Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I sure as hell wish I did. Hah, there'd be a lot of stupid stuff going on if I ruled Narutoland.
Sometimes, its impossible to think about anything when the person you love and respect the most is near. Sometimes, you feel as if your brain is about to explode and your heart is going to jump out of your chest, waving a bright pink sign with the words "I LOVE YOU" scrawled across in bold letters. Sometimes, its so awkward you have to leave with a scowl and slightly-flushed cheeks, mumbling something unintelligible and crude. Sometimes, you just want to bust into laughter at how stupid you're being and calmly declare to yourself that nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong with you even though you know that it's a total lie.
Sometimes, you feel hopeless and lost, just another of the many faceless people who mill about in the world doing something and yet nothing. You feel as if, no matter what, everything you do just won't be enough. And, when you ready and willing to give up, surrender to the painful truth that you just aren't liked and would be better off dead, your dream and the person you love pop up in your head and you think: "No, that's not right. I have something to accomplish, something important." That is enough to make you pick yourself up, broken and beaten, from the dirty ground and haul your sorry self back to the dingy apartment you've lived in ever since you can remember.
But, sometimes, you think that it's never good enough. He's still out there, growing stronger every minute, while you're stuck waiting for the right time to go out and search and find and kick his ass. He's out there, probably laughing and smirking in his over-confident way, while you're beating the crap out of wooden-poles and training under an old and perverted man, ignoring the hateful glares you receive on a daily basis just because of something you don't even want.
It's unfair, you think, that he's the prodigal child who can never be hated even though he's a fucking idiot and you're working yourself into the ground just trying to live up to him—although you boast and declare that you're way better than he could ever be.
But that's life: something that isn't fair and painful and hard. And, silently, you know that it's not you who has to adjust to everything, but everyone around you who just can't get over the past and look to the future, which seems so much brighter.
One day, if you ever come across him again, maybe you'll confide in him something that has been nagging at you ever since you were twelve and he'll get his act together and realize that you can't undo something that's already been done and no matter how hard he'll try to overcome the hurdle known as his brother, there are just some things that are impossible—even for a prodigal child from a dead bloodline.
And, maybe, you're head won't explode and your heat won't jump out with that ridiculous sign; your thoughts won't go astray and you'll be able to think clearly, see the future and how wonderful it will be to pummel him into the ground; and this time you won't leave and scowl and mutter, blushing ever-so-slightly. And you won't laugh at how stupid you're being, because really its not all that stupid to have feelings for your best-friend, because nothing is wrong with you.
END
I've come to realize that I'm in desperate need of a betareader...