Understanding

By Shin Sankai

"Do not lecture me Okina." Misao froze at the closed shoji with her hand posed to knock. She was dressed in a light kimono helping Omasu and Okon serve in the Aoi-ya and had just taken a short break to bring Aoshi and her adoptive grandfather Okina some tea. However, it appeared she'd stumbled upon what seemed to be a small argument between the two of them. She'd never heard annoyance or anger within her Aoshi-sama's voice before, but it appeared it was directed right at her Jiya.

"Aoshi I just…" This was Okina trying to butt in and as Misao narrowed her eyes watching the shadows of the two men through the rice paper she noticed the taller, this being Aoshi of course move to the opened window.

"I did what needed to be done." Aoshi interrupted the elder ninja. He was starring out the window, hands fussed tightly against the seal while Okina sat in one of the dark western chairs with that ridiculous pink bow still tied in his white beard. His eyes observed Aoshi's every movement.

"But surely…"

"Okina, you knew of Makimachi-sama's wishes and know that I would obey his every command. Though he wasn't alive to give me orders of what to do with his granddaughter, in my head I knew she wasn't meant for this life – the life we led years ago." Misao's eyes widened at this. "Makimachi-sama saw a new future within his granddaughter, within those soulful blue eyes." Misao stepped away from the shoji and pressed her back against the wall, head still turned to listen into Aoshi and Okina's conversation, even though Aoshi seemed to be doing most of the talking for once.

"You think our leader was the only one to see a new future within Misao-chan?" Okina wisely asked, lips twitching as Aoshi had bent his head, eyes probably closing to think on that very question.

"Of course not Okina, we all did. Perhaps even I wanted her to remain here the most." Misao held in her breath at those powerful sternly spoken words. Aoshi had turned to look back at his mentor. "If there was one good deed I have ever done in my life, it was leaving Misao here with you and the others." Misao's hands tightened on the serving tray as she held it close to her chest.

"Misao-chan might not see it that way." Okina responded quietly.

"She is young and wouldn't understand."

"Then make her understand!" Okina was up from his chair and paced the office. "She isn't the child we wish she were anymore. She wants to…no…needs to understand you…all of you Aoshi."

"Why?"

"You cannot seriously be that foolish and blind." This earned Okina a narrowed and slightly icy glare. "She loves you, has loved you for years. Misao-chan wants to love all of you and not what she can only remember from years passed." Okina placed his hands on the back of the chair; eyes quickly glancing at the half shadow against the shoji that Aoshi had not taken notice of yet.

"I am not foolish nor am I blind Okina." Misao's breath which had been stuck within her chest came out in a rush just as warmth spread into her cheeks.

"Why should a past so dark be brought up again?"

"Because this past hasn't been let go of, cannot be let go of unless you speak of it. If you keep it inside, allowing it to sit and stew there, one day without warning it will boil over and no one will be around to listen to your grieving.

"And you think Misao would have the patience to sit and listen?"

"How dare you think she wouldn't Aoshi." Okina sat back down in the chair, his bones beginning to ache. "I may be getting older, but to me Misao-chan is very much my granddaughter. I know her in and out. She will sit with you and she will listen to you. Do you not see this?"

"I…"

"How many times has she brought you tea and sat quietly with you? How many days has it been that she has accompanied you to the temple and remained at your side? It has been several months since you returned to us here at the Aoi-ya and though not much has changed, Misao still remains at your side, hoping, praying for the day that you will answer her questions."

"Questions?"

"Can you not see the pain within her eyes? They are still as expressive as when she was a small girl. The last I wish to do is place more guilt into your already battered self, but Misao needs to understand why you left her all alone. She wants answers for why you could not say goodbye to her when you left." Aoshi turned back to look out into the clear blue sky watching two sparrows flutter within the afternoon breeze – the female chasing the male.

"She needed to be free of me, of what my path would lead to." Aoshi knew Okina would interrupt him and so he continued on, leaning heavily against the window seal, the breeze ruffling his silky bangs over his half lidded eyes. "Of course I had no idea Kanryu Takeda would be within my future or that my companions, my friends would…die before my very eyes." It was unbelievably hard for the 27-year-old Aoshi to grasp these events once more.

"Aoshi perhaps I've…"

"I know I betrayed her Okina." Misao's eyes watered as she looked down at the pot of tea. "Maybe I had known my path would become bloody and therefore I left her to remain with you, to keep her safe for all time. I knew Misao loved me, very much I did and that is why I couldn't say goodbye. To look deeply within those eyes, those very eyes that trusted me with her pure innocent heart would break me instantly. Even now it is something I fear. To see disappointment within those eyes is something I am not ready to face."

"I am sorry I pushed so hard Aoshi." The old man jumped slightly within his chair, just as Misao had done so outside the room when a loud crack against wood resonated through the upstairs of the Aoi-ya as it splintered beneath the brutal force of Aoshi's fisted hand. He'd punched the wall beside the opened window, knuckles now red and raw as he leaned his head against the window frame.

"I hate the idea that Misao's perfect image of me has been forever ruined." Okina's eyebrows lifted up at that muffled response before a soft fatherly smile broke over his lips. The young boy he had (and hadn't) seen grew into a man far too quickly and yet emotions were still foreign to him. He was in love with his most devoted shinobi and didn't even know it yet.

"Since when has there ever been a perfect man Aoshi? Misao isn't silly enough to believe in such things. She has grown a great deal over the years you've been gone and knows there is much of you she does not know. Even so, this does not change the fact that she lov-"

"Jiya, enough." The two men turned to stare surprised eyes at Misao; both of them not even hearing her slide the shoji across to announce her presence. The tray of tea was still resting on her left palm as she stepped inside to place it on the mahogany desk. "Aoshi-sama doesn't need harassment, especially from those that are the only family he has left. His past will be spoken of if and when he desires to say so. We cannot force him to do anything, you should know this by now."

"But Misao-chan I…" She rested her hand on Okina's shoulder just as her eyes lifted up to gaze openly into Aoshi's semi hidden deep green orbs.

"You cannot place time on a tragedy that affects someone so deeply. If Aoshi-sama wishes to open up, he knows that we'll always be here to listen, no matter if it's months or years away. When it feels right to him, he'll be sure to let us know." The elder ninja sighed as he stood up, old bones creaking as he did so. Secretly he hoped it would be sooner rather than later. He wasn't getting any younger and wanted to see two very precious people to him happy and content with each other. A little push had become his idea, however he'd never truly known how acceptable Misao had been in understanding the way Aoshi was until now.

"Alright, alright, I shall leave him be." Misao watched Okina leave the room and turned her gaze back to look at Aoshi who'd decided to stare out into the "outside world" once more, his broad back outlined in his purple training outfit with white ties billowing behind him. He still attended the temple once a week, but Misao had become overly ecstatic at seeing him back in the dojo and training once again. He'd quietly stated he'd become rusty and as Misao watched him move through a kata, muscles flexing fluently as he glided swiftly and silently over the floorboards, she knew it wasn't possible for him to ever become unfit.

She loved to watch him…and even now was doing that just now.

"I did not realise you were standing there." Misao stood by the desk and the teacups clinked as she placed one on Aoshi's side of the desk. He wasn't back to being the Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, but he was helping Okina with sorting out the huge stack of papers. As she focused her eyes on Aoshi, Misao had caught the underlying question of whether she'd been there the entire time, listening in on his jumbled thoughts and reasons.

"I will never run from you." Misao confessed as she poured him a cup of warm green tea. When the room fell silent she made her way to the hallway and stood at the opened shoji.

"Misao?" Her heart thumped as she turned to stare back at Aoshi. Even if he did not like showing it or admitting it, a war was currently rushing through his eyes as he focused them fully into her own. She watched his close for a moment and tilted her head slightly as he let off a sigh. Was it a sigh of relief? She did not know and didn't really need to worry about it when his deep clear voice drifted softly into her ears. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course." Misao slid the shoji closed for privacy and stepped towards the desk. Pouring another cup of tea, Misao headed over to Aoshi and placed one between his hands as they rested on the window seal once more. She stood by his side looking out into the blue sky he stared into their eyes catching the two sparrows flirting with each other.

Misao would wait for as long as it would take and now through some forced understanding Aoshi knew this as well.

Xx End… xX