Two years.
It was a Thursday night like any other when her door chime went off. She hadn't really been expecting anyone, although Tuvok did occasionally show up without warning.
'I'm coming!' she called out as she made her way to the door.
It wasn't him she had expected to see standing there, a bottle of wine in one hand and a pizza box in the other.
'Chakotay?'
She almost breathed his name, almost afraid to say it out loud in case that made him disappear.
He smiled at her. 'Kathryn.'
'What are you doing here?'
She was genuinely confused. It wasn't that they had stopped talking but given the whole Seven situation she had thought it best if they weren't so…close.
'I believe it's my turn to bring dinner, so I did,' he commented. 'Unless you had other plans?'
She couldn't fight the smile as it spread across her face. She had missed him and seeing him right there in front of her, like nothing had ever changed, made her chest swell up inside in a way she hadn't realised she had forgotten existed.
'Come in,' she stepped aside and held her arm out.
He walked straight over to her kitchen table and placed down the pizza and wine bottle, moving to the cupboard to pull out two glasses. She watched him. He had been working out more, she could tell, his physique was definitely more defined. His hair was a little greyer, but she kind of liked it that way. Plus her hair was probably getting a little greyer as well.
'Are you psychic or am I just predictable?' she asked, crossing her arms as he placed the glasses on the table.
'I'm sorry?' he asked.
'My wine glasses, you never asked where they were,' she smiled, moving to the cupboard and pulling out two plates for the pizza.
'Maybe a little of both,' he replied, pouring her a glass as she took a seat opposite him.
He poured his own glass then copied her.
She wanted to hug him but she wasn't sure how safe that was. There was a good chance she may just never let him go.
She had thought it was the Delta Quadrant causing the dry patch in her sex life, but her return to Earth hadn't been all that more fruitful. She was tempted to blame age, but then she hadn't really gone out seeking it.
No, she knew the reason why.
And it was sitting across from her, looking better than ever.
'I heard Harry got a big promotion,' he commented, taking a slice of the pizza.
'He deserves it,' she replied, watching him as he took a bite.
She had to know –
'Chakotay, surely you didn't come here to discuss Harry's promotion…'
He looked up at her and she could see that he had a lot more to say than that, but he didn't respond straight away. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, in fact silence with him rarely was, but it was long enough for her to relieve him of answering -
'But if that is why you came here, that's also not a problem,' she continued. 'I can't remember the last time someone brought me dinner, whatever the reason.'
'And I assume you still enjoy cooking as much as always,' he quipped.
'I'll have you know that my cooking skills have greatly improved since we returned from the Delta Quadrant,' she replied, leaning back in her chair. 'My mother and sister made sure of it, something about spending more time relaxing at home and less time working and stressed. If I'm perfectly honest I'd much prefer the latter. I find cooking far more stressful than commanding a Starship.'
He smiled and swirled his wine around in his glass for a moment.
'You haven't changed, Kathryn,' he spoke quietly.
'Neither have you,' she leaned forward on the table. 'Still a mystery.'
'A mystery?'
She narrows her eyes at him. 'You show up here with dinner, wine and no explanation and want to discuss life like nothing's changed.'
'Nothing has changed,' he commented lightly.
How did she bring it up? With any other topic she would just hit him over the head with it, see what he said, but this was different. Kathryn Janeway wasn't particularly good with talking about emotions and relationships.
But then, he knew that.
'Chakotay,' she started. 'I have to know…'
'Seven and I broke up,' he cut her off, reading her mind. 'A while ago.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' she responded.
'You don't have to lie for me, Kathryn.'
He turned his concentration to pulling another slice of pizza out of the box. She watched him. Was that what he thought? That she wouldn't want him to be happy just because he wasn't with her?
'I'm not lying,' she responded. 'I'll admit I was a little shocked when I found out, but anything that causes you pain I am sorry to hear about.'
His eyes met hers and she hoped he could see that she was being genuine. After a few moments he turned his attention back to eating the pizza.
'And how about yourself?' he asked. 'Anyone I should be jealous of?'
She felt the seriousness melt from the room.
'Chakotay!' she was chastising him, but jokingly.
He smiled in response. 'You know I've always been jealous of anyone who you deem worthy of your time. Except that incident with the holodeck. What was his name again?'
'Sullivan,' she laughed. 'And I think the only time I've seen you properly jealous was of Q of all people.'
He tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement then smiled at her.
Oh she had missed that smile, so much.
'I've missed you,' he said out loud as she thought it.
'I've missed you too,' she whispered.
Suddenly it was there, that thing, the heavy weight of love that had hung so clearly between them for so long, that they had pushed away because of duty.
'I didn't know how to tell you that so I thought I would just come here and pretend like nothing had changed,' he continued. 'But being here has just made me realise that the last two years there's been a huge hole in my life, not seeing you every day.'
'I know the feeling,' she spoke quietly, unsure of herself.
This wasn't her thing, talking about feelings, she wasn't good at it and she knew that given the opportunity she was most definitely going to say the wrong thing.
'I need to know something,' he spoke slowly, taking his turn to lean forward, bringing them just a little closer together, still with the safety of the table between them.
'Anything,' she replied.
'That night we spent together, when I told you how I felt and you said you couldn't respond…' he trailed off, trying to collect his thoughts.
She reached out and touched his hand with hers. 'I wanted to say it back.'
'And now?' he asked.
He turned his hand so the palm was facing upwards, then slowly pushing it up, turning his hand back to face towards hers, their fingers intertwined. It perfectly mimicked their position that night on New Earth.
'Always,' she replied. 'Chakotay, it wasn't about who I would choose, just that I couldn't choose anyone. It was always you.'
She could see the relief in his face as she said the words, then the smile slowly spread across his lips, mirroring her own feelings.
'Then, Kathryn Janeway, the reason I came here tonight was to ask you to dinner,' he said. 'Officially.'
'Like a date?' she teased.
'If that's what you want to call it,' he replied. 'Then yes, a date.'
'Then what's this?'
'This is Thursday night dinner,' he stood up, walking around the table without letting go of her hand. 'Although if you would like to make it a date, I believe we never got around to that second ballroom dancing class and that you could teach me a thing or two.'
She stood up to face him, their joined hands dropping to their side as she reached up with her free hand to lightly touch his face.
'I believe I can think of something far more fun than ballroom dancing to make this a date,' she leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
And there it was. The first time they had been allowed to kiss, without it being forbidden in any way. His lips were careful at first, lightly caressing hers, making sure that she knew this was about love, not lust.
It comforted her, knowing that he still cared what she thought of him. After all this time.
She reached around his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth. He eagerly returned the favour by wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her closer. Their bodies now completely pressed against each other.
She could feel everything – his chest breathing in and out, how rock solid his arms had become, the fact he was becoming hard very quickly.
So many times she had imagined this moment, and in every one of them it had been romantic, they had spent time exploring each other's bodies. But now that it was here, after 9 long years, she couldn't stand the thought of waiting another minute. It had been five years since she had last touched him in this way and that was five years too long.
She tried to pull back from his kiss so she could lead him to her room but he took the break as an opportunity to begin kissing her neck. Lightly, but passionately.
That only served to make her more desperate to tear his clothes off. The tingling sensation that ran down her neck into her body with each kiss was almost too much to tolerate. She let her arms drop to her side and closed her eyes.
This had to be some kind of dream. An alien trick.
She couldn't believe this might actually be happening.
He reached the base of her neck and left a long kiss there, his hands falling to meet hers as he straightened up to meet her gaze. His face wasn't far from hers but the look in his eyes seemed to echo her sentiments exactly.
Neither of them spoke as she pulled him towards her bedroom. A slight panic took over, that god damn teenager feeling he gave her. Her stomach flipped a little as she closed the door – a move she knew was redundant given that she lived alone, but one that comforted her anyway.
They were completely alone, cut off from the world, with no responsibilities keeping them apart.
There was a moment of quiet as she turned back to find him standing by her bed and then they both took a few swift steps and their lips met again.
This time there was purpose. The lips weren't intending to stay on each other. She wanted to explore every last inch of his body, the one part of him so long forbidden to her.
The first feeling of his hand beneath her shirt set her entire body on fire in a way like no touch had before. The instant burning desire took over and she had his shirt off a moment later, in the same move pushing him down onto the bed.
He smiled and she paused.
'What?' she asked, returning the smile.
'You always have to be in charge,' he spoke in a low voice.
Somehow it came out as the sexiest thing she'd ever heard in her life and she placed a hand either side of his head, lowering herself down to lightly kiss his lips, then pulling back a little.
Looking into his eyes at that moment she regretted having waited this long. They had shared that one night but she hadn't let him in emotionally. This was different. Her entire trip out to the Delta Quadrant could have been this. The exact release she had probably needed throughout her trip had been there.
He moved suddenly, tipping her so that she was on her back and he was the one with a hand either side of her head.
'Stop thinking,' he said quietly, copying her move of the light kiss, but following it up by tracing kisses down her neck, this time not stopping at her shoulder.
He unbuttoned her shirt and followed his fingers down her front with his kisses.
Once her shirt was unbuttoned he sat up a little, looking at her with such desire she realised she hadn't known what it was like to be really wanted by someone until that moment.
She couldn't stand the fact he wasn't touching her, in any way, at that moment and she sat up, this time kissing his neck.
He smelled so good, some kind of high quality cologne. She could taste it on her tongue as she kissed him, but she didn't even care that it tasted slightly metallic and bitter. Beneath it tasted like him, the foreign, yet entirely familiar taste of him.
His hands slipped around her back and undid her bra and the moment she was free of the straps he was pushing her back down, his lips on her breast, his tongue circling her nipple slowly.
She gasped slightly and she could feel his lips smiling against her skin.
His hands began to fumble with her pants clasp, but he was getting too eager and she could feel him failing. Wanting to help the situation as much as she could she undid the clasp and slipped her pants off.
And then his mouth, that warm and delicate mouth was making its way down her stomach.
She tensed with anticipation and a moment later she felt his tongue against her, wet on wet, circling slowly. She couldn't take it, it had been so long and she had wanted this so much…
He slipped a finger inside her and she almost came immediately.
'Oh god,' she let the words slip out.
He sat up slightly to look at her.
'Don't stop!' she commanded.
He laughed and immediately his tongue was back on her, working its magic as his finger slowly moved in and out of her.
This was it. Every moment leading up to this one had been worth it.
Then she realised something.
'Stop,' she whispered, placing a hand on his head.
He looked concerned for a moment before she spoke again.
'I want you inside me,' she continued.
She had never seen someone remove their pants so quickly and she had to admit she was impressed by his size. Last time they had been so rushed and it was so dark she hadn't even taken the time to look. She tilted her head to look at it but before she could take a good look his lips were on her lips again.
For a moment she considered protesting, telling him it was too fast, to let her pleasure him first, but then she felt him slowly lower himself inside her and she didn't care anymore.
She had already been so close to orgasm she wasn't sure how long she was going to last with him inside of her. Hopefully long enough.
He thrust inside of her, leaning his forehead against hers, their eyes locked onto each other's. She could feel herself tightening around him and he let out a low groan. That only served to turn her on more.
'I can't hold off,' she whispered.
'It's okay,' he replied in her ear.
It was the reply that finally got her, the explosion of bliss spreading through her body from her groin and taking over her entire body.
She had never felt anything quite like that, almost as though someone had drugged her with something that made the feeling stronger.
She knew what the drug was.
Love.
A moment later she felt him come inside her and he wrapped his arms around her, gripping onto each other as they enjoyed their shared moment of pleasure, sweat dripping between them, breathing heavily into each other.
He collapsed on top of her for a moment, sighing loudly and she lightly stroked his back, the feeling finally wearing off.
She could have happily stayed there in that moment forever. Content in every way.
After a few moments he rolled to one side
She was disappointed for a moment, feeling the cold air hitting her body, but then he placed an arm around her, turning to face her.
She rolled onto her side so she could look into his eyes.
'Was that sufficient?' he asked.
'Sufficient?' she laughed, stroking his face lightly. 'Chakotay, that was the best thing that's ever happened to me.'
His faced softened and he kissed her lightly on the forehead. She felt tears fighting to leave her eyes and she wasn't sure why exactly.
'Chakotay, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm sorry that I didn't realise that sooner,' she whispered.
'It's okay,' he replied. 'I knew you'd realise it.'
'I'm sorry I made you wait.'
He brushed her hair away from her face and smiled.
'I'd wait forever for you,' he returned. 'I've tried moving on, I've tried to date other women, but it always came back to you. You are the love of my life, I never want to be with anyone else again. I knew that the moment I met you.'
She felt her heart melt.
'I don't know how you're so impossibly nice to me when I hurt you for so many years,' she looked away, not able to look him in the eye as she spoke.
'You did the right thing. I would have done the same, that's why I was happy to wait, and I would wait another nine years if you asked me to.'
'I would never ask you to do that again,' she whispered. 'I want you by my side every day for the rest of my life.'
'Don't you think we should go on an actual date before making that kind of promise to one another,' there was a glint of cheekiness in his eye.
She narrowed her eyes at him. 'I thought this was a date.'
'Tomorrow I'll take you on a real date,' he leaned in and kissed her lightly again.
She moved so that her head was resting on his chest, his arm wrapped around her tightly and his chin resting on the top of her head.
'Well, then, then was the best non-date I've ever been on,' she commented, closing her eyes.
She didn't have to look to see that a smile was plastered on his face.
She felt his lips against the top of her head one more time.
'Goodnight Captain,' he teased.
'It's Admiral,' she responded. 'And Chakotay?'
'Yeah?'
'I love you too.'