A/N: This is actually a short story I wrote a while ago. It wasn't originally fanfiction, but the more I read it, the more it seemed like a good story for UsUk, so I went for it. I hope you guys enjoy it.
The thing about him was that he was like the wind. Always coming and going in the blink of an eye, there one moment and gone the next. Fluttering between people like the dry leaves that autumn whisked into the gray sky. He was a frivolous man. He always had been. I never really liked those kinds of people, so I found myself oddly curious as to why I felt like I was being pulled towards him.
I still remember the day we met. It was a cold day near the end of winter and the beginning of spring, not quite one or the other, but somewhere in between. The snow had all but melted, but the flowers had yet to bloom and the skies were still a light gray. And with the passing of winter came the spring winds. And with that wind, he came.
The small town I had spent all my life in was a bare and desolate place. But no one other than me seemed to notice it. There was nothing special about it and nothing special ever happened. So when a strange high school boy moved into an otherwise-empty apartment complex, eyebrows were raised. I had heard word of him through the voices of my peers, filled with excitement, but I hadn't really cared. It didn't have anything to do with me.
I met him the first day he came to school. A strange boy who wasn't in the normal uniform was standing around the gates to the school, clearly pondering on what to do. I normally arrived early, but that day, even I was pushing it. It didn't take long for me to discover that he was the boy I'd been hearing about. Although I considered ignoring him, something about the way he looked, framed by the gray sky and the bare tree branches of the cherry trees, drew me to him. Before I knew it, I was standing behind him.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
He turned to me, and that was the first glimpse I got of his real face. Golden hair the color of straw falling around a pale face with two large light blue eyes. Emotions deeper than any I had ever felt filled those blue eyes, a haunted look about his face. But as quickly as I had sensed it, it vanished, replaced with a wide smile of pearly white teeth.
"Do you go here?" he had asked. "I'm new, so I don't really know where to go. Can you help?" Something about the way he said that bothered me.
"Well first you have to actually go inside the school." Yes, it was a little cold, but the boy just laughed.
"Good point," he chuckled. Looking back, he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, through the gate. I think I felt something change right then. It was something tiny, something that could barely be touched or seen. But it was there. And that was the beginning of my best mistake.
His name was Alfred. I never knew what his last name was. He was my age, 17. Why he came to this particular town, I didn't know. Nor did he want to tell me. I was fine with that though. Everyone had secrets, after all.
After I showed him to the main office, I assumed I wouldn't have anything else to do with him. However, it was just my luck that he was transferred into my class. Everyone's reaction was that of shock and interest, with all the girls giggling about how cute and mysterious he was. The other guys and I were just a little more interested in who he actually was. And of course, when Alfred saw me, a broad smile lit his face.
Interrupting the teacher, who was assigning him a seat, he said "Can I sit by Arthur?" I hadn't remembered giving him my name, so I was surprised. The teacher agreed, much to my discontent and I found myself with a new face sitting in the desk that was otherwise vacant behind me.
From then on, Alfred did everything he could to get close to me. He would greet me in the morning, talk to me throughout the day, insist on us having lunch together; he'd even try to get me to walk home with him. I had always declined. I liked being who I was: normal. And I had a feeling that if I got any closer to him, that normalcy would be disrupted.
But there was something different about him, something I couldn't quite place my finger on. He was always at the center of things, laughing and smiling with everyone else, but every once in awhile, I could see that emotion I had recognized when we first met. Although he seemed happy and content, there was something that made him… not. And it was starting to look like I was the only one who could see it.
One day, about 2 weeks after his transfer, I happened to overhear a conversation between him and a few of the other guys.
"Why do you always try so hard to talk to Arthur?" one of them was saying. "It's obvious he's not interested."
"Yeah, and besides, a boring guy like that, why would you want to hang out with him?"
I had always known I was a little lacking when it came to being interesting or friendly, and it had never bothered me before. But now, for some reason, having them say that to Alfred did. It was almost like I didn't want him to hear those words about me.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I almost missed his response.
"Don't say that," he had laughed. "Arthur is very interesting! You just have to watch him! Besides, there are some things that I feel like I can do with him and not you guys."
I was shocked. I had been nothing but cold to him, and yet he still defended me against them. People being kind like that weren't something I was used to.
"What, like sex?" One of them snickered and the others burst out laughing. Alfred chuckled along with them, but something told me he was forcing it.
…
After that, I began warming up to him. I can still picture the look on his face when I actually answered him the next morning. He had the most brilliant smile I had ever seen. And it was a real one. Not the fake ones he constantly displayed around our classmates, but a real, genuine smile.
And it was beautiful.
A couple days after that, when the bell rang signalling lunch, I stood suddenly from my desk and turned to Alfred. He looked at me in shock, before grinning sheepishly.
"What is it, dude? You look pretty serious." I could feel my face begin to heat as I realized everyone was staring at me. Opening my mouth, I tried to say something, but nothing would really come out. He must've sensed my distress, because the next moment Alfred had grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the door of the classroom.
"We're gonna get lunch." he said, waving behind us as he dragged me into the hall. The second the door shut, he spun to look at me.
"So," he began. "What's up?"
"I-I…" I stammered. "I just… wanted to know if you wanted to… to eat together." He stared at me for a long time, not saying a word. I could feel myself start to blush again, cursing every word that I had just said in mortification.
"If you don't want to-"
"No!" He yelled it so loud that others in the hallway gave us strange looks. "Ah!" He covered his mouth, his cheeks reddening. We both glanced at each other, before beginning to laugh.
"S-sorry," he said finally. "I do. I really do. Can we?" I nodded, and he smiled. "Then I'll take you some place good, okay? Follow me." And I did.
He led me to a hidden staircase at the far end of the school. The stairs were old and creaking and the paint was peeling from the walls. We walked in silence up the steps, before coming to a door with a small window, letting in a thin stream of sunlight. He looked back at me once, before opening the door.
A wave of light crashed into me, blinding my eyes so badly that I stumbled as I reached the last few steps. Before I could fall, Alfred's hands had shot out to steady me. As I took his hand and rose to my feet again, I walked through the door into a world of blue.
We were on the school's rooftop, with the vivid blue sky shining above us. You could see the whole town from there, the houses and stores spread out like dots on the horizon. The cherry trees near the school's gate were rustling in the wind and the birds were singing, and a melody of the sounds of spring flooded my ears.
"Beautiful, ain't it?" I nodded, admiring the view.
"I always thought this place was so dull, so small and boring. But it seems… bigger from up here."
"It seems like there's more to what we're seeing, right?" I looked at him, confused.
"Yeah, that's exactly it." He grinned.
"And that's why I brought you here. I don't think anyone else would get it."
So it hadn't been just me who had felt that strange connection between us. It wasn't just me who felt something was different about him. He had thought the same about me. And that thought comforted me somehow.
"Yeah. You're right."
That rooftop became our spot. We'd go there everyday, sometimes to talk, others to just sit and watch in silence as the birds flew around us. He was someone I could talk with for hours without getting tired, of anything and everything. But I could feel he wasn't as open with me as I was with him. It didn't bother me at first, but the closer we got, the more I started to hate that distance he insisted on putting between us.
And the days passed just like that.
"It's my favorite season, y'know? Spring." Alfred said one day. "It's like a new beginning for everything. Like the snow washed away all the bad, all the past regrets and sorrows someone's had, and spring begins with a clean slate."
"That's pretty poetic." I had laughed.
"Yeah," he agreed. After a few more moments, he pointed at something. "The trees are blooming." I looked, and he was right. At the very top of the cherry trees were small pale pink flowers. You couldn't see them from the ground because the other branches hid it, but from here, the sight was clear as day.
"I love cherry blossoms. One of my favorite things is to watch the petals fall."
"You got a few weeks left then." I had replied. He nodded, before turning to place his elbows on the rail, chin resting on his hands.
"Arthur." I looked at him, and was taken aback by the serious expression on his face. I had only seen it once before, back when we first met in front of the school gate. It was a little unnerving, but I didn't feel like this was something he wanted me to reply to, so I stayed quiet.
"This rooftop, this view, this sky... it's my special place." Trying to lighten the mood, I chuckled.
"Special? If it's special, then why'd you show me?"
"'Because. You're special too." And suddenly I was back to feeling awkward. I laughed a little, waving my hand back and forth, as if to say no.
"Stuff like that sounds like a confession." I said. When he didn't respond, I looked at him, only to find his blue eyes boring holes into me. There was that emotion again.
"Maybe it is."
And finally, finally, I was able to recognize that emotion. Loneliness. He was lonely. Even though he was always surrounded by people, he was lonely. He had always been lonely. And somehow, thinking that made my heart hurt just a bit.
When I didn't reply, he continued.
"You might think I'm joking, but I'm not. If there's one thing that I know how to recognize, it's how I feel. And I know I like you. I might even love you. But I also know that love between two guys is a little… abnormal. And it might disgust you. And the last thing I want is for you to hate me. So I'll go for now, I'll let you think about it. I just… wanted to tell you."
And with those words, he began walking.
In that instant, an overwhelming urge to chase after him hit me. However, I knew. I knew if I followed, I would be giving up any chance to stay normal. Everything I knew would change. I wasn't sure how I knew this, or how it would. But it would. And it would hurt. But at the same time, I knew I couldn't let him walk away from me like this.
And I chased after him and grabbed his hand.
…
After that, Alfred and I became… something. We weren't really a couple, but we were more than friends. We were more than either of us expected us to be. But at the same time, I could tell we both yearned for more. But Alfred seemed to be scared of something.
And the weeks passed, and slowly, the cherry trees burst into full bloom.
It was a windy April day when he finally told me.
Alfred had never mentioned his past before, to me, or to anyone. It was a door that had remained closed off from the world, never to be mentioned. But something made him tell me. Maybe it was because he could sense that things were going to change.
We had gone to the roof again that day. As we made the climb, I could tell something was weighing heavily on his mind, but I didn't want to ask. So I didn't. Maybe if I had, things would have been different. Either way, he tripped on the last few steps, letting out a startled yelp before tumbling back down the stairs as his head thudded into the ground. I let out a strangled cry of worry, bolting back down the stairs to kneel beside him as he slowly lifted his hand to the large knot forming on the back of his scalp. His twisted grimace of pain quickly turned to a grin when he looked at me.
"Don't you look worried?" I glared at him, punching his arm.
"Don't do that!" I hissed. "What if you got seriously hurt?!" He had laughed as he stood, brushing off the dust from his pants.
"I have a thick skull, don't worry!"
"Seriously," I sighed, shaking my head as we finally got to the roof. "Whatever's going on with you, you can just tell me." He glanced at me, before smiling.
Alfred had always smiled, but this was different. It was small, and sad. He grabbed the rail bars with his hands, clenching his fists tightly around them, before looking back at me, a mix of thundering emotions within his eyes.
When he had came here, hushed rumors had spread like wildfire around the town, that he was the son of some big company owner and his mistress and was sent away, that he was an orphan trying to finish his education in a quiet, peaceful town, that he was a criminal on the run from the cops. None of that could be further from the truth.
"My dad walked out on me and my mom," he said. "We had always been a happy family. My parents had always told me they loved me. They had always got along in front of me, so I guess I hadn't noticed what was wrong. I was too young to notice all the cracks. My dad just… left. Turns out he had some woman at the office he worked at. Anyway, my mom, she… She tried. She really did, y'know? But it was too much for one woman, to raise a kid and take care of herself when she was only a high school grad. She had no credentials, worked too hard… No matter what happened, I can't hate her. She was my mom. But she changed. She stopped being that kind mother to me, stopped caring, stopped telling me she loved me. She never actually said it, but I knew that I was no longer her precious son, but a burden. A constant reminder of the man that left. Her eyes told me I was a parasite. But she never actually did anything. But one day, when I got home from school, she was talking to some man. She was gonna marry him. But for him to marry her, she had to disown me. And she agreed."
Alfred stopped, looking away and up at the sky. An expression I had never seen was on his face. He looked in pain.
"Y'know what that's like? Hearing your own mother say that she didn't want you? As much as I tried to justify it, I couldn't. I left the house that night. And I didn't go back. Not for a year. I found work, free-loaded off of friends, when that failed, I slept in a park, or slept with others. I'm not proud of it, but it was the only way for me to survive without her. I was still a minor, after all. Anyway, a few months ago, I went back. I was ready for her to welcome me with open arms, crying, begging me to forgive her. But she was happy. She was holding a baby girl, probably my sister. She was smiling and laughing. She was everything she used to be. Without me."
Memories seemed to flash across his face and he grimaced, his eyes crinkling as tears began to slip down his cheeks.
"So I'm gonna start over, just like the spring. I'm gonna get good grades, and go to college, and get a good job, and be with the person I love. I'm gonna be a success." He turned to me, and his face expressed all the emotions he always seemed to be holding back. Raising a fist, he thumped it against his heart.
"And I'm gonna be happy!"
And then I was there, hugging him, holding him, as the boy who was just like the emotionless wind cried. Clutching my shirt, he sobbed. And that was when I finally knew for sure. Placing my hands on his cheeks, I raised his head to gaze into eyes. Moving in, I slowly pressed my lips to his. I could feel his shock reverberate through his body. But I could also feel the best emotion I had felt in my life. It was love.
It really was love.
As I finally pulled away, he stared back at me in confusion. Now it was my turn to smile.
"It's okay," I said, as I hugged him close. "It's all okay. Because I'm here. Don't be afraid to let anyone in anymore. Don't be afraid of tying yourself down. Don't try to throw your emotions away. Because I'm here. And I'll stay here. No matter what, we'll stay together. Alfred, I love you."
He didn't say anything after that, and he didn't need to. And we stayed that way a long time, holding each other on the rooftop, underneath the bright blue sky.
The bell rang to signal the end of the day. It was jarring to both of us, and we rose slowly, as if still in a dream. As we walked out of the school, he grabbed my hand.
"Come with me. Come to my place." I gazed at him for a long time, knowing full well what he wanted to do. And I allowed him to pull me along, just as he always did. Just like the wind.
…
That night was the best one of my life. Our hearts having finally connected with each other on the rooftop, our bodies became one as well. It was hot and passionate and wonderful. As we lay in bed next to each other, against the cool sheets as the wind brushed in through the window, he turned to me.
For a long time, he struggled to find the right words. Finally, he decided on
"Can we talk again? About us? About the future? I want to stay with you. I want to be with you forever, Arthur. I love you. I really, really do. I swear I'll never leave you. So tomorrow, when the cherry petals are falling, can we talk?" I nodded, knowing I was unable to say a word without breaking down. I reached out to to grasp his hand in mine, squeezing it tight. It was a long while, and I was almost asleep when he spoke again.
"Arthur. Thank you."
…
Meeting Alfred was the best and worst part of my life. I can still remember the days we spent together just like they were yesterday, even though ten years have already passed. And the pain only grows.
Alfred passed away that night.
As I had slept beside him, he drew his last breath. The reason was a blood clot in the back of his brain. He must have hit it too hard when he fell from the stairs. I could only blame myself. If I had only made him go to the hospital. If I had only asked him to tell me sooner. If I had only asked him what was wrong before we went up the stairs.
His funeral was small. Although he had been friends with everyone, hardly any of them showed up. His mother was nowhere in sight. After all was said and done, I went back to his grave a week later. It was late at night, and the last winter wind was blowing sharply through the town.
"Didn't you say we'd be together?" I whispered softly. "Didn't you say you'd never leave me?"
Kneeling at his grave, I cried.
And when the cherry petals fell, no one said a word.