Merit Badges and Mayhem
Black Kat: SNAAAAAAAPE! MUST HUG NECK NOOOOOOOW!
Rose9999: (rolls eyes) We're big Snape fans, but we enjoy Shape humor too.
Black Kat: (tackles Snape) We own nothing! The plot bunnies own the plot idea, but the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Maybe I can buy you on E- Bay, Snapey!
Rose9999: Cut us some slack. This is our first fic. I know it's kinda dry and fast, but I'll make it better later.
Ch. 1: Off to Camp We Go. A.K.A. Why is Snape Wearing That?
"HARRY POTTER, GET DOWN HERE AT ONCE!" came Uncle Vernon's angry voice up the stairs.
Harry sighed and trudged down into the living room, wishing that he could be left alone.
It was the start of summer and Harry had only been home for three weeks. He'd gotten various letters from Ron and Hermione, but unbeknownst to him, his guardians just got theirs.
Walking up to his uncle and aunt, he took a deep breath and exhaled.
"Yes, sir?"
His uncle turned an angry gaze at him and proceeded to scan the letter.
"Just what is this? They have no right to tell us what to do. What's this all about?"
Harry took the letter and read it.
Dear Guardians of Harry Potter,
As the threat of attack has increased, the Ministry of Magic has required that all Hogwarts students attend a special summer camp. We will expect Mr. Potter to be at the train station on June 26th at 6:00 A.M. sharp. We are sorry to inconvenience you at this time.
Signed,
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster
Vernon's eyes scrutinized Harry as he read the letter.
"What's all this talk about attacks?"
Harry thought quickly. He couldn't just outright tell them about the Dark Lord's return. No, that would be dangerous and now was not the time to jeopardize anyone, even the Dursleys.
"You know that Sirius Black is still at large. The Ministry just wants to take precautions. They can't have anyone hurt."
The idea of summer camp at Hogwarts sounded interesting to Harry and he would do anything to go back. He couldn't blow his one chance to get away again.
"There is no way we are driving to London just to take you to that freak school!" his uncle shouted.
"Fine, then. I'll take the bus," Harry said, turning swiftly and heading upstairs to retrieve his luggage and Hedwig.
After he had dashed out the door, he made his way to the curb where he'd first been picked up by the Night Bus.
Soon enough, it arrived and the young wizard stepped aboard, readily grabbing something stable to steady himself once it'd taken off.
"Well, Harry Potter again, eh? Where to, boy?"
"The Leaky Cauldron."
Suddenly, the bus was flying down the road toward London and the pub, jolting Harry from his vertical position and situating him on a bed.
The bus ride was quieter than the previous, only because Harry didn't have much to say this time. He knew that the entire wizarding world would know about the Dark Lord's return by now and there would be no reason to bring it up.
Once there, Harry got off and made his way inside to see none other than his friends sitting at a nearby table eating dinner.
"Harry! What are you doing here?" cried Hermione as she rushed toward him.
"Uncle wouldn't bring you?" asked Ron.
Harry nodded solemnly as he embraced Mrs. Weasly who continued to fuss over his current state of physicality.
"Yeah, about right," he grunted, letting the twins carry his trunk upstairs.
(A/N: The next few sentences are about to drive this story straightforward. What do you want, a night at a pub and a long elaborate train ride or Snape humor? I prefer the latter. Also, break the camp name down and you'll get the joke. If not, my condolences on your thickness.)
After a restless night with little sleep and a long train ride, Harry was glad to see the familiar towers and tresses of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
However, when they reached the gate, they began to notice several changes. Instead of the school name across the gate, 'Camp Whompanogre' replaced it.
Hagrid was nowhere to be seen and instead, the group was met with their 'favorite' teacher, Severus Snape. However, instead of being clad in his robes, he sported the most...unusual outfit.
"If you have anything to say about my uniform, say it now or hold your peace," he growled.
Silence was heard as everyone stared, and a sight it was indeed. Snape was clad in an orange shirt with the camp logo across the chest in a deep forest green and a matching sun visor. His pallid legs were exposed by TIGHT khaki shorts followed by black knee socks and high top sneakers with a purple paisley lanyard around his neck onto which was attached a silver whistle.
"Follow me and stay quiet."
All obeyed, but many couldn't help but grin widely at each other. The Potions Master was definitely not enjoying this at all and this would be remembered from years to come.
As they reached a wooden stage, they saw their headmaster clad in about the same outfit, except his shorts were black and a bit baggier than Snape's.
As the students took their seats, they were given uniforms and handbooks while Snape ran up to Dumbledore.
"Sir, may I ask why I must wear these?" he asked, baring his teeth and tugging a bit at the shorts.
"Severus, I cannot control Muggle mail services. I cannot help it if your order was mixed up with a," he took out a slip of paper, "Miss Cindy Parker of Ohio," he said laughingly.
Snape glowered at him and returned to the side of the stage.
"Well, at least we know what caused that," Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.
Harry grinned and nodded quickly as Dumbledore stood to make his welcome speech.
"Students, I would like to welcome you to the opening of Camp Whompanogre. As you may know, the Dark Lord has returned and the Ministry feels that the safety of you and your peers is quite critical. Until further notice, you must stay here in both summer and school year. However, your parents shall reside here as well, so getting homesick will do you no justice. Helping us with camp is one of our former teachers, Professor Remus Lupin."
This statement was met with thunderous applause as the ex-professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts made a small bow.
"Professor Lupin will be helping Hagrid as a co-head of Natural Sciences. Professor Trelawney will guide us in Arts and Crafts, while Professor McGonnagal will head campfire activities. Professor Snape shall head the meals in the Mess Hall, and I shall oversee sporting events. If you will, now turn your attention to the bulletin board where your cabin and troop lists are located. With this, I only have to say, have fun with it."
The crowd roared as they gathered around the lists to see whom their troop would be. Troops were the combined sexes with separate cabins for boys and girls located in the Forbidden Forest and one teacher as a troop leader. The paths and cabins had been enchanted so that no danger would befall them while their parents resided in the castle.
"I hope we get Hagrid," Harry said to Hermione as they waited for Ron to return with the information.
"No such luck, mate," the redhead replied, running back.
"Well, who do we have?" asked Hermione.
"Troop Thirteen, Troop Leader...Professor Snape."
End Chapter One...
Rose9999: Gasp! Shock! Who saw that coming?! Well, that's it for Chapter one! You like it, hate it? Just review!)
Black Kat: SNAAAAAAAAPE! MUST HUG NOOOW!
Snape: ... Help me...