the festival is still in full swing. Near the docks are a group of well dressed officers about Skeed's age who wave us over.

"Amazing, Skeed, you never told us your sister was gorgeous!" One of them exclaims, staring at me with open amazement. Self consciously I blush and duck my head. I've never been complimented like that before.

"Are you sure she's an officer? She looks like a proper lady to me." Another adds. Immediately they're getting on my nerves, great. Disgusting boys never change. Ugh, another reason I don't want to get married.

While Skeed's friends are admiring me (and I'm on the verge of either fainting or killing them), another officer hangs back. He catches my eye for some reason. He has soft golden brown hair with a pale streak in his bangs that catches the red Alfard sun and reflects back the light as a soft pink hue.

After about ten minutes I voice my complaints that I'm about to faint of either heat or dehydration and I want to return home or at least find some shade. The two boys who still haven't gone away both jump over each other asking to escort me, but it's the blonde haired boy whose attention catches mine.

"I'll escort her, if you would like, milady." His voice is very nice and he's so proper. I immediately accept.

"Are you sure, Fadroh?" Skeed interjects. Secretly I just want him to shut up. "She's my sister, I don't mind taking her home."

"No, you need to go scout out your own potential mate, I'll watch over you sister." He- Fadroh- replies with a grin. "Shall we go, Milady Vallye?"

Milady Vallye… I could get used to that. "Yes, thank you."

We take the back alleys home to avoid the crowds. Standing on my doorstep, Fadroh pulls a small box out of his pocket. "Here, this is for you. I'd be honored if you would wear it."

I'll admit, I swooned a little as I opened up the box and took out a pure white ribbon. "Oh! It's beautiful Sir Fadroh, thank you."

I bid him farewell and step into the house. Immediately I untangle my red hair from the scarf and tie the ribbon into it, then I go to the vanity and stare at myself.

When Almarde returns home, she remarks, "Oh good, so you did receive a ribbon today. I was a little worried."

"Why?" I ask, confused. "What's so special about a ribbon?"

She stares at me, "It means there's someone out there who is considering you for a wife."

I tear the ribbon out of my hair and lock myself in my room for the rest of the day.

Poor Vallye. Even though she's become a soldier, she can't escape gender roles. I hope you liked it. And yes, Vallye's hatred is indeed jealously and misdirected rage. I don't think either sibling really hated Lyude, but they had lost a lot at a young age, and it hurt them even more to see Lyude so happy through it all. Yes, I'm really sympathetic of Vallye and Skeed.

Next time, Vallye receives a very useful gift and then discovers the wonderful world of womanhood.