Impulse Control

Anna Smith

34.12.14, morning

Evlyn kicked aside the flowers that had been strewn about her ledge and scowled down at the box of sweetmeats that rested, with a single, perfect, red rose on top of it, on the bench she'd set out on the ledge. She knew who had sent both flowers and candy. She also knew that he wasn't the one who'd actually gone to the effort of delivering either. Oh, no. A mark or two had exchanged hands, and a weyrling had gone off to collect flowers and candy and deliver them here for Evlyn to find. J'fillon could not possibly find the time to do it himself.

She'd once been foolish enough to believe he had.

"Oh, sweetmeats!" Lira strolled along the trail that connected Evlyn's weyr to the others on this level. She swept the box up and lifted the lid. "Um. Evlyn? When did you start eating milknut?"

Evlyn sighed. "Never," she assured her aunt. "J'fillon had a weyrling do his bidding again and must have forgotten to tell him what kind of candy to get."

Without a word, Lira stepped to the edge of the ledge and calmly up-ended the carton. Candy fell in a small rain from the box and Evlyn clapped a hand over her mouth to stop a protest. Instead she joined her aunt and looked down. A muffled, "hey!" floated up to them, and Lira jerked Evlyn out of sight as the unintended victim glared upwards. "That's not funny!" the voice continued.

Lira's lips widened into a grin. "Oh, yes, it is!" she answered cheerfully. She popped her head over the edge and waggled her fingers at the man. "How often do you get pelted by chocolates by a beautiful woman?"

There was a pause, and then, "Well, now..." came back, in an entirely different tone. "We might have more fun with this if we changed that method of delivery."

"We might," Lira agreed, tilting her head to one side. "Why don't you see if you can find me later, handsome? We can discuss it more." The greenrider pulled back and grinned at her red-faced niece.

"He's going to come looking for you here," Evlyn protested.

Lira nodded happily. "And won't find me. That makes it even better. Let's see how interested he really is." She tucked her arm through Evlyn's and tugged her towards the path. "Let's get some breakfast, shall we? Something less floral."

Evlyn rolled her eyes but allowed herself to be pulled along. Lira, Evlyn had decided, was impulsive and irrepressible. There would be no changing her. While her aunt had many attributes which Evlyn felt to be inappropriate and unseemly, and which Evlyn generally disapproved of, Lira also had many attributes that made her flaws unimportant. She was happy. She was loyal. She had a joy in life that Evlyn envied. Evlyn felt dull and awkward in comparison, but she could happily live with that as long as she could continue to bask in the reflected glow of Lira's vivacity.

# # #

Lira left Evlyn discussing wing tactics and Threadfall patterns with her wingleader and a bluerider who was absolutely adorable but, Lira was sure, had more interest in D'ven than any lady greenrider that might pass his view. Odd that he was interested in the topic at all since blueriders had no more hope of leadership than greenriders at any other Weyr, but maybe his wingleader encouraged thoughts from the masses.

She picked up a fresh pitcher of klah after checking that it had cooled to non-scorching drinkability, and turned back to the table. She'd said she'd bring the trio a fresh round before leaving, but she doubted they'd actually paid any attention to it. Evlyn had given her an absent wave of acknowledgement, V'dansk had nodded and smiled, but never looked away from her companions, and the bluerider – what was his name again? She'd forgotten. Something like A'lairn? Not A'rin. A'rin was a greenrider. Just as adorable, but younger, and brother to that feisty brownrider Reyna.

A rumbling roar of laughter rose from a table as Lira approached, and she smiled. Oh, she enjoyed the sound of men laughing! Those deep, rumbling tones just made her shiver from top to toe. "Oh, she'll come around." The confident voice, disgustingly familiar, wiped that smile from Lira's face and the pleasure from her heart. "She's not too smart, but she's eager and loyal. That aunt of hers has got her in a tiff, but it won't last. She may even come looking for me by tonight, after she sees the surprise I left her on her ledge this morning."

"If you have to work this hard to get her back, why bother?" someone drawled. "There's easier, more willing women here."

J'fillon's chuckle was easy and assured. Lira's hand clenched tight around the handle of her klah pitcher, and her steps slowed. What was the whershit saying to these fools about her Evlyn? "Maybe so, maybe so," he acknowledged. "They're here now, and they'll be here after, but Ev? She's a warm and eager armful that I usually don't have to work for. Even the easiest woman at the Weyr requires a little coaxing. Ev just begs for it."

Red washed Lira's vision. The mental picture that J'fillon painted of her niece was so... so... argh!

Lira knew that J'fillon and Evlyn's relationship had never been ideal. Ev gave, and whershit took, without a thought for his weyrmate's feelings. Evlyn had never shed her holder ideals, and after that blueriding bully had won her first flight, that silly clunch had convinced herself she was in love with the fool. J'fillon had lapped up Evlyn's attention and devotion. It had sickened Lira. Then he'd up and left her without a word...

"Yes, boys, by tonight I'll have that sweet little armful back in my bed, where she belongs," J'fillon gloated.

"I thought you had plans with Dawne tonight?" the drawler asked.

Evlyn could see J'fillon nod. He shrugged, entirely complacent. "I'll give Ev a welcome-back lay, then meet up with Dawne." He stretched and grinned. "She'll be so glad to be back, she won't question anything."

"Because she won't be back at all," Lira growled, upending the klah pitcher over his head. J'fillon shrieked, his hands alternately clutching at and jerking away from the hot liquid sheeting down his face. "Whershit!"

"Whoa!" "Hold up!" "Daaaamn!" "Watch it!"

Shouts erupted around the table, joining J'fillon's high-pitched shrieking. Lira planted her hands on her hips and watched with narrow-eyed fury as J'fillon's buddies clustered around him. From around the room, other weyrfolk were turning to watch. Evlyn came running up, V'dansk and that adorable bluerider right behind her.

"Lira!" Evlyn gasped, staring at J'fillon with horror. "What did you do?"

"Not," Lira snapped, "what he deserved!" She turned her glare on Evlyn. "And if you ever take up with that bit of whershit again, Ev, I'll bounce you into a Thread burrow myself!"

"Oh." Evlyn looked at Lira, then at J'fillon, then back at Lira. "I see. I promise, Aunt Lira, I have no intention of now, or ever, letting J'fillon back into my life, no matter how many weyrlings he pays to clutter my ledge with flowers, or how many times he shows he can't even remember my favorite candy. But Lira, you shouldn't have done this."

"I'll just...get him to the healers, shall I?" the bluerider murmured, stepping around V'dansk and Evlyn.

"I'll help you," V'dansk said hastily. "Up with you, crybaby. You're not burned that badly. You're just a little pink."

J'fillon's shrieks had subsided to whimpers and he let V'dansk and A'larin pull him up. His buddies, so entertained by his confidence in Evlyn's crawling return to his bed and his weyr, now stared at her and Lira with dumbfounded expressions. Evlyn swept them with a dismissive glance, then turned her back on them, and J'fillon.

"You're right," Lira sighed. "I shouldn't have poured the klah on him. It was a fresh pot. I should have staked him out for the next 'fall, but his dragon is a perfectly pleasant blue, and he doesn't deserve to die."

"Neither does J'fillon!" Evlyn snapped in exasperation.

"Hmph. That," Lira retorted, "is a matter of opinion!"

"Argh!" Evlyn buried her hands in her hair and pulled. "Lira," she continued, dropping her hands, "you're going to get in so much trouble over this!"

Lira's eyes narrowed, but she sighed and relaxed her combative stance. "I know, Ev. But I'd do it again. You didn't hear – and I'm not going to tell you! – what he was saying."

Evlyn sighed and stepped closer for a brief hug. "All right, I won't ask. But I'll have to go check on him and you – you should go find your wingleader."

Lira grimaced but nodded. "If he weren't my wingleader, he'd probably be handing me another pitcher," she muttered as she strode away. Evlyn shuddered. She'd heard stories. Lira was probably right.

# # #

Evlyn was waiting when the healers got done slathering numbweed over the burns on J'fillon's fair face and hands. His hair had, fortunately, protected the delicate skin of his scalp, and his clothes had protected his torso. He was red as a lobster, Evlyn noted, and about as mad as a scalded cat. His expression, already sour, turned downright vicious when he saw her loitering near the exit of the infirmary.

"You," he spat, stopping in front of her. "Come to finish what that mad aunt of yours started?"

"I'm sorry she poured the klah on you, J'fillon," Evlyn said quietly. "She's impulsive and doesn't think things through."

"She's a sharding menace and should never have Impressed!" J'fillon snapped. "The pair of you deserve each other. She's got all your heat, and you got all her control. Your aunt's a common slut, and you're a cold, selfish, clingy, and pathetically stupid bitch. I don't know why I tried so hard to get you back; you're not worth it. I'm done with you, Ev."

Evlyn's lips pressed together in a thin, white line. "Well. Can't say that I noticed you trying anything much at all, J'fillon. Think what you want; you always have. Might be best if you transferred back to Benden."

"When I can stay here and do everyone a favor by letting them know all about you?" the bluerider sneered. " I think it's my duty to make sure you and that slut don't make anyone else miserable."

"Go on your own, or be tossed out," Evlyn said sharply, her voice gone cold as ice. She paused and looked at him thoughtfully. "That's it, isn't it?" she realized. "You didn't come here for me. You offended someone at Benden, and they forced a transfer." She paused, giving him a chance to deny it, but he hesitated too long, and her face froze. "It was never about me at all. Did you ever love me, J'fillon?"

J'fillon snorted, fisting his hands and leaning away from her. "Shell, no. You were easy. Up your green goes, and suddenly I've got myself a willing bedmate whenever I wanted. Didn't change my life a bit until you started nagging about kids. Who needs kids? So I cleared out."

"I see." Evlyn turned away, shaking her head. "I'm such a fool," she murmured.

"And boring," J'fillon jeered. "If you'd just tried a little more, Ev, I wouldn't have had to go looking four nights out of five."

"And if you'd been a man," Evlyn snapped back, "you'd never have had the need to go looking. Get a transfer, J'fillon--preferably to the Red Star."

"I could probably get you to Fort," A'larin said quietly, stepping out of the waiting room just to the side of the infirmary entrance. He glanced at Evlyn. "I'm sorry. I told V'dansk I'd wait to see how he was and let you both know. But then I heard you talking." He put his hands behind his back, but Evlyn noticed the tendons of his arms tightening. "I should have let you know I was there, but I was distracted."

Evlyn nodded stiffly. J'fillon snorted. "Don't go sniffing that way, bluerider," he growled. "She'll leave you cold and wanting." He turned on his heel and marched out of the infirmary.

Evlyn's shoulders stiffened. "We shouldn't have done this so publicly," she said quietly. "I apologize that you had to hear it."

"I wish you hadn't heard it," A'larin said, reaching out and putting a hand on her stiff shoulder. "You're right, you know. If he'd been a man, he wouldn't have thought to go looking. If he'd been a man, he wouldn't have taken advantage of a young, inexperienced greenrider, either."

"And if I weren't a fool, I wouldn't have convinced myself that I loved him." Her shoulders trembled. "I don't love him. I don't," she said with quiet ferocity. "So why does it hurt?"

A'larin moved his hand along her back, so that his arm hugged her shoulders. "How long were you together?"

"Almost six turns."

"It's not him your grieving for then," A'larin assured her, giving her shoulders a comforting squeeze. "It's the future you thought you had with him."

Evlyn laughed tightly. "I should have spared myself the pain and brought up the topic of children after that first flight. He'd have run fast and far, then!"

"Children," A'larin said thoughtfully, "are a reason to stay, not a reason to leave." He glanced at her. "Will you be all right?"

Evlyn nodded briskly, raising her index fingers to swipe beneath her eyes. She caught the tears before they fell and flung them away. "I started being all right when I transferred to StarRise. I've only gotten stronger since, and I'll keep right on doing that. I'd appreciate it, A'larin, if you wouldn't share this unpleasantness with anyone."

"Of course," he answered quickly. "I'll just be sure to stay clear of klah pitchers when he's around. Just in case."

Evlyn giggled weakly. "Probably wise," she agreed. Impulsively, she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Maybe I am a fool," she sighed, "but you seem like a good man. Thank Faranth you're not all like J'fillon." She stepped out from under his arm and looked over her shoulder to wave at him. "Enjoy your restday, A'larin, and thank you."

"You, too, Evlyn."

# # #

Wingleader C'jan's office

Lira watched C'jan watching her, torn between pity for him and amusement. He, obviously, didn't know quite what to do. He had to punish her. They both knew that. It had to be more than a token punishment, too, or the Weyrleaders would get involved. They'd just had word from the infirmary that J'fillon would be grounded until the burns healed. They were superficial, yes, but the injured skin was delicate and between did nasty things to delicate skin.

"You can't go around dumping hot klah on people, Lira," C'jan exclaimed.

"I didn't mean to."

C'jan raised both eyebrows. "What did you mean to do? Pour it on his crotch instead of his head?"

Lira shrugged. "I don't know. It was done with before I realized what was happening." She paused. "It shut him up," she added with satisfaction.

C'jan dropped his head to his desk with a loud thunk. "Ow," he groaned. Raising his head, he rubbed the red mark on his forehead, gingerly. "All right. Okay. Fine. You're grounded until further notice, Lira. You'll take on the sweeps that Whersh--jays, you've got me calling him that, too – that J'fillon was assigned until he returns to duty. You'll hunt for his dragon until he can take his blue out to hunt on his own." He paused, thinking hard. "And you stay at least twenty feet away from him from now on. We'll leave it at that for right now, but the Weyrleader may have more punishment for you in mind." C'jan heaved a heavy sigh. "And for shells' sake, you will work on impulse control. Think before you act, Lira. You're more than old enough to know the concept, and use it."

Lira made a face. "But, that's so boring!" she complained. "Can I make one request?"

Her wingleader stared back at her, eyes wide with disbelief. "If you've the balls to think of it, then ask away."

Lira flashed him a grin. "Can I make a request that the Weyrleader transfer him out of StarRise? For the sake of the peace of the Weyr?"

C'jan was shaking his head before she'd finished speaking. "The only one with a right to protest J'fillon's behavior is Evlyn. If she doesn't lodge a complaint, or the Weyrleader doesn't observe the objectionable behavior himself, there's nothing he can do." He winked, softening the refusal. "D'ven... is very protective. When he hears about this, be sure he'll be watching. If he decides that J'fillon needs to go, then it'll happen. Somehow. Someway."

Lira nodded slowly. "I'll be happy with that, then. The Weyrleader will hear of it, yes?"

"Oh, yes," C'jan promised. "Oh, yes – he'll definitely hear about it!"

Lira nodded in satisfaction and stood up. "Well, then! I'd better start making friends so I can bear this grounding with some fortitude!"

"Aw, shells," C'jan groaned and buried his head in his hands. "I hate that part of this job."

Lira laughed and strolled out of the office. She didn't like the grounding. She didn't like the extra sweeps, or hunting for Whershit. But she'd never found grumbling and complaining about punishments making them easier. A cheerful approach, however, tended to make even the most onerous task more bearable. At least he hadn't given her latrine duty – but the Weyrlingmaster had rather claimed that as her sole right to dispense out.

And grounded time gave her more time to figure out ways of getting Whershit to decide to leave StarRise. His idea, of course...