Title: A Mother's Plea
Author: Jennifer Zoromski AKA Jennis524
Rating: PG13
Category: Scully angst
Spoilers: pre and post "All Things" and Requiem"
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 except for my creations.
Summary: Scully has more behind the story of her and Daniel
Author's Note: I took a different approach of writing both a pre and post X-Files because I wanted to try and explain why Scully joined the FBI and why she always hid her feelings.
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A Mother's Plea
By Jennifer Zoromski
A young mother looked at her infant son with the kind of love any mother would look at a child with, the child that was made from her flesh and blood. Dana Scully put a trembling had up to her forehead to clear away a piece of dangling red hair. The year was 1990 and Dana Katherine Scully had officially finished her MD. Daniel Waterson, her teacher and the love of her life was the father of her firstborn child. Dana was lying on top of the blue tinted hospital bed looking at her newborn son. In her eyes her son was perfect, nothing was wrong with him.
Twenty-six year old Dana Scully was looking at a full medical career ahead of her, four more years of residency, paying back debts until her early thirties and a wonderful life with Daniel. Even though she was having an affair with Daniel (he was a married man with a grown daughter) she loved him and saw herself spending the rest of her life with him.
Adam was born four weeks early. His body color was white, white as a ghost. Doctors tested him immediately after his early arrival. Dana waited restlessly for the results of the tests, hoping, but knowing deep down something was terribly wrong.
"Ms. Scully we have finished the tests on your son," a young doctor in a white coat said with pain in his voice, "Your son has under developed lungs. It is very rare this late in his development. He was only born four weeks early, but his lungs act like he was born three months early."
Dana Scully looked amazed. A new young mother scared for the life of her new child. One single tear ran down her cheek. Daniel wasn't there with her to receive the doomed ending of a child that barely got to live. Dana held on tighter to her son trying to heal him with her touch and her touch alone.
"He won't live to see his first birthday let alone his first week."
"Is there anything I can do?" Dana choked out.
"Give him lots of love. Be calm around him because he can sense your every emotion."
The young doctor walked out of the room. That was the first of many times ahead where he told a young mother that her child was already on their deathbed. That child would not grow old and die warm in a bed, a bed that had seen almost as many years as the person that was lying on top drawing in their last, long awaited breath.
This doctor had to tell mothers that they would out live their child, that the small child would never utter "Mama." That this child would never use their tiny legs to take their first steps walking into the arms of their mothers. These children would never ride a school bus on the first day of school, leaving their mother's side for the first time in five years. They would never have homework, complain of impossible test, or wear a graduation gown and cap taking a huge leap from teen to adult. The young doctor thought about that as he walked away from room M42 where a young red headed mother held on tightly to her dying son.
Dana looked down at her son and for the first time in her life was so heart broken that it hurt deep down. The little creature in her trembling arms was nearing the end of his short life. Daniel didn't even know that his firstborn son was dying. Daniel was at his home pretending to be the loving husband and father. Dana looked out the window and saw that it was starting to rain. It was as if the Heavens had opened up and the angels were crying for her son.
Adam opened his eyes for a brief moment. His eyes were a hazel color, but then Dana looked away for a second. When she looked back into his eyes they were a deep blue. She didn't know until much later that that moment when his eyes were hazel was a sign, maybe a sign from God.
That night Dana didn't sleep because she felt Adam's time was drawing near. At four o'clock that morning Dana's doctor came in and took Adam from her. His tiny body barely moved as he was transported to a cold room where more tests were performed. An hour later the doctor came back with a sleeping Adam.
"Dana the reason his color is so bad is because there is also a problem with his heart. I believe this is his last day on Earth."
"Can I just hold him?"
"Hold him, love him, pray for him that God accepts him with open arms into Heaven safely. Do you want to call someone to baptize him?"
"Yeah, just have the hospital priest come."
Half an hour later Dana held her son in front of the small chapel that was in the hospital. She had on a pink, fuzzy robe covering the ugly hospital gown.
"I baptize you... What is his name?"
"Adam William Scully."
"I baptize you Adam William Scully in the name of the Father, and the Son, and Holy Ghost."
He poured holy water over Adam's brown head of hair. Dana crossed herself and for once in her life she wanted to wear the cross her mother had given her for Christmas many years before. She put her hand in the pocket of her robe and fingered the small cross. Dana pulled it out of her pocket and dangled it in front of the priest.
"Father will you bless my cross?"
He nodded without saying anything and took the cross. He handed Adam back to Dana already sleeping peacefully. A short while later the priest put the crucifix around Dana's neck. She walked out of the small chapel after thanking the priest and headed for the elevator.
A nurse stopped her before she got to the door. "Ma'am where are you going? You can't take that child out of the hospital."
"My son is dying. I want him to experience the outdoors if it is only once. I want him to feel the warm sunshine on his cheek and breathe in the fresh air."
Her doctor had come up behind her and looked at the nurse, "Let her go out."
Those were the only words spoken after that. Dana walked out the door of the hospital and into the garden. It was now a beautiful day. She sat down on a bench that was partly shaded by a tree.
"Adam," she whispered, "I love you and want you to stay, but I know it is your time to go. I'll see you up in Heaven."
She bent down and kissed him on the forehead. As she kissed him she felt on her cheek Adam drawing in his last breath, a breath that was meant to be. Dana knew that this child was never destined to be and realized why he was sent. He was sent to wake Dana up, to show her that Daniel would never ever be there for her.
She sat in shock for a long time holding her limp and lifeless son. A nurse came out sometime later and took him away from her. The next few days blurred together. She watched as a young mother left the hospital looking down at her new baby. Dana left the hospital empty handed with no child only memories of the small life that she held in her arms for three days.
Dana had the memory of giving life to a small child that was never meant to be, she had given him life, but God took it away just as quickly as it was given. There was no one there to comfort her.
She hadn't seen Daniel in two days because he went on a cruise with his wife. Dana's parents didn't even know that she had a child and she didn't have the heart to tell them. Adam was a child born out of an affair. When Dana had graduated from medical school she somehow persuaded her parents not to come, that was only five days ago. It seemed like a lifetime.
"The lord is my shepherd. I shall not want," the priest said over the small white casket of Dana's son. She felt like she was walking around in a dream. There was a small funeral and a lot of her friends and teachers from med. school came to comfort her. The graveside service broke Dana's heart and all she heard from the priest was, "...and the life of the world to come."
She wondered if Adam would live another life - grow old and die in a warm bed. They lowered the small casket into the ground and all Dana did was sit there. It started to rain, the people, the angels of Heaven crying. For her maybe, but then again for her small son that was laid to rest. Never being able to live. The mourners one by one came to her offering their sympathy and finally leaving when Dana insisted she was fine, waving her hand and trying to smile.
She was left sitting there by herself in the pouring rain. Her red hair was limply hanging around her face and she was still staring into the nothingness.
They had put a gravestone at one side of were the earth had been recently been disturbed. It didn't seem real at all. She expected to go home and see a baby, Adam sleeping peacefully in his small room she had prepared for him, happily during the months of her pregnancy, expecting the best, but the worst happened. His grave read:
ADAM WILLIAM SCULLY
MAY 21, 1990- MAY 24, 1990
THE BELOVED INFANT SON OF DANA SCULLY
"I AM THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT"
He had only lived for three days, three days that changed Dana's life forever. She made one of the biggest decisions of her life that rainy night when she was looking out, feeling let down by God and God alone.
When she graduated from med. school there was a man from the FBI that offered her a job as a special agent. She turned it down because she wanted to stay with Daniel, but now she was reconsidering. Daniel hadn't been there when Adam was born and he wasn't there when his only son drew in his last breath. What was going to stop him from cheating on her once they got married? Maybe he'd go after one of his young nurses or students next.
Dana took out the business card of the mysterious man who lit up a Morley and looked at her trying to control her decision and studied it. She wondered if it would be too late. She had talked to the guy only five days ago, a man by the name of Spender.
"Hi this is Dana Scully. Um, you talked to me almost a week ago about joining the FBI."
"Ah, yes Dana Scully. The offer still stands. You will have to go through a training process at Quantico and then you will be given the title: Special Agent. You know Special Agent Dana Scully has a certain ring to it."
Dana said yes without hesitating. She called Daniel later that night and was on the plane to Virginia the next morning. She went through the training in a breeze. Working hard so she wouldn't think about her broken heart. The heart that God had broke.
Dana Scully became a teacher at Quantico training new agents until she was partnered with a man know as 'Spooky Mulder', to debunk his project. The man is Fox Mulder, the project is the X-Files. She was given this assignment to, to reign him in to shut him down and destroy his career, but she couldn't, not after having her life almost destroyed by someone or something she couldn't control.
They worked together for eight years, never once did she falter a word about Daniel or Adam until fate came knocking at her door. It was 2000 and Adam would have been celebrating his tenth birthday. Mulder had a flight to England to catch. He was investigating sneaky farmers who played around with plant genetics creating crop circles.
Mulder went to England and Scully found out Daniel was in the hospital in DC by complete accident. She realized that she wasn't the same person, she had changed immensely in the last 10 years. When she saw Daniel she realized that she had changed. Dana was no longer the young med. student who was having an affair with the love of her life, a married man.
Dana had grown up and somehow accepted her life. The life that was destined to be hers with no son to love and comfort, but a motherless woman that was medically unable to have another child. She had lost another child in the ten years since Adam. The child's name was Emily and she was created, not out of love, but she was created as a scientific experiment. Dana never gave birth to her and barely even knew her, but Dana loved her as she did Adam and like him, she was never meant to be.
Scully went to Mulder's that night and sat with a cup of tea warming her hands as she told her story. Mulder sitting next to her listening, but never interrupting. In the almost eight years that she had known him he never once let her talk with out interrupting. All the years where they had gotten too close to the truth or when they found strange things in the sewer. He always interrupted, not wanting to hear her scientific nonsense only his strange, but usually right theories.
"It's amazing, Scully I go away for two days and your whole life changes." She was exhausted and looked at him weakly.
"What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong?"
Scully fell asleep on Mulder's couch, her secret still safe with in, Mulder only knew of Daniel, not Adam. Mulder covered her up with a blanket and pushed away a piece of her auburn hair like Scully had done so many years ago while she looked into the face of her infant son. Not knowing that 10 years later she would be sitting on a man's couch, a man that had saved her life more than once in the 8 years. She had known him; not knowing that she wouldn't be living in a house married to Daniel, possibly with kids, especially a ten-year-old named Adam. She had not felt pain when she looked into his small face all she felt was love, so great that death could not break that bond that only mother and child have.
Mulder went to sleep in his bed. Scully awoke in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep so she walked quietly to Mulder's bedroom that had magically appeared in the middle of last year. Mulder was sleeping peacefully and Scully looked at him, drawn into the peacefulness. She wondered if his mother ever had watched her beautiful son sleep, hoping for him and his long life ahead. Never thinking that the candle of life would be extinguished until he lived to see his own children grow old, their children on the brink of adulthood before he could slip into the starry stillness of a long awaited evening.
Scully thought of the things she had missed. She didn't get to sneak into her son's bedroom and look at him sleeping, imagining what he will grow up to be maybe a doctor, a teacher, or a person that dealt with the law? She thought to herself that she would never experience that, which she knew she wouldn't.
It was medically impossible for her to get pregnant and with her career she wouldn't be able to raise a child effectively, but if she got the chance she would take it gladly, not hesitating for a moment.
Mulder felt someone watching him and his peaceful sleep ended. He looked up and saw Scully looking at him, her eyes starting to tear as a single tear escaped from her deep blue eyes.
"Couldn't sleep?" Mulder asked looking at her.
"It got really cold on the couch and there is more to my story," Scully said looking at Mulder, shivering. He offered his covers to her and she gladly accepted. He cuddled up next to her warm body as she told him of Daniel Waterson not being there when she bore him a son, the short life and ending death of her son.
Mulder listened without saying a word, perhaps remembering the pain that he had witnessed when Emily died. Scully's emotions barely ever were shown to him, but at that time she could not hide them. She wanted to be a mother, but every chance she had was taken away from her and Mulder blamed himself for that, hoping and praying for some kind of miracle.
When Scully finished her story she was crying hard now, sobs interrupt her speaking.
"Scully I'm so sorry," Mulder said pulling her closer to him. She turned her head to look into his eyes and turned so she could pull his head to hers. She looked into his eyes and drew his head to hers with her hand. Scully moved closer and closer to Mulder's lips and they finally met. This was the first time both of them felt completely and entirely safe: When they were in each other's arms.
The next morning Scully woke up in Mulder's bed and looked at him sleeping peacefully. She smiled remembering last night: they had finally taken their relationship to the next level. They admitted their feelings for each other, but the story doesn't end happily I'm afraid or at least not at the moment.
Mulder abandoned Scully at a point in her life when she needed him most, when she was carrying Mulder's firstborn son. He was not like Daniel though because he was completely devoted to Scully and to Scully alone. He returned before the birth of his son. Around his neck was the cross that Scully had given him, he told her later that reminded him that he had to return because he wasn't finished here.
Five years after the birth of her second son Fox William Mulder Jr. she walked once again to that lonely grave of her first born. She knelt down and looked up towards the sky. Dana finally realized why Adam was sent to her and thanked him. He was sent to save her. Scully placed one single rose at his grave and walked away from it the way she did fifteen years before, but it wasn't raining, it was the sunniest day in that entire month.
She walked to the gate where her family stood. The sun was setting in the west and it hi-lighted her beautiful family. She walked up to Mulder and smiled. He was holding their three day-old daughter: Eve.
She was born on May 21, 2005 at the exact time Adam was born. Maybe she was Adam, his soul imbedded in her every pore, made the small child whole and complete. You see she looks just like Adam did, except she had rosy cheeks and her eyes were a deep hazel, the color that flashed before Scully 15 years before. Scully owed her family to the life of her son Adam; he was her light and truth.
THE END
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