Ch 1: Some will seek Forgiveness, others will escape.
"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt"
The lyrics ran in and out of my head as I turned to look out the window. The scene was a blur, I didn't remember much of the journey here, but here I was. There was so much I didn't understand the one question that consumed my mind was, why was I here? I wish I could say that life was a cake walk but then I would be lying. The night before I cried there was not another way to relinquish the pain that seemed to seep through the cracks.
Everything happen so fast in my life; I remember being on top, I had my future ahead me. All the people around me knew I was going to be someone, and go far in life. But somewhere deep down, I felt myself slowly slip away. I changed so much, every single day I woke up I was different. I felt y facade fade with each step. All everyone saw were smiles but no one realized I was a good actress. Until I lost sight, but more importantly I lost feeling. I cracked and nothing could stop me from the downward spiral. So she moved me, it was spur of the moment decision.
I've heard when someone runs from their fear, the only thing they are truly doing is letting fear win. Let fear win, I rather hide then crash again and disappoint people. So she told me moving would help me start new, have a fresh start. There would be no one to judge what I did in the past and give me the 'what the hell happen to you' look.
Here I am at my father's house; I hope it doesn't happen again. My father looks at me, "What?" I ask him.
He gives me the 'sympathy' look and says, "How was the trip here?" I tell him it was fine and make my way up to stairs and then he stops me and says, "Hun I love you". I give an incredulous look and mutter something along fine and finish my trip upstairs. What have I gotten myself into now.
The next morning he gave me a ride to school. Nice ride I must give him credit for that. "I'll walk home after school" I told him. I don't think he was sure what to say next, because I was out the door before he could answer. I made my way to the office and put on the fake smile that I knew I would have to do. I walked to the window and asked for my schedule and she smiled back and said, "Wait a second because there is someone to show you around".
"Okay then I'll wait; um thanks" I tell her back. It's been fucking twenty minutes, what the hell is going on, they better not have forgotten about me. I bet they do this to all the new students, just to see how long it takes to get them pissed, like that freakin' show, Boiling Points. I laugh internally, I'm an idiot. 'bout fucking time, a girl showed up. "Can I ask you something?" I asked.
She looked at me and said, "sure,"
I smiled after and asked sarcastically, "What the hell took you so long, did you get lost or something?" Her face dropped, malice was replaced, and then the smile was replaced again. What the fuck, that was too weird.
She smirked and said, "No I'm pretty sure I didn't get lost, but I did get lost in something". I pondered whether that was a play on words or what.
I smiled back and I noticed she was sizing me up, I smirked and said, "See something you like," and just like that she rolled her eyes. "Anyways," she said, "I'm Spencer."
I looked up at her and said, "Good to know, are you going to show me around now." She laughed and said something but I didn't catch it and then she started to walk, so I followed.
She showed me around and asked whether I played sports. I told her I did actually she looked at me weirdly and nodded her head.
"Well do you play sports," I asked. She looked at me like at me like I was retarded and said yea. "Well what sport do you play?" I asked. She looked in thought and then finally said, "I play soccer, and softball oh and I forgot I'm a cheerleader." Hmm was all I thought. I wondered why see never asked what sports I played. "How come you never asked about what sports I played" I asked.
She smiled and said, "I honestly don't care what you play."
I looked back at her and smiled, "Well at least it is nice to know you are not only honest, but you are a bitch." I continue to smile and wait for her to retaliate but nothing is said. She looked at like I kicked her puppy. I didn't know what to do, so I told her I would look around on my own.
I finally got to my class. The teacher glared at me for some unknown reason and tells me to take a seat. I pull out my iPod and instantly Linkin Park's song Shadow of the Day played. I must have had my music to loud because I felt blue eyes on me and then the teacher yelled, "Ashley."
So I was extremely bored at work and since no one was there I wrote the next chapter there. I hate having a summer job LOL that's why I gave my two week's notice HAHAH. By the way there are no Aiden and no Carmen in my flick, however that doesn't mean there won't be drama. LOL