Learning to Live Again

Isilarma

Alone

I know I'm meant to be writing the next chapter of 'Strange Visitors,' but writer's block has struck again and so I'm attempting to cure it by getting a few plot bunnies out of my head. This will be updated as and when I get ideas, so I can't promise regular updates, but I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians; everything belongs to William Joyce and DreamWorks Animation.

Jack Frost liked being a Guardian. He really did. He liked being able to talk to the kids he played with, and he liked being able to call for help if he needed it. Not that he had had to yet, but it was nice to have the option. It made a change to be able to be able to chat to Bunny without getting his head bitten off, and have Sandy fly with him when he needed a break was always fun. He liked hearing the fairies chirp at him as they darted past, and he definitely liked being able to visit the Workshop whenever he felt like it.

Yes, it was good to be a Guardian.

But that didn't mean Jack was completely happy.

At times, it was all too much. After three hundred years of solitude, it was hard to adapt to so much attention. Sometimes, he found himself wishing for some peace and quiet.

In the end, he couldn't quite bring himself to forget those three centuries. And it made him just a little bit mad that the others seemed to do so so easily. They had all apologised, and now they seemed to think it was all better. One big happy family.

But Jack found he still had problems with people, and with noise, and with being a proper, responsible Guardian. And whenever North sighed at him, or Tooth corrected him, or Bunny stood there and rolled his eyes, he couldn't help but let the anger build. What did they expect?

It couldn't last. Sooner or later, it would come to a head.

It turned out to be sooner. And it all began with a simple remark.

"Jack!" North boomed. "We were worried about you."

"Well, that makes a change," Jack muttered. Sandy shot him a quizzical look, and he shook his head. "Doesn't matter." He wasn't trying to be rude, but it had been a long day, and his temper was a little frayed. Despite what some people seemed to think, there was more involved to being a Spirit of Winter than starting snowball fights. Tooth whizzed over to hover beside him.

"I'm so glad you could make it, Jack. We haven't had one of these meetings – first bicuspid, Singapore! – for a while now."

"I'm just glad to get the invite," Jack said.

Bunny snorted. "Not like we were gonna forget you is it?"

Jack's eyes narrowed. It wasn't like it would be the first time, and it was all he could do to hold the words back. He turned away abruptly only for Sandy to tug at his sleeve, deep concern reflected in his eyes.

"I'm fine. Busy day."

"This looks like a bit more than a busy day, mate."

Bunny had followed him. Great.

"Well, it's not."

Bunny tilted his head to one side. "You're not always a people person, are ya?"

Jack bit back a bitter laugh. Seriously, what did they expect? It was all he could do to keep the anger from his voice. "I was. Three hundred years changes a person a bit."

Bunny's ears drooped. "That was a long time," he said softly.

"Too long." He dug his hands into his pockets to glare out the window. "I hated every second of it."

Bunny sighed. "We know, Jack. And we do understand."

Jack froze. "What did you just say?"

"Jack-"

"You understand? You understand?" Jack found his voice was rising, and could not bring himself to care. "What could you possibly know about being alone?"

Bunny's green eyes widened, but Jack was too incensed to stop. "Children believe in you! They see you! They love you! You've never known what it is to be all alone, to have no one but yourself. And even if the kids aren't always there, you have each other! And you have your yetis and fairies, and stupid walking eggs, and none of you have any idea, what it is to be totally alone." His voice cracked. "To have no one who cares about you, no one who even knows your name... How can any of you possibly understand what that feels like?"

"Jack," North began warily.

"No!" This had gone on long enough. "You don't get to tell me to stop now. You don't get to leave me alone for three hundred years and then tell me what to do!" Ice crackled on the tip of his staff as he pointed it as Bunny. "And you definitely don't get to tell me you understand what it's like. You have no idea, and you never, ever will."

There was complete silence. Jack fully expected Bunny to draw himself and fight back. To defend his position, to try to give some stupid excuse, to try to prove that he really did empathise. Jack expected that, and he was fully prepared to hammer his point into the giant rabbit's thick skull until he got it.

But Bunny didn't argue. He didn't actually say anything. He just stood there, staring at Jack and for once there was absolutely no antagonism in his eyes.

In fact, he gave no reaction at all.

It was more than disconcerting. Bunny was gruff and reserved, but he was one of the most expressive people Jack knew. His body, his face, his ears, his eyes... They betrayed every feeling, every fleeting emotion.

Now, there was nothing.

Jack didn't like it. And he definitely didn't like feeling like he had done something wrong.

"I'm getting some air," he muttered.

"Jack," Tooth called, but her words fell on deaf ears. Jack leapt from the window, and the wind whipped him away.

Jack didn't have a destination in mind. He simply let the wind carry him wherever it may. Flying had always served to clear his head, but, for once, the freedom did nothing to help. With a sigh, he landed lightly on a rocky outcropping and leaned on his staff.

He had meant what he said. The other Guardians were doing their best, but the past wasn't forgotten that easily. Three hundred years couldn't just be wiped away.

Jack's hands clenched into fists. How was he supposed to let this go? It had been three hundred years! North and Bunny could visit every child on the planet in less than twelve hours; how had none of them been able to talk to one spirit? Admittedly, Bunny had always had a word for him, even if it was just to yell at him for freezing his whiskers, and Sandy had always seemed glad of a bit of company, but they were so busy that they had never been able to stop. And after '68, Bunny had stopped passing by altogether.

Three hundred years. And he had the nerve to say that he understood. How could anyone possibly understand this?

Jack closed his eyes. He was so tired of it all. Sometimes he almost wished he had never been chosen as a Guardian.

The hum of wings was lost in the howling winds, and so the gentle hand that rested on his shoulder took him completely by surprise.

"Jack? Are you all right?"

Jack flinched away from the touch. "I'm fine."

Tooth's eyes narrowed. "Jack-"

"What do you want, Tooth?"

"Just to see if you were all right," she said softly.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Really? You're not going to yell at me?"

Tooth just gave a sad smile. "Why would I yell at you for being right?"

Jack froze. "Huh?"

"I said, you were right. Me, North, Sandy... None of us have ever been totally alone like that. We don't understand. And we can never apologise enough for making you go through it."

Jack ducked his head, anger tempered by her honesty. "At least you're trying now." A thought struck him and he frowned. "Hang on, what about Bunny?"

"What about him?"

"You said you didn't understand, but you never said anything about Bunny."

Tooth looked away. "Because Bunny may understand more than you realise."

Jack snorted. "Bunny? How could he?"

Tooth looked away. "That's something you'll have to ask him."

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Jack-"

"Look, he doesn't like me, and I don't like him. Maybe it's for the best if we just stay away from each other."

Tooth just looked at him. "Do you really mean that?"

Jack opened his mouth, an angry retort, but for some reason he found himself hesitating. As angry as he was, Bunny had been the first to acknowledge him all those years ago, albeit just to yell at him. Maybe it was for that reason that Jack had always wanted his approval the most out of all the Guardians.

But it didn't look like that was ever going to happen.

"Yeah. I do."

"Well too bad, Frosty," came a familiar voice from behind him. "'Cause you ain't getting a choice in the matter."

Jack whirled round, his staff rising automatically. "What do you want?"

Bunny raised his hands. "Easy, Frostbite. I just came to talk."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you." He turned, intent on summoning the winds, only for Tooth to catch his arm.

"Jack, wait."

"What? I don't want-"

"Jack, you're a Guardian now. We don't always have the luxury of getting what we want, and you need to sort this out." She sighed. "Just hear him out, all right?"

Jack glared at her. "Fine. But then that's it."

"That's all I'm asking." She brushed his hair back lightly, nodded to Bunny, and then there was a blur of colour and she was gone.

Jack folded his arms, pointedly looking everywhere except at his companion. He knew that as Guardians they had to cooperate, but Bunny's words still burned in his mind. If it weren't for the kids...

But the kids always came first.

Jack turned back to see Bunny still watching him, and he felt his anger build. "Well, say something then." He wanted Bunny to argue, to fight back, and so was startled to see Bunny staring at his feet.

"What's the matter? You were the one who wanted to talk."

He was completely unprepared for the words that came out of the big rabbit's mouth.

"I lost my family too, Jack."

Jack's mouth opened and closed for a good few seconds. Bunny continued to speak, his green eyes staring out into the distance. "My parents, my siblings, my cousins... I lost them all."

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered. The face of his sister blazed in his mind, bringing with it a familiar ache. With an effort, he forced the sensation away. "But you still weren't alone. You had North, and Sandy, and –"

"You don' understand," said Bunny quietly. "They died long before I became a Guardian."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "How long? A few years? Sorry to break it to you, but that isn't the same." He shook his head. "Look, I'm sorry they died, but that doesn't give you the right-"

"Millennia."

Jack's retort died on his lips. "What?"

Bunny closed his eyes. "They've been dead for millennia."

"But...but that's impossible."

Bunny just looked at him. "Newsflash, Frostbite; we're immortal."

Jack had to lean on his staff for support, his mind was spinning so fast. "But that would make you..." His voice trailed off as his eyes widened.

Bunny nodded. "Older than North," he said softly. "Older than Tooth, older than Manny. Heck, I've probably been around even longer than Sandy."

Jack wanted to argue. He wanted to say that Bunny was lying, that he was making it up to try to get sympathy. But then he saw Bunny's eyes, and it would take a dozen lifetimes to accumulate the pain and wisdom that he saw reflected in them.

Bunny wasn't lying. In a way, that was even worse.

"Frostbite? You all right?"

Jack would have laughed if he could have done so without throwing up. How could he possibly be all right?

"Jack?"

"I'm fine," Jack managed to mumble.

Bunny's eyes narrowed. "Sit down. You look like you're about to fall over."

Jack was only too happy to obey. All his earlier anger had fled leaving nothing but shame and self-loathing in its place. And this time, the other Guardian had been carrying this, and Jack hadn't had a clue. Even worse, he had actually envied him.

"So I guess you actually do get it," he whispered.

Bunny just nodded. Jack ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Don' be. You couldn' have known."

"Still shouldn't have said it," Jack mumbled. He paused and took a deep breath. "There's still something I don't understand though."

"Why did we leave you all alone?"

Jack nodded, still gazing out over the snow. "You must have known what it was like. How hard it would be." He kept his voice level; there was no anger now, only a need to know why. "Why didn't you ever come?"

Bunny sighed and squatted next to him. "Because I didn't realise how bad it was for you."

Jack stared at him. "Nobody could see me! How could it be anything but bad?"

"Because you were never unhappy. At least, not when I was there." He shook his head. "Heck, the first time I saw you, you dumped a ton of snow on my head."

"That was an accident," Jack protested. "I was so startled that someone could see me I forgot I had it ready."

"You laughed for five minutes straight!"

Jack had to smile at the memory. "Well, it was funny."

Bunny rolled his eyes. "See? I thought you were dealing with it all right."

Jack's smile faded. "I wasn't. I didn't even know who I was."

"And we didn't know that," said Bunny softly. "None of the other elementals ever had problems with their memories."

Jack glanced up, the phrasing not escaping his notice. "What about you?"

"I never died." Pain flickered across his face. "And honestly, I wouldn' mind losing some of these memories."

Jack flinched at the reminder, but he still had questions. "You really didn't know?"

Bunny shook his head. "You heard Tooth, didn' you? If she'd known, she'd a given them to you in a heartbeat. Once she'd looked at your teeth o'course." His voice softened. "I know we let you down, Jack. We should have paid more attention, especially when you started getting more extravagant."

"I was trying to get your attention," Jack mumbled.

Bunny sighed. "I'm sorry for yellin' at you."

"I did kinda ruin Easter." And now that he'd seen how badly affected Bunny could be by that, the apology didn't make him feel nearly as good as it should have.

"Yeah, but the kids found the eggs the next day. Not quite the same, but they still appreciated it."

Jack nodded. "Good." He tipped his head back to look at the sky. "If you'd known what it was like, would you have come?" He was careful to avoid looking at Bunny. If the answer was a negative...

So he was taken completely by surprise when he was pulled into a tight embrace.

"Course we would ya bloody gumbie."

Jack had no idea how to react. Bunny held him firmly, not tightly enough to be uncomfortable, but enough that he knew he was safe. Kind of how he had used to hold Emma when she was scared. Part of him wanted to make a sarcastic comment, or push Bunny away, but by the time he could think of anything, he found he had already relaxed into his friend's arms.

"Turning soft?"

Well, he wouldn't be Jack Frost if he could halt the sarcasm completely. There was a soft snort.

"I'm a bunny, mate. What did you expect?" After a minute he added more quietly, "I am sorry, Jack."

Jack pulled back to look him in the eye. "I know. And I still can't say I'm happy about it." Bunny's ears dropped, but Jack didn't give him a chance to interrupt. "But I also know that you're making up for it."

"Tryin' to," said Bunny softly.

Jack nodded. "I know," he repeated. North's parties, Tooth's enthusiasm... They were all trying.

And that... that was enough.

"Bunny?"

"Yeah, Frosty?"

"I'm sorry about your family."

Bright eyes visibly dimmed before Bunny looked away. "Was a long time ago, mate."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Bunny's jaw tightened. "No offense mate, but I really don' wanna talk about it."

Once, Jack would have pressed the matter, but he recognised the note of danger in Bunny's voice. Every muscle in the big rabbit's body was tense as a coiled spring. Besides, there were some lines you didn't cross. Jack Frost was cold, but he wasn't heartless.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Bunny glanced back at him and sighed. "Look, ask North to tell you about the Pookas. I just... I can' talk about it."

Jack nodded. "All right." A thought struck him. "Wait, you're a Pooka?"

"What did'ya think I was?"

"Er, a bunny? You know, because of the whole 'I'm a bunny' thing."

"Well, I couldn' exactly go round tellin' everyone I was a time 'n space traveller, could I?"

Jack's mouth fell open. "Space and time? Are you kidding me?"

"Nuh uh. Did it for a few thousand years before... Well, before I came to earth."

Jack heard his voice falter, and cast about for a distraction. "You must have seen some pretty cool stuff."

"Pretty cool? Mate, I could tell you things that would make your hair curl."

Perfect. "Go on then."

Bunny blinked. "Huh?"

"Tell me a story."

Bunny stared at him. "You're really interested?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, duh. You travelled in space!" He frowned. "Unless you don't want to."

"No, no, it's fine," said Bunny quickly. "Been a while since I thought about those days." For a moment he appeared lost in thought, before he shook himself. "But I think I can find a tale or two for ya."

"Awesome." He settled himself more comfortably and looked up at him expectantly. Bunny hesitated, but after a minute he gave a low chuckle.

"All right then." He sat down next to Jack, seemingly heedless of the icy temperatures. "S'ppose it's the least I can do."

Jack grinned and leaned back against him. "Whenever you're ready then."

"Cheeky brat."

"All part of my charm."

"D'ya want to talk, or are ya gonna listen to the story?"

"Stowy, pweese!"

"Then shut up. An' stop doin' that." His voice took on a more rhythmic quality. "An' listen to the time I met an alien who lived in a bright blue box."

"Must have been a big box."

"Frost..."

"Not another word. See?" He mimed zipping his lips. Bunny rolled his eyes.

"Oh, spare me."

But his arm wrapped around Jack's shoulders, and he didn't stop talking. Jack closed his eyes, letting the words wash over him.

It was going to take time to get used to being a Guardian. There were still things he was going to have problems with, and issues he would need to sort out. It wasn't going to be easy.

But he wouldn't have to do it alone. And that made all the difference.

Any feedback would be very much appreciated.