Title- Broken Wings
Author: Feather
Category- Lord of the Rings
Genre-Angst
Pairings- none
Author's notes- I can simply not pen these words quick enough, for fear that my inspiration may fade. Upon seeing Lord of the Rings movie the third time, I was suddenly granted inspiration, and my writer's block has been cleared. This may contain spoilers for the movie and book. Please be forewarned. This piece is Frodo's thoughts on Gandalf's death, a short angsty work that may give insight on my reactions when reading the novel and seeing the movie. Thank you all, have a lovely day! ~ Feather =^-^=
~
"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened at all." These words soar through my mind, so true, and echo deep within my conscious, this sheer weight bearing my down. It tears me apart, my soul is chained down to the power of the Ring, and everyday I cannot help but to wish never to wake up, to fall asleep into a deep oblivion, and just lie there and forget.
I know it. I know that I am destroying them all, one by one. The power of the Ring is ever on their thoughts, and I cannot help but to become awash in such sorrow, that I have caused their pain and suffering. I look down at the rock beneath my bare feet, the subtleness of the silver and black stone weaving through the white. Such as this is my life, and the rest of the Fellowship; the black slowly seeping through our veins, the longing for power overtaking us all slowly but surely.
I cannot rest, my soul is uneasy. How could everything disappear in such a brief fraction of a second? Gandalf can't be dead. He can't be dead. I'll wake up, and this will all be a dream, I am trying to settle these thoughts of mine, the great restlessness sitting heavily on my mind. I can't help but to listen to the whisper in my heart that this was the fault of mine that today Gandalf the Gray fell.
If I hadn't put on the Ring, if I had heeded his will, then I would not be so tortured by this power. Gandalf always knew what to do, or so it seemed, but his knowledge and kindness is lost forever now. How could something like that defeat him? He was so humble and powerful, and all those kindnesses he has bestowed on me are in ruin, as I seek desperately within my power to try to ignore the fact that he's gone.
Legolas' eyes are heavy with sorrow, but this is only a brief slip of the façade he must carry everyday. Those eyes, the transparent, heavy blue, is only the beginnings of how he must feel, all the wisdom he possesses, all the sorrows of the past, the distorted future, all the knowledge of what may come, all of these burdens hid in his mind, everyday weighing down his soul. And he paces, his slender form walking to comfort Merry and Pippin, and he can hide all this sheer misery everyday and try to pretend there is hope left still. There is not; he is an accomplished deceiver.
I can feel it in my soul what I have done to Merry and Pippin. So naïve and young and pure they are, and I am here, leading them into more than their share of evils of the world. If only I was cursed with the eternal sorrow that I feel, for that way I would be forced into it out of that instead of this powerful guilt that sifts through my mind every time I see them walking, bravely following the rest of the Fellowship. And such whispers of this break my heart and spirit into only smaller pieces, the fragments finer yet than broken glass.
The will of the Fellowship if fading and all hope is becoming even further lost yet. Such quest is this full of so much toil and pain. Everyday, the power of the Ring pulls their minds, the darkness weaving further still into their hearts. Gandalf would always pull us out of the pools of darkness that we would stray into on our broken paths, but now he has passed, and maybe those lines of weariness that he always wore have faded away and he can rest.
And Aragorn, the King of Gondor, the will within him fails yet too. This Ring, it shreds all of my ideals into an agony of nothingness, just everything is chained to my soul and to the Ring I bear about my neck, and the binds sever my heart. Aragorn, so brave and noble, will try to lead us out of this danger, but secretly the power beckons him deeper into the Shadow, though his mind and will are not yet so thin that he is unable to pull back into the Light.
But how can there be such and evil in the world, how can such cruelty exist? I have tried many a time to try to find hope in such a dark deep world of sorrow and pain, but everything, the Ring, the Shadow, is ever on my mind. I cannot find hope, and I cannot find myself, as everything is starting to sink through my conscious and my wings are broken now, I cannot fly away from this pain and agony that creeps and floods my soul.
Everything is my fault, and this guilt I believe is only the Shadow's tricks to try to pull me Mordor and to give them the Ring. But now, I will find hope in a world of none. I will pull through, and Gandalf will be with me. I can only try to beat such and evil as this with Light, though the darkness draws nearer at each turn. And I walk alone, though others surround me, and I feel alone and Am alone, and will forever be, even after the burden is destroyed. My soul aches for freedom, but such naïve times as before the Ring came to me will never again be granted; I will always feel the need for the power of the Ring. But alone, this cannot hinder me, now, as my only belief in the one person, Gandalf, has perished along with him.
Would he approve? What about the words he told me? "So do all who live to see such times, but is not for them to decide. They can decide what to do with the time that is given to them."
I have decided. I will walk alone to the Fires of Mordor. And once I can do this, maybe then I can slowly pick up these pieces of scant hope that has left me before, and maybe then I can patch my wings. Maybe I will fly again. Yet no matter what, soar or fall, I Am and will Be alone, and will not again lead others so dear to me into destruction, and once left alone with all power left, then I can cry, and maybe then all these sorrows will leave me at last.
~
Closing notes- This is my first Lord of the Rings fanfic, so please tell me what you think. And I know, Gandalf does not does not die, but Frodo doesn't know that ^.^! And I know he doesn't Mordor alone, be the ever-lovable Sam goes with him, but he doesn't know that, either! Thank you all for reading! ~ Feather =^-^=