Title: What You Can't Have
Author: BlueLunacy7
Chapter Warnings: Angst?
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any quotes or lyrics, or song titles in any way, shape, or form. Basically, nothing you recognize is mine.
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If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain?-Tuptim, Anna and the King, 1999.
In the movies, an average boy would do something amazing or have some sort of incredible destiny, a task only he could perform, proving himself to be more than merely ordinary, he'd get the beautiful girl who never even so much as glanced in his direction in the beginning and then drive off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
It was every teenager's dream, to be more than normal, to be special, to get that unattainable someone you had a crush on ever since the first time you saw them across the classroom.
Sam had been that way once, desperately wanting more, desperately wanting to be something more, to be extraordinary, wanting that dream…now he would give anything to normal again. To be one of the anonymous millions, faceless in the crowd and never thinking about what happens after the movies ends, completely ignorant of the fact that when the dream ends it becomes fuel for nightmares.
He lived the dream, he was an average boy who helped save the world from an evil alien force and got the beautiful girl he had wanted: Mikaela Banes. She of the long silky black hair that was fragranced with that slightly sweet shampoo she always used, bright blue eyes that glowed with her spirit, beautiful sun-kissed skin perfumed with the scent of her body lotion and lush curves that filled his arms and hands and felt so good pressed against him, soft red lips that tasted of cherry-flavored lips gloss.
Only it wasn't her luscious body pressed against his own or her soft lips he wanted, it wasn't her blue eyes he saw in his dreams.
Mikaela was beautiful and sweet and funny and smart and wasn't who he wanted. He did love her, really he did, just not the way she wanted to be loved but he wanted too, oh God he wanted to love her like she wanted. If he wasn't sick and strange, he could, if he wasn't in love with someone else.
It had snuck up on him slowly, this is sickness, these poisonous feelings, winding around his heart like a strangling vine squeezing so tightly he couldn't breath, like a rip current dragging him out to the deep sea to drown, like a star about to go supernova and burn him to a crisp.
He wanted…he wanted…he wanted what he couldn't have but couldn't stay away from. Like a drug addict looking for one last hit or a dare devil looking for one last rush, knowing this could be the one that leads to their death. But what a way to go… he had stood at the edge this precipice, had thought about just jumping off, confessing everything and hope it didn't hurt too much went he hit the bottom. But he never did, he always stepped away from the edge.
It was a drug, a poison he had to purge from his system before it destroyed him and every thing else. The only way to do so was to get away from its source, even if it felt like dying, even if killed him.
"Bee, I want to talk to you about the college thing, okay?"
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A very short something…a drabble? *shrugs* I thought I would share with everyone. I was watching some AMVs trying to act as if I was actually doing my math homework (I know, I know but Math is the Devil and it's after my soul I tell you! On that note, whoever invented Truth Tables, I hate you.) and came across the song The Feel Good Drag by Anberlin and the infamous 'Garage Scene' ROTF came up in my head for some reason, especially with line 'This over before….Before it ever began."
Thanks for reading,
-Bluelunacy7