Little one-shot that I'm not quite sure where it came from. It's...different. It's about Markie, 'case you can't tell.
Can I ask you something? Why do you hate your brother so? Yes, what happened between you and him, what landed you in jail, is certainly a reason to be holding a grudge; a reason to make your blood boil with rage. What happened, after you got over the shock of it happening, after you thought it through-if not so thoroughly-is certainly a somewhat understandable reason for your current attitude towards life.
However, I would like to know, if that is the sole reason for your emotions? Or is there something more. You obviously have some trust issues, you believe your brother to now, and forevermore, be evil and have evil intentions in all he does.
When did this start? You will refer to the past, if not as often as you would like, I am sure. Was that when your mistrust started? When you first found out, along with all the other drivers, that your brother was a traitor, working for another company to steal the Wheel of Power. Even after he saved your life, you couldn't bring yourself to go back to trusting him. You could see it in his eyes that he himself was doubting his own actions. But you felt that the doubt in his eyes was a sham, something only to make you join him.
And then, when you found him crawling out of his car, gritting his teeth as he held his head, you took back all of your feelings of hate. Or so you thought.
You became doubtful again when he proposed the deal. You weren't quite sure that it would work. He assured you many times that it was fine, and would benefit you both greatly. Then, your memories assailed you. They were mostly of his betrayal, of the horrible thoughts of his doings. But again you remember his sacrifice at the end of that adventure. Of his life risking jump that saved your team leader. With great reluctance, you agree.
With great reluctance. Not enough hesitation. Not enough to make either of you think over it thoroughly.
All too soon you are surrounded by criminals of all sorts of wrongdoings. You know-you hope-that this is all one big mistake. You just know that your brother, who at one time was your idol-your role-model-is going to come and bail you out. And all too soon you realize that it's not going to happen. He's turned his back on you. And once more, you learn to hate your own kin.
This is only fueled by the mentoring of an older prisoner. He encourages you that your brother was too selfish to even care about you.
In the back of your mind, you have a feeling that off all the people on this earth, a criminal is most definitely not one to tell you that it's another's selfish doing that land you in jail. But, you soak it up. It's all your upset mind will accept. When your comparatively small sentence is through, your mind will be poisoned by the company it has been counseled by as of late. Your big, your strong, your full of anger.
When you walk out of the building, you even have a swagger. You see your brother there to meet you, his eyes full of concern, standing by a car that's changed about as much as you have. The only difference, you think, is that you have changed inside as well, while it only changed outside.
You barely met his gaze when you walked passed him to enter the car. But that single glance was enough to see his utter grief. You know he feels infinitely guilty about what has passed in the space of a few years, though he doesn't know all that has gone on within those prison walls. But the look in his eyes was enough to make even your stubborn mind doubt your old friend in the cell right next to yours. All of the sudden, your not disappointed or angry at him, but yourself. However, this doesn't last for long, and your back to where you started: mistrust.
Now, you glare at his very shadow. You grumble at the sound of his name. You wish with all your might that you could end his life. But, all you can do for now is make it more miserable.
Still, your thoughts wander back to that grief-stricken gaze. Sometimes, you're more ashamed of your own actions than his. But, the tug-of-war that old man in prison began in your head won't stop, and you still lean more towards that criminal's opinion of your brother than anyone else's. You begin to wonder if you will ever know which side you really and truly agree with.
Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough. You didn't listen to your brother's pleas for forgiveness; you didn't listen to your current team leader's cautions to calm down. And now, you will find out in pain. In your darkest hour, you will realize how much he truly does love you, and how those words the old man spoke to you were nothing more than horrible lies.
I sigh, though. In a way, I have been warning you. However, I know you won't listen. You can't hear me. To you, I don't exist. Or so you think. I am your conscience, but a conscience too silent. I will never leave you, I have never left you, I can't leave you. And you won't remember I exist until it is too late. Not until the rash decision you have made is done with, and you again to remember how to think. Rationally. No, I don't scoff you; I don't mock your pain. I just warn you, and remind you why you're supposed to listen to me.
See? Different. But, please, don't let that stop you from reviewing and sharing your thoughts, whether they be good or bad, with me. -Jimmy. Happy New Year!!!