The humidity hangs to Roxas' skin making everything feel too close to him. He hates the way strangers pass him keeping the legal two feet away. It still feels too close. He feels smothered and disgusted, but somewhere inside him cries out for one of them to trip. For one of them to fall into his arms. For one of them to accidentally brush his hand or cup his cheek or kiss him.
God, he's going to get himself arrested at this rate.
Everyone knows the rules.
Your shorts must be the legal length of half way down your thigh. Your shirt can't show your collarbones or shoulders. Your feet must be covered to the ankle.
And no touching.
Not ever, unless you're married and in the privacy of your own designated bedroom.
Roxas is nineteen. He is two years too young to get married even if he'd found the right girl (or guy who was he kidding) to settle down with. At least his assigned house was in a nice portion of the city. Everyone was designated 2,500 square feet, and his was located in the old apartment of a married couple that had recently passed away. It was a total score. The guy in front of him at the property attainment office had gotten some place way out in the country. Good luck finding a job out there. The blond himself was lucky to find employment in Louisville.
Adjusting his collar, Roxas wished the doctor hadn't put it on so tight last time he had visited. Then again, that had been almost a year ago, and maybe he had grown a bit? Maybe he was a bit taller? Making a mental note to visit Doctor Duck's office this month if he could obtain permission, he turned onto a side street. "Curfew in two hours." His collar alerted him as did everyone else's in the local area. He had been excited when he had turned eighteen to become an adult, and at first had thought PAM (Personal Attendant Machine) had seemed really cool. Now he'd grown to despise the choker he was wearing, and almost was willing to risk being arrested to get rid of it. 'That's a death sentence, though' He chided to himself. 'Everything is fine the way it is. Don't worry about it.'
Looking around the dingy looking neighborhood, the blond really wondered if this was the place. Xion hadn't been kidding when she had told him that it'd make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. "Don't worry about it." She had whispered sitting across from him at lunch. "I know what you want, Rox. And you'll find it there." It was hard to whisper when you had to keep two feet away, but it had been managed.
Solmert Drive 1875
This was the place. Walking up the cracked sidewalk that was blotted with scraggly weeds, he knocked on the door. The seconds droned on, and he almost turned away thinking no one was home, "Hullo?" Came the voice of a young woman as she opened the door just a sliver. Seeing her, the blond finally understood exactly what he was getting himself into.
"Um, hi." He blushed, feeling like a dumbass, "I'm here to get…some skin contact." Roxas whispered the second part. He really was going to get arrested.
"What's your name, honey?" The door opened a bit more and a blonde woman who towered over him by a few inches leaned down to inspect him, "You look a bit young to be a policeman, but they got those baby faces doing rounds at the station now, so I can't be too sure. Pay up front. It's fifty for hand holding and one hundred if you want to get freaky."
Opening up his back pocket, he took out his phone to transfer the woman a fifty, "What do you want me to put as the transaction type?" He questioned her before passing her the phone, so she could put in her information.
"Get creative. You can always say it's a gift if you can't come up with anything clever. You want a boy or a girl to hold your hand, sweetheart? Don't give me that look. We don't really make judgments when it just comes to hand holding." She rolled her eyes and let him inside.
Roxas' first impression of the place was negative. The carpets were dirty. The air smelled of cigarettes and pot. There were brown empty bottles littering almost every surface, "I guess I want a guy." He murmured softly.
"Alright, I'll set you up real nice." She promised, "Yo, Axel. You got a customer!" The blonde hollered. "I'm Larxene, and you are?"
"Roxas." He shifted his weight uncomfortably where he stood, "What did you mean by 'get freaky'?"
She began slowly, "Like if you wanna-"
"Get a foot job." The redhead had entered from the kitchen, "Or sex. There's way to get around a two foot limit. My collar just can't be near your collar, so no kissing." Kissing was intimate. Intimacy made civilizations weak, or so the government said.
"Fuck you, Axel." Larxene's nostrils flared, "Stealing my thunder. Rox here paid for hand holding for an hour, so talk nice to him." Passing by the redhead, her collar beeped and sent a little shock of electricity to alert her that she had been too close to the other warm body. "Fucking hell."
Axel gave a wry smile, "Sorry about that." He watched to make sure she got out of the room alright before he led the teen up the stairs towards ( what Roxas assumed was) his bedroom, "So how old are you? I'm twenty-six. Just got out of the army. They let you have your collar off while you're enlisted, so I'd say it was worth it. Unless you have to do messy work." The redhead had done messy work; it wasn't worth it.
Sitting down on the king sized bed, Roxas sprawled himself out and extended his arm to hold the redhead's hand. "I could ignore the electrocution." The blond mumbled, "If it didn't put you on a twenty-four hour probationary watch and recorded your life for the next three days."
"Yeah, I know that sentiment." Axel sighed, "So you like guys? Or are my hands just 'warmer and more fulfilling'?" He snorted, "Some guys will do anything to get around admitting that they're gay."
Roxas laughed, "I'm a bisexual. I like to think myself an equal opportunist. Although, I lean towards guys, so it's more like 60: 40."
"Cool, cool." Axel rubbed his hands together before climbing onto the bed and taking the blond's hand. "So is this your first time holding someone's hand?"
Blushing a bit, Roxas shook his head, "No, when I was younger I managed to kiss a bit and hold my ex's hand, but she and I used to fight a lot. We broke up before I came of age." Feeling his stomach go warm, he took a moment to look over Axel. Long red hair was braided in places, but most of it framed his face in long red strips. Green eyes were accented by red lashes. The man's rather angular face was pale, and his thin lips were a light pink. "You know…you're pretty hot." He admitted, licking his lips and swallowing thickly.
"I know." Axel winked, "Hands off, though, blondie. Part of you is just saying that because this is your first skin contact in forever. Trust me, I know. When I go a stretch without a customer, I feel the same way."
"Aw," Nodding, the blond decided to shut his mouth for a bit. He could already feel his stress melting away due to that strong warm hand who's owner was rubbing his knuckles with his thumb, "So I guess you know Xion?"
Axel seemed to be yanked out of a train of thought, and it took him a moment to answer, "Xi? Yeah, she's a regular. She's kind of cool, so I give her a discount because she's fun to talk to. Are you two friends?"
"We work at the same bot factory." Roxas managed softly, "But let's not talk about work."
Swallowing thickly, Axel's voice quivered a bit, "Where in the factory do you work? You're not a- a-" He seemed choked up, but the younger man decoded what he was trying to say. Fuck, he really didn't want to talk about work.
The blond shook his head quickly, "No, I'm not a herder if that's what you're worried about. I'm a programmer. I mean if we all get paid the same then there's no way I'd want to be a herder."
"Good, thank God. I mean you seem alright, but I would have kicked you out in a minute." Axel chuckled softly, "I never asked Xion about this, sorry, I know you said you didn't want to talk about work…but can you hear their screams from where you work in the factory?"
Roxas pursed his lips and smiled that same pained smile that he did every time someone asked the question that anyone who was in robotification was often asked, "Let's not talk about work, Axel."
~o~
An hour passed way too fast, and when Axel pulled his hand away, Roxas almost whimpered at the loss of contact. They had talked about almost everything he could think about: movies, books, music, family, place of birth, friends. "Sorry." The redhead repeated again, "God, I really feel like an asshole for asking you about work in the beginning after you asked me not too. Hopefully that won't keep you from not coming again." The taller man's soft smile made something in Roxas' chest swell like a balloon being blown up.
"Nah, I mean I probably won't be by next week or anything, but next time I need some contact or something, I'll stop by." The blond promised. It was more like the next time his budget would allow, but whatever.
"Okay man, well you know the address." Axel leaned in a bit too close, and Roxas was fast to step back.
"Careful." He hissed, "God, do you want to get me arrested?"
Whoa, touchy. The redhead frowned, "Relax. I won't trigger your collar. It'd be bad for business, and why would I want to lose my new favorite customer?"
Roxas rolled his eyes as he glided to the stairs and out the door, "See ya around."
Axel gave the other a mock salute as he watched the other start down the driveway, "Yeah, see ya!"
~o~
Everyone hated working in robotification. He had never met a person in all his years who approved of the process or of what it was. It was inhumane. It was disgusting and sickening. It gave him cold shivers and flash backs. It made him cry and sometimes vomit late into the night until all he had left was putrid bile. Today was a good day. Today he could ignore the occasional screams. Today he could ignore the fact that he worked in a human slaughter house. And that, that was thanks to Axel. Axel had held his hand and soothed the stress. Axel had said nice things and told him about the 2,500 feet that had been assigned to him in a beach condo. "That really is a score." Roxas had laughed softly, shifting his weight on a mattress that smelt of fresh laundry detergent and sunshine.
A particularly soft scream alerts him that a child has lost its life somewhere on the other side of a thick concrete wall. He feels the dull pressure begin in the back of his head. Back, back, back of his head.
Back to the real world. Back to the present. Back to his forty seconds that he has to position a chip onto a larger chip that helps the android follow commands. An android that used to be someone poor, or of color, or of any minority that was not deemed socially acceptable by the higher political powers.
The year is forgettable. The men in power are despicable. And Roxas is a Nazi in the modern era.
And he hates it with every fiber of his being. And so does Xion who works beside him. And Laura who works next to her. And Jake. And Sarah. And Tom. "It's modern day slavery." Xion had told him as they sat on her couch one night after work, "My grandpa told me stories, you know, about the past. Where everyone tried to get along, and people didn't have to do things like this. He said before, a way long-long-long time ago, something like this happened before, but they stopped it. World War Two." She nods to herself like it's easy to stop what's going on. Like this is World War Two and it'll just be…stopped.
Roxas had laughed until his sides hurt and then he had sobbed. They both did. Unable to hold each other. Unable to touch.
There on her floor, a bit drunk and ignoring the television, he had whispered for only her ears to hear, "Funny how history has a way of repeating itself."
~o~
Roxas sat at lunch alone that particular day playing with a strip of chicken and poking at a tomato in his salad. He had come to the conclusion that maybe the reason why they did what they did was for the simple reason that no one spoke up. They all felt the same. They all thought the collars were awful and what they did was wrong. Then again, it wasn't that bad. He had food. He had a place to live. He had money to do what he wanted within reason. It wasn't anything to really worry about. It really wasn't. In fact, if he had wanted to worry about this stuff, he would have been born a politician, but he hadn't been, so he wouldn't worry about this stuff.
It was none of his business.
~o~
Three and a half weeks after his first visit to the house, the blond made his second trip. This time he talks to Larxene, and he holds her hand. She has long slender fingers and at first she's a bit cold and reluctant to talk before he starts asking her about what she wants to do in life. "I want to be a stage technician in lighting!" The woman shouts almost at the top of her lungs in joy, "But I can't be. I wasn't born a stage technician. I was born a plumber." Larxene informs him it isn't that bad, and it's decent enough. Nothing to write home or really complain about. She doesn't want to file for position reassignment.
Larxene seems nice enough, but her nails bite into the back of Roxas' hand. He decides next time he'll ask for Axel. Anyways, he was better for conversation.
~o~
Roxas can't really ignore the thoughts that are gnawing at him again. That week he had noted that the tap water had tasted awful. Not that it hadn't in the past, but it was something that he had heard people complain about and no one seemed to do anything about it. He had observed as Xion grumbled about the food selections that the government had given them that month, that the food selections practically never changed. Who had given the people in power the right to control their food? The fact that he was assigned to where he lived finally jumped out at him. That he was assigned a job too! Everything seemed so safe, so measured and organized.
And yet they were all so unhappy.
Why weren't people angry instead?
"Roxas?" The raven haired girl had questioned finally getting his attention back, "You've been staring at your peanut butter and jelly sandwich for ten minutes like you want to murder it. You feeling okay?"
"Yeah, Xi." His face hurt when he gave her an empty smile, "I'm fine."
He can tell she doesn't believe him. He can tell that she knows what he's thinking, and that she wants to talk to him, but she can't and that was the tragic truth about everything.
They couldn't.
Ever.
Not unless they wanted to be rounded up by the herders and end up with some other programmers messing around with what little of their brains they'd be allowed to keep.
~o~
"You feel okay?" Axel whispered when Roxas took his hand rather tightly.
Snorting a bit, the blond was beginning to wonder if maybe he should submit a form for a permit for a psychological evaluation, "I've been asked that a lot lately." He sighed, plopping down on the mattress, "I'm just…I think I'm going nuts."
The redhead had long gotten used to being used as a personal therapist as well as a skin contact dealer. Playing to his customer's needs, he asked softly, "You want to talk about it?"
Breathing deeply a bit, Roxas resisted the urge to cry. The feeling pounded on his temples and at his throat before he choked it back, "Well back before we met the first time, not that that counts as a meeting, I had noticed all this stuff, right? Stuff that everyone hates, everyone is upset about, and I could just…ignore it. But I can't ignore it anymore. I just can't, and it makes me so angry; I want to cry and scream and change everything, but I can't. I can't because everyone is just like me. They're just trying to ignore it and never admit that it bothers them." A few tears finally slipped past his hold, "I can't do it anymore. I can't keep living like this. I'm- I'm-" He lowered his voice conspiratorially, "I'm going to remove my collar." The blond decided, "I'm going to flee the country."
And Axel's mouth is agape for a moment before he shakes his head, "Roxas, don't."
"I am." He decided resolutely, "I'm going to leave."
"Roxas," The redhead begins slowly, "Roxas, the country doesn't end where you think it ends. I was in the military. I travelled. Everywhere, in all directions, you could run for years, and it'd be like this. They'd just catch you somewhere else, and you'd be herded there."
That puts a damper on the blond's spirits, but he works past that, "You feel the same though, right? You hate everything that I hate? You see the same problems?"
"Yeah, but-" Groaning, Axel brings Roxas' hand to his lips. Just barely two feet away, "Look, you're going to get yourself killed."
"Then…Then what about this, I start to invite people over to my house, right? And we can start to talk. We can start to talk about all the things that bother us. I'll give you my address, and you can come this Friday. Invite some people. If nothing comes of it, I'll stop the meetings." Roxas promised, "Xion will come. So will everyone I work with. I'll make a speech, and we can figure out solutions to problems, and we can approach the city council with them. Sound like a plan?"
Nodding slowly, the taller man promises to come, "I'll bring Larxene too." He decides, "God, just don't get yourself killed, Rox."
They'd only talked twice, and sometimes it felt like he'd known Axel forever.
~o~
They had an hour before the alert for curfew enforcement went off, and no one wanted to go home. At first it had all been whispers of admittance, but when they found out they all thought the same, they'd gotten louder and louder. "I just want to talk all night!" Lucy from next door beamed; she had come over when the noise from the group discussion had made her curious. They all knew that if they weren't to their own homes in under an hour an alarm would go off, though, so they began to stand and Roxas assured them that he'd clean up the mess.
It was just talking. In the beginning, it was just talking.
Talking.
~o~
"I turned in our list of suggestions to city council today!" Roxas proclaimed at the next meeting, "Hopefully we'll get confirmation soon if any of our ideas will be heard.
The group had grown by seven from the last meeting, and they too had some thoughts that hadn't been on the first list, "I want to be able to open my own business!" A man proclaimed, "My wife and I have ideas!"
"I have thoughts too!" A young woman raised her hand, "The electric shock is enough! I don't want to be monitored for three days!" Everyone nodded to that one.
Roxas thought for a moment before writing anything down on his paper, "How about…no collars? Why do we need an electric shock in the first place?"
"No collars?" Anderson from accounting snorted, "But that's…That's ludicrous! That would be the down fall of society!"
Just for a moment, the blond thought he might be right. Everything could go wrong if they removed their collars. Crime would happen. Someone might get hurt, but pushing that away, he shook his head, "No, think about all the things we'd be able to do without collars. Think about how great it would be to not be watched everywhere for our 'safety'." He stood resolutely, "Have any of you ever taken your collars off? Any of you? Ever?"
Xion shook her head, "Roxas, don't! It's dangerous to take it off! You'll get in trouble!"
Staring at the group's panicked faces for a minute, he made eye contact with Axel. The green eyes were shining in the light, painted with fear. "It's worth it." The blond whispered, "It'll be worth it to know what happens." Trembling hands went to his throat where he undid the leather that kept the PAM in place. Letting it fall away, he almost thought he'd get shocked or punished, but nothing happened. His fingertips moved to touch the raw, sensitive skin. "What do you see?" He put his collar on the counter and went to a mirror to see a pale strip where the sun hadn't touched in two years. "Do you see this? Nothing happened! We don't have to wear our collars! We can live without them! I'm not about to go hurting you just because I've been given a little bit of- of- of freedom." He laughed , "When we were kids, we didn't wear collars! Everything was fine then!"
Xion stood up too, "I'm taking off my collar." She decided, announcing to the group.
Axel was next, "Me too."
"And me." Larxene decided.
"All of us!" A woman cried.
And at first it was just talking, but then it was action.
They all ended up putting their collars back on before leaving that night, but they promised to invite more and more people.
~o~
By the fourth week, they couldn't fit into Rox's apartment, so they headed to the park. They couldn't remove their collars there, after all, it was public, but they talked about more ideas. What they would do if they weren't forced to a job, where they would go. "I want to live by the sea!"
"I want to see mountains!"
"I want to paint a river!"
They were disbanded early by a policeman.
~o~
The next week the policeman was at their meeting, and they had a total of seventy-eight members. That wasn't acceptable to the people in power who had received the group's list; forty minutes in, a speaker was dispatched to inform them that if they didn't stop the meetings, they'd be arrested.
Roxas decided that since having a meeting this big was too hard, what he would do was write up a speech for a group leader. Each leader would be in charge of twenty-five people, and every weekend they would meet and talk about things. If anything came up, they'd e-mail it to Roxas.
Axel, Larxene, Xion, and two others were made group leaders.
And for a long time, everything went well.
~o~
He could taste blood, and the smell of rich dirt, thick with life, was permanent to him. Dirty was a constant to him, and in the forest, sometimes it was the best form of camouflage. "We can't win." Someone whimpered behind him, "They're better armed than us. They'll gun us down before we can even clear the way for B team."
"What are we going to do?" Another voice asked. Sometimes he forgets that they aren't born into this lifestyle, that they were forced here because peaceful assembly had been taken away, and there were no other options.
Sometimes he forgets that he had been scared to at the beginning. That he had been terrified, but he couldn't stay in a world where people were murdered, turned into bots, and then dumped into a landfill simply to be disassembled, so the parts could be shipped back to the factories. When he had found that out from a group of members in a faraway city, he had destroyed his collar and contacted Xion immediately.
Sometimes he forgets the feel of skin contact, and Xion's laugh, and the way Larxene's nails had dug into his hand once. He forgets Axel's smile and how he kissed his hand.
"We go anyways. People are counting on us."
But then he's alive at the end of a battle. He's run through a forest, he's murdered two men, he's watched a teenager who was just like him die in his arms, and when he cries-
When he cries.
He remembers.
Sometimes he forgets that freedom doesn't come cheap.
~o~
They manage to reunite at base camp. They move onto the capital tomorrow. They've already got sects inside the city, and they'll storm the White House. They'll put new laws in place. Like no collars, clean water, freedom of food.
He cries in his tent for an hour when Xion and Axel's detachments are late to supper.
Ten men straggle limp into camp at one in the morning, the rest are dead.
"I thought you were never coming back." Roxas whispers, holding Axel's hand, "I thought you'd died." And somehow, he hurts less knowing the redhead is alive and Xion is dead.
But he still hurts.
~o~
They make love. Long, slow, and sweet. Axel tells him that after the dust settles and they're free, they can be together. They'll adopt a sweet baby, maybe name her Xion.
The reassurance is enough for the night, but after the redhead shuts his eyes, Roxas' eyes grow puffy from crying silently into his pillow.
After all, he's lost his best friend.
~o~
"Class, there will be a test on this tomorrow!" Mrs. Caraway shouts as the bell rings and the teenagers scuttle out, "The Second Revolution is very important, and I hope you'll all do well!" It was only thirty years ago. Many of these children's parents or grandparents remember or even participated in the fight. Even Mrs. Caraway and her husband remember watching the TV as the rebels burned the White House to the ground and establishing The Constitutional Fifty States. What they remember more is the camera zooming in on the first elected leader, Roxas Brette, as he set them free to remove their collars.
Forgetting, remembering, thinking, talking, action, love.
They had all played their part.
~o~
When the air is clear and the smoke has vanished from the burning of their countries most significant building, Axel is there just like he promised. "Are you ready to go?" He asks when Roxas is done speaking to the cameras.
"Yeah…Yeah, I think I am." He feels so tired all of a sudden. "Everything is going to be so different now. I'm never going to ever get any rest between you and the people. Tomorrow we'll have crews out, and there will be questions to answer. Everything is going to change. We're going to build a brighter tomorrow! A new future!"
The redhead laughs; the blond is always talking so optimistically and the world would be so awful without him. "I'm going to hold your hand now." Interlacing their fingers, Axel promises Roxas then and there his everything. They've only known each other two years, but he feels like it's a lifetime.
Some things never change.
This story isn't the best quality, and I know that, but I mostly wrote it to get the idea out of my head. Please enjoy and review if you like it.
