Disclaimer: None of this is mine, not the characters, not the storyline. When it would be Meghan would be on-screen like forever and Emma and Killian would already be canon.
a Flicker of Light in the Darkness of his Heart
Killian pulls at the rope with a groan. It is about the tenth time he pulls and the knot still doesn't loosen up. With a sigh he stands up and runs his fingers through his already messy black hair. The pirate squints his eyes against the bright summer sunlight as he looks at the reflecting water and at his beautiful vessel which is berthed at Storybrooke's pier since they returned from Neverland about two months ago. And she has been berthed at the same port for far too long for the wrong reason. He is sick of being in the small seaside town. The only reason he has stayed in the first place is the woman who pushes him away again and again.
The Swan girl, Emma. And he hates her for it. For pushing him away, for deciding to give Neal another chance. It's not that he hadn't tried to be the man at her side, but apparently he was the wrong choice, so she had chosen Neal - for Henry's sake. Furthermore she had told him that there has never been anything between them. He had bitten back what he wanted to tell her and so his accusations had stayed with him, had gone unheard. That she didn't choose him is the main reason he has finally found the strength to prepare to leave.
Killian sighs again then he rolls up the left sleeve of his black shirt with his one hand, then he looks at his right sleeve and curses under his breath. That's when he hears a quiet laughter right behind him and he spins around immediately, finding himself face to face with the blonde that he actually wants to run from. Her sea green eyes are fixed on his right sleeve and her gaze flickers up to his only briefly.
"Let me help you," she says and he raises his both of his eyebrows.
"It's fine," he replies and Emma cocks her head, smiling and looks at his slightly sweat-covered forehead.
"No, it's not." She grabs his right sleeve and rolls it up for him since he can't do it himself. When she is finished she bites her lower lip and looks up at him from underneath her lashes. "Why do you want to leave?" she asks him, one hand on the balustrade, the other brushing a strand of her curly blond hair behind her ear as a gust of wind blows over the docks, cooling their hot skin.
"Because I have nothing to live for here," he simply says and she looks at him one eyebrow raised.
"And what's waiting for you anywhere else?" she asks skeptically, her arms now crossed in front of her chest.
"No more pain for example." She raises her eyebrows in surprise and takes a step back, blinking a few times and Killian breathes in shakily because even though he wants to keep his distance she looks completely beautiful in the daylight, her golden hair looking like a halo in the dazzling sunlight.
"Pain? Killian, what are you-?" she starts but she stops when she sees the expression in his eyes. He looks broken, as if he is in pain. This time he is the one who looks at her from underneath his eyelashes. Silently they stare at each other for a few moments, they don't need words to understand each other.
"Why did you go back to him?" he finally asks and she smiles up at him bitterly when he confirms that she has been right on what is going on in his mind. She has always been able to look through him - she still is and it hurts him more than he has thought it would. That is why her answer feels like he has been stabbed in the back.
"Because it would never work. We would never work," she states, trying to sound calm, but she fails and her voice has a hint of desperation in it. A strange feeling takes hold of his heart, something that feels like a mix of hurt and love because even though she just said that they would never work she also admitted that there is something going on between them, something that goes beyond a simple friendship. But even though she seems to has checked the topic off with that he won't give her up without a fight. After all, a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.
"And why do you think that?" The bitterness in his voice is poignant and it upsets Emma way more than it should have if she wouldn't care about him the way he cares about her. And the tears that form in her eyes are telling a different story, too. She looks away from him, chewing on her bottom lip.
"You're an emotional wreck. A fucking mess," she says, unshed tears in her beautiful sea green eyes.
"And you are not?" he growls back at her, voice trembling, accent thick. Emma closes her eyes and turns her head away from him, hands balled into fists at her sides, shaking ever so slightly. She inhales a few times before she can look back at him and face the rage and hurt in his now icy blue eyes.
"Maybe I am," she says, trying to sound calm, but her own voice betrays her again. It's thin and shaky, unstable. And there is no doubt that he hears it too. That he is not the only one who is hurt. "But a mess is a mess. One mess can't clean up another. Look, I know-" He interrupts her by taking a step closer to her, invading her private space. His presence makes her uneasy, makes her want to take a step back but she stays right where she is, withstanding his proximity and the heat his body radiates and she swallows - hard.
"You know nothing, Emma," he growls in a low voice. Her heart quickens its pace, drumming painfully in her chest.
"I know more than you think. I know that we never would be the right thing." Her voice breaks when she says "we", tears tug at the corners of her eyes and she can barely look him in the eye anymore. He leans forward even more, fixing her with his eyes, the same look he had given her all those months ago at the Granny's.
"Why? Why would you know that we are not "the right thing" if you don't even give it a try?" he asks urgently. Emma closes her eyes not longer able to look at him. She crosses her arms in front of her chest, wrapping her arms around herself tightly, trying to hold herself together, so she doesn't fall apart because even though it shouldn't it hurts that much.
"I can't risk to get my heart broken all over again. Not by you. I can't lose you as a friend, Killian. You mean too much to me," she explains in a broken voice that is barely more than a whisper. Suddenly she feels his hook on her one shoulder and his hand on the other, squeezing slightly to get her to look at him again.
"You can't tell me that we are "just friends", we are not friends, Swan. We could never be "just friends". And you know that!" he growls, his voice raised. He shakes her shoulders and this time she opens her beautiful green eyes again, still not looking at him. But when he places his hook under her chin and tilts it up she can't avoid his gaze any longer. He looks into her eyes and is taken by surprise when he realizes that she doesn't even try to hide herself behind her walls. After months of trying to get past her walls beautiful, guarded Emma Swan lets him in.
"I know nothing," her voice is breathy, with a hint of desperation in it. Again tears prick in her eyes. "You said so yourself."
"Emma-" She takes a step back, out of his reach, raising her hands to stop him from talking, shaking her head frantically.
"Don't. Please don't. Don't say anything that would make it worse," she pleads, her eyes filled with pain and fear. Surprised he realizes that the fear in her eyes is the same fear he has seen in her eyes at the giant's castle when she told him she couldn't take the chance to be wrong about him, that she couldn't risk to lose her heart, not to him. For a split second he wonders why she hasn't noticed that she already has. He had taken her heart months ago and he doesn't intend to return it to her any time soon. Not as long as she has his.
So he obeys her. He doesn't say anything else, instead he just takes a step closer, cups her face with his hand and hook, bends down and presses his lips against hers. It's nothing more than a simple lip-locking but underneath the soft touch of his lips there is no tenderness, no gentleness. Underneath it is only passion, hunger, need and something that tastes a lot like a feeling they both haven't felt in a pretty long time - love.
Realizing what he's doing he breaks away from her only two seconds after he has kissed her in the first place. Stunned she looks up at him, blinking a few times. Before she can do anything he takes a step back, then another. She's still startled when he starts talking again.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you," he apologizes hastily and turns around to walk back on the Roger again. He is only able to take a few steps towards the ship before she stops him by grabbing his hook and pulling at it. He freezes but doesn't turn around.
"Don't you dare walk away from me know!" she growls in a low voice, but he stays where he is, his back facing her. "You can't just kiss me and then- Jones! Fucking look at me!" But he doesn't. "Jones! Killian..." she almost pleads and he lets out a heavy sigh.
"Emma..." he sighs and closes his eyes as he turns around to face her again. "What do you want me to say?" Slowly e opens his eyes and looks at her, immediately noticing her flushed cheeks and her beautiful green eyes which are filled with incomprehension and curiosity.
"Why did you kiss me? You-" She lets go of his hook and runs her fingers through her hair, suddenly looking desperate. "You ruined everything!" she accuses him and when she blinks this time the unshed tears finally roll down her cheeks.
"What exactly did I ruin? You said so yourself, there's nothing going on between us." She inhales deeply, but shakily.
"Did you really think that?" she asks, her voice trembling and he smiles at her bittersweetly.
"Not for one second, Swan," he states sadly and she swallows hard, staying where she is, waiting for his next move. "But you've made it perfectly clear that you don't want this thing between us - whatever it is - to happen." Emma turns her head, tears still streaming down her face.
"I- I can't-" She stops and takes a deep shaky breath. "Why did you have to make this so complicated?" she sighs and he cocks his head questioningly. "Why couldn't you just let me go?" She sounds so fragile and vulnerable that it hurts him just to see her like this. Tentatively he reaches out his hand and brushes his thumb over her cheek tenderly.
"I think that you know perfectly," he says softly and Emma turns her head to avoid his gaze.
"Killian, don't-" she tries to stop him half-heartedly but he interrupts her before she can finish her sentence.
"I love you, Emma." She closes her eyes, more tears streaming down her face, dropping to the ground. She lifts her own hand and brushes away some of the salty water drops. She inhales and exhales a few more times, then she turns her head and looks at him again. Watery green meets blue.
"And you know what's the worst, Killian?" she asks sadly, brokenly. He cocks his head questioningly again. "That I love you too." She looks him straight in the eye when she finally says the words he has been waiting to hear since they have returned from Neverland. He has thought when she would finally say them they would have been said in bed, after they had spent the most amazing night together. Or after they had saved Henry or even in pouring rain but never like that. Never with pain and bitterness, always with joy and bliss. But never like this.
"Why won't you give us a chance?" he asks and she lets out a bitter laugh.
"Because it is the wrong thing to do. Henry just has got his father back and Neal- Baelfire- he loves me and I love him and-"
"Do you really love him?" he interrupts her and she gives him a haunted, desperate look. "I thought so." He sighs again, running his fingers through his already messy black hair. "If you would truly love him you wouldn't be here." Guiltily she looks down at the tips of her shoes.
"But I- I can't. I have to go back to them, they are my family and Henry's happiness is the only thing that matters."
"And you think he doesn't care about yours? He's your son. He's just as perceptive as you are, Emma. He will know that you are unhappy with Baelfire. If you really want to be with him then you shall. But only when it makes you happy."
"And if I tell you he makes me happy?" He laughs humorlessly.
"I would believe you. So does he make you happy?" For a moment she considers lying to him but then she decides not to. Because she knows he would know she's lying. And because she doesn't want to lie - not to him of all people. Not to the only man who always sees her just like she is. Who accepts her the way she is. Who loves her for herself and not for being someone she doesn't want to be. He has never seen her as the savior, he has always seen only Emma.
"No." He takes a step towards her, cupping her face with his hand and hook. Killian looks at her quizzically, before he cocks his head again. His blue eyes bore into her green ones urgently.
"Do I make you happy?" She looks at him with the most beautiful bittersweet smile he has ever seen. She leans into his touch, leans her face into his hand and hook, appreciating both, the touch of his rough fingers and the cold metal on her skin. Accepting who he is. She's the only one who has ever done that. She is the only one who accepts both, Captain Hook and Killian Jones. She's the only one who loves him as the man he is without wanting to change him in any way. That's why he already knows the answer, he can read it in her eyes.
"Yes," she whispers brokenly, closing her eyes again. Without another thought he leans forward and captures her lips with his in a passionate but desperate kiss. Their lips move in perfect sync and when his tongue strokes over her bottom lip she just opens her mouth and lets him in, then wraps her arms around his neck and presses herself closer to him. His hand wanders from her face to her back, holding her tightly. Their kiss lasts for what feels like an eternity and when they finally break apart Emma's cheeks are flushed from desire and wet from tears.
"Stay with me," he whispers while he leans his forehead against hers. He opens his eyes and when she does too her eyes shine with an indescribable pain.
"Killian, you know I can't-" He interrupts her by pressing his lips against hers again briefly.
"Your lad wants you to be happy and you don't love Neal, you love me. And I love you. Think about yourself only this one time - you don't need to be there for everyone, it's your choice. And yours alone. You can be my ever after and I can be yours." He closes his eyes again, his lips brush over hers softly, almost ghostly. "I want to be yours. I want to be with you," he whispers and Emma tightens the grip around his neck, pulling him closer, into another kiss.
"Stay with me," he begs her when they break apart and she kisses him again and this time the kiss feels lighter, not heavy with worry, desperation or fear. This kiss feels like heaven, like coming home.
"Yes," she breathes in the kiss, the smallest smile playing upon her lips. For the first time in centuries he feels truly happy. Hunting the crocodile for such a long time has taken its toll on him, it has made him empty and bitter, made him loose the man he once was until there was nothing more left than the shell of Captain Hook, until Killian Jones was so deeply buried underneath the darkness in Hook's heart that no light could make its way to him.
And then she has been there. Suddenly there has been a light in his life again. Just a small spark. only a flicker of light. But it had been enough to make Killian Jones re-surface. And somehow Emma Swan has managed it to pull him out of the darkness almost entirely. Of course there still is a flicker of blackness in his heart but as long as she is with him the spot is small, tiny and meaningless because she is the light in his life, the flame that burns so bright that it banishes the darkness of his heart to a place that is unreachable for him. When Emma is with him he is Killian Jones and the dark Captain Hook is hidden underneath all the light she spreads through him. She is what makes him good again. His spark, his flicker, his flame, his hope. His light.
the end
A/N: Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it because I loved writing it. Because to me Emma is Killian's light, his hope.
Furthermore I think it is important for both characters that someone sees who they really are and as far as I see it Emma isn't the savior around Killian and Killian isn't Hook around Emma. They accept each other as who they really are and not as who others see them or who they want to see in them. And I think that is kinda the most important thing for both characters, to find someone who takes them as they are and doesn't try to change them.
So I hope you guys liked it!