I was beginning to think that my life was no longer like a jelly donut.

Really my life was more like dog poop. I had finally dragged Katie Mahogny's ass back to jail and now her psycho boyfriend Tommy Conner was after me. A day in the life of Stephanie Plum.

Most people my age have problems like a cheating husband, a crazy family or a sick pet. I'd had the cheating husband (my ex Dickie playing hide the salami with Joyce on my kitchen table), I still had the crazy family (Grandma Mauzer pretty much explains that one) and Bobs a compulsive eater who's constantly sick all over Morelli's apartment. So not only do I have normal problems, but I have to deal with a boss who I think is secretly Batman, psycho stalkers, cars blowing up once a week, and constantly having to squeeze myself into my jeans. God must have had a field day dreaming up my life.

I was currently walking into the office, carrying a twelve pack of boston crèmes. I figure if you share junk food the calories don't count because you're brightening someone else's day. With this thought, I was greeted by the sight of Lula, bent over and retrieving something from the floor, wearing tight, neon yellow spandex pants. Lula's an ex-ho and still dresses like she's on the street. However she rides shotgun with me on most my FTA's and demands nothing but constant junk food. Since my body demands this too, we have a pretty good agreement.

'Morning!' I sang out cheerfully as I walked in, ignoring Lula's hiney in my face. I figured since I felt like crap I might as well pretend to feel great therefore releasing false feelings of happiness. 'Uh-oh what's wrong?' Connie asked concernedly while I plastered a fake Barbie smile on my face. 'Nothing-why would anything be wrong?' I asked innocently, passing round the donuts before biting into one myself. 'You're too happy.' Connie stated. 'You have bags under your eyes and you've done the full hair and makeup thing, which you only do when you're feeling insecure. Plus Tommy Conner left you a note.' This caught my attention..

'You know me way too well.' I told Connie. Now can I see the note?' Connie handed me a piece of scrap paper with the words 'You shouldn't have messed with my girlfriend. See you soon bitch' scrawled on it. ´Hmmm´ I said in my "Well that's a bit of a worry but nothing I can't handle because I'm secretly Wonder Women' voice. 'Where was it found?' Connie licked her lips nervously. 'Stuck to the front door.'

'Hunh.' Lula said, finally finding her lost item, which turned out to be a discount coupon for fried chicken. 'If I were you I'd bust a cap up his ass.' She stated. 'In fact why don't we go pay him a lil visit? I ain't had breakfast yet and I'm feelin' real moody.'

I sighed. Although the idea was tempting, Vinnie hated it when I shot people. 'I don't need to bust a cap up his ass I'm sure he'll find himself a life eventually and leave me alone.' I was a little worried though. That was the third abusive note I'd found so far and the other two had been on my car and my front door. But I was sick of stalkers and therefore sick of being worried about stalkers. Anyway Tommy was a weasel who looked like he'd make a nice squeaky toy if Lula sat on him.

'What have you got for me?' I asked Connie, who handed me a pile of FTA's. Although technically I worked for Ranger at Rangeman, he was kindly letting me work there part time so I still got to be the world's worst bounty hunter. This way I got time to relax, fewer psychos's to deal with, and Morelli was happy because I was only getting shot at half the time. I flicked through the files but was distracted by the familiar prickling feeling on the back of my neck. Either I had fleas or Ranger had just walked in.

'Babe.' He said as he came and stood next to me. Connie handed him a pile of files which he began looking over while Lula fanned herself behind his back. I shot a look at Connie and Lula while I subtly grabbed the note off the desk where I'd left it and shoved it in my pocket. The thing about Ranger is that he really might be Batman. He's an extremely hot Cuban American and can make my nipples harden with a single touch. We shared an extremely hot night of passion a while ago when me and Morelli were on a break and I've been fighting my doodahs cravings for more ever since. Ranger seems to know this and uses it to his advantage whenever we are in close proximity.

Because Ranger is Batman, he picked up on me slyly shoving the note in my pocket and the corners of his mouth turned up a fraction of an inch. 'What you got there babe?' He asked softly, his full attention on me. 'Piece of rubbish.' I told him matter of factly. 'You know how I hate littering. He took a step towards me and I quickly took one back. I glanced frantically around. 'Lula are you ready? We should really be going.' I said nervously, licking my lips and watching Rangers eyes darken.

I turned around to grab my bag and a donut and in a matter of seconds the note was out of my pocket and in Rangers hand. 'Wow.' I said. 'One day you're really gonna have to teach me how to do that.' Ranger ignored me and read the note. He looked at me eyes narrowing. 'Another one already?' He was referring to the Spiro incident which had happened less then a month ago. I rolled my eyes and turned to leave, there was no way I was in the mood for this. 'Lula?' I said sharply and luckily she got the message, hightailing it to the car. I gave Connie and Ranger a finger wave and headed out the door.

I felt all the air leave my lungs as I was pushed against the building. Ranger reached up and pushed a curl behind my ear. 'Anything you wanna tell me babe?'