AN: I needed to write a story about how people close to Ziva feel and think about her being away. I thought they would even pray for her, everyone in his / her own way.

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Tony's POV

Not too long ago Tony was a man who lived for today.' Carpe Diem'...'Seize the day' his motto could have been. But life, the great teacher makes us grow up.

Sometimes we get hard lessons.

First Jeanne. The break up and the weight of guilt had shaken him deeply. It will always be a thorn inside him...Inside, but on the outside everyone saw, the old Tony was back.

Live for the NOW, for today...but that doesn't work anymore. He's not that man anymore.

He has learned to care more for those close to him. Life has taught him that. But now that it's too late, he realized he hasn't learned the lesson of trust yet...He failed.

If he trusted Ziva more and wouldn't have rushed taking things in his hand...these horrible things wouldn't have happened...and Ziva would be here.

He had to learn his lessons. Lesson of trust, lesson of faith now...

He prayed when Kate died, when he broke up with Jeanne, and after Jenny's death...always when he lost someone...Now they lost Ziva. She's alive, but not part of their life...It hurts. It hurts for all of them. He's not a man of faith, but when there's a breaking point in our life and we don't see a way out, after running around literally like a decepitated chicken, we find prayer our last straw we cling to, though it should be the first step.

Deep in his heart he hopes that his words go upper than the ceiling and his prayer would reach up to the Heavens.

"My God...

You know me...They say you know what's inside the hearts of everyone...I've made mistakes...yes I know how much. Very much. I...I could say that I wanted to protect her...Ziva, but my foolishness and distrust caused a lot of trouble...even tragedy. If I could go back...I'd...(sigh) I know I can't. I don't know what to say...I know you understand my ramblings...I don't need to speak much...What I've done...What I caused...I'm sorry...I'm sorry. Please protect Ziva wherever she goes...bring her back...and...and please forgive me...and let her forgive me...Amen."

The burden of guilt on his shoulders is lighter, his heart is less troubled and more peaceful...He knows now, it's not enough to care and love, trust goes hand in hand with these. He's learned this. He still has lessons to learn: lessons os faith and hope.

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I hope you like it.