Let the truth be told that Ron liked women's underwear. And not that he liked to see it on women. Oh no. He liked wearing it. And often. And how. And today, well, he was in Victoria's Secret.And not just there to purchase a black bra. Oh no. Today was war. He was hiding under a rack of negligees, waiting. Waiting for none other…than LUCIUS MALFOY.
A woman came by, confident about purchasing a pink gauzy something to impress her new husband. She lifted the perfect little number off the rack and there she saw Ron Weasely sitting underneath holding a large gun. She screeched and ran. But Ron saw nothing, not not at all. He only saw the beautiful figure strolling into the store. Lucius Malfoy, cloak billowing, cane in hand, walked over the threshold of Victoria's Secret, unsuspecting, sure he was alone.
But then, as Ron was gazing over his prey, he felt a wavering doubt cloud his mind. Ron wasn't sure he could do it. This…this man was, well, beautiful. Perfect. Long blond hair, piercing icy eyes, such stature. Perhaps such a hunk of a man did not deserve the fate that was coming to him. And perhaps if he didn't perform such a barbaric task, he might even get some nookie out of this man…
Ron sighed. "Fuck it." As Lucius drew near, Ron flew up, knocked over the rack, whisked out his gun, and shot him.
"Ahhh!" Lucius cried as he opened his cloak to inspect the damage. Beep! Beep! Beep! Lucius laughed. "Ah Weasley…you got me…"
"YOU'RE IT!" screeched Ron and ran out of Victoria's Secret. Lucius whipped out his own gun and raced after him, ready to continue their game of mall laser tag.
Ron later got pregnant and was abandoned by Lucius, who left him for Neville Longbottom, who was sterile and wouldn't give Lucius any trouble. Ron gave birth to a lovely blond freckled child whom he named Lucius Moonflower.
Lucius Moonflower grew up to be an auror and a damn good fuck. Even Ron agreed.