S.O.S.- Indilla
This is a fanfic based on the song SOS by Indilla. It's not English but I added part of the song in English for this story. I just found this song perfectly matched Clarke after she left in season 2. This is a short story about Clarke and how she felt after she left, and what was possibly going on through her mind as she went along in her solitude. I do not own The 100 or the song SOS, they both belong to their rightful owners :). Please leave a review letting me know what you think. Thank you for reading and please enjoy! Until next time~!
Clarke had lost track of how long it had been, of how long she had walked away from Camp Jaha. She was sure it had been at least a week, maybe even a month, or it could've even been a year. She just kept moving forward, feeling so lost. She no longer knew who she was, where she was going, if she even belonged. Still, she kept walking even while not knowing her destination.
This is a SOS, I'm touched, I'm on the ground.
Do you hear my distress, is there someone?
I feel that I'm losing myself.
Clarke grimaced as she looked at her reflection in the for-once stilled water of the ocean. Mud, blood, and grime littered her appearance. She had walked miles and miles without stopping. Now, her weight had decreased. Her appearance had grown incredibly sloppy. Bags had developed under her eyes, and the brightness, which appeared when she first landed, had fully dimmed. She no longer knew who she was or if she could call what she was doing living. Survival, that's what the earth forced her to do, and she felt she had certainly done so- even more so for her people.
I let everything go, but don't resent me.
I had to leave, I was not myself anymore.
I've fallen so low.
That no one sees me anymore
I've sank into anonymity
Fought the emptiness and the cold, the cold
I'd like to come back, I cannot make it.
I'd like to come back
It was funny how much she had went through over the course of her lifetime. She remembered the times where she once had an incredible home with the best father she could ask for, an incredibly smart and talented woman as her mother, and a best friend who was as close to her as a brother. She was the princess of the Ark, someone who could be recognized and looked at in awe in an instant. And now, now she felt as though she were no one. She said so to anyone who asked her. They demanded to know who she was, but she was no one. She was a young girl, barely eighteen, who was lost out in the cold and damp forests. Clarke was desperate to find somewhere she could belong, and while the thoughts of going back home sounded so incredible, she could not. The blonde knew she would not be welcomed at all; she had done too many things to not be accepted there. While Bellamy may have been able to help her get through everything, she felt as if though she had dragged him down too far. He would have to accept everything she had done including the bomb which almost destroyed his only reason for being down here. She had hurt and left a mark on everyone and would've continued to hurt them had she stayed. The once reverent princess was now a lonely wanderer with blood on her hands.
I'm nothing, I'm no one.
I have all my sorrow as a Kingdom
Only a weapon imprisons me
Being light through the bars
And watching how beautiful the sky is
Do you hear my voice that resounds?
Staying with Lexa was like a knife being pushed into her chest and then being turned with all its might. She felt worthless, yet here was Lexa and so many others claiming her to be the great Wanheda; this was so much more than her punishment of isolation. Every feeling she had forced herself to push down in order to continue surviving had risen once again; anger, hatred, depression, bitterness, guilt. The self-loathing was the only thing which had constantly remained. She stared out of the window of what could be described as a castle. She wanted to laugh at the irony of it all; maybe she had never really stopped because here she was a princess once again in a castle waiting for someone to rescue her. While Lexa attempted to talk with her, she refused to hear her out, refused to give her forgiveness so easily. She desperately longed for her people, but they were not here. Would they even still want her? She did not want to be a leader like Lexa; she wanted to belong. The commander would never understand that because her people would always have to come first. Clarke had begun to wonder if she would ever be able to have what she longed for so badly; maybe it was better this way. Maybe she deserved to be banished to an area where no one would see her again. Yet, face after face ran through her mind: a small boy whose smile lit up everyone's world, a sheltered girl who had grown stronger than anyone could imagine, a boy with goggles on his head and a goofy smile, a mechanic who's words matched her actions and attitude, and especially a man with curly hair and freckles and eyes which accepted everything she had done and become. She could not stay here; she wanted to go home…
Silence kills the suffering in me.
Do you hear it?
Do you hear it?
It promises you, it turns you into a lackluster object.
Then I've shouted, I thought of you.
I've drowned the sky in the waves, the waves
All my regrets, all my story
It shows on me
"BELLAMY!" The next thing he knew, a familiar pair of arms engulfed him just like before, and just the same, he was frozen in place. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me, please!" The rebel leader felt his eyes widen before softening ever so softly. His arms wrapped around her. She sunk into him, tears flowing freely from her eyes.
"The ground might change us all, Princess. But never ever could the ground make me hate you."
She knew she was not forgiven, and even the fact that Bellamy would be furious for leaving him behind and alone had not changed, but for now it was enough- she was home, she was moving forward, and finally, she was living once again.