Alex lazily reached out to pull Jo closer to him, not wanting to think about starting his day yet. When his hand met cold sheets he squinted one eye open trying to see where she had gone, catching a glimpse of the clock displaying '6 am' in a daunting red. He rolled over as he heard a noise behind him, and saw Jo parked at the kitchen counter, medical journals and notepads spread all around, head in her hands caught in a trance of concentration.
Pulling himself out of bed he slumped the few steps to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Jo's shoulders, pulling her into his chest.
Startled, Jo tensed before letting herself relax into his embrace.
"What are you doing up so early, and studying at that, its Saturday… a day to sleep in" Alex questioned while placing soft kisses against her neck.
"I just need to get a head start, that's all" Jo said dismissively as she started to free herself from his grasp, attempting to pull her focus back to the journal sitting in front of her.
Alex looked down at her, confused at the change in her demeanour. Four years into the relationship, Alex could read her emotions better than anyone else's.
"A head start on what?"
"Just… everything" Jo grunted, not looking up, in an attempt to get him to drop the subject for a while. But this was Alex, and she knew he hated seeing her stressed and upset.
"Jo… Jo, look at me. What is 'everything'?" Alex pushed, not wanting to spend their weekend dismissive and annoyed at one another.
Taking a deep breath Jo looked up at Alex, trying her best to put a fake smile on her face and laugh it off, "Nothing, don't worry about it… I'm just feeling a little nerdy today is all".
Alex was busying himself at the coffee maker, he knew there were times not to push her, and this was on of them.
When the coffee was ready he pulled two mugs down from the top shelf, pouring the freshly made goodness into both, rounding the counter and placing one in front of Jo.
She lifted her eyes to the hot cup in front of her, and subconsciously a small smile overtook her face. Pulling her head up to look at him and he sat in the chair beside her… Damn Alex for always making her heart melt.
"Look, I don't want to prod and probe when I know you don't want to talk" Alex started "But its 6:10 on a Saturday morning, and I am starting to worry that you'll malfunction and explode by being out of bed this early" he added light-heartedly so she knew this didn't have to be a super-serious conversation.
Jo met his eyes and let out a deep breath, knowing that when she talks to him, everything feels better. Bottling up her emotions always fills her with self-doubt and fear.
"I just.." Jo started, not knowing what to say, "I just don't know what I am doing, I feel so lost". Alex looked at her with a confused look, beginning to worry where this conversation was heading.
"Lost?" he questioned.
Letting out a shaky breath, she began again, "I keep getting pushed off cases, and missing all these opportunities. I am with a patient from the moment they arrive, I do all the shitty work and then it's time for them to the OR and somehow I find myself stuck in the gallery looking down" she felt her eyes begin to warm with tears.
Alex looked up, not expecting all of this to come out. He knew better than to say anything right now, instead resting his hand on her knee, rubbing his fingers back and forth gently.
"I've been doing extra study, extra time in the skills lab, taking more notes whenever I am on rounds and watching more surgeries to try and see where I am going wrong, but I am just lost." Jo looked up, willing herself not to cry, "Every service I am on, I somehow get pushed out of. Nobody has been teaching me and now I start my fifth year with no direction, no mentor, not to mention I need to find all these thing before boards come around and I am faced with the hardest test of my life". Alex, slowly stood up, and moved closer to Jo, standing between her legs, and resting his hands on her shoulders.
"How long has this been going on?" He question, feeling sad and annoyed at himself for not noticing this sooner.
"I can't even remember, I mean I thought I had something with Torres, I loved bones. Then Webber just came along and moved us all around, but somehow everyone made their way back to each other… Steph went back to Shepherd and I just got stuck" She let her head lean into his chest as his arms encircled her back, drawing her closer. "Now Torres is gone and no one at the hospital will try and teach me, they don't see me." Jo's voice slowly cracked and it broke Alex's heart.
"Believe me, they see you. You're kickass and if they don't see that they are idiots" he stated, with all the love and affection in the world, a side of Alex that no one but Jo got to see.
Pulling up from his embrace, she met his eyes, "While I appreciate the pep-talk from my boyfriend, I don't know how I am meant to finish this final year, how am I meant to be ready for my Fellowship? I just don't know what to do… I can't go through my final year like this."
"You need to talk to Webber, or the chief. The fact that this is still happening and you're not getting an education is not something to just ignore. This is an issue with them, they need to realise that you deserve to be taught and the other Attending's can't keep pushing you out and off the cases" leaning forward Alex placed a tender kiss on Jo's lips, wanting to show that he'd be there for her through it all.
Letting his words sink in, Jo slowly nodded, trying to talk herself out of the self-doubt that was still lying dormant in her mind.
"But, nothing can be done about it this early on a Saturday morning" Alex said with a smile, pulling her up from her chair, "So, we are going back to bed and catching up on our much need sleep and couple time."
Deciding she wasn't going to win this battle, she let herself relax into his embrace as they lay down in bed. Turning her head to cuddle into his neck, "Thank you" she breathed out as she slowly began drifting off to sleep. "You're welcome, Princess" he let out, placing a kiss on her forehead, and pulling to tighter into his arms.