Masquerade
Characters: Elspeth, Rushton and Dameon
Setting: The masked ball in The Sending
Description: Set in The Sending. At a masked ball Elspeth makes an honest mistake and Dameon's precariously- bound control finally snaps.
Author's Note: Another Elspeth and Dameon one-shot, because I LOVE them and inspired by the fact that Isobelle Carmody said there was going to be a masked ball in The Sending. I don't think Elspeth and Dameon are as 'in character' as I'd like them to be but that's probably because they wouldn't end up in this situation… I just like adding drama to their lives… =)
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Masquerade! paper faces on parade… Masquerade, hide your face so the world can never find you… (Phantom of the Opera)
I spun in the circle of lights, the room tilting before my eyes, sporadic colours blurring and reforming in my vision. I stumbled, nearly tripping over my long, embroidered dress but a small hand caught my arm and Dragon's laughing face swam into view. She held onto me until I regained my footing. I wasn't one to dance normally, but I had been so caught up in the festive lights and colours that I hadn't been able to resist. Smiling back at her, I looked around the room, still dizzy, catching glimpses of brightly-coloured masks: falcons and horses, cats and all kinds of birds, including lavish peacocks.
Where was he?
It was hard to see over the chaotic forest of aqua-blue, burnt sienna and vermillion all mixed together in one mismatched jumble. My heart hammered against my chest as I continued to search for the one I loved. Rushton had told me earlier that he would be wearing an Agyllian mask with white feathers, and I secretly hoped we could spend some time alone together. And then I glimpsed from across the room, a tall figure which disappeared into the nearby enclosed garden, the gleam of white feathers catching the light.
Rushton.
I carefully edged my way through the sea of dancing people, smiling to myself as I saw Dragon go and rejoin Matthew, a look of deep, quiet contentment on her face. Surely tonight was a night for lovers. I laughed to myself, thinking that I would creep up on Rushton without him knowing. Running stealthily up behind the tall figure, I spun him around and trapped him against the wall and before he could protest, pulled his head down and kissed him. Vaguely I was aware that something was not quite right, first of all I could sense his shock and then his resistance, the feathers in his mask brushing against my face. But I managed to change his mind by slipping my hands under his white shirt, eliciting a sharp moan from his mouth, and finally a submission of will to passionate open-mouthed kisses. But he suddenly tore away from me as if burnt and stumbled out into the night. I stood there numb, pulling off my glittering black cat mask, not sure what had just happened when a voice whispered in my ear.
"I thought I'd find you here, Elspeth love." I looked up in shock to hear a very familiar voice coming from a very familiar person with startling green eyes.
"Rushton…" I gasped, almost weakly. I clutched at the doorframe for support, my mind reeling.
He looked at me, his green eyes laughing, "Who did you think I was? Honestly Elspeth… you look like you've seen a ghost!"
If Rushton was here with me now… then who…?
He pulled me into his arms, laying his rough cheek against mine. "I'm glad I found you," he whispered hotly in my ear. I was still stunned and Rushton must have noticed my lack of response, for he pulled me to face him, a look of concern crossing his features.
"Is something wrong Elspeth?"
"No, nothing… I just need some air… can you wait for me here…?"
Rushton frowned, a line creasing his brow, but nodded. "I'll wait for you in back inside love…" He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and departed, his face bewildered.
I rushed out quickly, the warm air greeting me and lifting my senses. Luddamnit! Who was that other man? The one I had…
He must have thought I was a drunken fool.
Walking quickly, wrapped up in my thoughts, I was too distracted to notice the beauty of the gardens, heightened by moonlight, when the full moon turned everything a luminescent marble. I slipped through the night, pearlescent shadows pressing against my face.
Where was he…? The elusive masked stranger… A Sadorian perhaps… no...he had pale skin...or maybe a Misfit…? I shuddered to think of what it could mean to my reputation as Guildmistress…
I walked up a path into an open glade and saw a black-cloaked figure sitting on a stone bench, made marble by the moonlight, his head resting in his hands.
The stranger…
I was about to walk over and explain, when he lifted his head, shadows in his hair, his mask in his hands. It was Dameon.
Lud! How could I not have known…?
I walked over, a strange feeling of euphoria and embarrassment washing over me, making me dizzy as if I was still in the ballroom, the lights blaring in my eyes. I managed to sit beside him and clasped my fingers tightly together in my lap.
"I am so sorry Dameon …" I couldn't help the silent laughter that rocked my body. "I thought you were…"
"Rushton."
He spoke for me, his tone bitter. I looked up a little surprised, and hastily swallowed my laughter. "I'm sorry Dameon, I honestly didn't know… Please could you do me a favour and not tell Rushton?" My eyes teased and pleaded shamelessly and I knew beyond a doubt that he was already reading the shape of my intent.
He turned his face to me, his pale eyes holding a strange glitter and he grasped my hands rather forcefully.
"Do you ever stop to think Elspeth, that maybe you ask too much? Have you ever thought I don't want to do this anymore… that I don't want to be the go-between between you and Rushton…have you ever thought that maybe I have feelings too?"
His cold, angry tone jolted me to the core. It was so unlike Dameon that a strange icy burning settled in the pit of my stomach.
"Dameon – I am so sorry – Rushton…"
"Elspeth…" And this time his voice was sorrowful and if not tinged with barely-restrained intensity. "So many times I have fought to keep my feelings hidden, so many times… but you make it so difficult! Do you not know that every time I'm with you I am driven near weak with longing…? That I envy Rushton for being able to touch you… when I am not… when I never will be… when I…"
And he trailed off, a desperate gleam in his face and then he seized my face between his hands and kissed me…
I sat there stunned, not able to move. Unlike before, there were no masks to hide behind, no farce, no pretence, just the two of us, our hearts open and exposed to the night sky. It was so unlike anything I had ever expected from the gentle Empath, that I felt my will give in to the onslaught of his emotion. It was far from gentle and I was left raw and aching from a passion so intense it left me in shambles. I clung onto him, shocked, tasting his bitterness, his fear and his remorse. Feelings flooded through my mind flowing straight from him. My heart was pounding in strange places, behind my ears, in the hollow of my neck, my fingertips.
He broke away, his breath uneven and withdrew from me hastily, colour travelling all the way up into his neck and face. And suddenly his expression changed from remorse to pure anguish.
"Forgive me Elspeth… I have broken your trust in me…"
He withdrew into the shadows so hastily that I could only sit there numbed. I knew I must look thoroughly dishevelled, my hair coming down from its elaborate hair-style. Half of me wanted to run back to Rushton and escape the whirlpool of emotions I had to face, but the other half – the one with the better judgement– urged me to go to Dameon, who had always, always been there for me. I sighed, walking somewhat unsteadily into the shadows. There I found him, his back turned to me, his face pressed against the cool stone wall. I slipped quietly beside him and leant my back to the stone wall, tilting my head to the star-filled night sky. I opened my mouth to say something, but then thought better of it.
A certain uncomfortable silence bled between us like the green shadows and I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were closed and his palms and forehead were resting on the cool stone. I reached out to touch him, but he moved away, pulling his arm from my grasp. I withdrew, hurt, tears springing to my eyes.
"Forgive me Elspeth…" His voice was soft, sad and a little muffled. "But you do not know how you tempt me…"
I did not know what to say to that, but I felt my face grow hot.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded, twisting the blame on him in order to bury my guilt.
He looked up almost amused, a wistful smile shaping his features.
"And receive such a welcome reaction as this?"
We stood there against the wall, silence once more wrapping itself around our bodies like the pale moonlight.
"Does Rushton know…?"
"Of course."
I startled at that.
How could Rushton know, when I myself only just found out…?
He smiled gently as if reading my thoughts.
"He has known for a long time Elspeth. I would not doubt it if the whole Guild knows by now…"
I spun around, facing his almost silent accusation.
"How could I have known? You didn't exactly –"
"Of course not Elspeth." He turned to face me, his face troubled. "And it was meant to stay that way…"
"But why Dameon… why?"
He looked at me, a sad twist to his lips. "You were never mine dear one…"
"How can you possibly talk about knowing things?" I said crossly. "Fate is determined by no one." And a shiver of dread passed through me as I thought of my looming quest to destroy the weapon machines.
"Elspeth," he spoke gently, "just by perceiving you and Rushton together, feeling your emotions… I knew…" He broke off painfully.
I looked up into the midnight sky, discerning a scattering of white-hot lights like pin-pricks against a midnight lamp. "Dameon…" I whispered, a sudden thought spinning loose in my mind, frightening me beyond reason. "I couldn't bear to lose your friendship…"
There was a thick silence for some time and then I heard his voice, half-whispered. "That is partly why I did not tell you Elspeth… I was too selfish. I did not want to lose you either…"
I turned to him, earnestly searching his face. "You are the least selfish person I know…" I spoke from the heart. I reached up to touch his cheek and this time he did not object. He stood stiff for a moment and then wrapped his arms around me and I was all of a sudden immersed in the most wonderful feeling of warmth and love.
"You will always have me Elspeth," he whispered huskily, "but I am afraid I will hurt you when I say this…"
I looked up at him, struck at the sadness in his voice. "What do you mean?" I whispered.
He looked down at me, his eyes pale and unseeing. "I promised you I would not leave you ever again… but in light of certain… circumstances…I will have to take back my word…"
I couldn't trust myself to speak; my throat had closed up tightly.
"This has been a trying night for both of us dearest…forgive me…"
I tipped my head back and was amazed to see the glint of tears on his cheeks, mirroring my own. He leant down until we were nose to nose, and kissed me again, as unerringly precise as always, but this time soft and beyond gentle. I found myself responding, my hands going up into his hair, but a sudden image of Rushton came to me unbidden and this time I was the one to pull away.
I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "I am sorry Dameon…" I said for the hundredth time that night and I walked away quickly, leaving him in the garden, half-hidden by shadow. When I made it back to the ballroom I was in no mood to dance, or meet with Rushton, or anyone for that matter. I hurried up to my room, my mind reeling with guilt. Glimpsing Maruman snuggled in the warm covers, I buried my face in his thick fur and for once, sensing my grief he did not complain.
"Oh Maruman… why is life so complicated?"
He chose not to answer, but fixed me speculatively with one bright yellow eye, before rubbing his head beneath my chin.
"Why do I always hurt the people I love…?"
But I knew I would never find the answer, not with a whole lifetime of searching.
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