Happiness Lies in the Corner of Your Eye

Fandom: STXI AU

Pairings: Bones/Jocelyn, Implied Bones/Jim

Warnings: Some angst and minor character death.

Summary: Bones-Centric. There are moments in Len's life where he thinks he sees or hears things that aren't really there.

Thanks to TheSlashBunny for beta reading for me :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognisable.

Len's grateful for the moonlight the night his father died. His head swirls, awash in the amber liquid that clouds his grief. His feet go on, one foot down and then the other, but it's like they're attached to someone else's legs.

The road and the trees blur and shimmer in the light. Maybe he's lost? Maybe he wants to be. Len doesn't know anymore. He'd tried to be the strong one, the one with all the answers.

He doesn't want to be that person anymore.

There's a pounding in his head, like a thousand galloping horses. Somewhere in the darkness, Len thinks he can hear children's laughter. Not the gleeful laughter you hear at the playground, but the cold malicious laughter of mocking voices. Maybe he's imagining them, because he could swear they're laughing at him.

When Len wakes the next morning, he's safely home with Jocelyn. There's a five-mile hole in his memory and he knows he didn't walk home.

The happiest day of his life is the day Jocelyn tells him she's pregnant. A baby. Their baby. Len's going to be a daddy and something in those magic words, floating in a loop through his mind, placates the sense of despair that has sunk through his bones now that his father's gone.

Each and every patient that day entered the room, believing that he'd finally lost it. Most of them left with the belief that it was about time and a faint echo of his enormous smile spread across their faces.

His thoughts are firmly on Jocelyn and the future as he steps out of the office. Two blocks to the flower shop that he knows sells the irises that Jocelyn loves and then home to his wonderful family. The thoughts buoyed his steps and he feels almost light-hearted.

But halfway there he stops. Pauses almost in mid step, because there's something important that he isn't quite able to remember. Beneath the sound of traffic he could almost swear that there is another noise that he can't quite place and Len needs to know what it is.

Someone bumps into him and the moment breaks. Len feels rather foolish as he apologises to the man.

"No harm done. Sorry about bumping into you." The blonde smiles with an easy grin and Len smiles too. "What were you doing anyway?"

"I don't know."

Jocelyn's delighted by the flowers when he gets home and Len's all but forgotten about the incident in the street.

Len remembers very little about the night he went to the pub to avoid Jocelyn's mood swings for an evening. He's been devoted and supportive, but he needs an evening to himself every once in awhile.

He remembers arriving at the pub and ordering a glass of bourbon. Then his memory gets fuzzy and there are only flashes after, fragments that tell him that he didn't drink alone. Strong hands, warm laughter and a name.

Jim.

The worst day of Len's life occurs the same year as his happiest memories and Len's sure that it's the day his marriage shatters beyond repair. It all comes down to one person. One tiny little person, who had caused such joy, causes despair on a level that Len isn't sure he can bear when she can't be coaxed to draw breath.

They name her Joanna.

Len knows that from that night on his nightmares will be fuelled by the image of his child slowly turning blue as her lungs fail to work. Len takes to sleeping on the couch to avoid waking Jocelyn.

They bury her next to his father and Len remembers staring out into space as the vast emptiness of it threatened to overcome him. Strong hands clapped him on the shoulder and he drew a small measure of comfort from it.

Somewhere in the distance an animal howled, echoing Len's grief.

Winter comes hard and fast that year, as if the world is mourning with Len. There's talk of freak blizzards and ice that is impossible to see as it grips tightly to all of the roads worst corners. The harsh winter environment mimics the cold clinical façade that's become Len's life.

His marriage is barely holding itself together like cracks in a mirror. The slightest pressure, the wrong word or the wrong silence and the cracks get deeper. There isn't even anything out of the ordinary, the day the fragile web of lies and impressions shatters.

Jocelyn is sat on their bed. Her fingers are woven through her hair, the pale blonde falling over her face like limp spaghetti. It's a scene he's seen too often and the words that fall from her mouth are practiced, the emotions worn away from use.

"I can't do this anymore Len."

He wasn't expecting the words, but he's not surprised. The grief and shattered dreams are slowly choking them. They can barely look at each other and Len knows he has to let her go.

It still feels like failure.

The broken cracks of grief that are slowly shattering him are just that little bit deeper as he leaves the house he'd tried to build a life in.

"It'll be ok"

Len knows he heard the words. A man's voice, calm and confident. The empty air taunts him and he can't help but wonder if he's finally gone mad.

"I know you."

Len's not sure how he does, but he knows those words are true as he stares at the blonde man who's slid onto the stool next to him. The man smiles slightly and nods his head.

"You do." There's a challenge there. A light mischievously dancing in the other man's eyes as he dares Len to say more.

"Can I get you a drink?"

The man laughs in genuine amusement, as he looks Len up and down. "Yes, McCoy, you can buy me a drink."

"Who are you?"

"You can call me Jim."

One drink turns into another and then into many. He can still feel that bitter sense of failure, but Jim is warm like the summer sun and Len can't help but feel drawn towards it. Loud and confident, Jim tells impossible stories of exaggerated bravado and each time Len feels his mouth twitch upwards he's rewarded with a brilliant smile.

Finally, Jim stands and removes the arm that at some point during the evening had wrapped it's way around Len's shoulders. Possibly around the time that he'd decided that Len didn't look like a 'Leonard' and had rechristened him 'Bones'.

"I'm heading out of town tomorrow."

Len feels the disappointment seep through him, his body tilting towards Jim's in an attempt to regain some of that warmth. But Jim doesn't move closer.

"Come with me." The words hold a promise, making Len think of adventure and dreams that he'd thought he'd left behind in childhood. Jim grins as if he can tell what Len's thinking.

"Damnit, Jim. I can't just leave."

"6pm tomorrow on the east road." Jim smiles and for a brief moment a warm hand returns to Len's shoulder. "See you round, Bones."

Len's protests fall on empty air.

The drumming of a horse's hooves against the hardened ground is deafening long before Len spots it. His gran used to tell him stories as a child of the four men who'd ride out to bring about the apocalypse.

If any horse was going to be ridden at the end of the world, it was this one. At first glance, it's a tall menacing black stallion with a filthy temper. It's a clear warning statement: 'Stay back, don't look at me twice.' As Len peers through the murky darkness he can see why. Whatever it is, it's not a horse.

He can't focus on its skin, it seems to shift, dark and murky like the bottom of a lake. Water pools on the ground around it, dripping from it's seaweed-like mane. It's wild and untamed, and he knows that neither saddle nor bridle had ever been placed on this beast.

And Jim sits on the beast's back as if he belongs there.

Jim is watching him and Len knows he's trying to gauge a reaction. But Len's not stupid and he's been known to use the eyes in his head on occasion. Jim's there and all those gaps and the tiny things that no one else had ever noticed are suddenly blaringly obvious.

"One way trip, Bones."

There's a large gap between knowing what Jim is and knowing what he's offering. And yet…

He takes Jim's offered hand and allows himself to be dragged up onto the not-horse. Jim beams and lets Len wrap his arms around his waist.

"You'd better know how to steer this damn thing."

"Buckle up, Bones." Jim laughs, wild and carefree as he urged the beast into motion. The world blurs around him and Len feels his heart pounding against his chest with nervous anticipation and, for the first time in what felt like forever, hope.

A/N: So this was originally going to go on my Au_Bingo card on LJ but I ran out of time. I'm kind of proud of this fic and I really hope you guys enjoyed it. As always, reviews are love!