Gunning Down Romance

A Songfic by Tyleet

Disclaimers: Don't own the song, band, or game.

*...* = lyrics

Ok, everyone, this is my very first fanfic. It is a songfic to Savage Garden's Gunning Down Romance, so I need feedback here. Please R&R. I'm sorry if the storyline doesn't fit exactly into every detail of the game, but that's why it's called fan FICTION. I'm also sorry if the lyrics aren't exactly perfect, I did them out of memory because I lost the thingy with the words on it. I hope you like this fic and see Sephy as I do when you're done. I'll shut up now and let you read what you came here for, ok?

* Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain, in your brain *

Ever since I saw her for the first time in Hojo's lab, I knew. I was eight, and she was five. Our ages meant nothing to me, because the first time I saw her all that registered in my brain was the perfect brown hair, enchanting green eyes, and beautifully innocent face. I knew then and there that we were meant for each other. But that fist glimpse was merely that, as I was led into the lab for testing and she was being led out and back to her holding chamber. When I asked Hojo about her, he told me to mind my own business and do as I was told. He made it quite clear that what I thought didn't matter to him at all. So I didn't ask again, but that face stayed with me forever.

* And feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in your veins, in your veins *

From then on, I looked for her in the halls as I was led into the labs. I could count on seeing her every Tuesday, because Hojo always had her scheduled right before me. One day I even caught her name. Aeris. A perfect name for such an angel. But one week when I was ten, I didn't see her. I didn't see her the next week either, or the next. When I got enough courage to ask Hojo about it, he got mad and told me she was gone and I'd never see her again and be quiet and do as I was told. I thought she was dead. My whole world was this building, and the outside world or escape were things unknown to me. I knew nothing about being an experiment, all I knew was sorrow over Aeris. Sorrow, it seems, can bring out rebellion, and rebel I did. I grew my silver hair long past my waist and struck out at people who got to close. I didn't care who I hurt as long as they hurt like I did. My love was dead.

* Love come quickly, 'cause I feel my self esteem is caving in, it's on the brink *

As I reached puberty I rebelled even more. I grew more and more tired of Hojo's tests, and once or twice I even struck him, though I paid dearly for it each time, but I didn't care. I was too sad to care, and all I ever thought about was my angel's innocent face and how she was gone forever. Since her face was always there, my anger over her loss was there too. I never had anyone to tell me it was ok, so I never learned to recover. I was cold hearted with the assistants, but alone in my room, away from people, I cried silent tears. Tears for her. Tears for me. Tears for us.

* Love come quickly, 'cause I don't think I can keep this monster in, it's in the skin *

Eventually, Hojo got tired of me injuring all of his assistants and sent me away to SOLDIER. It was my first time out of the labs, and the world astonished me. I'd never had peers before, and I didn't know how to make friends with them. I didn't mind. I had never known it before, so I didn't miss it now. In SOLDIER I found a place to vent my violent anger, both in training and in real battles. I feared being sent back to Hojo even when I was considered the best of the trainees, so I pushed myself harder. Completely dedicated to my work, I quickly gained rank and respect. To keep up with what I made myself do, I had to rid myself of emotions that might pull me down. In doing so, I pushed away most memories of Aeris, but I never completely forgot.

* Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine, they're morphine*

Over the years I went from student to instructor, then to general. I became the best of the best, the on every young boy wanted to be. The admiration felt good, but I didn't let myself feel too many emotions even then. I had one friend, Zack, and we always went on missions together. Then we were sent on a mission to a town called Nibelheim. There was a monster problem there, and naturally I was the man for the job. With Zack, a soldier named Cloud, and a young guide named Tifa, I went to the Nibel Reactor to solve the problem of too much mako. It started like a normal mission, but when I saw Jenova, I lost it. Hojo had never told me much, but he had told me once that my mother was Jenova. I panicked. I had to know. Was I just a monster? So I went to the basement of the old Shinra building, and there I learned about my past. Jenova was my mother, and I was an Ancient, a Cetra. My whole life had been a lie, according to those books down there, just a cruel hoax. That was when I first heard Jenova in my head. She told me that those people who had been my comrades had betrayed me, lied to me, held me down. She said that if I did as she said, I would be able too get my revenge on those who had hurt me. She called me her son, the one she loved, her wonderful child. These words had never been spoken to me before, and I wanted desperately to believe them. Jenova was the first person who seemed to care besides Zak, so I was willing to do anything to prove myself to her. When she asked if I would help her get our revenge, I answered her

"Yes, Mother. I'll do anything you ask."

* Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen, rarely seen *

With my newfound sense of belonging, I willingly let Jenova into my head and allowed her to tell me what to do. I hated to kill all those innocent people, but mother knows best, right? And they were the ones who had betrayed me, weren't they? So I destroyed Nibelheim and went to find my mother. I would rescue her, and we could be a family like I'd never had, and never known I'd wanted until the possibility was right there in front of me. But on the way, that young guide girl came to stop me, and so did Zak. Jenova convinced me that this was further betrayal, and in rage, I attacked them both. I felt awful about Zak, but Mother told me I had done the right thing. I would have gotten to her, too, if that Cloud hadn't come and somehow overpowered me. I ended up in a pool of mako, since after all, I was in a mako reactor, and might have died from it without Jenova's help. She got the lifestream to take my damaged body to the crater. With it useless now, she taught me how to project my spirit solidly to where I wanted to go and to work like my body, but it was never quite as effective. It was hard work to do all that, but Jenova was there the whole time telling me how wonderful I was and how proud she was of my progress, and promised to support me until I learned. It was the work of five long years, but I mastered it.

* Love I beg you, lift me up into that privileged point of view, the world of two *

Mother's first mission for me: Recover her body from the Shinra lab. I did as she told me, but at the Shinra building I saw something that made my heart soar with joy. Aeris was there, my angel. She wasn't long dead as I had believed for years, she was right here, in front of me. She was older of course, but she was still as lovely as I remembered. The only difference was that some of the childish innocence was gone from her face, but not all of it. When I recovered from my initial happiness, my heart went from soaring in the heavens to hot and angry as Hell in one second flat. I saw that she was in one of Hojo's cages, to be used in one of his twisted experiments like so many years ago, and I was furious. How dare that bastard do that to my angel, my soul, and fellow Cetra? So, when the opportunity arrived, I freed her and her friends along with my mother's body, and killed the sick monsters responsible for both crimes, the Shinra workers. For them, there was no regret.

With Mother's body free, we were able to pursue the Promised Land, where we could be happy together and where Aeris would be able to reach also, being another Cetra. It seemed perfect to me.

Mother and I stowed away on a Shinra ship together. Alone, I would have had no need for that, being just an astral spirit, but Mother's body needed a mode of transportation across the ocean. While on the ship, I saw her again. Aeris. My angel of light. She was with that soldier from many years back, Cloud, who had been my downfall. She had been with him at the Shinra building too, but I had been to busy then to notice. Jenova wanted me to fight her and her friends, but I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her, so I settled for giving them an eerie show with my astral body and letting mother fight. She was not pleased with me about that, but she told me everyone made mistakes and that she could forgive me this time if only I would please do as she said next time, I was still her wonderful child and nothing would change that. I still believed her, too.

* Love don't leave me, cause I console myself that Hallmark cards are true, I really do *

As I later searched for the black materia that would allow me to summon Meteor and ultimately reach the promised land, Aeris's face was always with me. She had grown so beautifully, she was so strong, so self-assured, so seemingly different from the frightened littler childe in the Shinra lab, and yet she was the same person I fell in love with all those years ago. I loved her more than ever now, but for some reason Mother seemed displeased with my choice. She didn't say anything, though, so I never mentioned it.

At the Temple of the Ancients, the black materia itself, I found her again. She was still with Cloud, and I felt a small twinge of envy. To be that close to her all the time... But I was confident in myself just then, so I told them about my plan to reach the Promised Land. Maybe I wanted to impress Aeris with my plan, I don't know, but that wasn't the reaction I got. They were horrified at the idea, though, and Mother called me out of the Temple before I could explain things, if only to Aeris. I wanted her, at least, to understand, and the thought that she didn't hurt. But when Mother calls, I listen, so I went to her, thinking I could explain another time.

One of their own must have stayed behind to crack the code of the Temple, because when they got out, the Temple soon turned into the object that I had searched for, the black materia. Cloud got to it first, but I came down soon after and the combined forces of my will and Mother's overpowered his, and he gave it to me. In the background, I could hear Aeris calling to him, concerned for him, worried about his well-being. In the world I was raised in and lived in then, emotional concern for someone was reserved only for those nearest and dearest to you, and the concept of friendship had died for me with Zak. I felt jealousy toward him, that he had my angel's heart instead if me. What happened next I'm sure must have been Jenova's idea, but in my rage I must not have protested to hard, either that or she controlled me more than I knew. Either way, while I still had a firm hold on Cloud, we got him to hit Aeris. I must have hoped that she would feel betrayed and stop loving him, but she didn't work that way. Instead, she forgave him and started her own personal quest alone. She was so perfect like that, to forgive such a thing, but Jenova showed it to me as more betrayal by the one I thought I would be able to turn to when all was said and done. Forgiveness was another thing I believed was reserved for love, so what Jenova said hit home. Hard. I certainly didn't agree with her solution to the problem, but by then she had so much control over me that I didn't have much say in the matter. And so I went to the City of the Ancients to wait for my love to come.

* I'm gunning down romance, it never did a thing for me but heartache and misery*

When I saw her kneel at the alter in the city, my pulse quickened. The holy light that shone around her made her face seem even more like an angel than I'd ever dreamed. Oh, she was beautiful, so pure in heart, so innocent, despite everything that had happened to her. Then Jenova reappeared in my head.

"My son, you see what's happening don't you? You see what she is praying for. She prays for Cloud, not for you. She prays for my downfall, our destruction. She hates you. You must be rid of her, now, or she will destroy what we have made here, our family and love. Go on, my son. You know in your heart that I'm right. You do. So kill her."

* Ain't nothing but a tragedy, gunning down romance *

I couldn't help myself. Jenova sent all thoughts of love and happiness flying from my head and bombarded my brain with thoughts of hatred and anger, betrayal and grief. My vision blurred. I felt the overpowering urge to hurt something, and I leaped down from above and impaled my love. As though in slow motion, her eyes widened, her body went limp under my sword, her eyes closed, and her white materia fell from her hair into the lake bellow. I was to stunned at what I had done to remove my bloody sword from her lifeless body right away. Then, what I had done struck me like being hit upside the head by Ultimate Weapon. It hurt like hell. I wrenched my masamune from her stomach in horror at myself, and I smiled. It should have been a smile of hysteria, but with Jenova in my head I'm sure I looked quite pleased with myself. She wouldn't let me sob out my grief on the outside like I did on the inside. The only thing I could do was warn Cloud, the one my Aeris had cared for. At least I could summon my strength and do that much. So in the middle of Jenova's sick speech, I warned him.

"You are a puppet."

I had meant that I was a puppet and that he should leave now, before he became a puppet too, but then Jenova herself showed up and I had no opportunity to finish. He took it as a threat, and set out, hating me more than ever.

* I'm gonna take these broken wings and learn to fly *

From that point on, Jenova controlled me completely. I hated her for what she made me do, but in my grief was useless at fighting her. She did end up using Cloud as her puppet to bring my body back to life, which was now much stronger than before from the time in the mako, and combined with all the spirit exercise I'd done, "I" was almost invincible. Even though in the crater Cloud destroyed Jenova's body, her spirit had such a firm grip on mine that she took me over and used me to fight for her. When the final confrontation with Cloud came, I'm certain he only beat her because I fought from the inside and kept her distracted for the essential moments it took him to strike the blow which killed my broken angel form, Jenova's cruel way of throwing my angel's death right back in my face. We then fought one last battle, the three of us. Cloud will never know that I was on his side during that crucial battle. In the end, I was dazed and wounded, but I forced the last of Jenova from my body. Only when she was gone did everything fully hit me. I had killed so many people besides Aeris, destroyed so many homes and lives. I was not Jenova's son, nor was I an Ancient. I was just a fool who'd let something evil manipulate me because she promised me happiness and love. I'd been so stupid, so blind, and it was a relief when Cloud brought the finishing blow down on my body and freed my spirit from this world. I felt my spirit flow swiftly into the lifestream and felt only happiness because it was all over.

* And learn to fly away. *

Her spirit waited for me in the lifestream. My angel was waiting for me. I was surprised, but I went to her anyway, expecting (and deserving) a verbal beating for everything. I had killed her, she had every right to do so. I was surprised further when she smiled at me. Why? Surely she didn't think this was funny.

"No, dear one. I do not think this is funny," she told me gently, reading my thoughts. "In the lifestream, I can observe those still living. Just a I could feel the planet and those dead in my life, so I can feel those living in my death. I felt you, Sephiroth. I felt your pain, your regret, everything. You are no more responsible for this than I am, you know. I forgive you. I love you, Sephiroth."

Filled with joy, yet barely understanding this, I went to her. If I had ever been correct about anything in life, it was that we were made for each other. We could read each other, care for each other, love each other. Here, in the lifestream, we were free from hatred and hurt, here we had just love and joy. We were free to sail through the lifestream in endless bliss, together, forever as one.

THE END

Whew!!! My first fic, what did you think? Please let me know so my next can be better!! (And believe me, there will be more, hehehe) Thanx for reading this!

Tyleet