Seto Kaiba For President

Seto Kaiba was making a phone call when his younger brother, Mokuba, came rushing in.

"Hey, Seto, come here! There's something important on TV!"

"I can't, Mokuba. I'm very busy." he said as he typed away on the computer.

"But Seto, it's the President! He's going to run for President again since the 2012 election is coming up!"

"What?" Seto stopped typing and ran out to the family room. President Barack Obama was making a speech.

"And finally, I announce that I will be running for President again in 2012!"

Seto sneered. "Look at him; the fool! He doesn't know what he's doing!"

"Actually Seto, I think he's doing a great job."

"Shut up, Mokuba. So, he's running for President again, is he? Well, not this time. This time, I'm running for President! I'm already President of KaibaCorp, so why not be President of the United States, also?"

"But big brother, this is a really big job. Do you think you can become the President of the United States?"

Kaiba scoffed. "Of course; I always win. Now, how many days until primaries start?"

"Next week."

"Excellent. Who else is running?"

"Well, for the Democratic Party there's Obama and then there's Randall Terry."

"What about the Republican Party?"

"Mitt Romney. I'm not sure about the other ones, let's hope Palin doesn't run."

"If Sarah Palin runs, I'm going to beat the living hell out of her. She's so full of herself."

"What party are you going to be?"

"The Winning Party, of course. Because I'm winning."

"That's not what I meant."

"The Republican Party, damn it! Do you think I'd run against Obama if I was a Democrat? Hell no! I'm a Republican, and Republicans always win! Now, let's get this campaign rolling!"

The primaries had started, and Seto Kaiba was ready to roll. He had bought a campaign bus and traveled all around the United States, gaining supporters to his cause. When news reporters asked him what he planned to do as President, he simply replied,

"I have one campaign, I have one strategy: win."

In the coming months, his support shot through the roof. When he accepted his nomination for President, people went wild. They ran up to him, hammering him with questions about how he was going to beat Obama in the debate next month. He ignored them and walked away.

During the debate, he and Obama faced off. The first question was for Kaiba.

"Mr. Kaiba, what would you do as President of the United States?"

Kaiba cleared his throat. "Well the first thing I'd do is...screw the rules! (LIKE A BOSS) Summon a dragon! (LIKE A BOSS) Invent Kaibaland! (LIKE A BOSS) Jump out the window! (LIKE A BOSS) Defeat Yugi Moto! (LIKE A BOSS) Hang up the phone! (LIKE A BOSS) Write a check! (LIKE A BOSS) Fly a jet! (LIKE A BOSS) Be an asshole! (LIKE A BOSS)"

The announcer stared at him and then turned to Obama. "Mr. President, what would you do in this situation?"

President Obama was at a loss for words. "Um...I...don't have a comeback."

Kaiba spoke up. "Screw President Obama, I'm winning!"

The announcer turned to Kaiba. "I don't think it's polite to talk to the President that way, Mr. Kaiba."

"Shut up, you!"

"Some say you're on drugs. Any comments?"

"I am on a drug. It's called Seto Freaking Kaiba! Screw the rules, I'm bi-winning!"

"That's enough, I think we've got everything."

As the debate closed, the crowd went wild.

Election day had come, and the candidates were waiting for the results. A few hours later, they were in.

"And the next President of the United States...is Seto Kaiba!"

Seto jumped up and faced the President. "Duh, winning."

Obama came up to Kaiba. "I just have to say that you are one selfish jackass."

Kaiba punched Obama in the face.

"You're right, I'm an asshole. And that is why I always win!"