A/N: I should really concentrate on fics started but eh, this was fun to write. A series of moments from season 3 which ignores the drama, stupid Johnny and just focuses on Ryan/Marissa being cute and adorable together.
Also, a small word of caution some parts are just a bit explicit. It isn't approaching proper smut but it's sort of skirting around the outer recesses of smut. Plus there's one profanity. (I debated between rating it 'T' or 'M' and settled on 'T' since it was by large not that detailed.)
Reviews are the greatest thing ever and much appreciated. :)
They danced underneath the stars. He was not the romantic sort, he didn't cry at sad films or gush when the couple ended up together at the end of a heart wrenching film. He frowned when she called him sweet and insisted that he wasn't cute. But when he was with her, and especially in moments like this, he felt the romance of it all. There she was, her slender beautiful self, resting in his arms as they swayed to the music and the moonlight shone upon them. Her head rested on his shoulder and he brushed his against hers. They were at peace then. The memory of the summer was distant, Trey was forgotten and it did not matter that they were no longer going to school together. For that moment, none of it mattered but the two of them clasped in their embrace. He thought of her words, how her life did not work without him and how she spent the whole time wishing he was there. He clutched her that little bit tighter.
The song was over and the beginnings of a rock song rung through. He heard her groan and held on to her.
"Wait." he asked, knowing she was about to go and turn the radio off. "Can we just stand for a minute?"
She looked at him amused but still wrapped her arms around him. He buried his head into her shoulder and then kissed the side of her neck. They stood like that for a second and then she moved her head out and brought her lips to his. He kissed her eagerly, tangling his hand in her hair and bringing her closer. Giggling, she broke the kiss off.
"Ryan, the song is ridiculous." she said as the sound of intense guitar riffs and screaming vocals vibrated around them.
"I thought you liked rock or punk, whatever this is."
"I do." she told him, finally breaking out of his arms. "But not in a moment like this."
She walked inside the poolhouse and turned the radio off. He followed after her, locking the poolhouse door behind him. His arms snaked around her waist while his lips pressed against the nape of her neck.
"What do you like in a moment like this?" he asked huskily and continued his onslaught of kisses on her exposed back. He searched for a zipper and his hands gingerly moved to undo her dress.
"Something romantic." she replied at length and shut her eyes to take in the feeling of his kisses on her body. Turning around, she let the dress fall completely, forcing him to suck his breath in complete longing.
"Uh huh?" he murmured absently before taking her mouth in a leisurely kiss. Oh he could certainly stomach all the romance in the world with her. With her, he was a romantic.
At the final moment, he realised he couldn't do it. He just couldn't sail away on a boat and leave her when she didn't want to be left and he had no real reason to leave her. He had done it before, that summer in Chino when he absolutely had to and it had broken them both. So there they were instead, in the poolhouse, in his bed, having made love so many times that evening he had lost count. She lied on top of him and a thin sheet messily covered their entangled bodies. Her chin rested on his chest when she looked at him.
"You know you wouldn't have lasted a month on that boat without missing all the sex." she commented lightly. He quirked his eyebrows incredulously.
"You mean one day. Scratch that, it would probably be one hour." He lifted her chin with his hand and planted a small kiss against her lips. "Trust me, no sex or just no you altogether was a massive 'con' against the sailing away plan."
She suddenly sat up and looked at him sternly.
Cupping his face in both her hands, she asked him gently. "What happened? What suddenly made you want to go?"
"I," he hesitated partly out of habit. As a general rule he didn't talk about his feelings. He simply didn't talk much full stop. But as was so often the case, the rules were slightly different with Marissa. "I got scared. It seemed like with everything that happened last summer and then getting kicked out of Harbor, it felt like I let the Cohens down and after everything they've done for me. I thought I would be doing them a favour by going." His voice grew quieter. "Maybe doing you a favour as well."
"Ryan!" She sounded horrified. "You would not be doing anyone a favour, certainly not me."
"I know." he mumbled feebly.
"Look, you did not let the Cohens down. You haven't let anyone down." she told him earnestly. "Nobody wants you to leave," her voice shook as she continued, "you don't know what it was like that summer you were in Chino. Everyone was miserable. I was beyond miserable." He saw behind the strength she was putting on, the hints of tears in her eyes. She recalled the memory of the girl she was and he too remembered the late night phone calls which had wrecked his heart. Out of an urgent need to erase the memory and to make her feel better, he caught her in a heavy kiss. It said all the apologies which could be said for the pain of that summer.
Their foreheads rested against each other, both their eyes were shut. "Sorry." he said quietly. She pressed a finger against his lips and stopped him from saying anymore.
"It's okay." she told him honestly. Finally opening their eyes, she looked straight at him and said, "Just, don't ever think we don't need you because we do. Sandy and Kirsten will love you no matter what. I will love you no matter what."
She kissed him again. It was different from the last one, it was more content. At the end, with only inches between them he murmured, "Thank you."
There was silence. He was stricken momentarily with the fear that he had said the wrong thing and then suddenly she burst out laughing.
"Really? Even after all this time." she teased and he was thankful she didn't seem hurt.
"I didn't quite mean it like that." He was blushing now. "I am actually thankful for what you said. I'm not just being awkward." When she playfully raised her eyebrow, he moved to kiss her. "And I do love you too." he added at last.
"Thank you." she said in between giggles she could not control. There was something about Ryan saying those words which always made her giddy. Lying back down against his chest, they simply laid there holding each other for a while. Finally she faced him again but this time shyly.
"Did you really mean what you said before...about your future?" She felt her cheeks flush from the memory of what he had said. I don't know what my future is, but I know it is with you.
Looking equally as shy and a little embarrassed, he conceded, "Yes, I really meant it. " Her face brightened and he knew there was a torrent of cute and adorable coming his way but it was always so much less annoying from her. In some hidden recess of his mind, he might even admit that he kind of, almost, maybe liked it.
"I am never agreeing to us studying together again." she stated defiantly once she had gotten herself fully clothed again. As she rummaged through her books and got her laptop out, Ryan sat at the opposite end of her bed barely covered by a sheet and chuckling to himself. For once they were at the Roberts' house. Some time after she had moved in, it finally struck them that it might be a better idea for Marissa to take the guest room next door rather than keep sharing with Summer. The poolhouse was still the norm but Ryan had turned up at her doorstep suggesting they should do their History homework together since they were both studying the same thing. He had insisted he was incapable of doing it by himself and for good measure thrown in his infamous puppy dog eyes. Even though she complained it was a bad idea, she had been easy to convince otherwise. Between school, homework and all the time spent with Seth and Summer, they barely got any time alone. She missed him too much to say no. And she barely ever admits it but when they aren't busy being distracted by each other, they actually work well together. The problem is they get distracted very easily.
He sat up from his comfortable position on the bed and leant over to faintly kiss her cheek.
"That's what you said last time."
A glare came his way in response. It must be some kind magnetic attraction, he reasoned, because the minute he was close to her the insatiable need took over to keep kissing her. Either she was too surprised to react or she felt the attraction too because he immediately found himself fully making out with his girlfriend.
"Ryan!" she squealed pushing him away. "I really need to get this essay done!"
"Fine, fine I'll behave." He caught the look in her eye which told her she was determined and may actually get pissed off if he persisted. He lazily slumped back on the bed wondering how on earth she was managing to tear herself away to concentrate on work. Few minutes later she looked at him with an almost pained expression.
"Can you at least put some clothes on?"
"Is there something wrong with my present outfit?" he asked with a mischievous grin.
"Ryan." she said warningly.
"It's an honest question."
She rolled her eyes at his obviously feigned innocence. "Yes, there is something wrong. It is incredibly distracting."
Laughing, he got up from the bed and put on his boxers.
"And can you please attempt to do some work?" she shot at him while he scurried around trying to find the discarded t-shirt.
"Do I really have to?" he moaned childishly. "The assignment isn't due to till Thursday."
"Which is only one day away."
"Which is plenty of time."
"Not when you have two other assignments to also complete by the end of the week and I know you haven't started on them."
Finally dressed, even if sparsely so, he stood before her pouting.
"Go. Do some work." she scolded. "I don't want to be the reason you fail your senior year."
Grumbling, he went over to where his books had been left untouched for the best part of the last hour and a half.
"Fine." he relented.
Surprisingly, they both worked solidly for the next two hours, helping each other when need be and only stealing a few kisses along the way. They both got their essays completed and she even managed to get him to help her with a cruelly difficult Maths problem.
"See, I told you we work well together." he told her smugly before reclining back to his old position on the bed.
Climbing on top of him she said, "But you see, we actually have to start working in the first place." Straddling him, she shifted around knowing the effect it would have and watched his expression change with veiled delight.
"That is so not fair." he breathed out.
"Neither is you distracting me." She moved against him again but this time to lean forward and kiss him.
"You love it really."
Her fingers glided lower down his body and dipped underneath his t-shirt to scratch the defined contours of his abs. With her fingers resting dangerously low on his stomach, she whispered into his ear. "So do you." Beneath her, she could feel him growing harder.
"I really really do." he replied back readily and made her giggle in the process.
"We did get a lot done tonight and you were very helpful." she said huskily as her fingers pushed past the waistband of his boxers and ran leisure overly his hardened dick. "I think you deserve a little treat."
"I think," he stuttered as she proceeded to scoot down his body and pushed his shirt up in the process to leave a trail of kisses. She then tugged his boxers down and as he caught the sight of her head bent over his crotch, he thought he may pass out. The last coherent thing he managed to get out was, "we should definitely study together more often."
He doesn't care much for the party but she looked like she was having fun and that was enough for him. The four of them had been sitting at the diner that morning debating between going out or staying in. It was New Year's Eve and Summer had argued relentlessly that staying in would simply be too lame. Marissa had agreed that they do take-out and movies pretty much every night; tonight should be a bit more special. The boys had prefered a night in but they pretty much never won.
Marissa waltzed over to wear Ryan was standing, somewhat in the corner, and greeted him with a kiss (a gesture he returned with much enthusiasm).
"You look happy." he commented.
"And you look miserable." she threw back at him.
"I'm fine." he protested.
"I know you didn't really want to come -"
"Marissa, I'm fine seriously."
"But I know you would rather be at home."
"I want to be wherever you are." he told her pointedly. It took her by surprise; it was such a sweet statement in the middle of random conversation at a random party. She kissed him spontaneously and it quickly deepened into a long, drawn out kiss.
"I better not leave your side then." she said as he pulled her into another long kiss. For the remainder of the night either they were making out in the corner or talking lightheartedly amongst themselves or with Seth and Summer. Occasionally Marissa went over to speak to someone she hadn't seen since her expulsion or someone approached her and he simply stood behind her with his arm lightly draped around her waist. There was just under an hour left till midnight when Marissa suggested they get out of there.
"But there's still an hour till midnight." he stated confused.
"I know. I thought it might be nice if we went somewhere quiet and alone, just the two of us."
"Um sure." He certainly wasn't going to protest against that proposition. She took his hand and led them outside to the beach. The cold night air hit them immediately and an unmistakable shiver went through Marissa's body.
"Here." he said taking of his jacket and wrapping it around her.
"Thanks." she said huddling closer to him. He didn't ask where they were going, he just held her close and walked with her. The party had been noisy and crowded; there was a peaceful quietness about the beach that neither wanted to disturb. They came up to the familiar lifeguard stand and he knew this was her destination in mind. She was about to sit down on the ricketty floor boards when he suddenly spun her around and pinned her against wooden panel. Giggling at his spontaneity, she opened her mouth to welcome his kiss. It was a force of habit now but his right hand wandered over to the end of her incredibly short dress and slipped underneath to taunt her naked skin. Using all the willpower she could muster, she grabbed on to his hand and forced herself to cut the kiss off.
"We can't have sex against the lifeguard stand." He comically arched his eyebrows as if to ask 'are you sure?'. She lightly slapped his arm and said more firmly, "I'm being serious." Except her seriousness was betrayed by how her voice rose at the end. He simply laughed and planted a kiss on her nose before sitting down and dragging her with him. He moved them around so that she was tucked neatly between his legs.
Kissing the side of her head he asked, "Is this better?"
"Much better."
He noticed her faintly shiver and rub her bare legs against each other. "Are you still cold?"
"It's fine." He still pulled her closer in an attempt to keep her warm. "Thanks" she murmured back.
"We are going to miss the countdown." he pointed out. He thought the whole point of these parties was to take part in those hyped countdowns to midnight.
"I know, but this is nicer." She took his hand and faintly kissed his knuckles. "Plus, at midnight the fireworks go off and it looks incredible. You miss it if you're cooped up inside."
"I think there's only going to be one thing I'm focused on at midnight."
Marissa giggled in response.
"We'll see." she drawled at length.
"Wait, there is going to be making out at midnight, right?" His voice sounded so alarmed, she had to stifle a laugh.
"Don't worry, you'll get your kiss." she said still amused.
"Good, or else I would have dragged you back to the party." She laughed again and he really thought it was such a lovely sound and then reprimanded himself for having such a sappy thought.
They sat snuggled together on the lifeguard stand. The minutes passed and the two of them took solace in the silent company of each other. Ryan checked his watch and saw there was under three minutes left till midnight.
Turning Marissa around he leant his forehead against hers. "If we're going to watch those fireworks, we're going to have to cut our kiss short so I think," he inched his lips closer, "we should get started early."
She remained still and he came closer. Then her forefinger rose up and pressed against his lips.
"One more minute." she whispered.
He waited thirty seconds. "Oh fuck it." he muttered before kissing her.
As was customary, her hands raked through his hair and with one hand he cradled her face while the other rubbed gently up and down her arm. Behind them, at the stroke of midnight, the explosions of fireworks went off. He waited for a minute and finally broke their kiss off. Breathlessly he observed her face in awe; her eyes were still shut and her lips were still puckered. When she opened her eyes, her eyelids fluttered and he caught a special spark which hit him in the gut.
"Happy New Year Ryan." she said with a simple smile
"Happy New Year Marissa."
She moved her eyes to watch the fireworks and he followed her gaze. In the sky above them there was dazzling sparkling of yellows and greens, reds and magentas, a magnificent mesh of colours illuminated the night. It was beautiful. He found her hand again and squeezed it tightly. The entire moment had been beautiful.
As the fireworks subsided and they walked to his car, she told him, "Next year, we'll do the quiet night in like you always wanted."
He stopped immediately. "Next year?" He wasn't terrified by the prospect, he was worried she might not be serious.
Her voice was soft and there was a shyness in her demeanour. "Yeah, next year."
"Next year." he repeated. They both smiled at each other; there would be a 'next year'. They believed it.
But 'next year' - the one she had promised, the one he had imagined and hoped for - never came.
These are the moments lost between Johnny and Trey and all the godforsaken drama which plagued the little time he had with her. There are many more alike. The moments which passed him by when they were together or were forgotten soon after. But now that she is gone, these are the ones he will always remember. The tears, the fights, the haunting final image of her lifeless face - those memories will eventually fade. He will be left with the stolen kisses, the many embraces and the mesmerising picture of her naked self as he made love to her.
In the end, they are all tainted bittersweet. He doesn't care, he simply cannot forget.
These memories are all that he has left of her.