Title: Where We Stand
Summary: post 3x24. Whilst sitting at Beckett's bedside, waiting for her to regain consciousness, Castle and Josh find out where the other stands.
Rating: T – Angst / language etc etc.
Author's Note: So I was feeling crappy and depressed, and this one just begged to be written. I know I should be working on some of the other fic's I have in the works, but bear with me, folks, I needed to get this one out before I moved back on to happier ones. As usual folks, review please!
NevynR
She lay in the darkness, unmoving. Around her, the steady beep and hiss of machines marked the slow passage of time, the acrid scent of disinfectant gradually masked by the smell of flowers brought by her visitors.
A prisoner in her own body, Kate had no choice but to lay there, hearing, smelling, unable to let them know she was still there.
Time passed, minutes, hours, days, she had no idea how long. The only constants were the machines, and the feeling of a warm hand in her own. It was her anchor, her tether to the reality she thought she would lose hold of if Castle let go of her hand, his presence a rock she clung to with everything she had. Startled into wakefulness, she heard the sounds of somebody enter the room, and felt Castle's hand tense.
"Mr Castle." Josh greeted the author stiffly.
"Dr. Davidson. How is she doing?" Castle replied, polite to a fault. Josh pulled out Kate's chart and ran his eyes over it. Putting it away again, he turned to face Castle.
"She's doing better. Her vitals are steady, no infections that we can find. There is no way to tell how long she will be like this, unfortunately. Her body is healing, giving her mind a chance to do the same."
"Thanks." There was an uncomfortable pause, and Josh faced Castle directly, crossing his arms.
"Shouldn't you go home for a while?"
"No. I won't leave her alone. I need to be here when she wakes up."
"She has people here all the time, Castle. You just don't get it, do you? You need to back off."
"And why is that, Doctor?" Castle snapped, his inflection making the surgeon's title seem more like a swear word.
"Because it's not right. Because you are here all day, every day, holding onto my girlfriend's hand, that's why. She's not with you, so back the hell off." Castle glared at Josh, his expression hardening as he replied.
"No! You might be her boyfriend, but I'm her partner. I work with her day in, day out. I've been there for her when you couldn't, or wouldn't. I care about her, and the only way I am leaving here is if she tells me to go. If you think I am going to just leave, you don't have any idea what she means to me."
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Josh spat, having had almost this exact argument with Kate repeatedly.
"It means I don't want to lose her. I have enough regrets as it is, but this? You have no idea, do you, Josh? This is the third time this week I have held her in my arms as we almost died. I held her in that freezer, and tried to keep her alive, I watched as she closed her eyes, and didn't respond. We were together when I ripped the wires out of that bomb, less than one second before it blew half of Manhattan into rubble. I was there when she got shot; I was there to try to get her out of the way. I'd have taken the bullet for her, if I was even a fraction of a second faster. I watched as she bled out on the grass, and I looked into her eyes as she faded away, and told her I love her, because it might have been the last damn chance I got to tell her. Where the hell were you?"
"I…" Josh began, but Castle cut him off, the words rolling from him in an unstoppable torrent.
"Just so we are totally clear on this point, Davidson, I love her, and she needs to know that. That is why I am here, so I can make sure she knows that, because I don't know if she heard it as she lay dying, or even if she remembers. We argued the night before; I don't know if she told you, hell, I don't care if she did. If you want to know the specifics, I suggest you ask her when she's awake. I have no idea what she feels for me, but after that night, I didn't want the last words we ever spoke to be angry. All I want is her to be happy. If that means she stays with you, then I'll just have to live with that, whatever happens it's her choice" His tone hardened, his eyes drained of all emotion. Like the air from the freezer, Castle's voice had a chill that went straight to the bone. "All I will promise you is this: The only reason I am even civil to you is out of respect for Kate. Hurt her, and you are a dead man. You have my word on that." Castle turned back to Kate once more, focused on simply being there for her. Josh hesitated for a second, trying wrap his mind around what had just happened, before leaving the room, a look of fury stamped firmly on his face.
The machines beeped their vigil, as the author sat next to the woman who meant so much to him and cried, his tears falling onto their joined hands. His mind lost in his torment, he barely felt it when the delicate fingers wrapped in his own twitched once, twice.
"Kate…?" he whispered, choking back his grief. "Kate, can you hear me?"
"Ca… Castle?" Her voice dry and cracked, she forced her eyes open to look at her partner.
"It's ok, Kate, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He brushed her hair back from her forehead as he grabbed a glass of water off the bedside table. He placed the straw in her mouth, and watched as she took a small sip.
"Castle…" Her voice smoother, she felt the water help bring her back to the world of the living. "I…" She winched in pain before she went on, fatigue fighting to drag her back down. "I heard… every word."
"Shhhh…. It's ok Kate, we can talk about it when you are better."
"Need to say… before sleep… love you too, Castle. Always…" her energy drained by the effort of forcing the words out, she succumbed to sleep again, the lines of pain on her face smoothed, the faint smile on her lips outshone by the happy smile worn by her partner.