Disclaimer: Star Wars and all its characters belong to George Lucas.



Don't Look Back

By Torny


Shmi Skywalker sat at her workstation, cleaning sensors. The events of the past twenty-four hours were completely overwhelming. Her son had won the Boonta Eve Podrace, the most dangerous race in the Outer Rim. And he had won with a podracer that he had built himself. Amazing! I knew he was special, she thought.

Just then, Anakin burst through the door and put a cloth bag on the table. "Mom, we sold the Pod!" he exclaimed. "Look at all the money we have!" Shmi opened the bag and stared in awe at the enormous amount. "That's so wonderful, Ani!"

Qui-Gon Jinn appeared in the doorway. "And he has been freed."

The shock of the money was nothing compared to what Shmi felt now. Free. Her son was free! He could finally leave this crime-ridden dustball and accomplish everything he had ever dreamed of… Then she realized what Qui-Gon hadn't said. Ani was free. Shmi was not. Her heart froze.

Anakin, however, was overjoyed. "What?!"

Qui-Gon smiled. "You are no longer a slave!"

Anakin turned to his mother, his eyes full of shock and wonder. "Mom, did you hear that?"

Shmi forced herself to be happy for Anakin. "Now you can make your dreams come true, Ani. You are free." Suddenly remembering who Qui-Gon was, she looked at him. "Will you take him with you? Is he to become a Jedi?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "Our meeting was not a coincidence. Nothing happens by accident."

Anakin whirled around. "You mean I get to go with you in your starship?" he gasped.

Qui-Gon knelt before Anakin, his face suddenly serious. "Anakin, training to become a Jedi is not an easy task. And even if you succeed, it's a hard life."

As if his life here was easy? thought Shmi. She felt strangely calm. Her son would be a Jedi. He would help people, accomplish great things. She had known this since she had first learned of his existence.

Qui-Gon's warning had not deterred her son. "But I wanna go! It's what I've always dreamed of doing! Can I go, Mom?"

A part of Shmi screamed at her to tell him no, to plead with Anakin to stay here. But she pushed it aside. Anakin didn't belong here. "Anakin, this choice has been placed before you," she said softly. "The choice is yours alone." "I wanna do it," said Anakin.

"Then pack your things," said Qui-Gon, giving Anakin a little push. "We haven't much time."

Anakin let out a joyful yell and ran towards his room. Then he stopped. "What about Mom?"

Shmi exchanged a worried glance with Qui-Gon. He sighed. "I tried to free your mother, Ani, but Watto wouldn't have it." Shmi could see the disbelief in the boy's eyes. He ran up to her. "You're coming too, aren't you Mom?"

Shmi felt torn. But she knew what she had to do. She looked her son in the eyes. "Son, my place is here. My future is here. You must let go. I cannot come with you."

Tears welled up in Anakin's eyes. "I don't want things to change," he pleaded.

"But you can't stop the change," said Shmi, "any more than you can stop the suns from setting." She gave her son a tight hug. "I love you, Ani." She released him, smiled encouragingly, and pointed Anakin towards his room. "Now, go. There isn't much time."

She watched as her son walked to his room, then sighed. "I will take care of him," she heard Qui-Gon say. "You have my word." She thanked him quietly. Qui-Gon seemed to sense her anguish. "Will you be all right?" he asked.

Shmi sighed. "He was with me for such a short time…"

Ten minutes later, Shmi watched her son walk down the path with Qui-Gon, carrying a pack full of his belongings. He seemed to slow, then stopped, turning around to look at her. Then Anakin ran back, crying. Shmi knelt down and hugged him, brushing away his tears. "I can't do it Mom, I just can't do it!" he cried, clinging to her. Shmi let him do so for a few moments. Then she backed him away. "Ani, do you remember how you limed that dune to chase the banthas away so they wouldn't be shot? When you were five? Do you remember how you collapsed several times from heat and exhaustion, thinking you couldn't do it, that it was too hard?"

Her son nodded, his face streaked with tears.

"This is one of those times when you have to do something you don't think you can do. But I know how strong you are, Ani. I know you can do it." And he could. She believed this more than anything.

Anakin swallowed his tears. "Will I ever see you again?" he asked desperately.

"What does your heart tell you?" Shmi asked quietly.

Anakin's tone was doubtful. "I don't know. Yes… I guess."

Shmi smiled. "Then we will see each other again. Someday."

Her son had stopped crying, and seemed to steady himself. "I will come back and free you, Mom," he declared in a small voice. "I promise."

Shmi hugged her son one more time. "Wherever you go Ani, my love will always be with you. Now go. And don't look back. Don't look back."

She turned Anakin around, and he walked away, more steadily, following Qui-Gon. Shmi watched them until they rounded a corner and disappeared. Then she slowly walked back into their house- her house- and sat at a table.

Her son was gone. And there was a good chance he wasn't coming back. He would go out into the galaxy and bring hope to those who had none, just as he had done today on Tatooine by winning the Boonta. And they might never see each other again…

Shmi Skywalker knelt her head and began to cry.



FIN





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