I started writing it many months ago, shortly after the ficathon was done, but had to abandon it due to severe Gilmore-induced depression. I was 100 sure I would never finish this story, and that it would become just another one of my many unfinished projects. It seems, though, that I gave up hope entirely too soon, and that life can still surprise you for the better.
Don't give up hope, guys!
Buckice, I know it's been a long, long wait, but I hope it's worth it.
Lorelai Gilmore had always loved trains. Not the new, slick, modern, super-fast, personality-less trains that people took to get to work and avoid traffic jams, no. Her thing was for old, steam engine, bright red, Hogwarts Express-like trains. Sure, her generation never actually got to enjoy them much, but in her mind, they always reminded her of great, life changing journeys, of emotional goodbyes, of heartwarming reunions, of unpredictable chance encounters… Of going around the world in 80 days and meeting your destiny.
Everything about them was exciting to her. She loved imagining the hustle and the bustle, the noises and the smells, the people with their luggage, some escorted by a loving family, some by a partner that vows to wait for their return, and some by themselves, with nothing but a small suitcase and the idea of the life that awaits them at the end of their journey.
It was that feeling when you know something big is about to happen and your life is about to change forever, that Lorelai loved the most.
Eighteen years ago, the night she packed up and left with nothing but baby Rory, her stroller, and a suitcase that would last them for less than a week, the only thing she could think about was trains. In reality, it only took a 30 minute bus drive to get from Hartford to Stars Hollow, but through all that ride, she couldn't stop thinking about trains, about how she was about to embark on a new adventure, hop on board, and let her life, together with her daughter, truly begin. The image was so vivid in her mind, she could practically hear the noise the wheels of the train made on the rail tracks, that high pitched whistle and even smell the steam coming out from the boiler. This was her train to catch. Stars Hollow was her station.
Seven years ago, when she first met Luke, she was hit with a similar feeling. THIS was going to be the next stop in her life. But as time went by, and all the mutual teasing and flirting didn't manage to get her on that train, she started believing that it was too late, that she had missed that train, that she would never make it to that next station. She tried to forget about it, to move on, but she never quite succeeded, always, in the back of her mind, still waiting for that elusive train to open its doors to her and invite her on board. Trains make rounds, do they not? Maybe, somewhere between his rounds and her rounds, they would finally meet.
Before she went to Europe, she felt they were both ready—Jess had left, Rory was leaving for college, and the road seemed, for the first time in a long time, finally clear—if it only wasn't for the fact that she was leaving for the entire summer and he was still with Nicole. She secretly hoped that by the time she'd get back—they would have broken up, and her time would finally be up—only to find out he'd gotten married… and was getting divorced.
"Hey," she chirped merrily as she made her way to the counter.
"Oh." He would barely turn around to acknowledge her. "Hi."
"My, what a warm welcome." She wasn't going to let that welcome discourage her. She knew he was having a rough time. Nicole's lawyers were giving him hell. This was her turn, she thought, to shine as a friend, to be the one who was there for him.
"So what's up with you?"
"With me?"
"No, not you, the other guy in the flannel and the lovely demeanor standing right behind you. Yes, you."
"I'm… fine."
"Good." She was unconvinced.
"Really, I'm… great."
"Sure, I can see that. You're peachy keen."
"I'm…" He was wavering.
"Luke." It was just a matter of time.
"I just… I got this today." He threw an envelope towards her, not quite meeting her eyes.
She drew it open, and stifled a gasp when she saw what it was. Finally.
"So this is it?"
"This-- is it."
"Wow."
"Yeah," he grunted bitterly.
She was going to have to say something a bit more meaningful.
"Luke, this isn't… you shouldn't look at it as a bad thing."
"Really? How should I look at it, then?"
"This is… it's a new beginning."
"It feels like an end."
"It's a second chance."
"It feels like…" His shield of bitterness had broken for a moment. He sighed. "A failure."
"I have to do something, Rory." She was on phone, desperate for some advice. "You should have heard him. I've never seen him like this before. Never. Not even after Jess left. You know he isn't Mister Sunshine on normal days…"
"I know."
"But now he's just… I can't even tell you… it's just so heartbreaking to see him like this. He doesn't deserve this. Just moping around all… broken."
"Is it really that bad?" Rory asked, concerned.
"It really is. I just have to cheer him up somehow…"
"Cheer up Luke? Why don't you start with something small, mom, I heard they were having some problems in the Middle East..."
"I'm serious, Rory."
"Ok, I'm sorry. But how can I help? You're the one who knows him best."
"I don't know… weren't you supposed to be the brain behind our operations?"
"I'm more in 'face' mode today, mom… I'm afraid my ideas are awfully generic. Cheer-up parties and such."
"Ok, now we're getting somewhere, getting the ball rolling, those rusty hinges working, doin' some brain storming… what kind of party?"
"I wasn't serious!" Rory sounded scandalized.
"Why not?"
"Does Luke strike you as a big party guy?"
"Well… maybe if we… customized it to his specific needs... I mean, it won't be the first time we're dealing with a tough party client, is it? Just last year was the whole thing with…"
"Ugh!" Rory sounded exasperated just by the memory. "Please, don't remind me!"
"I'm just saying." Lorelai got more and more excited. "This is right up our alley, he has a birthday in a little over two weeks… I think we can actually do this!"
"Can we?" Rory asked skeptically.
"Can't we?" Lorelai replied, her mind already reeling.
"Well, I guess, maybe if we… but what would we serve?!"
"Ooh, goodie, you're here!" Sookie practically sang when Lorelai made her way into her house. "I just love a project!" she giddied, pushing Lorelai into the kitchen, which was full of a strange mixture of smells Lorelai wasn't sure what she thought about.
"I made you some samples of the dishes I've been trying out." Sookie pointed around, delighted. Ever since the Independence Inn had closed, she didn't really get a chance to do any serious cooking, and she jumped on this opportunity merrily, full steam ahead.
"So!" she bounced around the kitchen, explaining the different courses animatedly. "I was thinking, how about I start with Tomates farcie à la languedocienne and then Espadon à la Rouille with a little Bavarois de Chou-fleur on the side." She was even doing the whole French accent thing, which was good, because without it Lorelai would have had no idea what the hell Sookie was talking about. She assumed it was all some kind of food.
"For dessert, I thought maybe we'd try some Millefeuille aux Poires or Crème Brulee… Did you know," she said, stopping mid-presentation, "that the Crème Brulee isn't actually French? That's a very common mistake people make…" She shook her finger wisely. "It is, in fact, originally from Switzerland, though if you ask me, I think it is more likely from Spa…"
"No, Sookie." Lorelai hated to do this to her enthusiastic friend, but she felt she had no choice. "This is all wrong." She shook her head. "You need to think more 'all-American'. You need to think 'Luke'. You need to think… 'home'."
"Home?"
"Well…" Lorelai searched for a better word, but failed to find one. "Yeah."
"That is what we eat at my home!" Sookie said, failing to see the point.
"I'm not talking about 'your' home, Sookie; I'm talking about 'home-home', like fire places and family pictures and that favorite blanket you like to get all snuggly with…"
"You want me to make blankets?"
"You know what I mean… you know, barbequed corn, and the smell of home baked cookies, and fresh bread, and… apples."
"Apples?" Sookie was officially confused.
"Home."
"O-k…" Sookie smiled knowingly, but resisted from teasing her friend about why exactly Luke meant 'home' to her. "Pie?" she asked.
"Oh..." Lorelai nodded, her eyes lighting up. "Definitely. Definitely pie." Smiling with satisfaction, she dipped her finger in the cream and licked it cheerily.
One would think, Lorelai pondered, standing in the town square giving out orders just hours before the event, that after years and years of experience at planning events, she would have found this a lot less stressful. However, anxiety or not, things were going very well. Despite her concerns, Taylor allowed her to hold the party in the town square with minimum persuasion (he said he felt sorry for Luke and wanted to do whatever he could to be of help, but Lorelai had a sneaking suspicion it had a lot more to do with his love of large town events than with his deep compassion), and graciously agreed to donate some out of date juice. Miss Patty didn't miss a chance to serve her infamous Patty-Party-Punch and couldn't wait to show Lorelai the dance she taught her students especially for the occasion ("They're all wearing little leotards and backwards baseball caps, it is just adooorable!"). Kirk had volunteered to decorate, and after the initial shock, Lorelai didn't even mind all the decorations were random leftovers. The Christmas lights were still beautiful, the smiling pumpkins were still cute, and the big blue and white sign that read 'Mazal Tov! You're a man today!' just made her giggle.
Next to the big long table that was loaded with food, at least half of which, Lorelai made sure, was things both she and Luke would happily eat, sat a big pile of presents, among which were a Burberry patterned shirt from Michel ("What?" he snipped, annoyed he had anything to do with the whole thing, "It is plaid!") and a self help book from Rory entitled 'You Deserve Love' ("Well, he does…" she justified, reacting to Lorelai's mocking expression). Since Lane's band was still looking for a new lead, she had to settle for just choosing 'Luke-appropriate music that won't put us all to sleep', which Lane deemed 'challenging, but totally doable' (to which Lorelai had to refrain from adding 'not unlike Luke himself').
As night fell and everything was officially ready, there was only one thing left to do—get the guest of honor.
"What the hell is going on out there?" he grumbled as she walked in the diner, "Did Taylor manage to pass another festival I wasn't aware of or is it just another spontaneous 'Crazy Town Day'?"
"I guess you can call it 'Crazy Town Day'," she said with a smirk. "If only you switch 'Town' with 'Diner Owner' and 'Day' with 'Birthday Bash'…"
"What?!" Luke seemed more annoyed than flattered. "You mean to tell me that…"
"Surprise! Happy birthday, Luke." She smiled encouragingly, praying this wouldn't be as hard as she sensed it was about to be.
"It's not for another four days." Not exactly the reaction she was hoping for.
"Well, that's what makes it so much better as a surprise…" she explained. That, and the fact this was the date she managed to clear with Taylor.
"You mean to tell me all this… hoopla," Lorelai laughed inwardly, "is for me?"
"A-ha."
"Meaning I can't stay away from it?" He sounded quite desperate. Not that that was unexpected.
"Well, not according to Miss Manners, you can't."
"I hate Miss Manners…," he grunted. "She's so demanding."
"And tonight she's gonna get some help from the Gilmore camp. Now, go get dressed." Luke rolled his eyes miserably, realizing he has little choice in the matter.
"Oh, come on, Luke, this will be fun!" He gave her a sad, skeptic look. "I promise it'll be fun. I arranged the whole thing myself." Luke's expression softened. "Now go change."
"Change into what exactly?" His reluctance was wavering, but by no means gone.
"Your Jimmy Buffet shirt," she mocked. "I don't know, Luke, anything that isn't flannel or plaid or jeans will do."
Luke groaned. "You don't ask for a lot at all, do you?"
"Me? I'm Connecticut's Little Miss Low-Maintenance 78'."
He barely stifled a chuckle. "Ok, then. I'll be right back."
When Luke came back down, he was wearing black dress pants and a dark blue sweater, that was very similar, she noticed with some surprise, to the black one he so reluctantly accepted from her almost 3 years ago. She also noticed, her face flushing, that it fit him incredibly well, and made his blue eyes (among other things) really pop out.
"Now that's better. Ready?" she asked him excitedly.
He shrugged indifferently, his eyes giving him away. "As ready as I'll ever be."
"I guess that would have to do for now." She nodded curtly and reached for his hand, leading him to the town square.
"Why, Happy Birthday, Lukas!" Taylor boasted, yanking Luke's hand in his. "You may not like this town, but this town certainly seems to take a liking to you!" Lorelai marveled at Taylor's never ending ability to sound like he just came out of an infomercial.
"I like this town just fine," Luke said, trying to pry his hand away from Taylor and giving him what was probably the fakest smile Lorelai had ever seen on anyone outside of Hartford. Well, at least he was trying.
"You don't mind him, sugah," Babette cut in. "Of course we love ya! Who else would we have to look at if it wasn't for you parading that fine tush around here?!" Luke turned slightly red, keeping his forced polite face on, but shooting Lorelai an accusatory look. She shrugged, failing to hide a joyful smirk.
"Tha… thank you, Babette," he stammered, obviously uncomfortable and unsure what the proper response was in cases such as these. Babette, in return, snatched him to a tight hug that lasted entirely too long, to Lorelai's amusement.
"Rory!" he called, relieved to see a friendly (but not too friendly) face, freeing himself from Babette's tight grip. "I didn't know you were here!"
"Wouldn't miss this for the world," Rory answered warmly, giving him an awkward little hug of her own. "Happy birthday, Luke." Luke smiled broadly, and this time Lorelai had no doubt it was genuine.
"You cut your hair," he noted, as they made their way to the gazebo, or 'The Main Stage'.
"Yeah…" Rory fumbled with her hair gawkily.
"It looks nice. So how are you getting used to school?"
"Well, it's hard, but I'm getting acclimated… my butt is still in one piece."
"Oh…" Luke blinked, taken aback. "That's good."
They watched Miss Patty's tribute dance with astonishment. After all, it was not every day you got to watch 9 year olds skip around, in an innovative combination of ballet, jazz, and Michel Jackson signature moves all to the sounds of 'Addicted to Love'. Luke frowned and looked horrified, but Lorelai knew he was having a lot more fun than he let on. As the evening continued, she noticed, his façade of politeness gradually disappeared, and an air of honest enjoyment took its place. The grumpiness, not to say—depression, of the last few weeks, was finally put aside, and to her delight, she got to see him converse, laugh, and even, amazingly enough, eat some apple pie instead of the salad she was certain he would pick.
"Since when do you eat anything with actual flavor?" she asked, amused.
"It's my birthday," he shrugged.
"I thought that wasn't for another 4 days…" she teased, and filled up a plate of her own.
Soft violins started playing and Louie Armstrong started talking about war, hunger and pollution. Lorelai grinned with recognition.
"I really like this song," Luke admitted, a relaxed smile resting on his face.
All I'm saying is…
"You do?" Lorelai was genuinely surprised. "I didn't think you liked ANY song…"
…see what a wonderful world it would be…
"Well, I do. And I like this one." There was no trace of bitterness or cynicism in his voice.
…if only we'd give it a chance. Love, Baby, Love! That's the secret. Yeah…
Lorelai couldn't help but smile widely. "Well, then do you want to dance to it?"
"Dance?" He looked at her as if he didn't understand her question, the whole idea completely foreign to him.
"Yes, dance." She rolled her eyes at him. "You know, moving to the music, hopefully with some amount of grace, hopefully by the beat, hopefully without stepping on anyone's toes…"
"Ohhh, you meant that 'dance'!" He chuckled.
"Yes, that dance." She grinned. "So you want to?"
"Sure." He smiled warmly at her while they made their way to the dance floor, their arms entwined.
"It's weird that you like this song," she said, settling herself against him, trying to ignore the feelings that simple act ignited in her.
"Why? What's weird about it?"
"Well… I don't know. It's just so… 'happy'."
"What's so wrong with 'happy'?"
"Nothing's wrong with happy. Happy is… great. I'm a big fan of happy. It's just that… I'm not sure. What is it about it you like so much?"
He crooked his nose, contemplating, and gave her a look that plainly said 'I dare you to laugh at me'. "It's just… it somehow really reminds me of… here. This. Stars Hollow. I know I complain a lot, but growing up here… it's a good place to grow up."
"I always thought so."
"I mean, the people here… they're all crazy, and most of the time they're a pain in the ass… but they're good people. They care about each other."
"Yeah..." Her eyes sparkled. "They do."
They're really saying 'I love you'…
His eyes sparkled back. Lorelai could feel her face flush again, as a sudden feeling of warmth washed all over her body. His arm was steady around her waist. Her fingers were caressing the back of his neck. The fabric of his sweater was soft against her skin, and the warmth of his body protected her from the chilly autumn air, that smelled like leaves and friends and pie. This was a good idea, she thought from somewhere within her warm, calm daze. He looked peaceful, and she was the one that made it happen. She wished for him to always be like this. She wished for him to know how much she cares (cared). She wished for him to be closer. She could feel her grip tight around him, and her face press against his shoulder. He lowered his face to her in response.
"Hey…" he said softly, almost whispering.
"Hey…" she whispered back. She could fall asleep like this. She could stay like this forever.
"Happy Birthday, Luke," she murmured, her nose slightly grazing his jaw.
"Thank you, Lorelai," he breathed, his nose slightly grazing her forehead.
Ooh, yeah…
And with that, that song was over. Luke stepped away in a hurry, his hands shaking as he let her go. His face suddenly became very stiff and pale. Lorelai stood before him, lost for words.
"I have to go," he muttered, and before Lorelai could even register what he said, he was gone.
"Hey there, birthday boy!" She found him on a nearby bench, concealed by a big tree, a few minutes later. "I was wondering where you ran off to. We were just about to cut the cake."
"There's cake?" His voice was choked.
"Of course there's cake! It even has sparklers on it!" she said brightly, her whole face lighting up.
"But I thought that apple pies were…"
"Oh, no," she said in her most serious tone. "This is a birthday party. Must have cake."
"You're right, I don't know what I was… thinking," he sighed. "I'm really sorry, Lorelai."
"What for?"
"You went through all this trouble…"
"It was no trouble."
"And arranged this whole big thing…"
"It's not such a…"
"And I really do appreciate it and it really turned out… great, but I just can't…"
"You're not a big party person." She sat next to him. "I get it."
"It's not just that, it's that I…"
"Just had a really rotten, sad, hard time lately and you find it difficult to go out and put on your happy party face. You don't have to explain anything."
"But I feel like…"
"Well, don't. It's not that I didn't see this coming, Luke. It's not that I thought that you'd come here and every little thing would magically get better and that your bad mood would miraculously go away. I mean, I wish life worked that way, but it doesn't. But I tried to do it anyway. You know why?"
He turned to look at her.
"Because I still wanted to. Because I thought you needed it, even if you couldn't really enjoy it. Because I thought that, especially now, it's important that you know that you're not alone, Luke. You may not be with anyone at the moment, but you're not alone. You have all these people who care about you, who want you to be happy, who wanted to celebrate you…"
"This is Stars Hollow. These people would celebrate just about anything."
"Well… well, I can't really argue there, but still, I can tell you, they didn't come here just for Miss Patty's punch."
Luke snorted.
"These people love you, Luke. They want you to be happy. Why is that so hard to believe? These people saw how unhappy you were lately, and now they want to try and cheer you up. Now, the least you can do is be there and watch them try. So come on… put on a brave face and let's go have some cake."
She grabbed his arm to pull him up with her, but instead, he took her hand in his. She let out a small, inaudible gasp.
"Aren't you tired of pretending?"
"What?" She wasn't sure why, but her question came out as a whisper.
"Aren't you tired of pretending? I mean, it's not like we're fooling anyone." For a moment there, Lorelai couldn't breath. Was he really talking about what she thought he might be talking about?
"It's not like they don't all know I just got divorced."
He wasn't.
"Who are we supposed to fool?" he continued. "They know how I feel, I know how I feel… it's all just so… stupid. All this running away, pretending things aren't there just because they might be a little harder to deal with, you know? "
Or maybe he was.
"I know," she answered softly, her voice shaking.
There's a very specific time frame to aboard a train. You try to do it too soon—you get squashed. You try and do it too late—and you're left alone in the station, worthless ticket in hand. Lorelai didn't want to get squashed. But she knew she had to use that ticket.
"Aren't you tired of pretending?" She could barely hear him above all the commotion. Chaka-Chaka, Chaka-Chaka… the train was getting closer and closer. Lorelai gulped. Chaka-Chaka, Chaka-Chaka… she had to make her choice.
Her lips quivered as she uttered the words "I am." She wasn't sure who moved first, but a second later, her lips were pressed to his, moving yearningly, tenderly, softly. He pulled her to a tight embrace. Desperately. Her palm shivered as it touched his cheek. Passionately. His hand was caressing her hair. Lovingly.
She opened her mouth to him, desperate for more contact. Now that she finally had it, she was sure she could never get enough. She nibbled at his lower lip. He let out a grown of pleasure. She moaned. Her heart, quite literally, leaped, as her tongue first met his, exploring and prodding gently. She had to catch her breath. She pulled away, her forehead taking its place against his.
"Pretending… bad…" she mumbled, breathing heavily.
"Very bad." He swallowed.
Her nose brushed against his. "Stupid… pretending is stupid." Her breath was starting to steady. "You can't run away from the truth forever, can you?"
"I guess you can't." He stroked her neck. "But why would you want to?"
"No reason I can think of at the moment." She cupped his face. They grinned at each other, as if laying eyes on each other for the first time.
"So… do you feel like having cake now?" she asked, pretty sure she knew what his answer was going to be.
"Not just yet…" he murmured as his lips made their way to capture hers again.
"So there you guys are," Rory said as they approached the party, hand in hand. "You almost missed the best part!" She gestured towards a dazzling 3 stories layered cake, meticulously decorated to look like red and green flannel.
"Yeah." Lorelai smiled, squeezing Luke's hand, her eye twinkling in the cake's candle light. "But only almost."
It wasn't a happy ending, nor was it the beginning; it was Luke and Lorelai, finally catching that train, getting on board and making their journey to their next destination, together.
Prompt:
Who were we trying to fool
Did we really think love couldn't reach us
Like a wind that just blew and blew
'Til it knocked down the walls here between us
-Kurth and Taylor 'Undeniable'
One thing you would like to see in the story:
birthday celebration (anyones), can be pre or post R&R
One thing you don't want to see in the story: any of the ex's (can be mentioned)