"On the air in 3….2….1…"
The audience went wild.
"Ohio and welcome to BAKING WITH KURZ AND GAURON! I'm your favorite host, Kurz, and I'd say I'm Japanese pretty hungry!" yelled Kurz, banging on the counter.
"I'm Gauron," Gauron said, performing a little curtsy in his frilly pink apron of might. It had a little red heart in the center. The heart represented love, which Gauron was a big supporter of. He had his heart broken several times on several occasions, so he thought that such a symbol might bring joy into the loyal watchers of the show.
"Today!" cried Kurz, throwing a large pan onto the counter with a clang, "we're going to learn how to make…ULTRA TOASTTTTTT!"
A few bras landed on stage. That was a shining moment for Kurz. Gauron blushed and quickly got the broom, sweeping them away from their personal area. Gauron needed his space. Ever since he got raped by Sagara Sousuke he kept up his guard around anything related to the elusive category of sexuality.
Kurz undid the twisty-tie and slipped his hand ever so sensually into the plastic wrapping around a loaf of bread. "Now, everybody!" he paused, handing the twisty tie to Gauron, who desposited it into his apron pocket. Inside Gauron's pocket were several things, including his emergency number for his therapist and pepper spray in case Kurz got a little frisky.
Kurz pulled gently and soon his hand began to emerge from the womb of the plastic loaf bag, tugging ever so slightly at a slice of bread to follow him into the light. Once birthed, he held the slice of bread up for all the audience to see. Girls were screaming, men were taking out the camera phones to capture this victorious event, and Gauron hid under the counter because the threat of so many people and so much noise was too much for his poor virginous mind.
Kurz ignored his business partner and began the vicious dance. He jumped in front of the counter and began shaking that body like nothing else, tossing his head from side to side all the whilst holding up that slice of bread like nobody's business. Then he rocked his hips as he …TORE THE BREAD IN HALF! You could hear Gauron gasp from where he was hiding. It was a good thing he was only hearing it and not actually watching this pagan display.
Kurz began robbing his body with the bread and the audience was clawing at the stage. Then Kurz stopped and there was a silence. "Okay!" he yelled happily. "Time to toast it!" He picked the crumbles of his chest and dropped them daintily in the toaster. He set the timer for thirty seconds. Then….as the ticking began he continued his viscous dance. He shook his body all around, jumping and twisting, then fell to the floor and began log rolling around. Then! DING! Cried the archtoaster. He grabbed it and began shaking it out toward the audience. Everyone was now covered in hot bread crumbs.
After the taping, Gauron sat in a diner on the corner of 23rd street, sipping his coffee. He was frightened by the waitress, who winked at him. What did that mean? He shivered and walked out without paying for his drink. That wasted coffee.
Gauron walked through the snow, contemplating all that had happened to him in the last thirteen years. Three hours later he shot himself in the back of a warehouse. Kurz found him there the next day. He decided upon arrival that no matter, he would continue the baking show without him. He wore the heart apron and never knew the deep significance behind the red heart, nor the therapist's number, nor the twisty-tie he found in the pocket that puzzled over for a few days.