I haven't updated Please, Don't Slow Me Down in how many centuries? Oh, fail. The least I can do is make up for it with this unworthy offering of Kai/Rei ficcage. I've never tried this format before, and it was actually pretty fun. It was spawned from the magical music meme (Which is so much fun! You should try it! Pick a song from your ipod at random and siphon out a piece of writing from it before the song is over!) although I cheated. I wish I could type that fast... The song I used was Selective Memory, by We Are Scientists. I might continue this. Meh. Well, thanks! -SHQ

YOURS, REALLY AND TRULY

Dear Kai,

Sometimes I think the chips were stacked against me from the start. Thanks to my neko-jin heritage, I've got the natural sleep cycle of a failure: up in the wee hours of the night, dead to the world until noon. I'm not lazy, but I'm an artist. Convincing anyone that the two aren't inseparable is about as excruciating as trying to wash my face with steel wool. I dropped out of college (it was either that or prostitute myself for tuition), so I have to work two jobs in addition to my artwork to support myself.

What kind of picture is this painting? The portrait of a screw-up. The world is flooded with them, so I'm nothing special. In fact, I bet you'll forget about me. I hope you do. Know why? Because you can do so much better.

Best Wishes,

Rei

Dear Rei,

Get over yourself.

I want you. You want me. I will construe any attempts you make to complicate the matter as pure jackassery, and as such not worth my attention or my time. I won't bother trying to persuade you you're not a screw up right now- I'll have to do that in person. But what I can do is tell you that a real failure is someone who sees what he wants and doesn't take it.

Sincerely,

Kai

Dear Kai,

Your definition of a failure is leaning towards the dark side. I suppose you consider every shoplifter a brilliant success? Also, I now feel guilty. Enclosed is a sketch of myself, looking guilty. See what you've done? I hope you're happy with yourself.

Seriously, though, I meant what I said. If you want to be with me, please realize this is who I am. I'd love to wake up one day and be a famous artist who can pay for a big house and a nice car and buy fancy gifts for you, but I can barely afford to feed my cat. Hopefully, one day I'll have the money to finish school, and hopefully one day I'll be able to focus on my art and hopefully I'll earn some fame and fortune.

But here and now, this is my life. This is all I have to offer.

Can you really be happy with that?

Yours,

Rei

Dear Rei,

I can. So let me.

Also, tell me this- why letters? I know you have a phone.

Yours Truly,

Kai

Dear Kai,

I was hoping I could avoid that question. Oh well. To be frank, my budget is temporarily forcing me to choose between eating meat and using the phone. Kai, I want beef in my bell peppers and beef. Sorry. That's just the kind of guy I am.

Besides, it's more romantic this way.

Love,

Rei

Dear Rei,

You could say that I'm a failure when it comes to romance, but I really couldn't care less. Enclosed is a prepaid phone. I want to hear the sound of your voice. Tell me that you want to try this with me. Tell me that you want to see me. Tell me that I'm not the only one who wants this. Please.

Love,

Kai

Dear Kai,

I hope you enjoyed making me blow all the minutes on my phone.

Enclosed is a sketch of me eating bell peppers and beef. Sadly, it's the beefless variety. I have decided that a phone is more important. And yes, you should feel guilty, because it's all your fault. You can make it up to me by taking me out to dinner, preferably somewhere that serves meat.

I'm thinking sushi. Tuesday at three o'clock sound good?

Already Looking Forward To It,

Rei

Dear Rei,

Sushi it is. At three o'clock, though, it'd be more like lunch.

Likewise, Kai

Dear Kai,

I meant three in the morning. Did I mention I work as a bartender during the week? Must have slipped my mind.

Oops,

Rei

Dear Rei,

Sushi at three in the morning… Did I mention I'm in love with you?

Sincerely,

Kai

Dear Kai,

It might've slipped your mind. It's a good thing I'm in love with you, because otherwise I wouldn't stand for that sort of thing.

Yours, Really and Truly,

Rei

I like reviews. They numb the pain of getting coal for Christmas.