A/N: Hey, to all you flamers out there, this is only a parody.
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, I would have my own mansion, limo, etc...
My Master's got a secret
~~~~~~
Sam stirred and was roused from his sleep by the smell of fresh strawberries and pastries. He smiled dreamily.
*Rosie's breakfast...ahh...I love her cooking*
Sam tossed the cover off of him and sprang from the bed. Eager to have his first breakfast of the day, he didn't bother to change out of his nightshirt and made his way to the door. When he stepped out into the hall, Sam frowned. What was that singing he heard?
*It...it sounds like Mr. Frodo?*
As Sam neared the kitchen, it was definitely Mr. Frodo singing and what even sounded like...dancing!
"The cat and the fiddle, they played diddle diddle, a jig that'll waken the dead..."
Sam entered the kitchen to see Frodo prancing around the table where Rosie sat. She giggled and enjoyed Frodo's cheery jig. Baffled, Sam watched Frodo as he continued to sing and dance.
"With a ping and a pong, the fiddle..."
Startled, Frodo stopped when he saw a puzzled Sam standing inside the kitchen.
Panting and after he caught his breath, a wide smile brightened Frodo's face. "Good Morning, Sam!"
"Morning, Mr. Frodo," Sam muttered, eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you all right?"
"Why, Sam, I've never felt better!"
Taken aback by his unusually cheerful reply, Sam's eyebrows furrowed. His attention drifted down to the table where there was an appetizing array of strawberries in a bowl and a platter of various powdered pastries. Then he eyes locked onto Rosie.
Sam smiled. "Morning, Rosie. A hearty breakfast you cooked. I'm famished."
"Sam, I didn't cook breakfast. Mr. Frodo made this for us."
Stunned, Sam looked at Frodo again. "You cooked?"
"Yes! Sam, I can cook. After all, you've done so much for me that it's only fair I return the favor by cooking for you and Rosie."
"Well, with you singing and dancing about, now you've cooked breakfast, I have to say, I'm..."
"Surprised?" Frodo added. "I know what you're thinking. I've been very depressed after the quest and now suddenly, I'm doing all of this. Well, actually, I'm beginning to feel much better now, Sam."
A smile swept away the suspiciousness he felt about Frodo's peculiar behavior.
He needs to have fun. Why am I questioning the way he's been behaving?
"Mr. Frodo, I'm glad you're feeling better this morning."
"Good," Frodo answered. "Let's eat shall we?"
Frodo and Sam joined Rosie at the table. There, they enjoyed the delicious breakfast Frodo had cooked while laughing and talking together.
**********************************************
During the afternoon, Sam was outside in the garden, trimming several unruly branches off the shrubs. He stopped and watched Frodo leaving Bag End and skipping down the steps. His hands were hidden inside the pockets of his brown trousers and he whistled the jig he sang earlier.
"Where you're off to Mr. Frodo?"
"Just taking a walk. I shan't be gone long."
Again, Sam watched him suspiciously and after he finished his work, he headed back into the house.
He met Rosie in the kitchen where she held a kettle and poured tea into a small porcelain cup.
"Tea, Sam?"
"Yes, please. Thank you, Rosie."
Rosie smiled generously and handed him the cup. After she poured some into a cup for herself, they walked out into the living room and sat in front of the fireplace that slept for now until the night came with its chilly air.
Rosie Cotton Gamgee sipped some tea and then she stared thoughtfully at her husband.
"Sam, you've been worried about Frodo for a few days now."
Just as he was about to drink his tea, the cup hesitated at Sam's lips, and then he placed it back onto the plate.
Sam frowned again. "I'm curious, Frodo has been acting, well, too cheery these days."
"I don't understand. Don't you want him to be happy?"
"Yes! But I think he's keeping a secret from us."
"What kind of secret?"
"I think there's someone he's not telling us about."
Pondering what Sam was saying, Rosie shook her head. "Someone?"
"Y'know...a lass."
"Ahh..." Rosie answered and smiled. A smile that seemed to say...well, Mr. Frodo, a sneaky lad he is.
"Sam, why don't you talk to him? I'm sure he'll tell you...if there really is someone he's hiding from us."
"Okay, I will!"
**********************************
Before Sam retired to bed, he visited the den where Frodo was sitting at his desk and writing inside the Red Book.
"Uh...excuse me, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo looked up, smiling. "Yes, Sam?"
"I don't mean to bother you. I won't be long. I just wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Well, is there anything you want to talk about?"
Frodo nodded. "No. Nothing on my mind at the moment, except what I'm writing of course."
"It's not the proper time. I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo."
"Sam, what's wrong?"
"We'll talk tomorrow. I'm off to bed now. Goodnight."
Confused and shaking his head, Frodo said, "Goodnight, Samwise."
****************************************
Sam had been roused from his sleep again. This time it wasn't the smell of a delicious breakfast awaiting him, but the sound of Rosie's laughter. He looked around at the left side of the bed. She was gone.
*Where can she be? And laughing at this hour of the night?*
Sam left the room and when he walked out into the hall dimly lit by candlelight, Rosie's laughter grew louder...and it bellowed from outside Frodo's bedroom.
Swiftly, Sam opened the door and barged inside. His eyes widened in shock at what he saw...Rosie sitting on Frodo's lap. She giggled childishly with her arms locked around his neck.
"Rosie!" Sam roared. "Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo leaped onto his feet, dropping Rosie who fell with a thump on the floor.
Frodo cleared his throat. "Sam, uh...it's not what you think at all."
"Begging your pardon, Mr. Frodo, but what do you expect me to think about what I've seen? I suspected there was a lass you've been hiding. I never thought it would be my Rosie!"
Embarrassed, Rosie sprang onto her feet and straightened out her dress.
"Sam," Frodo said pitifully, hoping Sam would feel sorry for him. "It's the ring. It's making me do strange things."
"The ring?" Sam yelled. "How can it be the ring? It's gone!"
"Yes, but it still affects me. You know I haven't been well because of it."
"Ring or naught, there's no excuse for what you're doing with Rosie! And you, Rosie, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Well," she began. "I tried, but...I just couldn't resist Frodo's beautiful blue eyes."
"What?" Sam scowled. "I knew it was a bad idea, Mr. Frodo, you asking us to move in with you. Maybe that's why you invited us, so you can be with Rosie!"
A boiling anger spewed from Sam's eyes as he closed in the space between him and Frodo.
Nervously, Frodo backed away from him, stumbling toward the door.
"Sam! Please, my Samwise the Brave."
"Samwise the Brave, hah! Wish I had Sting and instead of cutting Smeagol's throat, I'd cut yours!"
"Sam!!!" Frodo's voice trailed as Sam chased him out of the room.
***********************************************
Frodo Baggins sat on the steps outside Bag End. He hugged his chin in the palm of his hand. His left eye, closed a little, was marred by a black and blue bruise. Frodo heard a cart squeaking by. It stopped. And when he looked up at who stood above him, he sighed.
"Gandalf," he said to the white wizard. "I keep telling everyone, it's the ring that made me do it."
Gandalf looked down at him, scowling. "You can't blame the ring this time, Frodo. Even Smeagol never did such a thing and he had the ring for 600 years."
"Does this mean I'm not allowed to go to the undying lands?"
"Now it is of the utmost importance that you leave, unless you want another black eye. But you mustn't tell the elves. They might debate whether to take you or not. Since you showed compassion to Smeagol, in the future they will understand...I hope."
************************************************
The next day, Frodo, Bilbo and Gandalf embarked on the elven ship at the Grey Havens. There was no one to bid them farewell, which mystified the elves.
***********************************************
After Frodo left the Shire to spend the rest of his life in Valinor, Sam and Rosie sat across from each other at the kitchen table.
A furious Sam growled, "I'm glad we're rid of him! But...you never told me what your excuse was?" Sam sneered, "Except your remark about his blue eyes."
"Well," Rosie started softly, "You was so close to Mr. Frodo. You spend more time with him than me, so I figured I'd give you a little Frodo to run around the house."
Sam's eyes widened, so much so that it seemed they would burst right out of his sockets. He looked down at her stomach. "You! You!!!"
Bag End. All was quiet in hobbiton, well, except for the shattering of plates tossed around in what was once Frodo's home.
**************************************
The End.
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, I would have my own mansion, limo, etc...
My Master's got a secret
~~~~~~
Sam stirred and was roused from his sleep by the smell of fresh strawberries and pastries. He smiled dreamily.
*Rosie's breakfast...ahh...I love her cooking*
Sam tossed the cover off of him and sprang from the bed. Eager to have his first breakfast of the day, he didn't bother to change out of his nightshirt and made his way to the door. When he stepped out into the hall, Sam frowned. What was that singing he heard?
*It...it sounds like Mr. Frodo?*
As Sam neared the kitchen, it was definitely Mr. Frodo singing and what even sounded like...dancing!
"The cat and the fiddle, they played diddle diddle, a jig that'll waken the dead..."
Sam entered the kitchen to see Frodo prancing around the table where Rosie sat. She giggled and enjoyed Frodo's cheery jig. Baffled, Sam watched Frodo as he continued to sing and dance.
"With a ping and a pong, the fiddle..."
Startled, Frodo stopped when he saw a puzzled Sam standing inside the kitchen.
Panting and after he caught his breath, a wide smile brightened Frodo's face. "Good Morning, Sam!"
"Morning, Mr. Frodo," Sam muttered, eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you all right?"
"Why, Sam, I've never felt better!"
Taken aback by his unusually cheerful reply, Sam's eyebrows furrowed. His attention drifted down to the table where there was an appetizing array of strawberries in a bowl and a platter of various powdered pastries. Then he eyes locked onto Rosie.
Sam smiled. "Morning, Rosie. A hearty breakfast you cooked. I'm famished."
"Sam, I didn't cook breakfast. Mr. Frodo made this for us."
Stunned, Sam looked at Frodo again. "You cooked?"
"Yes! Sam, I can cook. After all, you've done so much for me that it's only fair I return the favor by cooking for you and Rosie."
"Well, with you singing and dancing about, now you've cooked breakfast, I have to say, I'm..."
"Surprised?" Frodo added. "I know what you're thinking. I've been very depressed after the quest and now suddenly, I'm doing all of this. Well, actually, I'm beginning to feel much better now, Sam."
A smile swept away the suspiciousness he felt about Frodo's peculiar behavior.
He needs to have fun. Why am I questioning the way he's been behaving?
"Mr. Frodo, I'm glad you're feeling better this morning."
"Good," Frodo answered. "Let's eat shall we?"
Frodo and Sam joined Rosie at the table. There, they enjoyed the delicious breakfast Frodo had cooked while laughing and talking together.
**********************************************
During the afternoon, Sam was outside in the garden, trimming several unruly branches off the shrubs. He stopped and watched Frodo leaving Bag End and skipping down the steps. His hands were hidden inside the pockets of his brown trousers and he whistled the jig he sang earlier.
"Where you're off to Mr. Frodo?"
"Just taking a walk. I shan't be gone long."
Again, Sam watched him suspiciously and after he finished his work, he headed back into the house.
He met Rosie in the kitchen where she held a kettle and poured tea into a small porcelain cup.
"Tea, Sam?"
"Yes, please. Thank you, Rosie."
Rosie smiled generously and handed him the cup. After she poured some into a cup for herself, they walked out into the living room and sat in front of the fireplace that slept for now until the night came with its chilly air.
Rosie Cotton Gamgee sipped some tea and then she stared thoughtfully at her husband.
"Sam, you've been worried about Frodo for a few days now."
Just as he was about to drink his tea, the cup hesitated at Sam's lips, and then he placed it back onto the plate.
Sam frowned again. "I'm curious, Frodo has been acting, well, too cheery these days."
"I don't understand. Don't you want him to be happy?"
"Yes! But I think he's keeping a secret from us."
"What kind of secret?"
"I think there's someone he's not telling us about."
Pondering what Sam was saying, Rosie shook her head. "Someone?"
"Y'know...a lass."
"Ahh..." Rosie answered and smiled. A smile that seemed to say...well, Mr. Frodo, a sneaky lad he is.
"Sam, why don't you talk to him? I'm sure he'll tell you...if there really is someone he's hiding from us."
"Okay, I will!"
**********************************
Before Sam retired to bed, he visited the den where Frodo was sitting at his desk and writing inside the Red Book.
"Uh...excuse me, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo looked up, smiling. "Yes, Sam?"
"I don't mean to bother you. I won't be long. I just wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Well, is there anything you want to talk about?"
Frodo nodded. "No. Nothing on my mind at the moment, except what I'm writing of course."
"It's not the proper time. I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo."
"Sam, what's wrong?"
"We'll talk tomorrow. I'm off to bed now. Goodnight."
Confused and shaking his head, Frodo said, "Goodnight, Samwise."
****************************************
Sam had been roused from his sleep again. This time it wasn't the smell of a delicious breakfast awaiting him, but the sound of Rosie's laughter. He looked around at the left side of the bed. She was gone.
*Where can she be? And laughing at this hour of the night?*
Sam left the room and when he walked out into the hall dimly lit by candlelight, Rosie's laughter grew louder...and it bellowed from outside Frodo's bedroom.
Swiftly, Sam opened the door and barged inside. His eyes widened in shock at what he saw...Rosie sitting on Frodo's lap. She giggled childishly with her arms locked around his neck.
"Rosie!" Sam roared. "Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo leaped onto his feet, dropping Rosie who fell with a thump on the floor.
Frodo cleared his throat. "Sam, uh...it's not what you think at all."
"Begging your pardon, Mr. Frodo, but what do you expect me to think about what I've seen? I suspected there was a lass you've been hiding. I never thought it would be my Rosie!"
Embarrassed, Rosie sprang onto her feet and straightened out her dress.
"Sam," Frodo said pitifully, hoping Sam would feel sorry for him. "It's the ring. It's making me do strange things."
"The ring?" Sam yelled. "How can it be the ring? It's gone!"
"Yes, but it still affects me. You know I haven't been well because of it."
"Ring or naught, there's no excuse for what you're doing with Rosie! And you, Rosie, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Well," she began. "I tried, but...I just couldn't resist Frodo's beautiful blue eyes."
"What?" Sam scowled. "I knew it was a bad idea, Mr. Frodo, you asking us to move in with you. Maybe that's why you invited us, so you can be with Rosie!"
A boiling anger spewed from Sam's eyes as he closed in the space between him and Frodo.
Nervously, Frodo backed away from him, stumbling toward the door.
"Sam! Please, my Samwise the Brave."
"Samwise the Brave, hah! Wish I had Sting and instead of cutting Smeagol's throat, I'd cut yours!"
"Sam!!!" Frodo's voice trailed as Sam chased him out of the room.
***********************************************
Frodo Baggins sat on the steps outside Bag End. He hugged his chin in the palm of his hand. His left eye, closed a little, was marred by a black and blue bruise. Frodo heard a cart squeaking by. It stopped. And when he looked up at who stood above him, he sighed.
"Gandalf," he said to the white wizard. "I keep telling everyone, it's the ring that made me do it."
Gandalf looked down at him, scowling. "You can't blame the ring this time, Frodo. Even Smeagol never did such a thing and he had the ring for 600 years."
"Does this mean I'm not allowed to go to the undying lands?"
"Now it is of the utmost importance that you leave, unless you want another black eye. But you mustn't tell the elves. They might debate whether to take you or not. Since you showed compassion to Smeagol, in the future they will understand...I hope."
************************************************
The next day, Frodo, Bilbo and Gandalf embarked on the elven ship at the Grey Havens. There was no one to bid them farewell, which mystified the elves.
***********************************************
After Frodo left the Shire to spend the rest of his life in Valinor, Sam and Rosie sat across from each other at the kitchen table.
A furious Sam growled, "I'm glad we're rid of him! But...you never told me what your excuse was?" Sam sneered, "Except your remark about his blue eyes."
"Well," Rosie started softly, "You was so close to Mr. Frodo. You spend more time with him than me, so I figured I'd give you a little Frodo to run around the house."
Sam's eyes widened, so much so that it seemed they would burst right out of his sockets. He looked down at her stomach. "You! You!!!"
Bag End. All was quiet in hobbiton, well, except for the shattering of plates tossed around in what was once Frodo's home.
**************************************
The End.