There were knots forming tight in Commander Shepard's stomach as she looked out the window of the SR-1, the ship she would be on board for the for-seeable future. She was listening to Captain Anderson explain to a Turian named Nihlus just why she was the one needed for this mission. He threw around words like "war" and "hero"…mentioned her upbringing on the human colony of Mindoir. But Shepard didn't feel like a hero. Anything she had done with the Alliance Navy was for the people, and keeping people safe didn't make you a hero. Not in the eyes of Jillian Shepard. It only made you what every sentient lifeform should be; kind. Nothing more, nothing less. She wasn't anything fancy, and Captain Anderson should have known it. She didn't need Nihlus getting his hopes up, she wasn't spectre material.

Jillian's lavender eyes glazed over the landscape of Eden Prime, SR-1 (less formally known as the Normandy) was preparing now to dock in the loading bay area. She nervously fiddled with her tight, blonde bun for a moment, pushing lingering feelings of fear from her mind. She had been assigned a mission, she couldn't let an emotion as primitive as fear cloud her ability to get the job done. Commander Shepard had joined the navy when she was 18 years old, after her family was slaughtered two years prior…and though one would think a history like that would leave you desensitized at best and apathetic at worst, Shepard was always nervous putting other people's lives in her own hands. Life was something precious to her.

When the air lock opened, Jillian was forced from her thoughts. She readied her armor and met up with her new squad mates, Kaidan Alenko and Jenkins; the mission clear and straightforward before them. They were to find the Prothean beacon and have it sent to the Citadel in the Widow star system of the Serpent Nebula cluster. Sounded easy enough. She glanced at both males briefly, worried she'd been unable to get to know them a little before they deployed. She liked to be able to trust her crew. Her eyes, however, lingered only on Nihlus as they stepped onto the rocky ground of the first human colony.

Turians were an alien race, known for their strong military culture and almost avian-like appearance. Commander Shepard had personally known a few back in the N7 program, and she held great respect for them as a people. It was perhaps Nihlus she wanted to get to know the most, though he did not stick around once their boots hit the ground. He worked best on his own.

The memory slipped from vision as Jillian jerked awake and sat up to rub the sleep from her eyes. Kaidan…was…dead? And Jenkins…too? Ouch. Her head was aching. What happened? The fear from earlier seized her heart once more, worse this time as it squeezed and constricted around her lungs. They were dead and it was her fault. Her first mission on the Normandy and she'd already failed to protect her own. She knew this would happen.

Just when she felt herself breaking inside she realized rather suddenly that she wasn't alone. Her body went rigid at the sound of Nihlus's voice, her emotions fighting to steel themselves before he noticed that she was coming apart at the seams. Commanders didn't fall apart. It took her mind a moment to collect itself, anxiety and self-doubt burrowing down as deep as it could inside of her.

"Commander?" She almost flinched.

"Nihlus. What happened on Eden Prime?" Shepard's voice was calm, smooth. She smiled inwardly, pleased with her own acting skills if nothing else. Nihlus and Dr. Chakwas were sitting by her side, watching her intently as if she were some sort of medical anomaly.

"You don't remember?" She remembered very little about the actual mission, even the deaths of her squad mates were fuzzy, new memories, memories she didn't recognize as her own floating around in her head.

"Kaidan and Jenkins didn't make it, killed in action…and I met a woman…" Dr. Chakwas nodded.

"Gunnery Chief Williams is upstairs. You saved her life, Commander." Jillian shook her head, kicking herself mentally as she replayed every memory she could in her head, burning them into her brain.

"Not good enough. I should have done more for Alenko…what happened to Jenkins was more out of my hands, but Kaidan would be alive right now if I had been more careful with that beacon." Nihlus shook his head grimly.

"It's not your fault that one of those bombs went off before it could be disabled. You didn't have time to do it all and secure the beacon." Jillian scoffed, her expression darkening as she bit her lip hard.

"I'm an engineer, sir. It is absolutely my fault." There was a silence in the room for a moment, Shepard's gaze leaving Nihlus's eyes just long enough to notice he was out of his armor, torso wrapped tightly in gauze. She didn't ask, but she didn't have to. He could feel her eyes on him.

"We have a bigger problem than the geth, Shepard. My old friend Saren has turned his back on council, shot me right in the back. Thankfully Joker was able to dispatch enough medi-gel to get me back onboard the Normandy safely, but I'm afraid that Saren wanted something to do with that beacon. You came into contact with it, is there anything you can let us know?" Shepard took a breath, trying to sort through everything in her head. Did she know anything? What were the false memories? Side effects or clues? Hallucinations? Dr. Chakwas interjected before she had a moment to respond.

"I detected abnormal brain activity, as if you were lost in an intense form of REM sleep, almost like you were dreaming." Shepard shook her head. There was no way it was all just a dream.

"I saw…death and destruction…a vision…" Jillian was sure, though her confidence slipped as the words came out of her mouth. I sound crazy…

"I should file a report, see what Captain Anderson—" Unexpectedly, Nihlus cut her off.

"No need. I was planning on debriefing the Commander back in her quarters anyway. Shall we, Shepard?" Nihlus's voice was serious, tone clipped in a manner that surprised her. Jillian had worked with Nihlus in the past, on a few missions before being officially assigned to the Normandy; that was one of the reasons she knew he was considering her for spectre status. She'd never known Nihlus to be curt with her. Regardless, the Turian was a man she deeply respected and she followed his order without hesitation, turning dutifully on her heel to backtrack toward the elevators.

Jillian walked into the small room and shut the door behind Nihlus, who unexpectedly took a seat at the foot of her bed. The spectre seemed to be full of surprises tonight. She furrowed her pale eyebrows, staring intently into the piercing jade green eyes of the male before her.

"Forgive me, sir, but—" Nihlus held up a hand to silence the commander, his expression seeming to melt before her eyes. He appeared more nervous now than anything, and it was a look that knotted Shepard's stomach. This was one of the strongest men she knew…what had he to be nervous about? Saren? Eden Prime? When he finally spoke, she was perplexed to find the answer to be none of the above.

"Were you afraid?" Jillian's eyebrows rose and a light, airy chuckle fell from her lips with a grace that did not go unnoticed by the Turian.

"Afraid of what? The fact that you were clearly bringing my ass up here to fire me? Sure!" She teased, though he seemed to seriously contemplate her words. A flash of worry flooded his rich, dark face.

"Is that what you think? You were nearly fried by a Prothean Beacon and you were frightened that I thought you underperformed?" The Commander was at a loss for words; she had not anticipated a literal response to what she'd said. Should have known with Nihlus…he'd never really been the sarcastic type.

"What's really going on here, Nihlus? Something is bothering you, I can tell. Is it Saren? I know that must be hard for you." She moved to sit at his side, watching curiously as his body seemed to tighten almost uncomfortably. She was concerned for a moment that she'd overstepped some sort of boundary.

"No…well yes, but Saren isn't the reason I asked to speak to you privately." Jillian waited patiently for Nihlus to finish his response, her eyes gravitating back to the bareness of his chest. He was very interesting to look at…she had never seen a Turian without armor before. She wasn't going to lie, she liked it. She was lost in these thoughts when she heard Nihlus whisper 'I can't do this.'

"Wait what? Where are you going?" Shepard interrogated quickly, disappointment etched into her tone as she realized that he was leaving. She had always liked Nihlus, he was the kind of guy she could see herself with if she ever allowed herself to settle down. Now that he was here she didn't want him running off without at least an explanation. Nihlus didn't say anything, continuing toward the door until Shepard grabbed hold of his arm. The Turian went rigid for a moment and a moment only, whipping himself around and pinning Jillian to the wall behind them sharply. Her eyes were wide with surprise, and Nihlus took a few calming breathes before he leaned in to plant a soft kiss against the commander's lips.

Jillian held him against her body hard, deepening the kiss as her hands very gently glided over the long, sturdy mandibles on his face. She'd never felt anything like it…his skin was like a soft rubber or the leather on a football. It was firm, but soft enough to still feel like epidermis. She flicked her tongue against it curiously, eliciting a laugh from the spectre as he slowly pulled away.

"I apologize if that was out of line, but I've been meaning to do that ever since you first graduated the N7 program. I've never known a human that can do the things that you do…or that is beautiful as you are." He admitted quietly, backing up a bit as he respectfully left Jillian the proper space to decide if this was something she wanted to pursue or not. A lopsided smile curled up into the corner of her mouth.

"You're not the only one standing here that is amazed at the loveliness of another race." She breathed, reaching to very lightly trace a pattern onto one of the plates on his chest. He shivered.

"Listen, Shepard. I know that you and I don't really know one another that well, but if you're willing I would like for that to change. I've asked to stay onboard the Normandy for the foreseeable future." Jillian was floored. What? Had asked who? Shepard had never had anyone come on to her this seriously before. It was honestly very flattering…very romantic. She'd never imagined he was interested in her in that way, no matter how many times she'd drooled over him when the teams would drink together after missions. A flirt here…a flirt there…but this? This was intense.

"Nihlus." His name on her lips was soft, sweet; it did something to him that he couldn't explain. He waited with baited breath for her to finally say something, nuzzling into her hand as she very tenderly caressed the side of his face. For the first time all day the commander's nervousness about being aboard a new vessel completely dissolved and her pouty pink lips gently lifted into a bright smile.

"Welcome aboard, Kryik." The Turian's entire expression changed, a sort of hopefulness welling inside of him that was completely and utterly contagious.

"I'm looking forward to it, Commander."