"Ava."

Then,

back then,

I saw the Plains:

rolling endless

golden green

something there treads light unseen

I point:

"What's that, Mother?"

something there its head raised high

"What, Ava?"

"There, look—"

something there it meets my eye

how can she not see this

"Ava, you are seeing things."

no doubt I am

something there treads light unseen

something there

Something

t-h-e-r-e

And it smiles.

"Father, surely—?"

surely, surely you believe me

(surely you can see it)

"Ava, no more of this."

"But—"

"Find your brothers. Perhaps they will be more patient than I." Distant laughter.

"Yes, perhaps they will listen to your useless tales and play your worthless games."

(useless worthless useless worthless)

Something there no longer

And I, left alone

u-n-s-e-e-i-n-g

Ava.

Then,

back then,

I saw our room:

dusty crowded

white-washed blue

(strange, that the walls would be painted the sky's hue)

Ava? What do you see?

Yes Ava, it has been so long already—

Patience, both of you—!

Laughter far less distant, then.

I am seeing:

seeing for my brothers,

laughing and whispering,

jostling and wrestling

in a mindless carefree sea

(it was all so simple then)

eyes closed but open

our backs to the floor

our heads to each other

we were three,

but also one

(three no longer, one no longer)

our thoughts a mired intertwining nebulous ever-shifting cloud,

together

(oh back then)

Tom, ever the careful: Ava, what are you thinking?

Jack, ever the carefree: About us, of course!

and I, ever the caretaker: And your respective paths, of course, foolish boys. (Here I took on Mother's voice.)

Laughter, of three and also one

(if only we could return to those careless days)

Sight flashes behind closed lids.

Oh— I see something. Stay still, both of you—

Silence in my mind, as they allow me to see.

(if only we could return to those careless days)

Jack, you may want to return Father's blade. He will need it, tomorrow, in Hira.

But why?

Bandits, of course. Now be sensible.

Disappointment, reluctance, but also understanding. If you say so, sister.

That is more like it. And— Tom, stay away from the neighbor's dog—he has been bitten and is going mad.

Ahh, a shame . . . He never did take to me.

But of course, what with you and your constant pestering of the creature—

Tom smacks Jack's arm, light. Watch your words, little brother—

Or else what, Tom the Terr—

At this, Tom sits up and looms over Jack.

I roll my eyes helplessly. (Brothers.)

"Call me that again and I— I'll—"

"What will you do?" There is laughter in Jack's mind, and it overflows into both of ours. "Oh what will you do, Terrible Tom—"

A battlecry, and both of them are on their feet, the sound of wood clashing through the air, ringing with their laughter.

I smile.

Then—

"Wait. Both of you, be quiet—"

silence.

Then—

Something there

My eyes widen

no no no no no no no

N O

(not here, please not here)

(please)

Something there treads light unseen

Something there its head raised high

Something there it meets my eye

but then:

Ava, I am with you. (Tom.)

Ava, I am here. (Jack.)

shadow, shadow, shadow on every wall

their eyes watching far too close

"-L-e-a-v-e-!-"

I scream.

They do

but they turn

and they slip

behind Jack:

into his shadow cast

by the sun falling through our window.

Ours. Ours ours ours ours ours

(they have no right to take)

(not him)

Ava.

Ava, are you well?

Ava, speak to us!

Ava!

"Ava!"

". . . I am fine."

(I am not.)

(and they know it, because we are one)

I open my eyes,

gaze at the ceiling

Don't leave me,

I beg.

(useless worthless useless worthless)

Never.

Never.

(Ah, such lies)

I smile. Thank you.

and the vulture looms over Jack, whispering:

Give me back my shadows

but he became one

And there are eyes. Watching.

Watching me

Watching everyone.

(Why are they here)

"-L-e-a-v-e-!-"

I cry.

But my voice is a whisper and my flailing hands are naught

the eyes smile

and wink away

but they know

that I know

t-h-e-y-a-r-e-s-t-i-l-l-h-e-r-e

treading

light

unseen:

shadows

hidden, by our own night

Time flew on unhurried wings

(for all I knew it never flew

but always slept,

m-o-c-k-i-n-g-m-e-)

but things never stopped

appearing

and those I could speak to kept

disappearing

Mother

Father

Jack

Tom

Ava

(why did you all leave me)

I stand alone

in a sea of myself

drowning

in silence

staring

watching

hoping

(useless worthless useless worthless)

Why am I alone?

In time I learn

the cadences of

time

its language

(whispered in its silence)

its whims and its woes

(learned in its rage)

its cruelty and its loneliness

(seen in its weariness)

it was like looking in a mirror.

It introduces me to Opal.

another mirror, it seemed

Kind, kind Opal:

the only kindness I had

so endlessly hopeful

if only I could relearn hope

brimming with fire undefeated

(and there the mirror shatters)

"Your enemy, child of ours," she says,

"Is despair. And its friends that it holds within itself, who will enter your heart once you grant despair purchase."

"But how to fend it off," I ask, "when it is all that is left inside me?"

("There, look—")

("Father, surely—")

("Find your brothers.")

("Perhaps they will be more patient than I.")

Opal turns

her fire still bright

(if only I had something as stubborn as that)

"Is that what you think?

Look closer, then."

but all I saw was dusk and darkness

"Jack. What time is it? Is the sun still up? . . . Jack?"

(And why is it so dark?)

"Ava, I am not Jack. It is midday." A heavy sigh. "Are you jesting with me?"

I blink

and it all returns—

Jack: where is he?

Home?

Beside me?

No. Neither.

He has gone, behind the looming vulture.

I saw it.

And I stood by, aside

and let him go

(useless worthless useless worthless)

"Ava."

I look to the sky.

something there treads light unseen

I sigh. "I am sorry. . . . Tom."

His smile is worn and weary. "Ah, there it is! For a moment I feared for your eyesight, dear sister. Do not jest with me like that again, I beg you."

Oh, but brother—I jested not.

"I will not, Tom. I promise."

I cannot see.

and there is only darkness

"Ava . . ."

I stiffen.

"Mother."

"Ava!"

I turn inward.

"Father."

"This can go on no longer. Your games, or tales, or whatever they are—they must end, here, tonight!"

they are not games they are not tales they are not whatever

why can't you

see

Something there treads light unseen

"Ava. I will give you three choices. Three, is that fair?"

I close my eyes, already invisible. "Yes, Father."

"One: you leave this place."

(One: I run)

"Two: you stop this nonsense."

(Two: I hide)

"Three: if you stay, and continue, we will hand you to the city leaders."

(Three: I leave this world)

Something there its head raised high

Opal, what do I do?

I open my eyes, going from darkness to darkness.

"I choose one," I say. And I turn away, and step from the family I knew.

But my body leaves before my heart does

I lied.

I choose my own:

(Four: I turn and scream the truth to the air)

Something there it meets my eye

someone must surely

see

I am somewhere.

Somewhere strange

yet somewhere I loved

once

and knew

once

Ah:

Hira.

Voices swirl around me, a deadly, mindless, spellbinding river

(and I am drowning)

Please, I beg,

to the cruel currents, unseeing:

listen to me!

The shadows are near!

They are here, watching!

They are biding their time!

They are within us, with us!

(please listen to me)

(please live)

(please)

(don't leave me)

The river roars

o n ,

unhearing.

I had turned

and screamed the truth to the air.

and what good has it done

when the air cannot

listen?

I find the ocean:

the roaring, screaming ocean

crying of pain

of neglect

of time

of endlessness.

(another mirror)

It is home.

I stare across it, to the land

that cries in turn,

of neglect

of time

of endlessness.

(another mirror)

It is also home.

"We shall be good friends," I say,

and they cry on,

my soul's own carried in their wrenching chorus

Time flew on hurried wings.

The shadows appeared

as I had seen they would

(useless worthless useless worthless)

how foolish of me to warn the unhearing air

Yet:

the ocean and the land are quieter.

Yet:

the skies are glowing brighter.

Yet:

three strangers distant draw ever closer.

Why are they here who are they what do they want

("They are your last chance," breathes Opal.)

and then I see

(they are)

—but then

I see

another

and the shadow

and the vulture

and something there

appear together

to jest at me.

Opal turns.

her eyes are dead

No.

(Why have you come back, brother?)

His dark thoughts stir

behind my eyes

(ruin death the end)

and threaten

to drag me

back.

Away.

No—never

again.

I open my eyes.

He stands

before me:

unforgiving unforgetting unforgivable

"Why have you come back?" I ask,

even as the answer treads behind my eyes.

He smiles

and all I can see is shadow, shadow, shadow

(ruin death the end)

"Your plan will fail, brother," I plea.

(perhaps he might be brought back)

"Your path is one that leads only to your doom."

(please come back)

"Leave the vulture—the Shadow Lord! Come back to us. We can be three, be one, once more!"

Something there it meets my eye

Please, I beg. "I warned you, brother." Please.

(we miss you)

He smiles

and all I can see is shadow, shadow, shadow

"You are worthless, dear sister. And your warnings are useless, in the end. As always."

(useless worthless useless worthless)

and all I can see is shadow, shadow, shadow

ruin death the end

(Run or hide or leave this world)

But then—

Opal appears:

(—or turn and scream the truth to air)

I turn

and give

i n

(to the truth)

(and to the air)

and I know, in that moment

(as I have always known):

Jack

ruined, dead, in the end

would not return

(but the strangers

w-o-u-l-d-)

And soon:

Something there treads light unseen

Something there its head raised high

Something there it meets my eye

Something there

Something

Somethin

Somethi

Someth

Somet

Some

Som

So

S

(something there no longer)

(no longer)

( )

(

I open my eyes,

and for the first time

in so long

The shadows are there no longer

and for the first time

in so long

I smile,

with mist in my eyes.

"The strangers won," I whisper, to the air.

Opal's laugh drifts across time

(and its cadence)

(and its language)

(and its whims and its woes)

(a mirror)

"What did I tell you?"

I close my eyes

turn

and give

i n

to the truth

and to the air

In time,

the land heals

the sea quiets

(now that something there was no longer)

In time,

my heart heals

my eyes quiet

(now that something there was no longer)

And in time,

my world

r-e-t-u-r-n-s

to me.

"Ava?"

"Tom."

"Do you . . ."

Fear, trepidation, regret.

Set yourself free, brother.

"Do you know about Jack?"

Of course, brother.

Our minds touch:

(and how I have missed this)

I saw it before any of you did, brother.

Ah.

Fear, trepidation, regret.

I hold no blame over you, Tom, if that is what you are asking with your cowardly silence.

Laughter, dry but true.

(How long has it been since I have heard one of my brothers laugh?)

Aloud, he says:

"You saw everything, did you not."

I smile.

Aloud, I reply:

"And you took me for a mad fool, did you not."

And then:

Something there something there something there

Something is

t-h-e-r-e

My eyes widen.

No no no no no no no no no no

please

please not again

Ava?

Fear, trepidation, alarm

"Tom, something is coming—I see it—"

A hand grips my arm:

reality.

(My brother)

Something there glides light unseen

I blink.

(what is this)

Something there their heads raised high

Something there they meet my eye

but

it is not shadows

or dusk

or darkness

"Are you—Opal?" I ask it.

She appears beside me, shakes her head, breathless:

"I think it is something much better, Ava."

Something there they burn with fire

And then I realize what soars before me

and my eyes flow with mist.

"You came back," I murmur, "after all we have done?"

Something there they have forgiven

A hand tugs on my arm:

reality.

(My brother)

"Thank you," I whisper.

Something there no longer

Ava. "Ava!"

"I am fine, brother. Stop shaking me."

My world stills.

"Did you . . . see something?"

"Of course I saw something, you ignorant fig. What else would it have been?"

Trepidation, but amusement also.

What did you see, then, sister?

I smile, close my eyes

tilted upwards to the blue, blue sky:

"I saw dragons."

A/N: For a better-quality version of this, please read the AO3 crossposting of this fic, under the same name and archive! FFN doesn't allow me to keep strikethrough and spacing (in some parts but not all, weirdly enough . . . FFN what is happen?), and that resulted in having to make some odd changes to this copy of the fic. Both of those elements were also (I think) essential to conveying certain aspects of the writing, and so this version is, well. Less eloquent? Effective? Either way, just not as good imho.

Thanks for reading, and a reminder that reviews make my day and help me write more!