Prepare to get your heart broken many times.
XXX
"Ah, the problems?" Kumiko asked with her eyes closed. "Well, I'm not really happy, you know? It's just that ever since she died, I just don't see the fit in living. But don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal." She was laying on the couch, eyes closed, arms crossed.
"Azusa just was such a big light for me, my first love after all," the brunette continued with a nod. "I went to visit her every time she was in the hospital. Even though we all knew her longs would give out one day, I was still sad when I heard she had really passed away."
It was quiet in the room except for the steady breathing of three people.
"Well, Kumiko, we are no doctors or psychologists but I guess that you are slightly depressed. I mean, you used to enjoy playing the Euph, right now you haven't touched it for five weeks, longer than a month! Very unusual." Hazuki said, picking her words with care.
That was true. She hadn't touched her instrument since Azusa's mother had called her to tell her daughter passed away from her lung cancer. There hadn't been a lot of hope from the girl from the start but still, Kumiko was really upset.
Next to Hazuki, Midori nodded fiercely. "You need to get back to practicing! Right now Asuka-senpai and Natsuki-senpai are working their asses off to fill up the void you left, you know? We really need you back!" the small girl exclaimed.
Kumiko groaned. "But I don't want to, I just want to lay in my bed all day and look at pictures I took with Azusa!" she whined as she rolled onto her other side.
Her two friends glanced at each other with a devastated expression.
"Kumiko, please," Hazuki begged then. "at least come watch us play okay? There is this new girl in the trumpet section and she is really, really good!"
Like she cared about some new girl. "Why would I come watch for a new girl? Is she just that special or something?" Kumiko asked as she stared at the green fabric of the couch in front of her view.
"Yeah, she is! Somehow she can really make the music live, yet she has such a weird personality," Midori chirped. "people say that she has studied in America at some famous music school!" she said excitedly.
Well wasn't that nice for the new girl. "Great, wonderful!" Kumiko yelled out. "I changed my mind, tomorrow, midday practice. I'll be there." she continued as she closed her eyes. She was just so tired.
Hazuki and Midori squealed excited. At long last their friend would return to the club, if only for a short while.
. . .
The truth was, Kumiko really didn't want to go.
Her mother had given up her tries to get Kumiko up to get ready for school a while ago. It wouldn't be long until the law would get involved and the principal.
But she just didn't feel the need to get up or the energy to go.
She heard how her door was opened.
"Kumiko, won't you come out? It's almost four. Didn't you promise Hazuki-chan and Midori-chan to watch them practice?" Her mother sounded tired. Her tone was almost begging.
The brunette sighed as she threw the covers off her. "Fine, fine. I'll just take a quick shower and have some food before I go." she mumbled as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Last night she had swiped through all of her photos once more.
Her mother sighed relieved as she turned around. "I'll warm some soup up for you."
Kumiko stared at the ground beneath her feet, covered with carpeting. To her left, on the small table, next to her cactus, was the photo frame with her favourite picture of Azusa.
That day they went to an attraction park. Kumiko had bought her some ice cream and wanted to take a picture of the smiling Azusa, right when a seagull had flew by and snapped the topping away. The expression that Kumiko had captured was priceless.
She rubbed her eyes once more before getting off the edge of her bath. As she walked over to her door she didn't even glance at the picture.
. . .
Kumiko didn't even bother to put on her uniform. She hadn't worn it for a while, so why wear it now?
Her mother had shook her head with disgrace but was happy that her daughter decided to leave the house. The last time she had was probably two weeks ago, when her sister forced her to go shopping for new summer clothing.
She had forgotten that summer was now in its full glory and was greeted with a wave of heat as soon as she opened the front door.
The brunette was ready to turn back right that moment but her mother had closed the door and locked it behind her. She could hear the faint sobbing of the woman.
Kumiko knew damn well that she wasn't being fair to anyone. But it seemed so simple, "Just move on! Meet new people, it'll do you good!" It was hard as hell and Kumiko just couldn't let go of her precious Azusa.
Her breathing became louder the longer she walked. Her condition wasn't as strong as it used to be. She didn't practice her Euph and didn't move a lot so it made sense.
She felt people stare at her as she sat down on a seat in the train. It was probably a weird thing to see, a high-school girl without her uniform or bag in a terrible state.
Kumiko wondered when she had some good night rest for the last time. Perhaps a week before Azusa was officially laid to rest in her last place. Kumiko hadn't closed her eyes the night before and after that.
The girl ran her hand through her curly hair. She just then noticed she hadn't even brushed it after her shower. She sure was pathetic right now.
With a wheeze the train stopped at the station Kumiko needed to reach. She got up with a sigh. Just a little bit further until the school from here.
. . .
"Oh my god, it's really you Kumiko!" Natsuki yelled as she threw herself onto Kumiko. The girl couldn't take the sudden extra wait and collapsed, Natsuki still on top of her.
"Christ, you must be really happy to see me." Kumiko huffed as she tried to get Natsuki off her. "You're heavy!" she whined when Natsuki didn't budge and inch.
The other students had stopped their chatter as they were now watching the scene in front of them.
Finally Natsuki got up and held her hand out for Kumiko to grab. The girl did it and brushed the seemingly invisible dust off.
Halfway through the brushing Kumiko noticed the staring and stopped her movements. Behind her the door slid open and heavy footsteps could be heard.
"Oumae-san, what a surprise to see you here." Taki-sensei sounded calm like always.
Kumiko gulped as she kept eye contact while bowing quickly. "Yes, Hazuki and Midori asked me to come check it out." she muttered. Taki simply nodded as he walked up to his usual place to lead the group.
The brunette was still standing at the door, feeling awkward. Her eyes trailed over the group. There were indeed some new faces here and there. Her eyes rested on a black-haired girl that was intently staring at her music sheets.
Hazuki had creeped up to her and slammed her hand on her shoulder. Kumiko yelped and jumped slightly. "What is your deal?" she exclaimed. Hazuki grinned. "Seems like you already noticed the new wonder."
So the black-haired was the special girl? She didn't look that special. But she did look like Azusa. Kumiko felt some sort of ache in her chest.
And as the group started with its usual start-up, Kumiko's eyes didn't leave the new girl.
. . .
Kumiko hadn't even noticed Asuka as she was still watching the new girl, who was discussing something with Yuuko, gesturing wildly.
"Oumae-chan!" Asuka yelled into her ear. Kumiko did a step back, eyes wide. "First Natsuki jumps at me, Hazuki abuses my shoulder, now you abuse my ear, what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked as she shook her head.
Asuka smirked, adjusting her glasses. "We are just happy that you are here."
Not the answer Kumiko had been waiting for. "Oh." she could only bring out.
Asuka petted the chair next to her and Kumiko sat down, still glancing over to the black-haired girl from time to time.
It seemed Asuka noticed it as she laughed. "Ah, so you've taken a liken to Kousaka-chan? Tough choice sweetheart, she's really hard to crack. Even I can't use my charms!" Asuka said, shaking her head.
Kumiko swallowed audible as she watched 'Kousaka'. She felt tears coming up. "She really does look like her."
. . .
The next day, Kumiko groaned as she shut off her alarm. It was still slightly dark outside and she was tired. But she had decided to go to school today.
Her mother almost dropped the bowl with rice she had been preparing for her husband when Kumiko entered the eating space.
"Good morning." Kumiko only said as she sat down on a chair.
"G-good morning," her mother stuttered, quickly preparing another bowl of rice. "are you going to school?"
Kumiko nodded as she started to eat her rice. "I don't need lunch to take with me." she said as she chewed on a bite of rice. Her mother sighed. "You have to eat, Kumiko."
Her head snapped up. "What am I doing right now?"
It seemed her mother just gave up, as she didn't answer and went back to preparing breakfast.
Kumiko finished her rice quickly and went to put on her uniform at long last. It felt weird, this fabric on her skin. She wasn't used to it anymore.
She looked in the life-sized mirror in her room. Looking back at her was a tired looking girl. She had probably lost some weight and looked not as tanned as she had before. Some freckles decorated her cheeks.
With a sigh she reached down to put on her socks. She was really going back to school.
. . .
Hazuki, who had been sucking on a lollipop before let the candy drop from her mouth as she noticed Kumiko. Midori managed to catch it in time but had her jaw dropped as well.
With a frown, Kumiko sat down behind her desk. "Is it really that surprising for me to be here?"
"It is! It totally is!" Hazuki exclaimed as she slammed a fist on Kumiko's desk. Her eyebrow twitched as the pain hit her. "We thought we wouldn't see you for another week." Hazuki then quietly confessed, staring down at the red side of her hand.
Kumiko forced herself to smile. "Well, I am back!"
She tried to ignore the happy chattering Hazuki and Midori did, probably about her. Right now she was more worried about how far behind she was with learning and tests.
Her eyes wandered through the classroom. Some kids had been staring at her and quickly changed their direction of view when they noticed she had seen them look at her.
When she noticed the back of Kousaka's head somewhere in front of her but more to the right, she stopped her eyes from trailing any further.
Now she regretted coming to school. Especially when Kousaka turned around and looked her dead in the eyes. She was just like Azusa.
. . .
"Oumae-san, have you any idea how much work you have missed these past weeks?"
Kumiko flinched. As expected, she was getting scolded by her teacher. "I'm sorry." Kumiko managed to mutter.
"Is that all you have to say?" the teacher continued to scold. "Even if you start working your ass off right now, you will still have to do some make-up tests to reach the next year, you know?"
This sucked. Kumiko hated this.
"I understand. I'm sorry." Kumiko said, not looking up as she did a quick bow. She heard her teacher click their tongue in an irritated manner.
"I feel sorry for your parents, honestly."
Right when Kumiko was ready to cry and scream, the sliding door behind them slid open and someone entered.
"Here are the papers you asked for sensei." A calm voice spoke. Kumiko didn't recognize the female voice but then again, she hadn't been to school for a while now.
The teacher smiled kindly. "Ah thank you Kousaka-san. You are a huge help!" Kumiko couldn't help but feel the teacher's cold stare at her at the last words.
"I'll take my leave now." Kumiko mumbled as she turned around to walk away. Once more her eyes met with Kousaka.
Her chest was really hurting. Was it a heartache or were her boobs finally growing?
While Kumiko was praying for the latter, it was probably the first.
. . .
Even Kumiko was surprised with herself when her feet brought her to the Music clubroom later that day. She had even brought her Euph with her from the storage room. It had already started to catch dust on top of it.
Midori sat down next to her, placing George-kun to her side.
"Are you okay Kumiko? You look really tired." Midori asked, concern audible in her voice. Kumiko looked down on the Euph in front of her. "I'm tired. And I'm sick of this," she then said slowly. "but I'm also still determined to get back on track."
Her friend sighed relieved. "If you need help, please ask Kumiko, alright?"
Kumiko gave a short not as she kept her focus on the instrument in her hands.
She heard how Midori got up and left. Of course she left. Everyone left her, didn't they.
No. She shouldn't be thinking like that. They were her friends after all.
"Here."
Kumiko looked up from her instrument. In front of her was Kousaka, holding out a few pieces of paper. With a short glance over it Kumiko confirmed that it was music.
"Thanks." she only said as she took the paper from the girl.
"Why are you showing up now?" Kousaka firmly asked, clenching her hand around the leftover papers. "We've already started with the big repetitions for the competitions so why, why are you showing up after we gave out roles?"
The arrogance of this girl, she wasn't like Azusa at all.
"Don't speak if you don't know what is going on." Kumiko fired back, frowning angrily.
Kousaka raised her brows. "Oh is that so? Well excuse me for telling you that we've been waiting a long time for you."
Arrogant but still hot, Kumiko thought.
. . .
Two weeks later Kumiko wondered why Taki-sensei had asked her to stay with him for a little. Perhaps he was going to tell her she wasn't going to play with the others for the competitions. Fine with her. It wasn't like they were going to reach it anyway.
"As you know, Oumae-san, every year we go on a trip." Taki-sensei said.
"We only started doing that when you got here, Taki-sensei, we've never actually went on one as far as I'm aware of." Kumiko said with a sarcastic laugh.
Taki adjusted his glasses as he blinked a few times. "Is that so? Interesting. Anyway, my question for you is if you were willing to go with us. The times I have worked with you were fairly pleasant, to be honest. If you want to, you could even go to X music school."
Kumiko had never really thought of her future like this. She always thought she'd stay together with Azusa.
"I'll go." Kumiko said without a second thought.
The man blinked a few times more. "Are you sure Oumae-san? It will be for almost a week and the training will be intense, you know?"
She nodded. "It's not like I have much else to do if I stay home."
. . .
The Euph-player started to regret her decision as soon as Kousaka sat down next to her.
Kousaka didn't even greet her, just pulled out some fancy looking book. Kumiko was pretty sure that was English.
Hazuki and Midori sat in front of them. Midori glanced around the corner of her chair and met eyes with Kumiko.
"Are you okay Kumiko? You look pale." Midori asked as she frowned. Kumiko smiled weakly. "I'll be good in a bit, I just took my medicine against driving-illness. It'll work in a while."
Midori didn't look convinced but just gave a short nod as she sat back in her place. The bus started to move and Kumiko wished she was in her bed instead of here.
She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to relax.
After a while she felt someone touch her shoulder. Kousaka looked at her while her hand was on her shoulder. She looked paler than she had before.
"Excuse me but, do you perhaps have some anti-driving illness medicine for me as well?"
Kumiko blinked a few times. Then bend to grab her backpack. When she found what she needed she handed the small box with medicine to Kousaka.
"One tablet will be enough for two hours." she said as the girl studied it.
Kousaka nodded. "I see, thank you very much." she thanked with a smile.
So she could smile. Kumiko bit her lip as she felt blood rush to her cheeks.
Cute.
. . .
She had fallen asleep somewhere along the ride because later she was woken up by Kousaka. The bus was already empty except for Hazuki, Midori and them.
"Oh shit, must've fallen asleep." Kumiko cursed as she shot up from her seat, starting to gather her stuff.
Behind her she could hear Kousaka grin. What was even her first name?
"Calm down Kumiko, we'll wait for you. We don't have to fight for the rooms, groups are already made and will receive a key to a room when we get there." Midori said, calming Kumiko.
She continued to pack her stuff but in a slower pace.
"Who made the groups anyway?" she asked more herself than the others. Hazuki decided to answer. "I think Taki-sensei did. The only things I know is that it's year with year and boys and girls apart."
Kumiko frowned. "How many boys did we have again?"
Hazuki shrugged. "I'm just giving you some information, I don't know everything."
They left the bus, catching up to the rest of the band quickly.
Taki was already counting the people and gave them a nod when he noticed them.
A lot of second and third years were excited, they never went on a band trip before.
Kumiko couldn't care less right now. She just wanted this week to end or at least fly by quickly. She wanted to beg her sister to pick her up but she knew Mamiko wouldn't do that. She could be such a pest.
She chuckled to herself as Taki started to call out names for groups. Her parents really got lucky with two brats, didn't they?
Midori brought her back to reality as she nudged her. She looked up, irritated. "What?"
"We're together in a group together with Kousaka-san." Midori explained, kind smile not fading. Kumiko looked over at Kousaka, who was still just Kousaka.
"Oh how nice."
. . .
It turned out Kousaka was older than her and was actually named Reina. A surprisingly cute name for such an arrogant and cold girl. But then again, she had a nice smile and sometimes didn't act like a bitch.
Reina also snored in her sleep and Kumiko just happened to lay next to her. It wasn't the cute from time to time snore noise Azusa would do, it was constantly like someone tried to split a tree.
She had tried to shut out the noise by pulling her pillow over her head; no use.
She had tried to stuff her ears with toilet paper; no use.
She had tried to trade sleeping places with Midori; no use.
Kumiko was done after the third night.
She threw her pillow over to Reina, who suddenly stopped snoring and got up, hair all over her face. Her waking-up head was absolutely stunning.
"Where the fuck did you do that for?" the girl hissed angrily. The cursing startled Kumiko, stole her words away. "You sound like someone with a chainsaw in your sleep." she could only say.
Reina frowns, biting her lip irritated. "So that's why you throw a pillow at me?" Kumiko nods.
It was still a mystery why Reina's snoring didn't wake up Midori and Hazuki. Kumiko later found out that they had earplugs with them.
"You could've just waken me up, normally? Like every other human would do." Reina comments as she rubs her eyes. "Now I'm entirely awake." she continued to whine.
This was a new side of Reina. Kumiko licked her lips. "Sorry." she apologized.
She hadn't even thought of Azusa.
. . .
"Alright everyone. We will now go on a run together. Every kilometre there is a little post you can grab something to drink. Be careful when you enter the woods, the ground can get slippery!" Taki-sensei said as the students started to groan.
Kumiko really didn't want to go. She was tired. She was hungry.
"Let's go Kumiko, they'll leave us behind."
She looked up to see Reina standing in front of her. "Since when are you so nice to me?" Kumiko asked suspicion.
Reina rolled her eyes. "Since I decided to do so. And I kinda owe you for the medicine you gave me in the bus. I'll let the fact that you hit me with a pillow slip." Reina then said, holding out her hand for Kumiko to grab.
The brunette grabbed the hand, which was surprisingly warm. "You're way too good for me, oh wonderful Reina."
. . .
Somehow Reina had stopped sounding like a maniac with a chainsaw. Now she just sounded like a little kid with a blunt saw, trying to get through a stick. It was bearable.
Kumiko stared at the ceiling above her. She had gotten to know Reina better this week. They had teamed up for an office chair race - which had been a disaster- and came in third. Reina looked like Azusa on the outside but nothing like her on the inside.
Three months ago she had been heartbroken. But when Azusa died, she had already given up on her love. It was just that she couldn't let go of the memories she had made with Azusa and only wanted pity.
But now there was Reina. Reina who dared to go against the upperclassman. She was pretty athletic, talented with her Trumpet. And above all: pretty.
Was Kumiko forgetting about Azusa? No way. She would never forget about her. But she also knew that Azusa would've wanted her to move on.
Perhaps Kumiko was ready to do so.
She looked over to her left where Reina was sleeping, mouth slightly opened. Kumiko got up and nudged the girl's shoulder.
It took a minute to wake Reina up.
"What is it now?" Reina whispered. Kumiko shrugged. "I can't sleep." Reina groaned. "Then do something and don't wake me up because of it!"
Kumiko giggled. Reina frowned. "Is something funny?"
"It's just that," Kumiko tried to gather herself. "you look really funny with your hair like that."
Reina quickly fumbled with her hair, trying to fix it, which was impossible. Kumiko's grinning turned into laughter and Reina couldn't help but laugh with her.
They ended up getting scolded together for waking others.
. . .
Some people thought it was weird that Reina and Kumiko turned out to be good friends. They started walking to school together and back to home. Kumiko had been working hard to get by with her school work and completed her make-up tests.
Of course the day would've come for Kumiko to invite Reina over to her house.
"So you live in a flat?" Reina curiously asked. Kumiko nodded. "Yeah, sometimes it feels a bit cramped but since my sister moved out we have more space."
Reina only hummed as reply.
Kumiko studied the girl from the eye of her corner. She was really hot. Perhaps her type was just dark-haired?
"Is your sister a lot older than you?" Reina then asked. Kumiko pursed her lips as she thought. "We are a few years apart yeah. Why you asking?" Reina shrugged. "I'm an only child so I was just wondering how it's like to have siblings."
Kumiko made an ugly face. "It's a pest to have to share the bathroom with my sister. I'm glad she moved out."
The dark-haired grinned. "I see."
Once more Kumiko thought that Reina could really be cute. At school she seemed hard to approach but when she was with Kumiko, she acted much more relaxed.
"Ah, it's over there." Kumiko then said as she pointed towards the building she lived. Reina walked close to her and said nothing, simply followed.
Kumiko pulled out her key and entered the building. "Wanna take the stairs or elevator?"
Reina pointed at the elevator. "Spoiled child." Kumiko chuckled. "I am not!" Reina said indignant.
They took the elevator anyway.
When they reached the right floor, Kumiko went ahead. She had cleaned her room up before she went to school so she should be safe.
She opened the door with another key and let Reina go in first.
The first red flag were the shoes she vaguely recognized. Reina had already entered and was slipping out of her shoes.
The door on the other end of the hallway opened and there was Mamiko. "Ohh, Kumiko! You have a friend!" the older girl exclaimed.
Reina looked over at Kumiko with a questioned expression.
"You better leave us alone Mamiko!" Kumiko yelled back as she pulled Reina with her to her room.
. . .
Reina started to come over more often and was intrigued that Kumiko did not only play the Euph but also enjoyed drawing.
One day Kumiko forgot to hide away some of her Yuri manga she liked to use as reference and Reina picked it up, flipping through the pages.
"Kumiko, I have been wondering this for a while now but," Kumiko looked up from her bed and saw the manga. "are you gay?" Reina finished.
So it had come to this. Kumiko trusted Reina. She had trusted Hazuki and Midori before so why not Reina.
"Yeah, I am actually." She mumbled as she looked over at the picture of Azusa. She picked it up. "This was my first girlfriend. And kinda last."
Reina looked at the picture. "Why did you break up with her?"
Kumiko bit her lip. "She died from lung cancer."
"Oh" was the only thing Reina replied.
. . .
The moment it was announced they got gold, Kumiko felt happiness. True happiness. She hugged Reina, high-fived Hazuki and Midori.
Everyone was excited, they had done it! Together they thanked Taki with a huge bouquet of flowers. Reina was the one to hand it over to him. She had that mysterious smile.
Kumiko realised she really did like the girl.
. . .
Kumiko got her heart broken once more two weeks later.
It had seemed so normal, that day.
Reina had been sitting next to her on her bed, flipping through more drawings. Some were of Azusa, some simple doodles.
The girl had complimented her for the fourth time that day and looked her deep in the eyes. Kumiko didn't know why she did it but she kissed her.
Just a short kiss, no more than three seconds.
It changed everything.
. . .
"You haven't hung out with Reina for a while now, have you?" Midori asked as she did a few quick steps to catch up with Kumiko.
"I kissed her, I fucking kissed her and now she hates me!" Kumiko yelled as tears started to run down her face. "And I seriously thought she liked me too!" she continued to scream as she was hugged by Midori and petted on the back by Hazuki.
"She likes Taki-sensei.."
. . .
Kumiko did not speak with Reina until she became a second year. Asuka had left and with that the spirit of the entire band. Everyone felt down now the third years were gone.
Yuuko and Natsuki tried to do what they could.
The Euph-player had been feeling down for a long time. To make it worse; today was one year since Azusa had passed.
A lot of people wondered why she was crying when they played a piece that had been Azusa's favourite.
The only persons to come up to her to ask if everything was okay were Midori, Hazuki and Reina.
When the tears came by Kumiko, she most of the times couldn't stop.
Reina handed her a tissue and Midori patted her back while Hazuki tried to calm her down with saying soft words she couldn't even understand.
This sucked. It really sucked. Azusa had been her sunshine after all.
. . .
"I'm sorry Kumiko." Reina said when she walked with her to the infirmary. Kumiko didn't dare to look up. "I shouldn't have reacted that way when you kissed me."
Kumiko did look up now. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it? You like Taki-sensei. I keep falling for girls who will leave me eventually."
The black-haired sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Can we please forget what I said about Taki-sensei? That was just an embarrassing crush I was thinking way too big off. I was trying to convince myself that I was something I am not."
Kumiko stopped walking. "What do you mean with that?"
Reina did that mysterious smile but didn't keep it a secret. "I like girls too."
. . .
Although Reina confessed this to Kumiko, they didn't go out immediately. Kumiko had said she needed some time to think about it.
But eventually they started dating and it was awesome, Kumiko loved every day with Reina. She met her parents, who were really nice as well. Her parents loved Reina.
The first time they did 'it' was after almost seven months of dating and going out. Kumiko could never forget it.
The music band did good, gold had become something they were used to by now.
. . .
Kumiko entered the flower shop.
"I'll take the usual please." she said as she handed the owner the amount of money they needed. She received her flowers a minute later and thanked the owner.
The cemetery was pretty close by the flower shop which was really convenient.
Kumiko stopped in front of a tombstone and laid down the flowers. It was a mix of Anemones, Marigolds, Primroses and white Orchids.
Undying Love were the Anemones.
Pain and Grief were the Marigolds.
Eternal Love were the Primroses.
I miss you meant the white Orchids.
Life could be so cruel, honestly. Kumiko was still angry every day with the truck driver that didn't notice Reina.
She knelt down and let her fingers run along the tombstone.
Her sunshine was taken away. Again.
XXX
Told you it wouldn't be happy, didn't I?