"Honey, If You Love Me."
Disclaimer: Of course I do not own Naruto, if I did, he wouldn't be so dense.
The Rookie Nine, Lee's team and the Sand Siblings stood in a grassy training area with Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi, Gai and Anko. All were wondering why they'd been called so unexpectedly. Anko feared that Orochimaru had shown his face again.
After a few moments a door opened and Ibiki stepped out, a grim look upon his face. He turned and addressed the gathering of ninja.
"You may wonder why I have called you all here. Circumstances have forced me to begin emergency training. There may be a time in your career when you're placed in a torture situation. There is a very good chance you will die, but you must protect the secrets of your village." The group regarded his words with open mouths and blank stares. The torture specialist ignored their reactions and continued, "I have devised a game that will test your ability to stay cool under intense situations. Now, we will begin by all forming a circle." The group moved until they were in a nearly perfect circle. "Everyone, please sit." The group sat.
"I will now begin to explain the game. Anko, will you please stand up and move to the center of the circle." Anko complied reluctantly. "Choose a person in this circle and go stand by them." Her eyes quickly scanned the ring; she decided upon Naruto and stood by him.
"Now, without tickling him, you must make him laugh while saying, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile." Naruto must respond, without laughing, "Honey, I love you but I just can't smile."
Anko turned around and glared at Ibiki, "How will this prepare us!" The whole group was snickering but none of them had the nerve to laugh.
Ibiki's face remained serious, "This exercise will test your ability to remain calm when others are trying to extract something from you, weather it be a laugh or valuable information."
Kurenai spoke from behind Ibiki, "But why do we have to be here?" She was referring to the four team leaders and Anko.
Ibiki answered her question without hesitation, "To give your team moral support and to present a challenge to the students. Besides, you might not be as good at this game as you think. Please precede Anko."
Anko sighed and crouched, moving closer to Naruto. He was already close to cracking. "Honey if you love me…" That's all the farther Anko had to go before Naruto burst out laughing.
Ibiki's frown grew deeper, "You'd be dead. You just gave the enemy the information they needed and they just killed you. Stand up and choose another person."
Kiba was sitting beside Naruto and as Naruto stood Kiba whispered, "Hey, go do Hinata, she's easy!"
An evil grin spread across Naruto's face, "Yeah! Thanks Kiba!" As Naruto made his way across the circle, Hinata's eyes grew huge in fear as she realized that she was his target. She held up her arms defensively but nothing could detour him from his goal. He squatted right in front of her, a cruel intent in his eyes. Their faces inches from one another's. He laughed at that fear and need more. He changed positions, now he was straddling her lap. Naruto pressed his face closer to hers, he didn't care anymore that everyone was watching.
He was confident as he said, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile!" Hinata thought she was going to faint, she stared into his eyes, unable to speak. She quickly looked down, blushing. She felt everyone's eyes on her; she knew she had to speak.
Her voice came out barely more than a whisper, "Honey I..I l…love you but I..I just can't s…smile." At her last word she looked up at his grinning face and fainted.
Ibiki shook his head and mumbled, "I didn't expect that."
Naruto looked over at Sakura, who was sitting next to Hinata. "What just happened?" He asked innocently. Hinata momentarily stirred, saw that Naruto was still straddling her, and fainted again.
Sakura gave him a punch that sent him flying, "You made her faint you idiot!"
Ibiki intercepted before a fight broke out, "Ok, enough! Hinata would be dead, but since she fainted; Naruto, you're still in."
"Ah! Not fair!" Naruto complained, but scanned the rest of the circle. His eyes fell on Shikamaru. 'I bet he won't faint!' He ran over and squatted in front of him. At that moment, Shikamaru got a random image of Choji in a pink, frilly dress. He couldn't resist laughing just as Naruto opened his mouth.
"Ha, ha, I made you laugh!" Naruto taunted triumphantly.
Shikamaru quit laughing and resumed his pessimistic attitude, "Oh man, how troublesome. Choji, stop wearing dresses in my mind." He stood up and walked slowly straight ahead, he didn't care who it was, he just wanted to sit down again. Choji glared at Shikamaru with evil intent and slowly took his shoe off. He aimed and threw it at Shikamaru. It hit the lazy ninja square in the head and he flew forward. He was momentarily stunned. When he regained his senses he realized that the ground he lay on was uncharacteristically soft and squishy. Then it occurred to him that he was not laying on the ground, rather on a cloth-like material.
Shikamaru slowly looked up, afraid of the sight that would meet his eyes. Dark green eyes glared back at him. It was Temari; she quickly shoved him off while screaming, "What the hell are you doing?"
"I tripped, do you really think I'd do it on purpose." Shikamaru said while sitting up.
Before another word was said, Ibiki cut in, "It was an accident, continue with the training."
Temari crossed her arms and Shikamaru crossed his. "Whatever, honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile." Temari let out a laugh of contempt before she thought about it.
"Dead." Ibiki said before she had a chance to take it back.
Temari reluctantly moved from her spot while glaring at Shikamaru, "You're next on my list." She turned to her brother, Kankuro, and smirked.
"Honey, if you love me…" She stopped and the smirk grew larger, "You remember that time I caught you with your dolls? Won't you please, please smile?"
Kankuro laughed nervously, "He, he, that never happened!"
Ibiki cut in before he could defend himself further, "Strange way to extract a laugh but never the less, dead!"
Temari took Kankuro's place and glared at Shikamaru. Kankuro turned to last person he knew, Gaara. Instead of standing, Kankuro crawled over to Gaara who was glaring at him. He didn't think there was really any way he could crack Gaara but he figured he'd try.
"Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile." Just at that moment Kankuro lost his balance and in regaining it, brushed against Gaara's shin. Gaara let out a quick laugh caused by Kankuro hitting his only ticklish spot, his shin.
"Dead!" Ibiki said, looking somewhat confused. Gaara stood up, giving Kankuro a death glare. Gaara moved toward Lee, who already had a stupid smile plastered on his face. He stopped a fair distance in front of Lee and glared down at him. Lee tried to look serious.
A somewhat irritated tone entered Gaara's voice as he said, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile."
Lee looked determined, "Honey, I love you but…" The pressure was too much and he burst out laughing.
Ibiki decided he needed a new phrase, "Tortured and dead!" He found it too long and made a mental not to return to his original phrase.
Lee got up and made a fist, "I vow to do better!" He moved to Tenten, who sat on his right.
"Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile!" Lee's over dramatic dynamic got to her and she laughed before she could get out a word. They changed spots and Tenten turned to Neji, who sat to the right of her.
Using Temari's technique she asked, "Honey, if you love me, Hinata's dead, won't you please, please smile?" Neji let out a noise that Ibiki took as a laugh.
"Dead!"
"Whatever." Neji said as he stood. He walked over to Ino, since she seemed most likely to laugh, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile?"
Ino's face remained straight as she answered, "Honey, I love you but I just can't smile." Everyone stared at Ino amazed. Neji shrugged and looked for his next victim. His eyes rested on his cousin's team leader, Kurenai."
He casually walked over and wasted no time, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile?" The sight of the serious boy from the prestigious Hyuga family saying such and outrageous statement made Kurenai laugh shortly after the words left Neji's mouth.
They switched places; Kurenai already had someone in mind. She didn't even have to go far; Asuma had been sitting next to her. Kurenai quickly sat on his lap, throwing her arms around his neck. His jaw dropped and his cigarette fell out of his mouth. He quickly replaced it and shut his mouth.
She ignored his reaction, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile?"
"Honey, I love you," He began, but it was just too much and he laughed.
"Dead!" Ibiki realized he had missed his cue last time, so he added, "And please keep it G-rated." Asuma tried to crack both Shino and Sasuke, neither even so much as smiled. He finally moved to Gai, who had been trying to get his attention since he had stood. The team leader sighed, exhaling a bought of smoke.
"Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile?" Asuma said without much enthusiasm.
Gai flashed a smile, "I admire your words so, yes, I will smile!" He let out a little chuckle just to make sure it would be his turn.
Ibiki just shook his head as the group sweat dropped. Gai jumped up and practically ran over to Kakashi, who regarded him with a calm face.
Gai posed ridiculously, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please smile!"
Kakashi looked up, "I'm sorry, did you say something… Oh, right, honey, I love you but I just can't smile."
Gai blew up, "Ah! Kakashi! I hat it when you act so cool!"
Ibiki decided to end the game, "I think that's enough for today. You all failed miserably, I expected better from you. Until next time, practice!" The group groaned at the mention of a "next time". Hinata finally awoke from her faint, Naruto offered to buy her ramen to make up for making her faint. She agreed, of course, and everyone went home.
THE END!
A/N: I hope none of the characters were too ooc. Tis my first fanfic and I have to give credit to my friend, you know who you are! As I said, first fic, so please don't hurt me!