My mother knew.
This thought persisted in my mind as the train chugged forward.
She knew it as soon as I made my decision; my mother knew I was not Dauntless.
I realized it the instant that I willed my blood to drip in the coals. I eagerly looked to my parents, searching for their thoughts, concerns, any possible emotion as I chose my faction. Her grimace still is fresh in my mind. I want to ignore it, erase it permanently from my mind, but it keeps appearing. The pain in her face; Couldn't she of hid it better? No, she couldn't have. She was a Candor, honesty ran in her blood. Her face just displayed what her words could not reveal.
The city passes by, allowing itself to create an immeasurable distance between my parents and me. Pushing my mother out of my mind seemed like an easy thing to do when I first jumped on the train, but after the initial adrenaline wore off, she is all I can think about. I turn behind me, looking to the vegetation instead. It's no help. The wind seems to scream her disapproval; the sun bears down harder than her visible pain. Mother Nature is less understanding than my biological mother. I just stare ahead.
The other initiates' faces radiate with terror and excitement. Why wouldn't they? They were all Dauntless now. Well, almost Dauntless. None of us have passed initiation yet. Nobody would jump on the chance to admit it, but there was the nagging fear of what lied ahead. To outsiders, the Dauntless were reckless, almost border-line insane. The only thing that stopped a Dauntless was death itself.
In front of me, another Candor transfer was talking to the only Abnegation transfer. I recognized the Candor transfer. It was Christina. She occasionally ran her fingers through her short hair as she chattered on. It was a surprise that she chose outside of Candor, she ran her mouth too well. I shouldn't be too mean about it, we were from the same faction after all. I should be talking as much as her.
As far as the Abnegation transfer, it was a tiny girl. There was something about her. She looked frail; her frame seemed very small to be searching for fear. Even so, the way she carried herself was certainly far from weak. It almost appeared as if she was looking for a chance to prove herself.
She is beautiful. It's a little hard to admit, but she is striking. Her blonde hair just barely falls under her shoulders; her brown eyes are round and inviting. Even if all Abnegation citizens look alike, she would stand out in the crowd. I am sure of it.
The wind roaring in my ears is the only thing that drags me back into reality. The train is picking up speed. How close were we to Dauntless headquarters? Christina began yelling, but her voice was snatched from the winds. There is no point in trying to make conversation now, all we can do is wait out the ride.
Almost a half hour later, the train begins to slow down. Some of the kids in our car begin yelling, trying to draw the others' attention outside of the car. The Dauntless born initiates were jumping off the tracks onto a roof. No, that isn't the right description. They were gliding over the edge to safety. Jumping on the train seemed bad enough, but jumping over an edge onto a roof? Death seemed to be peering over at us, picking out any victims. Nothing about this part of initiation looked reassuring, but if I stayed on the train, I would become factionless. I don't know which fate was worse, but I certainly did not want to find out not even a day into my initiation. My knees wobble as I bring myself up, and somehow I make it to the edge of the car.
I take a breath. I jump.