The Haunted Train
By: EAParakeet
Disclaimer: The Koopalings & Kamek belong to Nintendo. Kori belongs to me.
AN:Why yes, I'm still here...I just do more reading then writing...Ha, anyway, I was up late one night watching the 90's are All That and saw the Hey Arnold! Haunted Train episode and thought it'd be fun to write a spoof of using the Koopalings and so I did and here it is. Well enjoy.
It was a warm summer day in the Darklands and the Koopalings were outside playing and enjoying themselves, all except for Ludwig and Iggy, who where sitting on the castle steps looking very bored. Kamek, who was in charge of watching the kids that day, took notice of this and walked over.
"My my, don't tell me you boys have finished playing checkers already?" He asked as he sat down on thesteps with them.
"Ja." Replied Ludwig not even bothering to look at him. "As vell as Crazy Eights, Slap Jack, Go Fish, Old Maid and every board game in zee castle."
"Yeah we even did this whole book of Sodoku!" Said Iggy holding up the book out for Kamek to see. "Ugh! We're booored!" He whined as he threw the book in the air and lay back on the steps only to have the book come down on his head. "Ooow..."
The old Magikoopa chuckled a little and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Bored huh?"
Off in the distance the sound of a train horn is heard and Kamek looks off in the direction the sound came from. As he listens to the rumble of the trains wheels as it chugs along the tracks, he get's an idea.
"Say, have I ever told you boys about the time I worked for the railroad?"
Ludwig and Iggy just rolled their eyes at each other expecting this to be a boring story.
"AND FIRST HEARD THE LEGEND OF THE HAUNTED TRAIN!"
At the mention of a haunted train the boys turn around in awe and move closer to Kamek and he begins to tell the story.
"It happened about forty years ago, old Engine 25 was heading for the station, when the engineer went suddenly mad and drove his train right off the tracks. They never saw him or the train again, Some say he drove it straight to." Kamek pointed down. "...You know..."
"Midtown?" Asked Ludwig looking a little perplexed.
"Downtown?" Asked an equally confused Iggy.
Kamek shook his head. "All the way downtown, to the very most southern point!"
Ludwig's eyes widened. "You mean?..."
"That's right." Kamek nodded.
"You mean he drove all the way to the south pole!" Iggy asked as he adjusted his glasses. "Wooow!"
Ludwig, having already figured it out just face palmed, while Kamek just gave Iggy an annoyed look before continuing. "No! He drove the train straight down, to the fiery underworld!"
"Whoa!" By now the other kids had overheard and were quickly joining Ludwig and Iggy on the castle steps to hear Kamek's story.
"Now then..." Kamek continued. "Every year on the anniversary of it's last ride, Engine 25 comes back, the Mad Engineer at the throttle! He's on his way to the old train station to pick up unknowing passengers. These unsuspecting passengers are drawn onto the train by a blinding white light. It hypnotizes them, and a strong smell overpowers them. Some say it smells like rotten eggs, but I'll tell you what it is. It's the smell of!.. "
"Morton's stinky feet?" Interrupts Roy with a smirk.
"Heeeey!" Retorts Morton. "My feet are not stinky! They smell good, really nice like posies and mmmmm!..."
"Man, why don't ya just shadup fer once?"Roy slaps his hand over Morton's mouth in a attempt to shut him up. "Sides Kamek's tryin' to tell us a story. Ain't that right?"
Kamek replies by taking out his magic wand and waving at them warningly.
"Heh heh he, ok, ok no need fer dat, I's just playin' dat's all." Roy let's his annoying little brother go and shoves him aside. Morton just glare's and sticks his tongue out at him, before stomping off a little ways by himself to sulk.
Kamek lets out a irritated sigh. "As I was saying before, Roy..." He glances wearily at the pink headed bully, who just shrugs at him. "The smell is of fire and brimstone. Then they..."
Once again Kamek is interrupted, this time by Larry. "Uhmm, but Kamek, we live in a castle made out of a volcano, with lots magma all around it...so it kinda smells like that around here all the time..."
The old Magikoopa just shoots Larry an annoyed look and once more continues on with his story. "Anyway, were was I? Ah, yes, the strong smell overpowers them and then they start to hear a horrible ear splitting music! It shrieks and moans and sends a chill through your heart! It's not of this world. It's inhuman. After the music, the train then enters, The ZONE OF DARKNESS!"
The Koopalings all gasp.
"In the zone of darkness, they can feel the heat from the flames, then the train comes to a complete stop. The doors open, and they are greeted by the red hot demon himself!" Kamek gets up and starts to enter the castle, but stops short and turns around. "Hmm, you kids do know what tonight is don't you?"
They all shake their head no.
"It's the fortieth anniversary! I'd sure hate to be at the old train station tonight. Oooh! The one on 53rd past Livingston. You know, next to the tire shop there." Kamek walks into the castle as the Koopalings start talking excitingly.
He pauses by a window and looks out at them and chuckles."Well, so much for their being bored." He says as he walks away from the window and down the hallway.
Later on that day, Ludwig and Iggy are still sitting on the steps of the castle, while Wendy is jumping rope next to them.
"Do you zhink zee stories are true Ignatius?" Asked Ludwig resting his chin on his fist. "I mean, Kamek has been known to stretch zee truth"
Wendy overhears, puts down her jump rope and walks over to them. "Well I don't believe a word of it! I want physical evidence like infrared photography, ectoplasmic samples and physical energy fields! Hah!"
Ludwig shrugs. "Vell, some zhings can't be proved vith scientific evidence. It's a question of faith."
Wendy rushes into Ludwig's face. "Hooey!"
"Vell, I can understand if you're...scared, dear sister." Taunts Ludwig with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
"Scared! Scared!" Wendy growls at her older brother. "Ludwig you jerk! I am like so totally not scared!"
Ludwig merely smirks at her. "Very vell zhen, let's zee three of us meet tonight at zee old train station, say one hour after zee street lights go off."
Iggy, who up till now wasn't really paying attention, looks at his two siblings astonished. "Huh! Wha!"
"Like, you're on!" Wendy and Ludwig glare at each other competitively before turning and going off in different directions, leaving a poor, confused Iggy behind.
That night, Ludwig, Wendy and Iggy approach the old train station. They quickly run across the tracks and into the old station building. There is a small passage between large planks of wood covered with a cobweb.
Wendy goes first through, getting the cobweb as well as various spiders on her head. "Eeek! Like eeew! Eeeew!" She whines as she starts batting at the spiders to knock them off.
Ludwig and Iggy just laugh as they walk on through to the old boarding platform. As they walk on a squeaking sound is heard, Iggy picks up a rock and throws it into the tunnel and a swarm of bats flies out and into the night. As the trio scatters for cover, Ludwig picks up a wooden board and swings it to keep the bats away.
Once the bats are gone and they've made it out to the boarding platform Wendy takes a quick look around. "Yep, no train. Let's go!"
She turns to leave but Ludwig catches her arm. "Not so fast. Ve have to vait longer zhan thirty seconds."
Several hours later the clock strikes twelve midnight as Ludwig, who is sitting on a crate with Iggy, takes a harmonica out from his shell and begins to play it in a 12 bar blues style pattern.
Iggy begins snapping his claws and singing the haunted train blues.
"They say he lost his mind
Went crazy on that day
Ran his train right off the tracks
And drove it straight to...HEY!
Where's the engineer?
Been waiting all nite long.
Better show up soon.
Or I'll have to say so long.
WHOO WHOOOOOOO! Been waitin' on the Haunted Train."
Wendy begins growling, then yells. "That's it! I'm out of here! This is totally ridiculous! Like there is no haunted train and there's no mad engineer! And you two chuckle heads are like totally driving me nuts! " Off in the distance train horn is blown. "And stop playing that stupid harmonica!"
Ludwig looks at her annoyed. "But I'm not playing zee harmonica."
Suddenly the train horn sounds again and the birds in the station scatter. The station and tracks begin to vibrate as Wendy, Ludwig and Iggy look at each other surprised. Ludwig peers down the tunnel and sees a black steam locomotive barreling towards the station.
The engine has a 25 on the front of the boiler. The train thunders into the station past them and stops at the platform. They stare in awe at the locomotive's intimidating features, notably it's red glow from the cab and the the steam shooting from the wheels.
The three of them cry out in unison. "It's Engine 25!"
Then the door to the train suddenly opens and the trio is treated to a blinding white light, just like Kamek's story told of and they are drawn onto the train.
Ludwig gasps and looks around the car in awe. "Zee vhite light, it, it pulled us on!"
Wendy gulps and shivers a little. "Oh no! We're like the victims of forces we can't possibly comprehend. Let's get out of here!"
They all run to try to escape the car, but the door closes before they can get there and the train pulls away with the them on board. Just then Wendy notices an odor. "Eeeeew! Like what's that nasty smell!"
"Well, you what they say, he who smelt it dealt it. Heh heh." Snickered Iggy.
Wendy smacks him on the back of his head. "It's not kind of smell stupid!"
Ludwig stiffs the air. "No, Vendy's right, it's more like..."
Wendy takes another whiff and then quickly covers her nose. "Rotten eggs! It totally smells like rotten eggs! OMG! That's one of the signs! "
Suddenly the train starts to shake and ear splitting music begins to play, catching Iggy's attention. "Huh? H-hey do you guys what I hear?"
"You mean zhat horrible, ear-splitting and possibly inhumane music?" Asks Ludwig as he covers his ears. Iggy nods in reply. "Ja."
Meanwhile Wendy is nervously biting on her claws, when all of a sudden she let's out a loud scream and begins running up and down the car in a panic. "We're all gonna die! We're like all totally gonna die! " She then runs to the back of the car and tries to open the door.
"I do believe in mad engineers! I do believe in haunted trains! I do I do!" She bangs on door window. "Oh why must I be cursed with like such an inquisitive nature!" Finally she gives up trying to get the door open, slides down to floor and starts to cry.
Just then, the lights begin to flicker and eventually go out entirely, plunging the siblings into darkness. "Eep! H-hey...t-the lights!" Cried Iggy.
"Zee zone of darkness. The next stop is..." Ludwig glups. "...You know."
"Uh, Ludwig y-you're not pointing down are you?" Ask a nervous sounding Iggy.
Then red pulsing flashes of light begin flashing through the windows, enough to illuminate the car. The lights flash again and reveals Wendy with a tall shadow figure standing behind her.
"This is it!" She sobs as the shadow creeps a step closer to her and the lights go out once more. "I can feel the flames of the dark underworld blowing down the back of my neck!"
The lights flash again and the shadow creeps even closer to her until it is directly behind her. Suddenly Wendy hears a wheezing sound from behind and slowly turns around as the lights flash one last time, to see a creepy face illuminated by the lights. She screams and the lights come back on, revealing the shadow figure to be none other than a human boy named Kori.
Ludwig stares at him baffled. "Er, Kori?...You are Emi's cousin ja?" The boy just nods. "Ah...So vhat exactly are you doing here?"
Kori just shrugs and smiles a little. "Heh, uh...I dunno..." The Koopalings looks at each other confused.
Finally, Wendy walks over to Kori and grabs him by the back of his shirt. Iggy opens the side door for her and she throws Kori out the door into a muddy ditch. Then she closes the car door and after a few moments, fire appears outside the windows.
"Eeeee! I see it! I see it!" Squeals Iggy, jumping up and down and pointing out the window. "I see the fire!"
They look out the window and observe several shadows walking through the fire while creepy music plays in the background. They are horrified.
"Ah, vait, I've got an idea!" Ludwig runs over to the fire hose and brings it to the door.
"Okay!" Yells Wendy. "Ready...Aim..." She points to Iggy and he opens the door revealing the Fiery Demon. "FIRE!"
Ludwig sprays the hose and the demon, revealed to be a large Troopa wearing a hard hat writhes and yells, surprised by the water hitting him. The Troopa falls to the ground and Ludwig stops the water.
"Hey! What did ya do that for?" Snaps the annoyed Troopa.
Just then the door in the front of the car opens and the Engineer walks through. "What are you kids doing here? Nobody's allowed on this train except for the steel mill workers."
"Huh?" Ludwig looks at the Engineer startled. "Zee...steel mill? Ve're at zee steel mill?"
The Engineer rises an eyebrow. "Well sure, where'd ya think were?"
"So this train isn't haunted?" Asked Iggy looking a little relieved.
"Haunted! Aw, not that story again." The Engineer gives the Koopalings and irritated look. "This train is for relief workers."
"Then, like, what about the smell?" Said Wendy who was holding her nose and waving her hand to fan the air.
"Girlie, have you ever smelled a steel mill? It's the sulfur!" Replied the Engineer as he leans into the group. "Smells like rotten eggs don't it?"
"And zee lights?" Inquired Ludwig.
"Lights? The lights in this car are always going on and off." The Engineer hits a light to demonstrate and it flickers.
"And the music, I've never heard anything so horrible." Exclaimed Iggy.
"Ja." Agreed Ludwig. "It vas like torture to mein ears."
"Yeah, like, I totally thought my eardrums were going to explode." Whined Wendy.
"Oh well I guess some people don't appreciate the polka." Huffs the Engineer as he pulls out an accordion and plays a few notes demonstrating that he was the one making the noise. "Okay, does that explain everything?"
The Koopalings look down embarrassed and nod. "Yes..."
The Engineer chuckles and adjusts his hat. "Good, now let's get you kids on the right train home. Sheesh."
Later as Ludwig, Iggy and Wendy are being driven home by Kamek. "Hmm so, a fire extinguisher against the fires of the underworld ehh he he. Pretty good plan young Sire."
Ludwig frowned at him. "I zhink you set us up Kamek."
Kamek just chuckled. "Well at least you weren't bored were you!"
Ludwig smiled a little and shook his head. "Zhere is no haunted train."
"Hmm.." Said Kamek with a sly grin on his face. "Now I didn't say that..."
As the Clown Copter zooms off into the distance, they pass by an fence were Kori is sitting on the rails next to the train tracks. At that moment, the real haunted train zooms by Kori, making him the only kid to witness the true occurrence of the phenomenon.
Music begins to play as the Mad Engineer appears on the front of the locomotive, playing his accordion and singing a song about the haunted train as it zooms off into the night.
The End