Falling Away with You
I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood
Remus had viewed his relationship with his wife through quite the opposite of a rose-tinted glass. Yes, he loved her, God, he did love her. But there had always been something wrong. It was the hanging guilt which saturated his thoughts whenever they were together; the poison of his condition infected their relationship constantly. Even in the beautiful moments when she smiled (her smiles, no matter what form she took on, were always the same to him) he could not help bitterly thinking on how he had dragged her down with him. And now, even now, as he spied her across the bedlam of the battle field in the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, fighting the enemies who could never be defeated, this feeling pervaded him again.
all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
Even now, as his legs begun haphazardly running towards where she was, he could not help feel a foggy feeling of regret impair his vision. Or was that the dust from the explosions which deafened him all around? The fighting crowds faded into insignificance as he ran towards his wife who was obviously struggling against both Antonin Dolohov and Bellatrix Lestrange. Sweat mingling with the tears on her face, she had not even seen Remus. What if all they could have had, all they did have, was annihilated before Remus's very eyes, even before he had come to terms with it himself? This fear coursed throughout him, but he finally reached her.
so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun
When Remus finally clawed past the crowds of people, miraculously only receiving a few scratches, he saw the relief in Nymphadora's eyes as he immediately told hold of her hand as if it were an anchor to a ship. Her eyes, no matter what shape or colour, stayed the same in essence, and gave him reassurance and the resolve he needed. For now, as he rounded upon Dolohov with a steely glint in his eye, despite the many doubts he had had and the many tears she had shed, they were a team. For the first time, Remus, as they fought back to back, he felt they had fully beaten the many obstacles that had come their way. Dolohov's repugnant face and Bellatrix's shrieks that echoed across the hall were just more of those easily beatable obstacles.
and I'll feel my world crumbling
I'll feel my life crumbling
I'll feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you
As soon as this thought of unity strengthened Remus's mind, however, the tides began to turn against the team who had been so courageous against all odds. Dolohov lifted his wand, a cruel smile curling his lips, and at the same moment, he felt his wife's small hand grasp his until her nails became painful. And in this moment, everything slowed down. Dolohov's ugly mouth formed words he could not decipher, and he felt a massive pressure on his stomach. He was forced backwards into the air, and dragged Nymphadora with him. Down, down, just as he'd dragged her through the dirt in all the other moments. They cascaded to the floor, their limbs intertwined like tangled marionettes, and just as quickly as Remus had seen he and his wife were united at last, so too did he realise everything was hopeless.
staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
Remus did not know if he was now fully death, or the whole world was silenced by the sheer significance of what had happened. He lay, sprawled out in an unnatural fashion, facing the wide eyed gaze of Nymphadora. Her breath came out quickly, like some cornered animal. Was she seriously hurt? Was heseriously hurt? No, they were both alive, at least. Remus, refusing to acknowledge what may be hovering dangerously on the periphery of his vision, gazed at Nyphadora's face, taking in every feature, every fault. He had never seen things as clearly as he had until that moment. Remus reached out his arm, wincing at the pain which that movement caused him, and carefully, gradually, placed his hand over her small, limp one.
Promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
Remus let out a long sigh, and many millions of flecks of dust from the collapsed walls around them whirled away with it. He felt as if that was what had happened to he and his wife; blown away by a simple easy flick of Dolohov's wrist. Now, as he felt his resolve weaken and watched Nymphadora's eyes glisten with tears, he felt that the strength of unity he had felt before was not only one of tenacity, but also one with the courage to simply fade away, and leave what was to be left to the people who mattered, and were not tainted as he and Nymphadora were. His son. For change was a requirement, and the canker who tried to withstand being cut away were merely fighting a losing battle.
I can feel my world crumbling
I can feel my life crumbling
I can feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you
all of the love we've left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find
And now, even now as the thoughts inside his head began to become blurred and confused, and the bright eyes across from him began to dull, Remus felt sustained. Sustained by the thought that there was still hope in something they had made, despite all the many times he had hurt her, their son would live on, ignorant of all that polluted history. Teddy Lupin would survive.
A/N: Sorry for how depressing this is! I've always related this song to Tonks and Lupin, and I felt I had to express it, no matter how short it is. Anyway, please review!